Don't hesitate any more

just take my heart please.

-Baby Don’t Cry, Exo

It’s surprising how the word maybe, has been in everybody’s lips these days.

It was like a safe choice. It gives you that sense of hope that you aren’t brave enough to search answers for. The word maybe gives you a fighting chance, when you thought that life is over.

Maybe is that one word that saves you from the heartache of certainty and reality.

And for everyone around Yoona and Yuri, maybe was the perfect word to describe everything.

Maybe it was good that everyone was busy about the wedding, that they fail to see how badly both Yoona and Yuri were hurting.

Or maybe they all see how both Yuri and Yoona act so mechanical. Everything felt so triggered like they are so numb anymore to know how to react properly…

So maybe they did notice it, they just knew it wasn’t their place to intervene.

*

The wedding was finally here, despite Tiffany throwing a fit about why the bridesmaid dresses turned out carnation pink rather than pink. Still, Jessica was ready to marry her, for Jessica she was still the one she dreams of seeing walking down the aisle.

Everyone couldn’t help but gush with how beautiful both Jessica and Tiffany are. But the second, Yoona walks in the aisle, the whole church was at a loss for words, breaths being taken away at the sight of her.

But what do you do when you realize how selfish you became?

That even if you stole away everybody’s heart, you will still give up everything just to have hers?

That was how Yoona felt, she was appreciative of the admiration. But deep down, she craved for someone that she couldn’t have…

But at least, she knew that unless she acts on it, she would just be a martyr, hurting for the sake of love.

She has been too scared to look up, afraid of the effect Yuri might have on her. But it’s like her eyes were craving for her to see Yuri, and who was she to say no?

And with just one look, Yoona have fallen helplessly for Yuri again.

She saw a different kind of pain in Yuri’s eyes. Yoona was too familiar with that pain too, it’s the kind that pain that makes you long for someone you could never have.

And when their words have often brought them heartache and pain, their looks were no better. But unlike words, which were spoken carefully and with thought, their eyes revealed something they wish they could just hide.

One look that could say a thousand words, but ultimately ending up with just four.

I do love you…

And another look that answered back…

I always do…

*

For the entire wedding reception, Yuri greeted everyone with careful smiles while gulping down every alcoholic drink in sight.

The alcohol which she have blatantly hope would numb her, instead stripped her into this vulnerable weakling while slapping the cold hard truth on her face.

It was as if fate and alcohol joined forces to mock her. Telling her that Yoona could have been dancing in her arms right now but instead she wasn’t. When it could have been you, Yuri…

It could have been you…

She should just walk away and give her heart a break from this chaos, but instead the helpless person that she was, chose to stay.

What’s bearing a few more heartaches going to do anyway? She’s going to leave for the States in a few days, her heart just has to keep up and bear the thought of never having Yoona.

Yuri might be drunk but she isn’t stupid, she knew that staying there would rip out whatever is left from her insides. A few more drinks and a few more glances and she decides her heart had enough, it was time to walk away.

She slowly staggered out when the strains of a familiar song froze her back to the ground.

You were standing in front of my desperate self and praying
Just once, I want to walk side by side with you


How can one memory, one song, be this powerful that her heart couldn’t find a reason to leave, and instead endure more heartache?

She expected Yoona to just be wrapped around the arms of some lucky guy, smiling as she swayed to the song. But right now she should know better than to bet on her expectations, because there was her angel standing a few feet from her, just watching her.

Even though people turn their backs to you
If I could become the person
Who can wipe your tears on a tiring day
It will be paradise


Yoona thought that she lost all her strength to even look at Yuri. But once again when it comes to Yuri she’s willing to put her heart on the line. She gathered every piece left in her just so she could face Yuri.

Maybe one dance won’t hurt, maybe for once, she could feel that Yuri belongs to her in this lifetime.

Yoona didn’t care how foolish it was to just mess with her heart like this again. But she was willing to ask Yuri for a dance.

It was her single moment of happiness that even for a few seconds she could have Yuri in her arms.

And what’s wrong with being happy?

But this one dance, it might not glue the pieces of her heart together, but at least it could fix some part in it.

So, she walks closer to Yuri, practicing inside her head how to ask the other girl to dance. She was a few steps away, But just when she found the courage to speak, someone just crash in and broke her spirit.

“Yoona…”

She shuts her eyes as she finds a guy standing between her and Yuri.

“I like this song I was thinking that maybe we should dance to it?”

But before Yoona could tell him no, the sight of Yuri’s retreating figure mummed her.

*

“So, now that the wedding is over are you going to leave?”

Yuri turns to the door and saw Sooyoung leaning by the doorway. Yuri just continues stuffing her clothes back in her luggage, not finding a reason to discuss her plans with Sooyoung.

“You’re not going to try again?”

And just like pouring gasoline on a flickering flame, Sooyoung’s words set ablaze the fire that Yuri have tried to kept in place.

“God Damn it! Why can’t people give me a break?! Why do I have to be the one who’s going to try again?!”

Sooyoung quickly steps away from Yuri’s outburst, she didn’t realize how her words have hurt Yuri.

“Why can’t it be her?! Why can’t she be the one who should fight for me?! Why?! Am I not worth getting hurt over?!”

Yuri says through her clench teeth, brushing the flowing tears of her cheek to avoid looking anymore weaker than she is.

“Yoona loves you…”

Yuri suddenly ends up laughing as she thought of how ridiculous Sooyoung’s words were.

“She does… she just felt like she could never compare to Yoonhee…”

“Yoonhee is dead.” Yuri snaps back.

“That’s why it hurts more for Yoona, because she’s competing over someone who’s not here anymore. For her she will always be left with the thought, that if Yoonhee is still alive, that you will be with her and not with Yoona.”

Sooyoung’s words did nothing to ease the hopelessness that was creeping once again…

“Then, what do I do?”

Yuri collapses in her bed, covering her face with her hands, saving what’s left of her pride.

“Do you love Yoona, Yul?”

Yuri only exhales a shaky breath, wasn’t her answer obvious?

“It’s a yes or no ques-“

“I do.”

“Then, why are you leaving?”

Even if the answer to Sooyoung’s question is perfectly clear to Yuri, still she didn’t know how to answer Sooyoung.

“There’s no harm in trying, Yul…” Sooyoung scratches her head “No, scratch that… there would be heartache probably tons of it… but some things are worth the pain, right?”

“I… I just want to stay this time, maybe prove to Yoona that that I will do anything to fix what I broke. But she doesn’t want me too…”

“Maybe you haven’t proven it to her that well…”

“What do you mean?” Yuri turns her gaze away from her luggage and to the girl standing in front of her.

“I mean you’re right here packing rather than trying… so, I don’t blame her if she thinks that.”

“People think it so easy to just get up and ask someone else, but once you get your heart all messed up. It ruins everything in you, Soo…”

“I didn’t say it was easy, nothing easy is ever worth having… But Yoona… she’s worth having, right?”

Somehow that thought calmed Yuri…

“Don’t just fix it, Yul…”

“Huh?”

“Nobody likes a second hand” Sooyoung pointed out “Don’t just do that… what you need to do is prove to Yoona that … move on together and start something brand new…”

“How do I do that?”

“Make her feel like she’s the one you fell in love with. And as hard as it sounds, you need to prove to Yoona that its her, not Yoonhee.”

“With everything that happened between me and Yoona, I don’t even know which part I should start to fix first. I messed up and truth is, Yoona is much deserving of somebody else.”

“Yoona loves you…”

Sooyoung said it once again, how many times does she have to repeat this so Yuri would believe her?

“Don’t you get it? The reason why Yoona gave you up is because she thinks that you deserve better… Like seriously… what is this rollercoaster you two are involved in? Just show her how much you love her. You do love her, right? Right?”

“Yes… I do…”

Sooyoung let out a small smile, she did her part for the broken hearted. What happens next is up to them.

“Then there you go, that’s all you need.”

*

Yuri takes a deep breath for the hundredth time in ten minutes, pacing back and forth in front of Yoona’s door.

“Hi Yoona… No… that’s too simple…” Yuri debated with herself, wondering what to say to Yoona “Hey Yoong… too laid back… Yoona…”

“Yuri?”

Yuri jumps back as the girl she thought was inside those door, was instead right here in front of her.

“YOONA?!”

“What? What are you doing here?”

“I… Well… I… I… I was passing by”

Yoona smiles knowingly, she wouldn’t reveal to the fragiled ego Yuri that she has been watching her stand up there for quite some time now.

“And I was like thinking of ummm… you know… planning to get some ice cream… So well I’m wondering… If ummm… if you want to come? With me?”

Yuri had never felt like such a bumbling idiot. But oh well, she could only guess that there’s a first time for everything…

“Oh… I’m sorry Yul, I… I made plans to go with Sunny unnie today to the mall.”

Now the idiocy turns to a pang of disappointment…

“Oh… Well, have fun.” Yuri tries to fake an enthusiastic smile.

“Well, maybe next time?”

Yuri kept the fake look of enthusiasm on her face. “Yeah, next time.”

“Oh ok… I have to go ahead… unnie is waiting for me…”

“Oh yeah… sorry…” Yuri steps aside, letting Yoona go back inside her room.

“No… don’t be…”

Unfortunately, Yuri is much more sorry than her words can ever be.

*

“Oh… Yoona, you’re ready?” Sunny says enthusiastically.

“Ummm… Yeah…”

Yoona says hesitantly, as she thought that she would rather be some place than here.

“Well, let’s go…”

Sunny was starting to tell Yoona about the awesome dress she found. But Yoona’s thoughts were far from the dress, or the mall…. There was only one thing in Yoona’s mind, one thing that have been there since she could remember.

“Ummm unnie… I’m so sorry could we ummm… do this next time?”

And that simple, Yoona puts her heart out in a line again…

“Huh” Sunny tries to her pout to win Yoona over “But why?”

“Ummm…” Yoona didn’t want to say that she would rather be with Yuri. “I ummm just plan to do something…”

“Oh ok… sure…”

“Thank you. thank you.” Yoona bows thankfully.

“Why? Did you make any date with oppa that I don’t know about?” Sunny teases…

“Oh no… I… I just well… thank you unnie… I promise next time.”

Sunny was wondering why Yoona seem so jittery yet excited, but before she could even ask, Yoona have already run away.

*

Yuri couldn’t keep count on how many times she groaned for the last hour.

Another design, another balled crumpled paper joining the rest in the trash.

She couldn’t understand all this. She have no problems before, she could breeze through a sketch and be completely satisfied with it.

But these past few weeks, she would go through several designs and would feel unsatisfied with it. It’s either something was missing, or something just doesn’t feel right ,she just couldn’t point out what.

And Yuri would be left to wonder, did she pick the wrong shade of color? Does it have anything to do with the length? Or there was something quite not right about the style?

Or maybe it has nothing to do with the sketch, maybe it was something in her that’s missing…

“Knock. knock. knock.

“Coming…”

Or maybe this doe eyed girl standing right in front of her was the one thing missing in her life…

On second thought… Yuri was sure it wasn’t maybe, Yuri knew… That Yoona was the one thing that she needs in her life.

“Oh…. Yoona?”

“Ummm… hi…”

Yuri could feel her cheeks breaking into a full grin as Yoona was standing right in front of her.

“Come in… come in…”

Yoona walks into the room cautiously as if one wrong step could land her in a land mine.

“Sorry about the mess”

“Are you working on something?”

“Yes… our line wants to introduce a new product and they sort of gave me the job to spearhead it.”

“Oh… congratulations…”

“Thanks…”

The two found themselves fleeting in awkward silence, before Yoona finally spoke.

“Oh ummm… I was wondering if ummm… the offer for that ice cream is still on?”

“W-what?”

“U-ummm…” Yoona started to stammer, confusing Yuri’s hesitation as a way of telling her no.

“I mean… yeah sure…”

Yuri finds it ridiculous that she would be stuttering in front of a much younger girl. But as she sees the smile bordering Yoona’s lips, Yuri didn’t mind being ridiculous at all.

*

The two were stuck in dead silence. What used to be hours they spend arguing and bickering or just laughing about stupid stuff, have turned into dreary silence. Both were quiet, both didn’t know what to say, yet both know exactly how they feel.

They wanted their past back…

“So, are you going back to the States?”

Yuri couldn’t understand why a simple act like nodding felt so hard to do. “Yes, in a week or so…”

“Oh…” Yoona wished the sound of disappointment wasn’t that obvious.

“How about you? You’re going back to school, right?”

“Yes… summer vacation is over so ummm yeah…”

Yoona couldn’t help but smile at the thought of it. This summer was something more than she could imagine, probably bigger than what she expected. And at the end of it all, change exactly who she is, the way she thinks about herself and about love.

She could only guess that this was what people were referring to when they say, summer love… And maybe if she’s lucky this feeling would just fizzle out. But from the looks of how much she still loves to be with Yuri, she doubts if she could weather through this feeling as the seasons change.

Yuri knew it was absurd for her to even try, not when they have already been caught in this vicious cycle for quite some time. But maybe this is what they need, a closure to finally settle everything they felt.

Unfortunately, Yuri doesn’t want closure, she wants a beginning.

“So, ummm… since we have a week until we get back… Ummm…”

“What?”

If Yuri only knew how Yoona wanted a beginning too…

“Why don’t we ummm… like do summer stuff?”

Yuri couldn’t understand why she lacks the right words whenever she’s around Yoona.

“Summer stuff?”

“Yes… like ummm… you know… stuff… that you do in the summer…”

Yoona chuckles lightly at Yuri’s lack of better description.

“Wow… that’s so broad right there, don’t you think?”

“Yes… but… you know… The broader things are, the more things we can do…”

“Well…” Yoona didn’t know why she was hesitant when truth is, she was dying to say yes.

“Ok. So, what’s your plan now?”

*

Yoona let out a loud laugh as she look at the first place that Yuri brought her. She couldn’t imagine, cocky and all mysterious Kwon Yuri to just bring her to an amusement park.

The place might be filled with laughter and happiness but it still felt like it wasn’t enough for them to fix things. And that scared Yuri, if a place like an amusement park wasn’t enough to at least make things ok for them, what chance does she have?

“Let’s ride that…” Yoona pointed excitedly to the crazy hoops and loops that people call as a rollercoaster.

Yuri was about to say no, but when she sees Yoona jumping up and down in excitement, the answer quickly shifted to a yes.

“Ok Fine…”

*

“WHOHOOOOO!!!!”

Yuri didn’t know how Yoona still all has all that energy when all her insides are probably chunked together from that ride.

“Wasn’t that fun?”

Yuri nods excessively, hoping to convince Yoona that one ride is more than enough.

“Oh my gosh Yul… look…”

“Oh no…” Yuri mutters under her breath as Yoona’s eyes widen in amazement at another rollercoaster.

“How many of those things do you want to ride?”

“Every one of them…”

As terrorizing as the rollercoaster was, at least it gave Yuri the excused to hold on to Yoona. Her hand was tightly wrapped around the other girl’s as the rollercoaster tosses and turns them around.

And it was weird how it wasn’t the rollercoaster that was making Yuri’s heart beat rapidly…

Yuri had to tag along and pay for every ride that Yoona thought was fun… They would get caught in quiet moments every so often but after each ride, Yoona would be full of excitement again.

Yuri didn’t expect that everything will be all and well in one day. But it’s like a seesaw inside of Yuri’s heart, a brush of their hands would give her hope and the moment Yoona would pull away, Yuri would be back to nothing again.

It goes up and down, and up and down, what will Yuri do to keep it steady, she doesn’t know…

*

“So? Did you have fun?”

And from the looks of how happy Yoona is devouring her cotton candy, Yuri knew the answer

“Kekekeke…” Yuri laughs wiping away the cotton candy on Yoona’s face. “Did you had fun?”

“I did. Thanks.”

A few shared laughs but after that they return to walking in silence. But this time, the two had a small smile garnering their face.

At the end of their first night they realize maybe they don’t need any words at all, maybe this silence is enough for them.

*

Day 2

Yoona was secretly disappointed that Yuri didn’t show that day. She assumed that maybe Yuri is busy packing and that one week of doing summer stuff just turned out to be one day.

So, Yoona just tried distracting herself by packing up… It’s not like Yuri is the only one who could do it, she could pack up too…

Knock. Knock.knock…

“I’m coming…” Yoona swings her door open and sees Yuri standing right there, holding a blanket and a mug and that sly smirk that only a Kwon Yuri is capable of and of course Im Yoona is completely helpless with.

“Hi… You ready?”

*

Yuri flaps the giant Rilakkuma blanket on the grass before nudging Yoona to sit there with her.

“Rilakkuma?”

“You still love this bear, right?”

“With all my heart…” Yoona says dreamily..

Yuri let out a small smile, before pouring a cup of hot cocoa into a mug.

“Here… taste this…”

Yuri hands Yoona the Rillakuma mug…

“It’s a Godiva hot chocolate… how does it taste?”

“Mmmm…” Yoona’s eyes were glowing in satisfaction after she took a sip “It’s like heaven in a mug.”

Yuri let out a soft chuckle and it left a lingering feeling of happiness in Yoona.

“So, what are we doing? Are we having a midnight picnic?”

“No… were stargazing…”

Yoona turns towards the sky and see the whole world up above her, glittered with tiny diamonds.

“Do you know the stories about the constellations?”

“Well not really…” Yoona admitted shyly “Except for Cassiopeia”

“Oh you do?” Yuri asks surprisingly.

“Yes… Because I love TVXQ…”

Yuri laughed once again…

“And I know this one about Gemini…”

“Gemini?”

“Do you know the story of that? They are twins, and that the mortal twin died and just so they could be together the immortal twin was willing to give his immortality just so they could be together. So, Zeus turned them into stars so they could always be together.”

Yuri lets Yoona’s thoughts simmer inside her head, and at the same time in her heart.

“Yeah… I guess I heard it…”

“Almost everyone said that me and Yoonhee unnie are like twins… And I think in another life we are…”

“I think Yoonhee is the immortal twin then…”

Yoona turns with a look of surprise at Yuri. “Immortal? but she died?”

“Yes… but I mean giving up something just so…”

Yuri felt something in the back of clutching as she sees how the expression in Yoona’s face changed.

“What do you mean giving up something?”

“Do you think she wants this, Yul? To die?”

Yuri raised her hand trying to calm down the agitated girl, but Yoona quickly pulls away before she could even reach out.

“No… I didn’t say she wanted to die, I just said she gave up.”

“She didn’t give up! If she had a choice she would choose to live, she would have chose to be with you!”
“Yoona… I…”

Yuri wanted to reach out for Yoona again, but once again Yoona stepped away before Yuri could even try.

“I always wonder Yuri, if unnie would have lived, would we be here right now? Would you be doing this summer stuff with me? Would you… would you love me?”

It was a question that Yuri has yet to face, but it was the same question that is gnawing her as well.

“Would you Yoong?”

“What?”

“If Yoonhee would have lived, would you fall for me too?”

Yoona felt herself snapping back at Yuri for asking something like this. But she knew she had no right to be, since it was her who poured out her words just like alcohol on both their gashing wounds once again.

“See Yoona?” Yuri spite back “See how it feels?”

And as much as they want to stay away from the topic of Yoonhee, here they were again, caught in this vicious cycle. And when will they ever stepped out, they will never know.


*

Yuri almost threw her phone to the wall but stopped when she realized how expensive her phone was. So, instead she collapsed in her bed.

She didn’t even realize that she have fallen asleep. But unlike before she dreams of Yoonhee of what could have been, tonight she dreams of the past, a conversation she left in the back of her head.

Flashback…

Yuri smiles amusingly as she watches Yoonhee debating over which backpack to buy for the last 20 minutes.

“You’re the fashionable one, Yuri which one do you think Yoona would like?”

Yuri walks over to the backpack display before choosing the brown backpack.

“Well, this brown backpack looks good…”

Yoonhee took it out and pouts thoughtfully as she observes the bag.

“It does but it doesn’t seem to fit her. While girls are wearing these expensive purses, she walks around with her rilakkumma backpack.”

Yoonhee let out a heavy sigh but smiled as she sees Yuri chuckling softly.

“She seems fun…” Yuri admitted…

“She is. I’m sure you would love her.”

Yuri smile softly…

“I think I will…”

“She might annoy you at first, but I think in the end, you two would fit together quite well.”

Yoonhee smiles at the thought of Yuri and Yoona.

“Maybe…”

“She’s so innocent, so full of life… I could never imagine someone ending up hurting her. It’s just felt so… wrong… but if ever she gets hurt because of love, I hope its with somebody worth it…”

Yuri wonders what that could have meant, she believed a different thought from Yoonhee.

“If that someone is worth it, they wouldn’t hurt someone they love.”

“Nobody is perfect Yul…”

“I think you are…”

Yoonhee blushes at Yuri’s confession before shaking her head.

“No. I’m not… but I was saying, nobody is perfect, everyone has the tendency to hurt somebody, either with words or with hits, or either unintentional or in purpose. But it’s not about that, its about learning how to forgive, about learning who’s worth taking back in your life and learning to put down your pride, and showing them, instead of just saying you’re sorry.”

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Yoonhee’s eyes glowed as Yuri just quoted her favorite line.

“Yes…”

Yoonhee wished she could pull Yuri in her arms right now, kiss the girl in the lips. But she still had a strong grip on reality, and instead pulls Yuri into a hug.

“I wish Yoona could have somebody like you.”

Yoonhee whispers.

End of flashback…

Day 3

Yoona spend the majority of the time trying to hide from Yuri on day three. Or more of the two of them avoiding each other, what did they caught themselves up again?

Day 4

“Y-yul?”

Yoona almost jump in fright as she sees Yuri slump down by her bedroom door. It was almost 5 am and just when she thought she had victoriously avoided Yuri, there was the girl winning her over again.

“How long were you staying there?”

“Well, I realize you have to come out some time, right?” Yuri force a smile even if she was too damn exhausted for staying the whole night in the hallway. Yuri ignores the strained, aching muscles and tried to stand up.

“Yoona we need to talk.”

“I thought we already did.”

Yuri didn’t give Yoona a leeway to escape, she hold on to the girl because once and for all, she needed Yoona to hear this.

“No… I need for us to both listen, to both air out all the hurt, all the insecurities we have. I’m not going to let us walk away again… We are going to talk about it, no matter how painful, no matter how sad.”

Yuri leans closer, pressing her forehead on Yoona’s, and here is Yoona succumbing to everything that Yuri does to her.

But if you still feel that what we have right now is not worth the pain, then maybe it’s time for us to stop this. ”

Yoona could feel her tears pouring out. Because despite all the pain, for her there is nothing worse than giving up on Yuri.

“Let’s talk…”

That was all Yuri have been waiting to hear, and unconsciously she presses her lips on Yoona’s forehead.

“Let’s go somewhere…”

*

“Yul?”

There was something eerie yet at the same time familiar to where Yuri brought her. A cemetery is not really the place Yoona would have thought, Yuri would bring her to talk.

“What are we doing here?”

Yuri reaches out to Yoona, unafraid of the rejection and finally had the guts to link their fingers together. And Yoona didn’t have any plans of letting go, going to where Yuri wants to lead her.

“I just want to ask her permission.”

The sight of her unnie’s gravestone have once again brought out bitterness that Yoona could never let go. It was heartbreaking to think that someone as good as her unnie was buried six feet under.

She turned to Yuri and saw the same pain in her eyes. And could she really blame Yuri for having a hard time letting go?

The girl knelt down by the gravestone, laying some baby’s breathe beside her.

“Ummm hi… ummm how you been?”

Yoona tries to hide her smile as Yuri realized how stupid it was to ask Yoonhee that…

“Ummm… I know it’s been a long time and I know whenever I come visit, I always leave without saying what I have to say. And I know I always tell you I love you, because I regret not saying it to you when you were still here.”

Yoona felt her heart clench at what she heard from Yuri…

“Yoonhee, remember the times when you always tell me about your cousin, Yoona?”

The mention of her name draws her attention back to the kneeling girl.

“I finally met her, and she’s as ummm…”

Yuri turns to Yoona wondering what better words to describe the younger girl.

“Ummm exciting as you always said she is. We met here and I couldn’t stand her at all. With her little shovel, and her back pack and that ramyon noodles she calls hair. I couldn’t stand her.”

Yoona face immediately scrunched up at Yuri’s definition of her.

“I could tell you a million reasons why I can’t stand her, but in the end, all those reasons became the things that made me… “

Yuri smiles slightly at the thought.

“Made me like her… made me fall for her. But I couldn’t accept that, I couldn’t accept that I could love someone else, because I have always thought that it’s going to be you… And I felt like I was being unfaithful, because I should have been with you.”

Yoona didn’t know why she chose to stay and listen in when here she is, hearing how in love Yuri still is with her unnie.

“So, I pushed her away, I hurt her just like I hurt you. You always say this quote about never saying you’re sorry, but I think… I think with me its different, I always have a problem saying what I want to say. It’s a struggle for me to say it, but saying sorry for me, it makes it real. It made me realize that I have met somebody who I’m going to make a promise to, who I’m willing to change who I am…”

Yuri exhales a shaky breath drawing out the tears that she’s trying to keep.

“Right now, it’s the right word to say how I feel. I’m so sorry for hurting someone so precious to you. But please, let me be that one person who’s worth the pain.”

Yuri starts wiping away the tears mercilessly falling from her eyes.

“Because the moment I lost her, I realized many things. About myself, about us, about love… I realize the difference of love and falling in love. You, Kim Yoonhee will always be a part of me, but Yoona… she’s the one I have fallen in love with.”

Yuri turns to the girl, crying softly a few feet away.

“Y-yuri…”

“Yoonhee… you’re my angel, the one that led me to that person who I… I could be with forever… and for that I will forever be thankful to you.”

And Yuri took a few steps forward, not only towards Yoona, but hopefully to a better chance together. She brushes the tears pouring down on Yoona’s cheek, while Yoona tries to brush Yuri’s cheek with the sleeve of her jacket, which made Yuri smile softly.

“Thank you for leading me to Yoona. To someone who could make me smile with just a thought, who could make me cry when were apart, to someone I would lower my pride and forget who I am just to earn the right to be with her. to the girl I could love every single second of my life now and forever.”

Yuri presses a soft kiss on Yoona’s forehead before wrapping her arms tightly around Yoona.

“Yoona… were both in pain, and were both hurt. And it’s not something that we could just hide and pretend that it never happened. For that I will always feel like I would never deserve someone like you.”

Yuri cups the younger girl’s cheek, making her look up at her.

“But you change me Yoona. You showed me that if you love somebody you just don’t walk away, you prove to them, no matter how much they push you away that you’re willing to stay. And I’ll be here now, no matter how much pain, no matter how much hurt. I promise you will never have to deal with it alone. So, please if you would give me another chance to prove to you, that I’m going to change for the better.”

And how could Yoona say no to that, to another chance of happy ever after?
“So, please… please give me another chance…”

She slowly nods, finally letting the walls guarding her heart break down. Yuri never felt as alive as she is, until she sees Yoona finally saying yes. Yuri smiled through her happy tears.

“Yes Yuri, let’s try again…”

And for Yuri that’s all she needs to hear.

“Let’s keep trying Yuri, no matter how much we hurt, you are still my reason to fight back.”

“This won’t be the last time were going to fight about this, it’s always going to be there. But this time I won’t walk away and I won’t let you. We will deal with it together, because no matter how painful, I have found the reason to keep me fighting.”

“I’m so sorry too… For not believing in you…”

Yoona pulls Yuri closer, enveloping the girl in her warm embrace.

“For not believing in us. I just thought it was the best, that you would be happier with somebody else... I always feel so undeserving of you, Yul… Because you have someone like unnie… But you taught me Yul, that love doesn't know how to give up, it find reasons and ask for chances.”

Love means never having to say you’re sorry, but for Yoona and Yuri sorry is the word that made the wound finally cease bleeding.

“ And now that were here, I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy Yuri...”

“You don't have to worry... because you do it so effortlessly.”

Yuri leans closer, pressing a soft kiss on Yoona’s forehead.

“Yoonhee, she's our Angel Yoong... watching over us and I'm sure wherever she is. She's happy that we found the one that we cared more than ourselves.”

Yoona smiles softly at the thought. She buries herself deeper in Yuri’s chest.

"Our Angel... thank you..."

*

Day 5


“Yoona?”

“Yul?”

“Ummm… now that were finally together, would you? Would like to go out on a date with me?”

Yoona immediately sat up, bumping her forehead against Yuri…

“Oh! I’m sorry Yul” Yoona rubs Yuri’s red forehead “But yes… yes! Like when?” Yoona says excitedly…

“How about right now?”

*

Yoona couldn’t help but glance almost every second at the stoic girl walking right beside her. There was just something so captivating about Yuri, her stone face is just so enigmatic, her whole demeanor so mysterious, she was just so cool for Yoona.

But Yoona wanted to prove to Yuri that she could be cool too, so she began walking like a sergeant, her face in a deep scowl. And one look at the younger girl and Yuri starts to chuckle.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to look mature.”

“Oh you are?”

“Yes…” Yoona continued to walk straight, and Yuri just smiles again in amusement.

The girl was just too adorable, Yuri’s eyes quickly drifts in Yoona’s hand. She had been wanting to hold it, to finally walk hand in hand with her girlfriend…

Her girlfriend…

Her girlfriend who was poking her in the cheek…

“Yoona…” Yuri grabs hold of her girlfriend’s poking finger.

“Why are you like smiling?”

“You want me to frown?” Yuri quickly regain her scowl.

“No…no…no…” Yoona jumps in front of Yuri and quickly lifted Yuri’s cheeks to make her smile… “Aaaahhh… much better…”

Yuri grabs a hold again of her girlfriend’s mischievous hands. Yoona expected Yuri to slap her hand away, but instead, Yuri links their fingers perfectly.

Yoona could imagine her face breaking with how wide she is grinning. But she couldn’t look at the other girl, afraid of how hard she blushed.

Yoona was worried about her own blush that she doesn’t realize that for once in her life, Kwon Yuri was blushing hard as well.

Their first date was rather spend in silence, with only their arms swinging their joined hands together as they spend walking aimlessly around the city, looking through window displays.

They would glance at each other every once in a while. But just when they thought the fluttering inside them have stop, one gaze at each other’s eyes and they were back to blushing again.

*

“Do you really have to go?”


Yuri quickly looks away from her bag and turns to the teary eyed girl with her legs cross on the bed.


“Hey…” Yuri walks over pinching the girl softly on the nose “You know I’ll be back, right?”


Yoona pretends to act like it doesn’t bother her and nods. 

“Well, now that were girlfriends I think we should have our song…”

Yuri turns to her bag, trying to hide her amused smile from her innocent girlfriend.

“Whenever I hear that song from Exo… I think of you…” Yuri confesses…

“Mmmm…” Yoona taps her chin thoughtfully before shaking her head. “It’s a good love song, but it’s too sad… I want something happy… Ahhh! I know…”

Yuri’s gaze trails Yoona as the doe eyed girl leaps off the bed to her IPOD… Yuri smiles as she watches Yoona walks toward her.


4men- U


“Would you like to dance?”

If this was the old Yuri, she would completely turned down the offer. But she wasn’t anymore, as she takes Yoona’s hand, wrapping their arms around their bodies.

If this was the old Yuri, she would have just stood there. But instead, now she was swaying along to the melodies of the song, pressing whatever distance remain between her and the girl she loves.

If this was the old Yuri, she would have remained quiet and let the song fill the air. But it’s different now, the sound of her singing voice sounded strange to her as she sing sweetly for her darling. But for Yoona it was the something she could listen to for the rest of her life.

neol saranghada neoman saranghada neurkgo jichyeo sseureojyeo beoryeodo Oh nan
I love only you Oh, and I’m still going to love you even when I’m old and I fall down.
Only U Only U
Oh da jugoman sipeun naegen ojik han saram
Oh, only you who I will give everything to
Loving U

Yuri kisses Yoona tenderly on the forehead, before brushing their noses cutely.

“What’s wrong?”

Yuri asks surprisingly as Yoona still has that cute pout on her cute face.

“Whydoyouonlykissmeintheforehead?”

“What?” Yuri heard what Yoona said, but she wanted to make sure.

“Nothing… Hmmp.”

But before Yoona could continue to babble loudly so Yuri could hear, Yuri have move in closer to her. And Yoona wishes she could turn away, but the sight of those dark brown eyes just seems to freeze her.

Yuri took advantage of Yoona’s silence and presses a kiss on Yoona’s forehead.

“I love your forehead, I feel like no matter how many time I kiss it, its still not enough because of how wide it is…”

“YAH!” Yoona shrieks out before slapping the girl on the arm. “HMMMP!”

Yuri chuckles before she press a sweet kiss on Yoona’s nose, before nuzzling closer.

“I love your nose, because it’s inches from your lips…”

“That’s not such a good reason…”

Yuri lays her lips softly on Yoona’s…

“But I love your lips, if I could just take away every I love you that comes out from your lips with a kiss, then I would… Your lips…”

Yuri lingers longer on Yoona’s lips.

“I could listen to it say I love you every second of the day…”

Yoona smiles as Yuri softly tugs on her lower lip. She wraps her arms slowly around Yuri’s shoulders, bringing the girl closer to her as they slowly lay in bed.

“I love you…”

Yoona says before she presses a kiss and pulls away.

“I love you…”

Yoona parted her lips, letting Yuri deepen their kiss.

“I love-”

Yoona didn’t have to finish what she was saying as Yuri took every word from with their kiss.

The kiss felt so new for Yoona, she tremble at the thought of Yuri’s tongue dancing around . She softly tangled their tongues together, nervous that she might have been doing it wrong.

“Yoona…”

The doe eyed girl peeled her eyes open. and immediately all her worries disappeared when she saw the sweet smile on Yuri’s face.

“Don’t be nervous, baby…” Yuri tucks away a stray hair away from Yoona’s face. “I love kissing you.”

“I love kissing you too… but I don’t think I’m a good enough kisser…” Yoona says worriedly…

Yuri smiled once again, before kissing Yoona on the lips once again.

“Really?”

Yoona nods so cutely that Yuri just had to kiss her once again.

“That’s weird because you feel so addicting to me…”

And Yoona couldn’t help but bite her lips, just to hide the huge grin that is about to break out from her face.

“Kiss me again, Kwon Yuri…”

Yuri lays another kiss on that forehead that she loves so much, before melding their lips together once again.

“As you wish, Yoona… as you wish…”

If this was the old Yuri, then her definition of happiness would be measured by her success and fortune. But Yuri could only laugh at the old self now, because the happiness she thought she knew meant nothing compare to how she was wrapped in her darling’s embrace.

I’am happier than anyone else and because you are here, I will shout for you.

*

Day 6

“Yoona?”

Yuri should have known never to let Yoona hold her bag once again, since now, Yoona refuses to let go of her bag.

“Baby, I have to go…”

“Fine…” Yoona finally releases the bag… “HMMMP!”

“Hey…” Yuri tilts the pouting girl’s chin to look at her. “I’ll be back in a couple of weeks…”

“Eat your fruits, ok?”

Yuri smiled thinking Yoona doesn’t eat fruits herself but here she is telling Yuri to eat it.

“Yes I will…”

“And when you get to a stop, call me… I’ll be waiting…”

“Yes maam…” Yuri brushes the tear that trickled down Yoona’s cheek “Anything else?”

Yoona have a lot of things she wanted to say, but for now the only thing she could ask for was one thing.

“Miss me when you’re gone…”

Yuri smiles painfully, trying to choke up the tears as she sees Yoona starting to cry.

Flight 3295 to JFK airport is now boarding in gate 15

“That’s my flight… I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, ok?”

“I’ll wait…”

Their lips met once in goodbye…

But it wasn’t enough so they kiss once more…

And just when they pulled away, Yuri pulled Yoona back for one last kiss. Until Yuri finally gathered up the strength to walk away…

She turns back to her friends and forces a broken hearted smile.

“Take care of my Yoong for me…”

Sooyoung and Hyoyeon salutes her before waving goodbye.

“Yul?”

Yuri looks confuse as Sunny have walk over to her…

“Not a lot of people get there second chance, so, don’t screw up this time, ok?”

Yuri looks back at the girl she left behind, if she ever screw up, she’s hurt herself first before anybody else.

“I won’t.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect Yoona from those oppas.”

Sunny was having doubts at first, but ultimately let go and pulled Yuri in to a hug. The two have been through pain but they have realize that it’s not keeping pain that was going to make them better, but taking it out.

“Thanks Sunny for always taking care of her and for knocking some sense into me.”

“Anytime… buddy…”

And somehow that was how two friends ask for forgiveness, not with I’m sorry and please forgive me. But by giving them a chance because you know they deserve one.

She waves goodbye for the last time to the girl she left behind, before walking to her boarding gate. She looks over to huge panel glass windows and smile as she looks at the sky.

“Thank you, my angel…”

Every step away was breaking her heart. and just when she thought one last look would glue at least a few pieces together, the sight of Yoona in tears just shattered whatever remaining pieces together.


“I miss you already…”