Chapter 17
Destiny
Kana POV
As Hoya and Sunggyu continued to secretly fight for my attention, my heart kept pounding profusely in my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. I jumped out of their grasps and ran toward the bathroom, leaving the two boys on the couch and everyone else into the TV.
I quietly locked the door and latched my hands over my insanely beating heart. I tried cooling off my overly-heated face by fanning it with my hands. Just as I had calmed down a little bit, a pain hit my head. I grabbed the sides of my head, eyes screwed shut at the immense pain I was feeling. What seemed to be a memory replayed in my mind:
"Choi Kana...do you have any idea what you've done to me? I can barely sleep at night without being invaded by thoughts of you. You just appear everywhere, in my thoughts, dreams, I may as well be hallucinating! Gosh...why is it you? You, the girl I only talked to on our lunch date, that is, if I'm allowed to call it that.
Why you? The girl who dances amazing, sings amazing apparently, is beautiful inside and out, is shy and cute, yet so tempting but innocent? I don't get it. And yet you have the biggest insecurity issues I've ever seen--practically zero confidence! How can you believe everything's a lie, when you're lying to yourself by thinking that?
I could say I don't know you, but I actually think I know you better than you know you. I'm just waiting patiently for the moment I can see the full and entire you, all for myself. Ah, is it wrong of me to say such a thing? Geez, Kana-sshi, why do make me go so crazy? We'll probably never speak again at this point, so it will be okay for me to drop formalities, right?
Hey, Kana. I think I'm falling in love with you. Remember after our lunch date at the park when we fell asleep and woke up with you in my arms? That is my favorite memory. It just felt so right, holding you like that, having you so close to me. I miss you. I want to hear your voice again...please? For maybe even just one second, please?"
I out.
When I woke up, I was lying in a comfortable bed. The lights in the room were off and I could only hear the faint sounds of heavy breaths coming from across the room. My head felt fine but I was slightly drowsy. Had I fallen asleep? All I could remember was Sunggyu and Hoya fighting for my attention, running toward the bathroom, then nothing else.
I think I'm falling in love with you.
I sat up in my bed at the sudden thought that ran through my mind. What was that? I hesitantly closed my eyes and tried focusing on the little memory. Whose voice was it? I couldn't remember.
I sighed and slowly got out of the bed, trying not to wake the person sleeping. I headed for the door, but once I touched the handle, a hand grabbed my wrist. Startled, I turned around only to be faced with Sunggyu. He looked drowsy and smelled strongly of alcohol.
He's drunk.
"S-Sunggyu oppa...you scared me." "Aww sorry my little baby. Are you okay now?" He squished my cheeks. "Uhm, yesh. I'm fwine now. But you shwould go to shleep now." "What, you don't want me to be with you right now? That's not very nice." "No! I mean, I can smell all the alcohol you had..."
I couldn't finish what I was trying to say because he placed his lips on mine. I widened my eyes in shock but then slowly closed them and kissed him back. However, I couldn't help but feel weird, like this was unfamiliar. Is that normal?
I opened my eyes again when we stopped to catch our breaths. Sunggyu had a cheeky grin on his face and I couldn't help but blush a little bit.
"That's the first time we've kissed! Ah, it's even better than I imagined..." he said. No wonder it seemed unfamiliar...but...why would we have not kissed before if we've been together for so long? He had told me we'd been together for about three months before this one...I don't know. I guess we just wanted to wait. Makes sense. It's not like I would know anyway...
When I looked back at Sunggyu, he was laying back down on his bed, a smile on his lips as he fell back asleep. I smiled and quietly left the room.
I took a stroll down the hallways trying to find the kitchen. I looked at all the pictures hanging on the walls and inwardly cooed at adorable baby pictures of Infinite. They'd known each other for so long and Baby Hoya is just the cutest thing! I had no idea I had been tracing his picture with my finger for the past minute.
When I finally snapped out of it, I continued on my mini adventure to try and find the kitchen. After what seemed like half an hour of just walking mindlessly around the hallways, I finally made it to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water, feeling refreshed as it's cool contents flow down my throat.
I walked out of the kitchen and started heading back to the room when I saw a figure standing outside on the balcony. I quietly crept out toward the window and peeked out to see who the figure was. After only a few seconds of analyzing, I recognized it as Hoya. I covered my mouth and could feel the heat rushing toward my cheeks.
I took a deep breath and looked at him, curiosity getting the better of me. He's standing in a white v-neck and long pajama pants, hands leaning on the bars of the gate preventing you from falling off the balcony. His hair isn't styled up anymore but scattered carelessly in a side-sweep across his forehead. He looked handsome even now.
I looked down at his hands since he was holding his phone. It was on and there was a picture on it, but I couldn't see what the picture was. My curiosity was overwhelming me and I really wanted to see what the picture was, so I leaned closer to the window. However, when I did so, I knocked over the water bottle I had put on the floor earlier and it rolled away noisily.
I cringed at the loud noise and when I looked over to the window, I saw Hoya staring back at me. I blushed red and did a small wave at him. He chuckled at my shy awkwardness and beckoned me to him. Hesitantly, I slid the window open and after making sure it was completely shut, joined him at his side.
"Um...hi...Hoya-sshi..." I said. I heard him chuckling and he said, "You don't have to be so awkward around me, Kana-sshi. I don't bite." Smiling a little bit, I replied, "Hmmm, I don't know...I don't know you all that well and you seem a bit sketchy. I mean, you were standing out here all by yourself just now..."
His ears turned red as he became flustered. I heartily laughed at him, feeling like I haven't laughed like that in forever. As I calmed down, I turned to him and saw how he subconsciously was tracing his phone. I remembered the picture I was so curious to see and asked him about it.
His demeanor became sad. He looked at me with eyes that held so much longing. Instead of saying anything, he held up his phone for me to see. When I looked, it was a picture of the both of us sleeping close together on a bench in a park. I blushed at the sight of being so close to him, but wondered how that was even possible if we'd only met just today.
"Hoya-sshi...I don't understand. Why are we...er...why were we...like...that...I've only met you just today before I...well... out..." He only looked at me with eyes that looked like they were hiding something. Multiple times did it seem like he was going to say something, but he never did. He only told me,
"It's just a memory now. Something I'll never forget, but you'll never remembe."
I started heading back to the bed I was sleeping in, however, I ended up just dragging a blanket to a couch in one of the rooms I discovered on the way and laying there. As much I tried sleeping, what Hoya said kept replaying in my mind. Eventually, I fell into deep sleep.
---
"911. Call 911, dammit! We might've hit someone! What? You can't move? Do you have your cell phone nearby? I'll call. ...Hello? I've just gotten into a car accident. We crashed into a street light and we might've ran someone over. It's me, my name is Kim Sunggyu, and my two friends Jung Jinyoung and Jung Jihoon. Please hurry. We're all hurt.
Hey...hey, Kana-sshi? Holy...guys we ran over the girl I was telling you about back at the club! Oh ...oh oh oh ! I totally messed up. You shouldn't have been driving! We're all ing wasted right now but I know what's going on! Wait...she's not even hurt. What the...are you guys messing with me? I get we're all drunk so I can't tell the differences of a lot of things, but did we run her over?
Are you sure? She's not even hurt! God...why is she even here?"
---
...I am hurt, Sunggyu-sshi. I'm hurting all over. My heart is aching. It's so painful. You don't even understand, do you? I...I like someone. But I know in order to protect myself, in order to never be hurt the same way I was before, I can't be around people like you, people like him. I know I'll be hurt again.
It's because I'm weak. I don't stand up for myself. I just let people walk through my life and do whatever they want. If they are pleased, it doesn't matter how I am. I'm just a tool. A tool for others' happiness. For Hyeri, I never talked to Teen Top ever again because I didn't like the way she was hurting me, so I did what she wanted and we both gained peace. We never had to worry about each other ever again.
...It took me the year after we graduated to find out how much in love Changjo was with me...and I hurt him so badly...I'm such a terrible person. I've hurt him, my first love who I could've been so happy with, I've hurt you because I'm making you think you've hurt me, and worst of all...I hurt Hoya. I hurt him so bad and I know it all.
I'm a terrible person. I want a second chance to make it all up. I want to start fresh and forget everything that's happened to me. I need to make amends somehow. I'll make it up to everyone that I've hurt. I just need to forget it all and let go...forget everything until now.
I woke up feeling warm. My eyes had dry tear stains making it hard to open them. I remembered the dream I just had and I didn't know what was going on. Everything was so vivid. I hurt Hoya. ...What did I do before I lost my memory? As I slowly opened my eyes, I saw Hoya's face merely milimeters away from mine.
I felt the strong arms that were wrapped around my waist and the legs that were intertwined in my own. My hands were balled into fists near his chest and a small flash of a memory appeared in my mind.
"Hoya-sshi.....please...you don't understand...so please."
I was pounding my fists on his chest, crying...why am I remembering these things? I looked at Hoya's face and just scanned it for any trigger of more memories, but nothing happened. My hand made its way to his face and landed on his cheek. I gently caressed his cheek, trying not to wake him up.
My finger then started tracing his features like the day at the hospital. I started from his eyes, to his nose, to his jawline then stopping at his lips. Ever so slowly did I close the few millimeter gap between us, but I stopped right before, just barely brushing his nose with mine. I could feel his soft breaths against my skin. I closed my eyes and savoured the way I felt at the moment, with Hoya just so close.
The butterflies, the racing heartbeat, the heat in my cheeks, the in explainable mix of emotions in my heart, all because I was only just this close. I stayed there, just being so close but not closing the distance. Then I felt a pair of lips on mine. My eyes opened a little bit to see Hoya kissing me, but I soon closed them again and kissed him back.
It felt right. My hand made its way to his hair and the other wrapped around him. His arms brought me closer than I thought possible. We stayed that way, kissing passionately for who knows how long. I wouldn't mind if it was forever. He was so intoxicating, his lips were like a drug I just couldn't get over. It felt familiar. And although everything in the back of my mind was telling me how wrong this was, I couldn't help but think that
I loved it.
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Update! Yaaaay! Please comment...I like comments. They let me know what you guys think. I like the feedback so I can write better if I need to or stay the same or fix a few things. But I don't know if I need to if you won't say anything TT^TT PLEASE COMMENT. I BEG OF YOU. ...thank you!!
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