Krystal POV

A little while ago I finished breakfast after waking up to find Sulli staring down at me. It felt warm and welcoming and I still can't believe the time it took me to realize that I loved her, but then again we've been through so many things as 'best friends'. Also, she's always been there for me as a 'best friend' and it surprised me that we had become a 'thing'. I constantly depend on her and no matter how I feel she always pops up in my mind... Even when I tried to die. Actually, if I were to tell the truth she'd be really hurt. I do love her and I'm glad we can have even a hidden relationship to protect ourselves from the homophobic people of Korea, but it hurts a lot more. I really want to say that I've changed and I feel better, but that wasn't true. I still wanted to escape this world... To die.

"Soojung baby, Vic-Umma, Sica-Unnie, and the others want to see you," Sulli soothed and patted my head.

I felt a little better and replied, "Let them in, they must be worried sick by now."

"You sure you want all them to get in the room? All 13 of them?!" Sulli questioned me.

"Yup, I'm perfectly fine with it. I think it's about time as long as you know... If any of those 13 are my da*ned parents," I muttered as a force of pain hit my chest right after I had remembered my parents.

"They aren't here Jung and I don't think they ever will come until you get better. Besides you have me now and if they do come I'll protect you. Also when they do visit you should also tell them how you feel," Sulli tried to convince me.

"It'd only be another burden to them if I told them what was stong Sulli. I don't want them to know the pain I had to go through and..." I trailed off and turned my head away so I didn't have to meet her eyes.

"Soojung just stop it and be yourself, don't try to pretend to be strong anymore. I don't even want you to smile that fake smile again because it bothers me," Sulli comforted and then left the room to give an okay to the others.

As Sulli leaves the room I try to make myself feel better by telling myself that I wasn't useless to the world but it did my work. Whatever positive thought I came across there where always a pile of negative thoughts that contradicted it. One time I thought that I was an important part of f(x) but then I realized they could do fine without me. Victoria could handle dancing, Amber is probably better at sports than me, Sulli beats me aegyo and can also be the maknae of the group, and Luna could also handle the vocals without a problem so it wouldn't really matter if I was there or not. It wouldn't effect anyone if I were to disappear... They'd all forget about me in- The door had quickly swung open and Sulli and the other 13 girls swarmed into the room just like animals such as zebras would. My sister was the first to get to me and she automatically hugged me when she was within my range. I felt no feeling when it happened and it did seem like I was an emotionless doll but I really couldn't blame myself. After all that was how I really felt and I was much too tired to hide it from anyone anymore.

"Krystal why do you seem so..." Jessica asked looking into my eyes full of worry.

"Why do I seem so pale or is it emotionless?" I asked her in the same tone I speak with Sulli.

"Yeah..." She said confirming my guesses.

"I don't know," I answered her as she stopped hugging me.

"Krystal, how are you doing? Are you feeling ok?" Victoria, the leader of f(x) asked.

"I'm doing fine and I feel..." I started to answer but was hesitant to answer the second questioned and ended up not answering at all.

"It's okay Jungie, you don't have to answer them," Sulli said as she moved to sit down on my bed.

"But... They're all..." I said as guilty thoughts ran through my head.

I made them all worried... It's all my fault that they had to meet someone as weak as me. If I had died maybe it would be less painful for them to experience... Maybe if I had died before I met them nobody would be hurt...

"Baby, just stop worrying it isn't your fault and it never will be," Sulli tried to make me feel better and had indeed succeeded.

I fell into her warm embrace and almost immediately