It took me a second, but when I blinked away the hot, angry tears, I saw that he was gone and I chased after him.

            Thankfully, no one I knew – my parents – caught me stumbling around in my heels searching desperately for my runaway boyfriend.  I caught sight of him, finally, making his escape.  I bolted.

            “Kyung!  Wait, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” I called to him as I burst through the exit doors.  He stopped a few feet in front of me, his back still to me as he was fleeing.  Perhaps we shouldn’t be doing this out here.  Granted we were on the sidewalk in front of the US embassy which was on a pretty out-of-the-way street, but still.  I would never underestimate the stalking power of a Block b fan.

            He turned swiftly to face me.  His face stone like.

            “Overreacting?” he repeated, incredulously.  He stepped closer to me.  “Overreacting?!  You think I’m overreacting?  I just caught the girl I love kissing some dude she was supposed to be doing an assignment with!  What did you think I was going to do?  Say ‘hey, baby, it’s cool. I’m too busy for you, so why don’t you just start hooking up with the guy you see all the time in class?’” he spat sarcastically.  “You don’t see how I could get upset over that?  How hurt I would be to find that out?”  He clenched his jaw.  “It hurts.  I’ve always trusted you.  How could you kiss someone else?”

            I cringed back.  “Kyung, it isn’t…Please don’t-”

            His face suddenly softened.  He looked hurt, disappointed, but his voice was still full of rage even if it didn’t show on his face.  “Was that it, Maddie?  I’m so busy, you needed to find someone else?  I tried to make time for you.  I really did.  I loved you so m…” he paused and sighed, shaking his head at me.  My stomach flipped at hearing him speak in the past tense.  Was it already over in his head?  “Was that it?  I was too busy being a rapper for Block b that you felt neglected?”

            Shaking my head frantically, I reached out for him.  He stepped away from me.  “No, no!  Kyung, no, that’s not it at all.  Yeah, I wish you could spend more time with me, but I know how much being a part of Block b means to you.  One has absolutely nothing to do with the other.  This is nothing.  It’s not even what you think.  That kiss.  It meant nothing.”

            Maybe I wasn’t going about this properly.  Maybe I was using the wrong words.  My head was spinning.  I couldn’t think straight.

            “Meant nothing?” he repeated.  His eyes suddenly burned with fire.  I was surprised they weren’t red.  “How could you do that to me?” he asked, his voice a dangerous whisper.  He wouldn’t look at me.  This wasn’t my Kyung.  He was always so happy and smiling, almost as much as Yu Kwon.  I liked Kyung’s smile better, but I was biased.

            “I…wait not, Kyung, please, let me explain…” I stammered.  What could I possibly say?  He was so mad at me.  He had every right to be, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

            “That's what I’m waiting for.”

            My breathing became faster.  I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and my throat was so dry, I couldn’t swallow.  “You’re my boyfriend.  I-I love you. You know that.”

            He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.  “It used to feel so good to hear you say that, but now…”  He shrugged and let his arms swing to his sides.  “Now, I can’t believe you mean it.  Did you ever?”

            I exhaled all of the air out of my lungs and rushed forward.  I wanted to touch him.  I needed to put my hands on him, but he stepped back again.  Holding his arms out, he stood firm just out of my reach.  My hands began to shake.  I let my arms fall.

            “Of c-course I meant it!  I still mean it!  Kyung, please, it’s not what you think!” I cried out.  Desperate to make a coherent thought that he would understand.

            The smile that slowly spread on his face was pained and almost eerie.  “It must be exactly what I think or else you wouldn’t be so upset.”

            “Kyung…” I breathed.  The tears stinging my eyes were making him blur in front of me.  “Just let me explain.  I-”

            He shook his head.  “This is our third year together.  I always liked you, even back in high school, when I barely knew you.  Then I got to know you, you stuck with me through good and bad.  I loved you with everything I have.”  He sighed and blinked slowly at me.  “How could you do that to me?”

            I clutched at my head.  “I don't know what's going on.  I’m sorry, Kyung, but whatever it is, it’s not real.  What I have with you is real.”

            “Is it?” he questioned.  His eyes narrowed.  “Then how could you do that to me?” he hissed.  I winced at the hate in his voice.

            I shook my head.  I didn’t know.

            “Pick.  You can’t have everything and I won’t share you.”

            Him.  No question.  I opened my mouth.

            “Too slow,” he stated simply with a shrug.  “You hesitated.  It’s over.”

            He turned and walked away.  As if the heavens felt as bad as I did, it started to rain.  I stood there though.  Getting rained on.  My soaked hair began to fall out of the clip I’d put in to keep it all together.  I tipped my face up to the grayed skies and let the rain wash the tears off my face.  I walked to the subway barefoot because it would just send me over the edge if I broke my ankle falling in these damn heels.

            By the time I got back to my dorm, I’d walked right through the feet of my nylons and I was soaking wet.  Ironically, it had stopped raining by the time I entered my dorm building looking like a drown rat.  My mom called while I was walking from the subway to my dorm.  I apologized and said that I didn’t feel well so I went home to sleep.  I must have sounded like crap because she could normally tell when I was lying about trying to get out of something like that.

            Ignoring the stares from students I didn’t know, I shuffled my way up to my dorm.  I heard the voices before I even opened the door.

            Everyone was in there.  I could hear the girls and all the guys in there.

            I knew, though, that there’d only be six guys in there.

            Silently, I opened the door and placed my shoes in the shoe shelf by the door.  Too weak to move, I leaned against the wall and listened to the conversation coming from the living room.  I’d forgotten all the guys were coming over tonight.  Something about group movie night since we rarely got to see our boyfriends and we never got to see the members we weren’t dating. 

            “Hey, I thought our fans were called BBC?” I heard Ji Hoon ask.

            “Yah!” Ji Ho scolded him.  “Why are you checking fan sites on your phone when we’re supposed to be hanging out?  We’re going to start the movie soon!”

            “Soon.  It’s not on yet,” Ji Hoon mumbled.  “Seriously, don’t they call themselves BBCs?”  I heard some murmurs of agreement.  “Then what’s PBBC?”

            “Oh…no,” I heard Jordan sigh.  Then giggle.  “Beki, you want to take this one?”

            “Me?  Why me?” Beki squeaked.

            “Well, you explained to Yu Kwon.  You got this,” Jordan replied.

            “PBBC is like ?!” Yu Kwon cried out with a shudder in his voice.

            “No!” Ji Ho shouted.  “Did you guys know there are girls out there putting me with Kyung?!”  He ended his sentence with a long whine.  I almost cried just hearing his name.

            “Yeah, Zikyung, that’s old news,” Jordan replied quickly.  There was a quiet second.  I could just imagine the look she was getting from her boyfriend.  “Um, you know, Beki told me about it.”

            “Thrown under the bus,” Beki muttered. 

            “Who am I with?” Ji Hoon piped up. 

            After some teasing and poking at the deep voiced friend, Amelia answered, “I never heard you put with anyone.  Just Zikyung, U-bomb, and Jaeil.”

            More silence. 

            “Amelia?!” Jae Hyo gasped.  I heard her giggle.

            “I don’t read those kinds of stories, I just wanted to know who fans were putting with my boyfriend,” Amelia explained calmly.  Laughter.

            “They really put me with Yu Kwon?” Min Hyuck questioned.  “Wouldn’t have guessed that one.”

            “Right?  I keep saying, I thought they would put me with Tae Il,” Yu Kwon commented.

            “And I keep ignoring you when you say things like that,” Beki grumbled.

            “Besides, apparently I’m with Jae Hyo.  Sorry, Amelia,” Tae Il joked.

            “Why doesn’t anyone put me with the other members?” Ji Hoon whined.

            “Really?” Ji Ho demanded.  Laughter broke out among my friends.

            “Can we focus then, please?” Ji Hoon asked after the laughter died down.  “What’s PBBC?”  Something made Jordan laugh.

            “Ji Hoon, PBBC was just a joke, I think.  That kind of took off a little on some sites.  The P stands for y,” Beki explained quickly.

            Ji Hoon let out a low chuckle.  “Are they the same ones putting Yu Kwon and Min Hyuck together?”

            I actually heard Beki growl.

            I’d had enough.  I was tired and not even listening to my friends banter was going to cheer me up right then.

            Stepping out of the shadows of the hallway, I let my friends see me without saying a word.

            “Maddie!” Jordan gasped.  “What happened to you?”

            I looked down at myself.  I had left a puddle in the hallway from when I stood there eavesdropping and now my hair was dripping onto the floor in the living area.

            “It was raining,” I answered simply.

            My friends got up and crowded around me.  “What’s wrong?” Amelia asked.

            “Your eyes are all puffy,” Beki added quietly.

            “I was crying.”

            The guys looked to each other and then at me.  “Where’s Kyung?” Ji Ho asked after a minute.  “He said he was going to meet you at the ball.”  I nodded and shrugged.

            “You guys should call him.  He left the ball in kind of a hurry,” I choked out.

            Thankfully, that was enough.  Two girls whisked me to the bathroom while the third one went into my room to get me some dry clothes.

            Irony, I suppose it was, was an evil thing.

            Jordan brought me a long sleeved shirt and a pair of basketball shorts that I’d stolen from Kyung some time ago.  No, this was good.  They would still smell like him and they would probably be the last thing I’d get from him.

            I changed into my dry clothes and sat on the bathroom floor with my friends while the guys – giving us our obviously much needed girl time – stayed in the living area.  I couldn’t help but wonder if they got a hold of Kyung.

            While Beki and Amelia sat in front of me and Jordan towel dried my hair, I spilled everything to my friends.  From day one of meeting Hyun Joong to accidentally allowing him to kiss me.  These were my friends.  They’d seen me at my worst and at my best, so I didn’t hesitate to let the tears flow after I told them the story.

            “I’m so stupid!  I just thought he was hot!  Chemistry!  It wasn’t chemistry, it was stupid girl lust!” I sobbed, hanging my head in my hands.  “How could I be so stupid?  Kyung will never speak to me again now.  I blew it.”

            “Everything will be ok,” Amelia said gently.

            The other two murmured in agreement, but I couldn’t believe them.  They didn’t see the look on his face.

            I was about to say something else when I heard my cell phone ring.  I scrambled to my feet and darted into my room, digging through the mess of my dress on the floor of my room.  Yanking my phone out, I answered it without looking at the screen.

            “Kyung?!” I asked desperately.

            “Not even close,” my mom’s voice said.

            Damn it.  “Oh, uh, hi Mom.”

            “Are you in your dorm?” she questioned.

            “Yes.”

            “Are you ok?”

            No.  “I’m fine.  Must just be stress.  I’ll be fine.”  No, I wouldn’t.

           “Uh-huh, now tell me the truth.  What happened at the ball that sent you running like that?” she asked.

            I sighed.  I should have known better.  “What are you-”

            “Don’t, Madison.  I saw you run after Kyung.  I didn’t ask you earlier when I called because I wanted you to get home and get yourself together.  What happened?”

            Another sigh.  I cleared my throat, so it wouldn’t sound like I was crying.  “I think I really messed up, Mom.”

            She stayed silent a moment.  “Then you better fix it,” she replied.

            “I don’t know if I can.  He’s really mad at me.”

            “Do you love him?”

            “Very much.”

            “And he loves you, so everything will be fine.”  She sounded so sure.  It almost made me angry.

            “I don’t think so, Mom.  He’s really mad at me.  I think I really hurt him.”

            “Honey, you can’t just turn off love.  I’ve met him.  I’ve seen you two together.  That boy loves you more than even he can fully understand.  That doesn’t just go away.  So whatever stupid thing you did, give him some time, let him be angry.  Then fix it.”

            “Mom, I can’t.  He’s so mad.”

            “You don’t want to fix it?  You’d rather break up?”

            “No!” I almost shouted.  “No, I don’t want that.”

            “Then, trust me, you’ll figure out a way to fix it.”  I could almost hear her smile.

            “What if he won’t let me?” I asked, my throat tight.

            She sighed.  “Did you not hear a thing I said before?”

            After I hung up with my mother, I thought about her words.  I went out of my room and back into the living area.  My girl friends followed me from the bathroom.

            “Hey,” Ji Ho greeted me first.

            “Was that Kyung?” Beki asked from behind me.  I shook my head.

            “Did you get a hold of him?” I asked the guys.

            The other members looked uncomfortably at each other.

            “Yeah,” Ji Ho answered.  “Um, he’s pretty mad.”

            I nodded.  “I know.”

            “He didn’t want to talk about it over the phone,” Yu Kwon added gently.

            “What did he say then?” I asked reluctantly.  More uncomfortable glances shared between the guys.

            “Not much.  Just that he’d meet us later at the dorm and that…” Ji Ho paused to smile at me apologetically.  “Maddie, I’m sure he’s just mad and blowing off steam.  I know he didn’t mean it.”

            “What did he say?” I repeated.

            “He said you broke his heart and he doesn’t want to see you.”

            I felt my girl friends inch closer to me.  My mom was usually right about, well, everything, but this time, I got the sickening feeling that she was wrong.

            How was I ever going to fix this?