Sunggyu POV

After I dropped off Kana at home, I decided to go back to the Infinite house and just laze around. Kana looked dead tired after I dropped her off. I hope she slept okay last night. Speaking of last night, I got way too drunk. Although I won't complain about that dream I had about kissing Kana. Man...if only I had the courage to do that for real. I wonder how she would react. Would she like it? We haven't been dating for long...well, I told her we actually have been dating for about 3 months or so now, but I can take my time with kissing her, right? Couples take as long as they want, right? 

I pulled into the driveway and parked my car. As I walked in, I saw the rest of my members lazing around the living room. Sungyeol and Sungjong were playing a racing video game, Woohyun and Dongwoo were casually talking about something, and L was reading some poetry book. I didn't see Hoya and assumed he was still sleeping, which was surprising since he usually gets up pretty early to go exercise or something. 

I went to his room to check on him to make sure he was alright, since it's my job as the leader to make sure everyone is okay. I knocked on the closed door and heard a simple, "Come in" from inside. I opened the door and poked my head in before stepping fully into the room. 

"Oh, hey hyung, what's up?" Hoya casually said. I shrugged and said, "Nothing, just checking to make sure you're alright. You're not usually in your room this late so I got a little concerned for your health." Hoya smiled at my kind gesture and said, "Nah, I'm good.  just didn't get too much sleep last night so I decided to sleep in a little since I have nothing planned today."

I nodded my head but mentally noted how tired Kana was as well. A billion thoughts rushed to my head at once about how they stayed up together and did this and that, but I quickly dismissed it as them both just so coincidentally not being able to sleep well. 

The air got awkward pretty quickly because neither of us had anything to say to each other. As I was about to turn and leave, Hoya spoke up and said, "Hey, hyung, sorry but I gotta tell you something, actually." Curiousity kicked in and I replied, "Oh, okay. What is it?"

Hoya looked hesitant at first, but soon said, "I...well you know how I said I would give up on Kana? Because we both decided that this would be for the best since her memory loss was probably my fault?" My eyebrows raised a little, and I slowly responded, "Yea...?"

Hoya bit his lip before saying, "Well I...I've changed my mind." Shocked, and slightly angry, I was about to say something before Hoya cut me off, saying, "I know you're probably really upset because I know you actually really like her, but with her memory loss, I think I have a better chance of finally winning her over. She doesn't remember who she was and with her past not hindering her from hanging out with us and stuff, she won't be able to hold back from potentially loving me. She was starting to fall for me before but pushed me away because she was afraid, but now she has nothing to be afraid of. And neither do I."

I only looked at him, wanting to hit him, yell at him, scream "she's mine" straight to his face, but I held back. He was standing his ground and he wasn't going to hold back anymore. He was going to pursue her like she didn't have me, as if being with me and having the title of being my girlfriend meant nothing to her. But I wanted to remind him of one thing: "She's my girlfriend. She has a conscience and wouldn't just leave me for you. Putting her into a situation of having to choose is selfish and wrong."

He didn't take a second to hesitate before spitting back, "Well she never really had a choice to begin with since you decided to lie to her about your oh-so faithful relationship. I believe that when her heart decides who she really loves, she'll take into consideration that your relationship was built on a lie and that I never lied to her about anything."

We only stared at each other, knowing that we each had our points but we also had our faults. I stormed out, slamming the door behind me because I couldn't stand looking at his face anymore. How dare he try and go after her even though she's mine. Sure, I lied that we were even a couple to begin with, but if she didn't like me even a little bit, we wouldn't still be together. 

I walked through the living room where everyone once was busy doing their own things but was now nervously watching me walk past them. They must've heard us yelling at each other. I headed into the back room meant for studying and whatever other recreational activities the guys would do. I slammed the door shut to that room as well and started screaming, thankful that the room was sound-proof to anyone outside.

After taking deep breaths and staring at my reflection in the mirror, I could only see exactly what Hoya described me as: a selfish man who could only get a girl by manipulating her situation and lying to her. If she ever found out or somehow remembered again, she would never forgive me for sure. 

Hating myself for putting myself even into this situation, I banged my fist on the floor and layed down, looking up to the ceiling. I changed the room settings so the lights would dim and twinkle, as if I was staring at the stars. It helped me to relax and calm down from my anger. 

I looked to my right and imagined Kana was lying down next to me, staring at the stars with me. I intertwined our hands and she turned to look at me and smiled. Imaginary Kana then poofed away and all I saw was my hand, empty and cold.

What was I going to do? I know how I feel about her, but now I also know how Hoya feels about her. I can't compete with that dude. I mean, look at him: perfectly in shape, handsome face, kindest heart you'll ever see. How was I, a guy who lied just to get into a relationship, going to win over the girl of my dreams?

I can still try, can't I? If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And if not...then it's not. Because even though I lied to Kana about how we were dating, I never lied to her about my feelings and I never lied to her about anything I've ever done for her. It was all for her. All I wanted was her happiness, and I guess, if Hoya is her happiness...then I will be happy for her. That's what love is, isn't it?

After spending some time in the room by myself and staring at the "stars," I heard a knock on the door. I closed my eyes for a quick second and sighed before saying, "Come in." I could sense there was hesitation from the person since the door didn't open up immediately. 

Woohyun opened the door and poked his head in first. Seeing I was just laying on the ground and how the ceiling was set up, I heard him sigh before walking toward me.  "Hyung," he started, "you've been in here for a while...Are you okay?" He was squatting down next to me so he wouldn't be towering over me by standing.

I didn't respond right away but continued looking at the ceiling. I then mustered up the best smile I could and avoided his question by saying, "I'm kinda hungry. Do you care to eat with me? We could all go to the restaurant, maybe go to the private room and have some fun, what do you think?" He looked at me like I was insane, suggesting the private room as if we'd be drinking even though it was probably around the early afternoon-ish time. However, understanding I was probably not in the best state, he made a small smiled and nodded, saying, "Okay, hyung. Let's do that. I'll let the guys know and you can go get ready, yea?"

I nodded and he mustered an, "Okay," before getting up and leaving me. I heard the door shut and took a deep breath before finally getting up. I changed the lighting back to it's normal settings and turned the lights off before heading to the bathroom to wash up. I looked at myself in the mirror before splashing my face with some water, silently wishing the water would wipe off the pathetic look on my face. 

I walked out of the bathroom after giving myself somewhat of a pep-talk and headed to the living room. The guys looked like they were pretty much ready to go, but I noticed Hoya was missing. Although I was pretty upset with him, I was still his leader and genuinely concerned for him, no matter what.

"Hey, where's Hoya?" I asked. The guys looked at each other and Sungyeol said, "Well, we weren't sure you wanted him to go since uh...well, you know. We didn't hear anything, by the way, even though that makes it seem like we did hear stuff, but we just heard the yelling so uhh..." The rest of guys groaned and shook their heads at Sungyeol's response which was...not exactly what I wanted to hear.

"What Sungyeol here was trying to say," Dongwoo said, glancing at the younger kid, "was that we didn't ask him. But I was just in the room and he wasn't in there. He left a note saying he went out and might get home late." I raised my eyebrow wondering where the heck he would've gone, but I didn't spare it a second thought since it only made me start over-thinking as usual.

After double checkling to make sure everyone had whatever they needed, we all headed out in two cars since we didn't own a van that seated everyone. We (and by we, I mean Woohyun) had called the restaurant in advance to let them know we would be using the private room so they couuld get it prepared before we got there. I was kind of excited but at the same time, I wasn't exactly sure if I was feeling anything at all.

We arrived and headed straight to the room without waiting. We sat down and I let out a breath as I was sitting. The guys teased me about "Grandpa Gyu" since I acted like some old man. 

We started ordering and while waiting for our food, we just started talking about random stuff. Somehow, the conversation led to Kana. 

"So hyung, I know you and Kana and dating and all that now, but we all know it wasn't always this way. You never told us entirely what happened and why she all of a sudden decided to go out with you when before, she never even spared us a second glance," said Woohyun.

I sighed and decided to tell them the story of the accident. I even told them about Hoya and what we were fighting about earlier because I felt it was important for them to know. 

"Somehow it all ended up this way, even though I never intended it to. Yes, I lied to her, but if I didn't, who knows what would've happened to her? She didn't have any friends, she doesn't even remember her own parents, she remembers absolutely nothing about herself. Was I supposed to just let someone like her go off on her own? And so, yea, I eventually grew feelings for her, but it's better than nothing and what she had before, sadly, was nothing," I finished. 

The guys only looked at me, conflicted with whether to agree with me or disagree. 

"I don't know, hyung," Sungjong spoke up, "I just don't think it's good to lie to someone like this. She's bound to remember sooner or later. Just because she blocked out her own memories doesn't mean that they won't end up finding their way back to her."

"It's not like we entierely have a choice, now do we?" L spat back, "She blocked her own memories. On her will. How exactly are we supposed to do anything about that? Tell her she felt so bad about falling in love with Hoya because of some reason that she forced herself to forget him but then ended up forgetting practically everything? I don't think so dude."

 We all sat quietly thinking about what we could do and what we couldn't do before hearing a thump outside the door. Unsure of what that was, the person closest to the door (Dongwoo) slid open the door and we saw Kana pread out on the ground. Shocked, I got up and ran to her, shouting her name. The guys gathered around and I yelled at someone to call for an ambulence or something. 

Then I saw Hoya running toward me and we just looked at each other. He was here? This whole time? Was it with Kana? I couldn't think without feeling like I was going to punch someone, specifically him. 

After a few minutes, the ambulence arrived and took Kana. They let me ride in the ambulence with her since I said I was her boyfriend. Hoya only looked at me, knowing he couldn't call himself that. The entire ride to the hospital, my mind was stuck on the fact that Kana was there most likely with Hoya. I doubt they were with anyone else, but still, why were they there together? 

Did she willingly go, as if it were a date? But she has me and wouldn't do that, so it probably wasn't a date, right? Yea, it wasn't a date. It must've been something else. Something else...but what?

Agh, I can't think. I looked down at Kana's face and softened a little, just hoping she'll get better. 

We arrived at the hospital and she was rushed to do some tests. I was told by a nurse to wait in the waiting area and they'll inform me when she's ready. I thanked the nurse and went to sit down. I fiddled with my fingers before deciding to text the group chat that Infinite has together.

Just arrived at the hospital. Sitting in the waiting room. They'll let me know when she's ready.

I saw a wave of "I hope she gets better" etc. kinds of texts and sighed, wondering why all this was even happening. I turned off my phone and sat back in the chair, wondering how long it would take to do all the tests. I tried to get comfortable and ended up dozing off. 

I was woken up by a hand shaking my shoulder. The same nurse from earlier gently told me that I could go to see Kana, although she was still not awake yet. 

I entered the room and was greeted by the doctor. He told me there was nothing wrong with Kana and that they weren't entirely sure what was wrong with her since she was still unconcious. He asked me if I had her parents number or something, but I told them I didn't, a hint of regret hiding in the back of my head. 

That's right...I don't even know her parents. I don't know if she has any, if she has any siblings, nothing! Not that she could tell me anyway since all the time I spent with her she was someone with a blank memory, but maybe I should've found out. Maybe I should've researched for her. Maybe I should've helped her to remember in the first place. Maybe I should've never lied to her. 

I thanked the doctor as he left and took a seat next to the bed. I held Kana's hand and looked at her unconscious face, wondering if everything I did was good, whether I should tell her the truth when she wakes up or not. 

"Hey, Kana-sshi. Can you hear me? I know you're still...I guess the word I can use is sleeping, so I can imagine that my words are subconciously getting to you? Anyway, I hope you're alright. The doctors say you're perfectly healthy so no cancer or something horrible like that. I don't know what's going on with you since these things keep happening. But no matter what, I'll always be here for you. I am your boyfriend after all," I said. But after a while of consideration, I decided to keep talking.

"No...I guess I'm really not your boyfriend, huh? I did all the things boyfriends do: take you on dates, give you time, love, and affection, try and protect you. But really, what I should've done was let you decide on your own. I let my feelings for you get in the way and that wasnt fair for you, or even for me either. How could I put you in a situation where I made you love me and accept that as good enough? It's pathetic, really, and I'm sorry. At the same time, I'm glad for the moments we had, whether real or not real. If I hadn't lied to you that day, I'm wondering if you would have even been safe. Would you remember where you lived? Would you have been able to find your way home? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just let you go that day, not knowing if you were safe. In a way, I'm glad I lied, but I'm also sorry that our relationship wasn't genuine. I genuinly cared for you and ended up falling for you so badly that I don't wanna let you go, but you had no option but to stay with me. I'm sorry. I won't be able to say that enough times to you, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I took one last look at her resting face and got up to leave. Of course, I'll be back every day until she wakes up because she deserves to know the truth and I intend on telling it to her the moment she wakes up. But for now, I'll let her rest quietly. 

I texted the group chat I was coming home and my phone blew up once again. I didn't bother reading any of them and just drove straight home. I was exhausted. I checked and it was already 3:30PM. Just three hours ago I was about to eat lunch with the guys. I sighed and sped up a little to get home faster. 

I got home and opened the door to see Hoya about to open it. His eyes were blank and his face looked like he was really serious about something. I sighed, not wanting to deal with him or anything for that matter. I was about to walk past him when he grabbed my arm, causing me to stop. All I heard was, "Let's talk," before being semi-dragged to his room. 

We got to his room and I sat in a chair next to a desk while he went to sit on the bed. The air was awkward from the fight we had in the morning and from seeing each other at the restaurant. I decided to start the conversation.

"So you were at the restaurant...with Kana-sshi?" I asked, hoping he would deny and say it was a coincidence or something. Sadly, he nodded his head and said, "Yea. I took her out on a date. She willingly went with me." I heaved a sigh and couldn't look up. So she really did have feelings for Hoya too then. 

"Hyung," Hoya suddenly said, "She's really confused. I think...I think she gets random memories and can't decide what they mean and gets confused when she's around me. She fell for you, hyung, because you've taken care of her all this time like a real boyfriend and she ended up actually falling for you. But for me...she doesn't know if what she's feeling is just stuff from her memories or if it's actually real."

I was shocked, not even thinking that that was how she actually felt. I just thought it was the end when she started to be near Hoya. Did she like him? Or did was she trying to just get her memories back by being around him? I can't imagine she would be manipulative like that, but she wasn't the same person with her memories gone. 

"So..." he started again, "I think it's best to ask her straight up how she feels. I think it's time for her to choose. You or me. Memories or no memories, she still has a heart and whatever her heart decides...makes destiny."

I sat there feeling lifeless. Of course she would choose Hoya. She'd choose him over me in a heartbeat. Anyone would. But I had to agree that maybe it was time. It wasn't entirely fair to put her in this position, but it's not for us to decide either. 

I merely nodded in agreement and got up, telling him she still wasn't awake but I planned on visiting her as much as possible. He said it would be good if we always went together, in the event she wakes up so neither of us has an advantage. I hesitated, but nodded again. There was not much I could do about it at this point.

For the next few days, Hoya and I visited Kana about seven times. Morning, afternoon, and evening (minus one afternoon because I was busy). We were getting ready to go and visit her today for the evening visit. We went to buy some food to eat (in case she woke up and was hungry) and some flowers and went on our way to the hospital. Hoya was always pretty much silent in the car even though I was the one driving. It made the atmosphere awkward and a little tense. Today, he was a little more chatty and it was kind of weird.

"Hey hyung, so I was watching this documentary on mummies and thought it was pretty cool. You like those kinds of things right?" he said. He was right, I did like them, which I know is a pretty strange thing to like, but the stories and curses and what-not are pretty fascinating, although most likely not true. 

"Yea, yea I like that. What was it about?" I asked. "It was something like King Tut? Some mummy King guy with this huge hidden treasure and stuff," he replied. I only nodded, knowing that was one of the more famous stories. 

"Do you think that stuff is real?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "It's as real as whoever believes it to be real." He nodded his head in agreement and the rest of the car ride was pretty much silent again, but less awkward. 

We arrived at the hospital and walked into the room, not prepared to be met with the pair of eyes that we both missed seeing. I almost dropped the bag of food out of surprise but kept my grip. It was like both of our feet were glued to the floor and we couldn't move. 

Hoya spoke first, saying, "Hey, you're awake. How are you feeling?" She only nodded and I saw Hoya frown, unsatisfied by tthe answer he received. I then asked, "Do you...know who we are? Can you speak?" She at first only stared at me and then spoke without any facial expression, "Yes, I know exactly who you both are. And as you can see, I can speak just fine." Her tone was cold and I didn't understand what was going on. 

"Look, I get you're concerned about me and I'm grateful that you for some reason care about me enough to be here, but I'd much rather prefer to be alone right now," she scoffed after rolling her eyes in annoyance. I was angry at that point and was about to tell her off before she cut me off, "You guys don't even really know who I am, and there's no way you can deny that. You don't know anything about my family, about my background, about me. My likes, dislikes, hobbies, anything other than I dance, sing and go to the same school as you."

I didn't know what to say. She was right. I, and probably Hoya too, didn't know any of those things about her. How could I when she didn't even remember any of it? When was I supposed to know when she didn't have a memory that could tell us? But she continued, "To be honest, I don't like that you both are here fighting for my attention when you don't know me at all. I appreciate that you guys really do seem to care about me, but I don't think that lying to me," as she looked at me, "and trying to steal me away from someone who had the title of my boyfriend," turning to look at Hoya, "is the right way to go about trying to say you care about me. If you cared, you would've been honest from the start, you would've tried to help me for the sake of helping me, not just for your own personal gain of receiving my love. You would've cared about me, the person who had lost her memories, regardless of whether it was on purpose or not on purpose."

Hoya and I were silent. We knew she was right. I felt ashamed. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to sort things out. There's a misunderstanding somewhere. A nurse came into the room and said to Kana they were going to take her to do tests. As they were wheeling her out, she said, "Please don't wait up. I don't know how long this will take and honestly, I'd prefer it if no one was here when I get back. Thanks for everything." Then she was gone and we were just standing there like two idiots. We were idiots. 

We lifelessly decided to leave after a while of standing there trying to absorb what just happened. She remembers everything. She knows. She's angry. She doesn't want to see us. Right now? Or ever? Who knows.

I drove us back to the house where we were met with "How was it?"s and "Is she awake yet?"s from the other members. I nodded as Hoya walked straight to his room and I just stood there. 

We were idiots.

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Sunggyu's side of the story oooooh. I realize there isn't much of Sunggyu even though this is supposed to be Hoya vs. Sunggyu. I should've perhaps added a chapter where Sunggyu and Kana go on a date or something before she goes to meet the guys. I mean too late now lol. What will happen now? Will they ever get the clarification they need? Will Kana go on never choosing? Stay tuned to find out! ^^ Comment! Subscribe! You know the drill. Thank you for reading! :D