“Do you know where we are?”

Yuri ignores the nagging girl who’s continually nagging with her nagging voice.

“I do…” Yuri lies…

“Pffft liar…”

Yuri clenches her steering wheel tighter, better that than around Yoona’s neck. She had contemplated time and time again if she could kick the girl out of her car.

“Why don’t you use your GPS?”

Yuri responded with an irritated groan, not wanting to admit that…

“It doesn’t work, huh?”

Yuri groans some more when Yoona beat her to it.

“Hey…”

Yuri lets out an irritating grunt as Yoona was moving around, digging furiously inside her backpack.

“What are you doing?”

“Well… I got a map…” Yoona finally found her map and get right on ahead on trying to find where they are.

“A map?”

Yoona was too busy trying to pinpoint their location, that she didn’t hear the amused snickers coming from the driver.

“Have you watch Dora?”

Yoona scrunches her brows, confuse on why a fashion executive would just blur out something like that.

“I don’t need to. I know how to speak Spanish…”

“Pfft… so cocky.”

“That’s what I get from hanging out with you.”

Yuri was at the brink of snapping back, but she back off when she sees the determine frown in Yoona’s face as she looks at the map.
Yuri was glad that her dark glasses were covering her eyes or else, Yoona would see her casting a few stolen glances.

“Why are you smiling?”

Too bad it couldn’t hide her smile.

“I’m not.” Yuri’s smile melted into a cold scowl.

“So, ummm… Yuri?”

“Hmmm?”

“Are we like ummm… friends now?” Yoona asks nervously, stuttering at every word she sputtered out.

“I thought you hated me?”

Yoona was about to say something, an I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, that her anger took over her, and Yuri was the unlucky one who took the brunt of it. But for once she remained quiet, fearing that her words would only make things worse between them. And a part of Yoona doesn’t want that, she wants things to be okay with Yuri.

“So…ummm… you said that you hated yourself, why?”

Yuri was about to say something, how she hated being such a coward, how she hated how it was too late to tell Yoonhee how she felt. And lastly, hated how all these weaknesses have slipped out of her, and Yoona have to hear about it.

Both let out a relieved sigh when they manage to get to where they’re supposed to be, without the help of GPS or Yoona the explorer’s map.

*

Yuri couldn’t even park the car right since most of her buddies already start to maul over her vehicle. Yuri rolls her eyes as Yoona waves to them in slow motion like a newly proclaimed beauty queen waving to the world.

“YOONA!!!!” All of them shouted excitedly.

The girls instantly flock around Yoona, greeting her with hugs, light punches and ruffling her hair. And Yuri just step away from the group. She could swore that if she closes her eyes just a little, she could imagine a bit of Yoonhee in Yoona’s smile and in Yoona’s eyes. And it made her smile a bit to see a part of Yoonhee somewhere other than her dreams.

“I’m glad you could come, Yuwree.”

“Oh hey…” Yuri’s attention shifted from Yoona to the girl with those crescent eyes.

The two old friends welcome each other with a hug. “How you been?”

“I’m ok.”

Tiffany always asks Yuri this question everytime they see each other, and Yuri always give her the same old lie. An “I’m ok” when it really meant, I can’t move on, An “I’m ok”, even if it really meant I’m missing her so much, and an I’m Ok, even though she wasn’t.

But this time around, something sound different about Yuri’s I’m ok… like this time, she actually means it. And somehow that felt soothing for Tiffany. She was glad that even if it’s at a slow pace, Yuri was getting to the point of being ok.

“Hey… that’s enough.”

Yuri quickly pulls away before she gets the wrath of Tiffany’s future wife.

“Hey Shika…”

“Hey you…”

Jessica gives Yuri a thoughtful hug before punching her in the arm.

“I’m glad you could come.”

“Only for a little bit, then… OW!” Yuri rubs her aching arm after Jessica’s punch.

“Stay longer.” Jessica never asks, she commands.

“YURI!!!”

These girls were her real friends, the one who sees her as Kwon Yuri rather than international fashion designer, Kwon Yuri. And it spark something inside Yuri, a comfortable feeling of being home.

*

Yuri found it hard to admit that she feels a bit out of place, even if she was surrounded by her good friends. Maybe because unlike them, she can’t bring in the jokes or the exaggerated tales, all she’s ever good at was listening and maybe laughing a little to their stories.

The girls do talk to her every once in a while. But Yuri was never the type to elaborate, only responding with a nod or a short one line answer. And they respected that, they knew that was the kind of person Yuri is.

Or so they thought she was, but the painful truth is, Yuri wasn’t who they thought she is. She just never found the strength to break down her walls in front of others. She did it once, she crumbled and fell apart in front of someone, and Yoonhee has been the one who put the pieces of her together. Now that Yoonhee was gone, Yuri had remained broken. And Yuri often wondered, if she’ll live her life like this, forever incomplete.

Yuri was focused on the peas rolling around her plate, when the feeling of someone looking at her made her look up. And she was right, because Yoona’s eyeballs were lock on her.

“Wo” Yuri frowns in disapproval of all the veggies left untouched on Yoona’s plate. “You need to eat your veggies.”

“Don’t wanna…”

“Eat veggies, they’re brain food.”

“Don’t wanna…”

“Pfft…” Yuri didn’t know why she even bother and just roll her eyes “I guess brain food doesn’t work if you don’t have a brain.”

“YAH!” Yoona frowns angrily at the cold hearted girl chewing on her broccoli “You’re mean!”

Yuri nibbles on her food, not minding the girl fuming beside her.

“Meanie! YAH!” Yoona swoop her head away when Yuri was trying to feed her the broccoli “What are you doing?”

“Eat your veggies”

The rest of the girls look at the spectacle of the Yuri and Yoona battle. Yuri was determined to feed Yoona a forkful of broccoli, while Yoona is ducking her head in every corner, trying to avoid Yuri’s veggie assault.

Smile have slowly creep in the girls’ faces, they weren’t used to this kind of Yuri but the thing was, they heavily preferred this playful one over the cold hearted one any day. And a glint of hope lit up inside them, cause maybe, just maybe, Yuri is finally going to be okay.

*

20,21,22,23…

Yuri was scrambling at her feet to find a good hiding spot. Jessica’s counting didn’t bode well with her making Yuri more frantic, until she caught sight of the closet. She immediately cursed when someone already beat her to it.

“Move Yoona…”

“No Yuri, I was here first…”

36,37,38…

“C’mon Yoona, move…” Yuri was sounding more desperate.

“No…”

Ready or not, here I-

Yuri didn’t care, she squeeze herself beside Yoona.

“Yu…”

“Shhhh…” Yuri turns to Yoona and lifted a finger to her lips, signaling the other girl to be quiet. And that did the trick cause Yoona suddenly grew awfully quiet, either that or the inch space between them.

Yoona didn’t realize why she was suddenly smiling and her heart was beating at such an irregular pace.

“I miss you…” Yoona didn’t know why she said that, she just have the knack of saying things before she could even think about it.

“Ok.” Said the cold hearted Kwon…

“Oh…” Yoona was expecting an I miss you too…

A few seconds tick by and Yuri added more meaning to her answer.

“I miss you too…”

Yoona was thankful that the closet was dark or else, Yuri might have seen the dark blush sprouting on her cheeks.

“You do?”

Yoona felt disappointment creeping in on her, as Yuri remained or choose to be quiet. But as Yoona heard Yuri’s answer, she realized it was minutes worth waiting for.

“I miss having you all to myself…”

*

Yuri didn’t know if she blames it on the jetlag, but sleeping haven’t been visiting her these days. She forces her eyes close, take deep breaths hoping it will relax her to sleep. But not a few seconds pass and Yuri eyes open again. And she huffs a frustrated sigh on the ceiling, before smiling whole heartedly.

“I miss seeing you when I’m awake…”

*

Flashback…

Yuri could hear the furious scratching of the pen against the paper, each student chasing every word that comes out from their teacher’s mouth. Yuri has her pencil out too, but instead of writing notes, she prefers sketching designs.

Yuri was forced by her parents to major in family health, they didn’t care if Yuri couldn’t stand the sight of blood or if Yuri gets rattled when she takes other people’s blood pressure. They didn’t care, they just want what’s best/ realistic career path for their daughter.

Yuri couldn’t figure out if it was luck that made her passed her freshmen year, but she’s still here, a sophomore. Did she finally fell in love with the future forced on her? Not at all and probably not ever.

The bell might have rang, but Yuri didn’t go along with everybody, not like everyone would want to go with her. They see her as a snob, who thinks she’s too good to be with anybody. She wasn’t, she just happens to be very shy. But no one wants to bother to take the time.

*

Yuri finds refuge on the 3^rd floor in the library, no one to judge her, no one around her. just her, her pencil and her. Yuri rested her cheek on her palm, staring at the campus Goddess immersed in her books.

She smiles before returning to her sketch pad.

“She’s pretty, too bad she doesn’t know how to dress.”

And Yuri didn’t realize that she made Yoonhee as her muse, infusing styles with her ideas, turning them into her own brand of fashion.
*

Yuri exhales a shaky breath, nursing bag in tow as she steps in the clinical lab to practice for her skills exam. She quickly turns away when someone already beat her to it.

“Oh Yuri?”

“Oh hi…” Yuri quickly turns her gaze to her sneakers, her sneakers squeaking as she shuffles it on the tile floor. It was an unconscious habit she does when she’s nervous.

“Are you going to practice for practicals?”

“Ummm… I could wait until you’re done.”

Yoonhee tries to catch Yuri’s gaze, but Yuri keeps shifting her gaze at anywhere else except for the girl in front of her. An unconscious habit she does when she’s around Yoonhee.

“Well, if you want we could help each other.” Yoonhee offers, and Yuri has her stupid pride to blame for not saying yes to quickly. It’s a good thing Yoonhee was willing to wait patiently.

*

Lines are supposed to be there for boundaries, as a sign of someone’s limitations, an unspoken rule that should never be cross. And everyday with Yoonhee scares Yuri, that the line that supposed to bound between friendship and love, have slowly became blurry each second they were together.

What used to be just topics about classes and lessons have move to something deeper. Stories of their lives have became an open book for both of them, both girls memorizing each other’s chapter. But their talks didn’t just stop about topics of their past, somewhere along the way chats about their future have made its way into their conversation. And Yuri finally had the heart to reveal to someone how she hated their major.

Yoonhee didn’t even have to say anything, she was there to listen, to take note and to keep Yuri’s secret as if it was her own.

“I feel weird talking to a dummy” Yuri shyly confesses as they practice together for their coming assessment skills exam.

Yoonhee laughs “If it makes you feel better, I could respond for the patient for you.”

“Ok, you can be the dummy…” Yuri was surprise why Yoonhee was trying to quiver a laugh, when it suddenly hit her. “ARGH… sorry, that didn’t come out right.”

Yoonhee finally let out a soft chuckle “Don’t worry…”

Yuri hated being laugh at, but with Yoonhee, she didn’t mind being a clown.

“So, are you forgetting something?”

Yoonhee smiles amusingly as Yuri begins checking, finally looking at Yoonhee with those questioning puppy eyes.

“The level of the patient’s bed, remember it needs to be the same level with your hip.”

“Oh… oh yeah…” Yuri nods fervently as she adjusted the bed up to her hip level.

“So, you think you’ll be ready tomorrow?”

“I…I hope…”

Yoonhee could hear a hint of worry in Yuri’s voice. She was just supposed to pat Yuri on her hand, a reassuring touch between two friends. But the moment she laid her hand on Yuri’s, she knew that what she felt have went beyond friendship. And Yoonhee worried how Yuri might react, but when she saw the gaze on Yuri’s eyes, somehow she knew that in a way, Yuri felt it too. Yoonhee was the braver one, as she let her fingers meld between Yuri’s hand.

They didn’t know how long they stayed there, their hands still lock on each other, with Yuri’s thumb gently caressing Yoonhee’s hand.

“Yoonhee?”

Yuri’s grip on Yoonhee’s hand tightens, wanting to just hold Yoonhee even if it was just a few seconds longer. But she should have seen it of what was about to come, when Yoonhee seems to have easily slip her hand away.

“Oh hey… Hye Sung…”

Yuri didn’t turn back… She don’t need to be, she could already feel the condescending stare from the other girl. Yuri knows what Hyesung feels about her, she have no trouble expressing it with every scowl and every stare.

Yuri knew that Hyesung is burning in jealousy that Yoonhee have every man’s attention, keeping the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer mantra. And Yuri have contemplated time and time again to swoop Yoonhee away from such a toxic being, but Yuri don’t want to come out as an obsessed friend. She already heard the rumors about her and Yoonhee. And the last thing that she need is to add fuel to the fire that people are constantly stirring to burn Yoonhee’s clean reputation to the ground.

“What are you still doing here?! The guys are waiting for us!” Hyesung purposely emphasizes the word guys for Yuri to hear and absorb within her system.

“Oh okay…”

Yoonhee glances at Yuri in apology and Yuri smiles faintly in forgiveness.

“I’ll see you later, Yul.”

“You too…”

“C’mon Yoonhee…” Hyesung nags, dragging Yoonhee away.

Lines are supposed to be there for boundaries, as a sign of someone’s limitations, an unspoken rule that should never be cross. But Yuri was willing to step beyond any bounds, if Yoonhee was going to cross it with her.

*

“Hey…”

Yuri didn’t turn away from her sketches but when she feels Tiffany’s prodding eyes on her, she quickly looks up. “Oh hi…”

“So, you didn’t tell me that today is your practicals” Tiffany pouts cutely.

“Oh… I didn’t? How did you know anyway?”

“Someone gave you this.”

Tiffany hands Yuri a lunchbox full of kimbap.

Hwaiting Yuri!

PS Veggies is a good brain food.

Yoonhee

*


But unfortunately for Yuri, it never came out well. Yuri was given three times to try but was nervous enough to blow all three of them. Now Yuri has to wait for another verdict from the instructor whether she would be given a chance or not.

She tries to make it to her dorm room, but her tears have started to suffocate her, so for now, the corner alley between the Allied health sciences building and the library could serve as her refuge.

And if there’s something worse than getting disappointed, it’s getting someone else disappointed in you. She could imagine how her parents would react, their litanies of how hard they have to work to pay for her high tuition fees just to secure for her a bright future, now squandered away so easily. They don’t believe on Yuri’s reasons of being a health major being not meant for her. For them, if you work hard, you could achieve anything and in their eyes, Yuri just never cared enough to make an effort.

But somehow she was willing to bear that, it was the disappointment from Yoonhee which she couldn’t face. Disappointing the only person who ever believed in her, have somehow rudely awaken this intense hate she had on herself.

Yoonhee could have used all the time she used to helping Yuri to focus in her own studies. And Yuri didn’t want to be just a waste in Yoonhee’s schedule. But now that’s all she ever see herself, a waste on Yoonhee’s time.

“Yuri?”

Yuri didn’t bother to answer.

“I’m just right here…”

“I’m okay…” Yuri lied through her tears and stifling hurt, when she felt Yoonhee wiping off her tears.

“I’m just right here, Yul…”

It was 4 simple words, but it felt like the world for Yuri to know that somebody was there even if she was the epitome of failure. And finally, Yuri had the guts to crumble apart and Yoonhee willingly offered herself for Yuri to cry on. Yuri have never knew that Yoonhee was crumbling too. She felt so helpless seeing the one person she loves the most crying.

But Yoonhee never knew either, that at that moment, she became more than just a good friend to Yuri, the moment she offered to hold Yuri at her weakest, was the same time that Yuri fell for her.

And Yoonhee pulls Yuri closer, greedily taking in as much as Yuri would let her. It was a need that she have tried to bury under a pretense of friendship, a need that have went beyond caring and friendship. It was the kind of need that only happen between a person who loves.

And it dawn on Yoonhee that it wasn’t need after all, it was love.

And the moment Yoonhee realized it, she silently confessed by laying her lips gently on Yuri’s forehead.

The happiness was quickly halted when the reality of their situation started tumbling down for Yoonhee. She immediately recluse herself from Yuri, but the moment there was an inch gap between them, Yuri’s clutch on her grew tighter.
Yuri presses her forehead on Yoonhee’s, thankful that even if there were no words spoken, she could feel Yoonhee loving her back.

She graze her finger softly on Yoonhee’s face, her cheek, those long lashes, her nose and when her thumb graze Yoonhee’s lips, Yoonhee have took her hand and pressed her lips on her hand. Yuri lowers their hand, pressing herself as close as she can that Yoonhee is all she could hear, feel and touch.

And without a word, Yuri’s eyes were filled with question that only Yoonhee could answer, would she let her? And Yoonhee smiles softly, nodding her answer

And Yuri drew closer, her lips softly pressing against Yoonhee’s. Their first kiss was gentle, soft and loving. A kiss to silently confess their love, doomed to be ill fated from the start.

*

End of flashback.

Yuri hissed through her clenched teeth as the cold night’s breeze sinks into her. Yuri woke up before That nightmare of her past starts tiptoeing back to her life again. And the only way that Yuri could shut them out was by drinking herself to death. She has her hand gripped on her beer, letting the alcohol trickle down to numb the pain.

“HEY!”

Yuri might be a little bit inebriated but she have no problem deciphering that voice. She turns and sees Yoona waddling towards her like a penguin with her thick clothes and that backpack.

“What are you doing out here in the cold?!” Yoona got on Yuri with a reprimanding tone.

“I needed some fresh air.”

“Why? The aircon not good enough for you?”

Yuri just rolls her eyes and didn’t bother to answer.

“Let’s go, you’re going to get sick!” Yoona tries to yank Yuri back to the comfortable warmth, but Yuri yanks her arm away. “Are you drinking?”

Yuri answered Yoona with a gulp of her beer.

“DON’T YOU KNOW DRINKING MAKE PEOPLE DO IDIOTIC THINGS?!”

“How could you tell?” But before Yuri could take another sip, Yoona have took away her drink and scrunches her face to gulp it all down. “WHAT THE HELL?!”

Yoona sighs as if she’s in a beer commercial but turns away from Yuri and almost puke.

“That was nothing… give me more…” Yoona demanded like an alcoholic.

“I won’t give you more…” Yuri hissed, wondering what is wrong with this girl.

“Bring it on, Kwon Yuri…”

And Yuri brought it, a few bottles later and Yoona was lolling everywhere, it’s a good thing Yuri still bothered to catch her.

“I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE YURI!”

Yuri dont know why Yoona was screaming when they’re just inches apart.

“Why? Where are you going?”

“I’m moving to EXOPLANET!!! AND I HAVE NO PLANS OF COMING BACK!!!”

And Yuri’s question have finally been answered. “Oh, so that’s why you always have a backpack, cause you’re moving to Exoplanet.”

Yoona stands up… “KAI I LOVE YOU! NO LUHAN! NO BAEKHYUN! NO KRIS!” Yoona then got down on her knees, “I feel like I’m cheating on my Korean roots because I love EXO- M too… I just can’t help it, I love them all, I love them all Yuri…”

“You are such a player…” Yuri plays along…

“No! my heart… it only beats for one person!”

Yoona cups her hand around ready to profess her love.

“CHOI ANNA! LEAVE THOSE AZZHOLES AND CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME!!!”

“Alright… alright… now stop…” Yuri wrestles the girl to normalcy.

“Whoah wait!”

Yuri stops when Yoona is pointing at her like a scene from those horror movies, where someone is going to slash your throat and drag you to your doom from behind.

“What?”

“Your ears are red.”

So much for trying to get drunk, Yuri could only huffed in frustration because now she has to babysit one.

“It gets red when it’s cold.” Yuri puts Yoona’s arm around her shoulder, but Yoona pushed her away.

Yoona then reaches out for Yuri’s ears, rubbing it with her woolly mittens. And Yuri’s eyes shifted anywhere except at the girl rubbing her ears, an unconscious habit she does with Yoona.

“Your nose is red.”

Yuri tries to downplay her embarrassment and starts rubbing Yoona’s nose.

“Yul?”

“Yeah…”

“Beer is yucky…”

Yuri chuckles in amusement but she didn’t chuckle anymore when Yoona hauled all those yucky beer on her.

“WHAT THE?! UGH!!!”

“I’m sorry…” Yoona apologizes before hauling some more.

*

Yuri have became public enemy number one for turning their little princess, into a puking drunk.

“What happen, Yul?” Hyoyeon got on Yuri as they could hear Yoona throwing up inside the bathroom.

“HEY! If she wanted to drink, then it’s up to her.” Yuri growls irritatingly.

“Yeah but still you have to be responsible.”

“SHE PUKED ON ME!”

“Well, she wouldn’t puke if you didn’t let her drink!”

Tiffany walks out of the bathroom and quickly eyed Yuri with such disdain.

“She wants you…”

“Look, Fany we could take care of Yoona, Yuri already done enough.”

“Nope. Yoona wants Yuri.”

Yuri takes a shaky breath before going inside the bathroom. Yoona sitting by the toilet seat, she looks like she was close to passing out. And as much as the noodle hair girl irritates Yuri, Yuri promise herself not to let Yoona drink again. Yoona then covers and Yuri looks confuse, wondering what she’s supposed to do.

She just sat down by Yoona, more confuse if she should rub Yoona’s back or hold her hair. But before Yuri found out the answer, Yoona fell on Yuri’s chest, Yuri thought that Yoona was going to pass out but instead Yoona lifted her arms up and starts to rub Yuri’s ears.

“What are you doing?”

Yoona could barely keep her eyes open but she felt like it was her lifelong mission to rub those ears.

“I don’t want your ears to get cold.”

*

And Yuri carried the girl who still continues to rub her ears to the bed.

“You don’t have to do it.”

“I WANT TO!” Yoona screamed at Yuri for trying to interrupt her rubbing ears time.

“Fine… no need to scream.”

Yuri just growls, swatting Yoona’s arm away, but Yoona’s hands quickly latch back in Yuri’s ears. Yuri swatted again and again, but Yoona’s hand would automatically clutch on Yuri’s ears as if they’re magnets meant to stay together.

Yuri just groans in defeat, just letting the other girl rub her ears. She could feel Yoona slowing down as the girl was close to stepping into dreamland. And just when Yuri thought she could go to sleep, Yoona just suddenly blitz up and starts rubbing her ears again.

“Must. keep. Yuri’s. ears. warm…” Yoona chanted as she slowly fell to sleep.

And Yuri didn’t even realize that she fell asleep with Yoona still rubbing her ears. For once in a long time, Yuri have drifted to sleep without dreaming of Yoonhee, instead her dream was about a girl who loves her backpack and who’s mission in life was to rub Yuri’s ears.

And for once in Yuri’s sleep, there weren’t any tears. For once in Yuri’s sleep, there was only a smile.