Chapter 3

I don’t know about you but I’ve always imagined how my first kiss will be like. I imagined there would be rainbows and fireworks when it happens so I decided that it should be around sunset when the sun is barely illuminating the sky but bright enough to see the rainbow and dark enough to see the burst of colors of the fireworks. Fireflies would also encircle around us as well as butterflies and bubbles and unicorns … I know, I know … It doesn’t sound realistic but hey, it’s MY dream scenario, okay. So, back to my first kiss … In all my first 3 years in high school, there was only one guy who I imagined I’d be with when that happens. Lee Donghae. I joined the student council and the drama department because of him. Although we never had a scene together in any of our school plays, he was always gracious enough to be the leading man in all my dreams at night. 

I cried when he graduated and again when he left for Seoul. Bom thinks that I was a hopeless case. She wanted me to confess if I was going to act like the world ended but I couldn’t. How can I, when he has a beautiful girlfriend in the form of Yoona. How can I compete? I heard that they went to different universities and I take that as a sign for me to not lose hope. Next year, I will definitely go to Seoul University no matter what despite my bad grades and grow 5 inches taller and my bra size will be 2 cups bigger by that time. How all of that will happen, I still do not know. 

So now, it confuses me how I can even think of indirect kisses with this guy I barely know. I’m sorry Donghae-oppa, I mentally confessed. I didn’t mean to have impure thoughts. Forgive me …

I was distracted from the drama in my mind when I hear someone chuckling. My eyes began to focus on the guy in front of me and he’s looking at me like I was a clown or something. 

“So … welcome back” he says, amusement clear in his voice.

“Huh?”

“Where did your mind take you? To Mars?”

“Huh?” I know I’m sounding kinda stupid right now but I can’t think of anything else to say.

“I see you’re not completely back to Earth yet” he teased.

I feel myself blushing. Gosh, how long did I space out? Gathering my composure, I planned to say a retort and met his mirthful eyes. Bad move. I couldn’t stare away. He has such beautiful eyes, when they’re not shooting laser beams. 

“Errr…”

He raised both his thick eyebrows. “You’re going to say something …?” He his lower lip. Now, I can’t seem to take my eyes off his lips. 

Dugeun … dugeun … My heart beats abnormally fast.

Speak, Dara. Speak.

“I … I’ve got to go.” I said. I stand up and pick up my back pack. “I-Ive got to go to the library …” Is the library the only place I can think of?

He lifts one eyebrow. 

“I …uhm … it was nice seeing you again.” I turned and sprint towards the library building without waiting for his reply. Somehow, I imagine that his eyes are staring at my back and my heart beats faster.

That night, instead of Donghae-oppa, unexpectedly, I saw Seungheun in my dreams.

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Dear Diary,

Remember the guy I met at the grove last Saturday? Well, it turns out that he transferred to my school. Small world, right? He’s pretty popular amongst the students but in a bad kinda way. Not that I believe the rumors about him … I still think he’s a good guy.

I talked to him for a short while during lunch and I ran into him twice in the hallway today. I don’t know why but I pretended not to see him. I feel bad thinking about it now. It’s just that … how can I explain this … I have this nagging feeling that I’m attracted to him. My heart, when I see him beats like a million drums. 

I am not exaggerating. 

Ottoke? Am I cheating on Donghae-oppa? 

I’m a nappeun gizibe. I thought that he was the one for me but I realize it now that I was just holding on to a fantasy ever since that day when he caught me when I slipped, back in freshman year and we looked into each other’s eyes. Try as I might now, I can’t seem to recall his face anymore. All I can see now are dark, deep set eyes with thick eyebrows.

What should I do, Dear Diary? Choi Seunghyun is constantly in my brain and I can’t shake him off. 

Le sigh. I need Bom. Only she can help me sort out my muddled brain.

~xoxo

D~

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It’s lunchtime once again and I excused myself from joining my friends at the cafeteria saying that I wasn’t finished with my research for my Mom. Making sure that no one sees me heading out in the opposite direction of the library, I head out to searc