But as much as I try to erase and throw away the love that remains in me
It’s not going so well, you’re imprinted in my heart

Forever

That’s how Hyukjae feels as he to those deep brown orbs that look back at him. There is this sudden ache inside him, something that grows until he feels he’s tearing apart. It hurts, it hurts that he feel like dying yet all he could do is to stand there, and pretend.

Pretend that he never met this man, that he didn’t know him, that he’s just a stranger and he never have this kind of selfish feelings for him.

Hyukjae smiles yet actually, his heart is breaking.

“I’m sorry for bothering your sleep but how are you feeling now Donghae-ssi?”

“Hyuk…jae?”

Donghae asks while trying his best to at least sit up but with his weak body, he slumps his back to the bed again. Hyukjae watch all of this, how the other struggle to move.  He bit his lips on how Donghae became, and he can’t help but to blame himself for all of this.

If he didn’t love Donghae then they would still be friends, he wouldn’t have to push Donghae, hurt him and leave him. Also, Donghae wouldn’t have been sick, he wouldn’t be involved in an accident, and he wouldn’t be feeling the pain he is now.

It is all his fault.

“I-I’m sorry if… I look like a mess…”

The brunette hardly talks but still does so. Hyukjae grit his teeth, wanting to tell the other to just shut up but nevertheless didn’t show his emotion. He should pretend after all.
 

“Actually—“

“Wait, c-can you…make a coffee for me first?”
 

Hyukjae’s heart halts for a bit. He has to try his hardest but memories of them together keep on showing as his feeling for him.

--

Both of them are just staring at each other. Donghae couldn’t say a thing or maybe, he don’t what to say and knowing this, Hyukjae is hurting. Right then he confesses his love for him and as expected it won’t be beautiful as what it goes in films.
 

“Tell me Donghae, if I said I love you what will you do?”

“H-hyukkie…”

“Will you be angry and feel disgusted since I am a gay or you’ll pretend you never heard of it? If I said it to you, will you love me back and leave Siwon? You think it’s easy when you can’t even answer me back!”
 

He could see everything shattering into pieces. Now, their friendship is broken and he even hurt Donghae with all of this.

“I just… all I want is for you is to be honest because you’re my best friend!”

“That’s why I have to lie! You’re my best friend and these feelings shouldn’t have existed!”

 

--
 

Hyukjae watches as the other sip the coffee he made for him. Donghae loves coffee and seeing him drinking it in front of him make him somehow happy. If only he could make coffee for him forever, he wouldn’t ask for more.

The brunette looks back at him before grinning widely and he have to hold himself back when he sees the foam of the coffee all over his face. Yet in just a moment, he finds his hands removing the dirt from his face

Wrong move

“I-I just… there’s a… I’m sorry!”

“N-no, it’s fine and thank you”
 

Then another silent emerge and the both of them are too awkward to talk of something else. With this, Hyukjae remembers what he is supposed to do and thinking about it again make his heart to swell again. He faces the latter now, which looks at him worriedly.
 

--

“So are you saying you regret loving me?”

“Yes, and actually, it’s the worst mistake I ever did in my life”

 Hyukjae could see Donghae’s heart, slowly, painfully breaking into pieces. He don’t know, he don’t know why would the other look more hurt then he is, why would he cry like this when actually it’s supposed to be him who is crying. Was it because Hyukjae is important to him? Or was it because he feels bad for him?

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t need to know.

 

“Do you hate me now Hyukkie?”

“Yeah…”

Then everything after that happened too fast that he couldn’t properly grasp on it. He didn’t realize the moment when Donghae kissed him. How the warmth on his lips leave him breathless in minutes, then how his heart wobbles asking for why the other did it. Then again, it all happened too fast that it’s too late when he sees Donghae running on the street. It’s too late to realize that a car hits him, to late to run after him and save him.

Too late to ask for why he kissed him

Too late to say properly that he loves him

Too late for him to say sorry

Too late to regret

It’s too late

--

Hyukjae wants to say it right now. He want to let Donghae know, to make him remember, and to bring back what they’re before. Yet that isn’t possible anymore when actually in the other’s mind, he never really existed. He is just a frame of memory that is meant to be forgotten anyway.

With that Hyukjae opens his mouth to say what the things he should… but he closes it again.

He can’t do this.

Seeing Donghae right in front of him, can’t he just keep him? It’s selfish, he knows, but he can’t stop on thinking for having him beside him for eternity. Again, he laughs for himself, he’s an idiot, of course he isn’t allowed to do that. Never

           “I’m really sorry” Donghae mutters out of a sudden making Hyukjae to jolt a bit, “Sorry if I ask Siwon to find you, I just want to thank you for everything and I really like the coffee you made for me back then”
 

“Oh, that’s… thank you”

Both of them became silent, their minds in a chaos of thinking on how to put their thoughts into words. All of a sudden, the air around them has gotten heavier, and it made the two to worry.


           “Are you happy?” Hyukjae asks, and Donghae looks at him with doe eyes, as if he’s asking for what does the other mean, “Your life now, are you happy with it?”

“Of course, why do you ask?”

“Nothing”

Then another silence came but this time, Donghae is the one who break it, “Hyukjae, have we met before?”

With that, Hyukjae’s heart beat turns into ten fold.

“Yes”
 

Then he gives a smile to Donghae, another lie.
 

“Didn’t we met before near my café? Have you forgotten about that already?”
 

Hyukjae then laughs but actually inside him he’s crying. There’s no turning back now, he have to pretend until the end. It's for him and Donghae's best anyway and it's also what he really want. For the both of them to be happy, even if it's where they have to go on separate ways.
 

“So why did you ask?”

Donghae merely pouts before answering,

 

“Nothing”

A/N:

*distributes stones*
You can freely throw it to me
I failed again OTL
Sorry, my mind is in haze
Still got a hangover from SS5
I just want to finish this now
It's so lame TT^TT

--heechan27

DH: Why did you write it like that? Wae? Wae? Wae?

Guess the pun, guess the pun, guess the pun