About me mentally cheating on you, I thought.  Nuzzling against his neck, I thought about just forgetting the whole thing.

            I lifted my head slightly so that my mouth was right against his ear.  “Don’t get mad at me, ok?” I whispered.

            “Ok.”  It killed me a little that he had so much faith in me, he answered automatically like that. 

            The window had been left open and an icy fall breeze blew into the bedroom making me shiver against him.  He pulled the blanket up to our shoulders before tightening his hold around my waist.  “What did you do?” he whispered, almost laughing.  His breath smelled minty from his toothpaste and it felt warm against the side of my face.

            I’m mentally cheating on you! I screamed in my head. 

            “Kyung, there’s a guy in one of my classes and I have to do this huge project with him!  His number is in my phone!  I’m sorry, don’t hate me!”  I winced when I realized my whispers had grown a bit harsh sounding.  I froze, but all I heard – besides Kyung’s stifled laughter – was Ji Ho still snoring.

            I found myself clutching onto Kyung’s shoulder.  I almost wished he’d left his hoodie on so I couldn’t feel how smooth his skin was.  Almost.

            He shifted his face and kissed me, sweetly, hungrily. 

            “Why would that make me mad?” he whispered once he’d finished setting me on fire.

            “I’ll have to spend a lot of time with him!  This project is for the whole semester!  His number is in my phone!”  I knew I probably sounded hysterical.

            “Well, if you have to do this project with him, it’s for school.  School is important.  As long as you aren’t meeting him late at night in his dorm room or texting him pictures of yourself, why would I be mad at you?” he joked.  “You should meet him a lot for your project.  Work hard.  You’ll do well.”

            I almost wished he had gotten mad so that I would feel bad for thinking all those things about Hyun Joong and then maybe stop doing it.  Instead, I pushed more.

            “Do you ever see a hot fan or a really gorgeous celebrity and think about them for a while after?” I asked after a moment.  His laugh was only a breath that tickled my ear.

            “Topic jump,” he retorted, kissing my jaw line lightly.  “You have nothing to be worried about or jealous of, Maddie,” he added.

            “No seriously.  I’m really wondering about what you think when you see other girls.  I’ll be really mad if you lie and tell me there are no girls anywhere you ever think are pretty,” I replied.

            “Ok, ok,” he conceded.  “Sometimes.  When I look out into the crowd and see a really pretty fan, sometimes she’ll pop into my head later.”  He pulled his head back enough to look me in the eye after he tilted my chin up to meet his eyes.  “I see plenty of beautiful celebrities, too.  And sometimes we talk about them, me and the other members, but baby, you’re the one in my heart, so thinking of or talking about pretty girls I see wherever I see them means nothing.  You know that, right?”

            I hugged him tighter.

            “What’s this all about?” he asked, mouth still touching my ear as he ran a hand up and down my back soothingly.  “Is that guy in your class hot or something?”

            His answer made me feel like crap.  Not to mention I was even more confused now.  Ok, he sometimes thought about pretty girls.  Maybe I worded my question wrong.  It wasn’t a big deal that I thought about Hyun Joong sometimes.  The big deal was that bleeping chemistry I felt with him.

            But that couldn’t possibly be real, I told myself.  Repeat reason.  I was not used to guys making me feel anything like that, besides Kyung.  Now, shut up.

            I pushed Kyung onto his back and rested my head on his shoulder, one arm draped over his middle.  “He’s nothing compared to you,” I answered.

            I rarely remembered my dreams.  And it was a damn near one in a trillion shot that I would have a dream, let alone one I’d remember.

            But that night, I definitely had a dream about Hyun Joong.

            With a shuddering gasp, I bolted upright in bed.  Blinking around the room, it was still pitch black inside and out.  I glanced at the digital clock on my night stand. 

            4:19am.  I’d only been asleep for a few hours.

            Not ok.  Not. Ok.  What was going on with me?  How could a total stranger have such an effect on me?

            I breathed deeply to slow my panting.  I was sweating, too.  Kyung stirred next to me, but he was still asleep.  It felt like I was shaking from the inside.  I lay back down, grabbing Kyung’s arm and yanking it around my waist.  I linked my fingers with his and pretended nothing was wrong, so I could go back to sleep. 

            “You ok?” a hoarse voice came from behind me.

            Crap.  “I’m fine,” I whispered back.  I squinted across the room.  Ji Ho and Jordan were sound asleep still.  “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

            “Well, you almost pulled my arm out of its socket and are now crushing my fingers,” he answered, adjusting himself right behind me. I could tell he was smiling until he touched my neck.  “You’re sweating.  Did you have a nightmare?”

            That’s one way of putting it.

            “Yeah, sorry.”

            “Don’t be sorry, but it was just a bad dream.  Are you ok?”

            No.

            “Yes, I’m ok now,” I mumbled into my pillow.

            “Do you want to talk about it?”

            Definitely not.

            “No, thanks.  I just want to go back to sleep.”

            Like I’ll ever be able to sleep again after that.  There must be a way to explain this.  It’s been a while since Kyung and I have been together, so maybe it was my subconscious reliving past times with Kyung…as Hyun Joong.  I’ve been worrying so much about my attraction to Hyun Joong that it interfered with my Kyun fantasies.  Yeah, ok, let’s go with that.

            Kyung rubbed my arm comfortingly.  “Sleep then,” he whispered in a yawn.  “I’m here to keep away anymore bad dreams.”

            I sighed.  Thanks Kyung, could you be any more perfect?

            Or make me feel any worse?