In life you are given three choices, to give up, to give in or to give it your all.

People say that giving up is an answer chosen by the weak. Yet, some people can judge so easily, when in reality, there is nothing harder in life than accepting that no amount of your struggle, no amount of your effort would ever be enough. That the one thing you have cherish in your life would never be yours. When you finally step away and left struggling for an answer to why you can never make her happy.

Then, there is giving in. When you chose a decision that others force into you. It’s not necessarily bad but it’s not good either. But it’s safe and just in case things go wrong, you know that there is somebody else to blame for the mistake.

Lastly, there is giving it your all. When in every defeat you still find the lesson, when in every lost chance you see a chance to become better, and just when you have nothing left, you still give everything you have just because you know that it’s worth it.

In life you are given three choices, to give up, to give in or to give it your all. They thought making a choice was hard, but living with your choice is much harder.

*

“Please forgive Yuri, unnie…”

Yoona says softly, asking her unnie for forgiveness for the girl who broke her heart.

She was squatted on the floor for quite some time now. One hand on a tape, the other hand on a piece of torn paper as she tries to put together what Yuri has angrily destroyed.

Yoona despite being broken hearted, still loves Yuri with the broken pieces.

“She didn’t know what she was doing… She was just very mad…”

Yoona tries to reason out not only to her unnie but mostly to herself. But she couldn’t remain composed for so long when she remembers what had happen.

She finally surrendered, letting everything slip down beside her. She sat there quietly and when she felt her eyes welling up with tears again, she pulls her knees closer to her chest hoping it could stop the tears.

“I wish you were here unnie… so, she wouldn’t be so angry… I think you’re the only one who could calm her down.”

Yoona buries her face on her knees and finally let the tears take over her.

“I wish I could make her happy like the way you do… I wish…”

Yoona leans her head on the back of the wall, anything to keep her from falling.

“I wish she could love me too…”

*

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”

It was the 3^rd person who cursed at Yuri today as she continuous to staggered lifelessly in the airport.
Welcome to America, where everyone is always in a rush to be somewhere other than where they are. And it seems that Yuri is the only one who remains drifting while everyone is zooming around her.

It’s not because she doesn’t know where to go, it’s because she knew where she wanted to be and is nowhere close there. She doesn’t know if she would ever be welcomed or could even show her face.

“Owie!”

“I told you to slow down…”

Yuri could hear the mother groaning at her child. Yuri turns right on time to see the toddler face flat on the floor. The old Yuri would never walk over and help the girl up, but the Yuri now, crouch beside the child and pull her up.

“Are you ok?” Yuri asks while dusting the girl’s knees. But Yuri’s eyes quickly drift on the girl’s Dora’s shirt and just between the tears, the thought of her made Yuri smile.

“Yes…”

“Thank you miss…” The mother smiles thankfully at Yuri. “Yoona I told you to be careful.”

Yuri froze the second she heard the name, million of miles away in a foreign city and the first name she heard was of the girl.

“Yoona? That’s your name?”

“Yes!”

“That’s a beautiful name…”

“Kekekeke… thank you…” The little girl grins toothily.

Yuri watches as little Yoona walks happily away with her mother.

Once upon a time, Yuri had a Yoona too, a happy Yoona, with the most beautiful smile and the most beautiful laugh, the Yoona she had helplessly fallen for. But just when she thought she could have their happy ever after, an old villain came creeping in, anger that’s what this villain’s name is. In a snap, it easily consumed Yuri, turned Yuri against her own self and what’s worse turned Yuri against the only person who love her entirely.

The beautiful Yoona isn’t happy now. Yuri had hurt her so effortlessly and made her cry. And Yuri knew the moment she saw Yoona’s tears that she wasn’t deserving of the angel.

And as much as Yuri wants Yoona to be happy, to find someone who would love her and wouldn’t dare hurt her. Yuri knew that probably the thought of Yoona with someone else is enough to break her heart.

And right now, as people continue to go on with their lives, Yuri remained frozen in her spot, crying her heart out for Yoona.

*

Sunny heaves a loud sigh as she enters the room and sees Yoona gazing aimlessly out the window.

“I don’t think she’s coming back, Yoong…”

Sunny joins Yoona on the window

“I’m sorry to say this, but Yuri… she’s a good person, she is… But she’s not really the person who you think she is.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“She’s my friend and all but she’s too weak Yoong, and you… you’re young and beautiful and great, you won’t have any problems finding somebody else”

Yoona bit her quivering lip, as Sunny’s words felt like alcohol dousing Yoona’s open wounds.

“Why do people keep saying that? Why do people push me to be with someone, when all I want to be is be with Yuri?”

“Because she’s just going to hurt you, right from the start. She still loves Yoonhee…”

Sunny reaches out to Yoona but Yoona quickly pulls away.

“Then, she does, I can’t change that. All I’m going to do is prove to Yuri that no matter what I love her.”

“You’re just setting yourself for heartache.”

“You know what? that’s the problem with people unnie… They keep on saying or showing how much they love someone but the moment they get hurt, they’re not willing to forgive and just choose to walk away. I’m willing to get hurt, I’m willing to wait because I love Yuri, unnie…”

“Don’t be stubborn Yoong…”

Yoona turns her eyes at Sunny when the usual fun loving unnie’s voice turned harsh.

“Love is not like the movies, or dramas or anything like that… you love and you lost, that’s the truth. That’s what happens, it’s not always going to be happily ever after like they would like you to think. You and Yuri, it’s not going to be happy ever after, you both love and now you lost. It’s just as simple as that.”

Yoona tilts her head up, hoping to catch her tears before they fall again.

“Thank you unnie, that you for being here. But if I lost Yuri then I’ll just spend my life trying to find her again.”

Sunny was about to counter Yoona, but surrendered. It was hurtful to see her beloved dongsaeng get hurt, but if the only way she would learn is by getting her heart broken again then so be it.

*

“Yul?”

Jessica looks like she had just seen a ghost, in a way it practically is since no one expected that Yuri would come back this sudden.

“Ummm… hi Shika…”

“Y-you came back?”

“I… I did… Did I?”

Yuri smiles hopefully. She was expecting Jessica to lash out at her, to spite out horrible words but instead Jessica welcomes her with an embrace.

“I’m so glad you came back…” Jessica whispers.

“I don’t know if I even have a chance, but I want to try… I… I don’t want to make the same mistake that I did…”

“You hurt her a lot you know that, right?”

“Y-yeah…”

“What is she doing here?”

Yuri turns around and could immediately felt unwelcome as her friends- or used to be friends look at her with such disdain. But before she could plead her case, a warm, friendly voice broke the tension.

“Unnie…”

Too bad it wasn’t meant for her.

Yuri quickly turns up the stairs and sees the doe eyed girl happily skipping down the stairs. But the moment she sees Yuri, Yoona quickly froze on her step.

“Ummm… I’m ready to go for the photoshoot.” This time the life out of Yoona disappears.

“Ok hurry up then…”

Anybody could see how Yoona’s whole demeanor change the moment Yuri steps there. The girls would have wanted for Yoona to just walk away, but instead she stops right in front of Yuri.

She steps closer to Yuri, unsure of whether to give her a hug or if she should even say something. It might have been easier to just walk away, but her heart is not going to let her.

“You’re here…” Yoona whispers

“Ummm yeah…”

Yuri tries to close in their gap but before she could wrap her arms tightly around Yoona. she heard their friends calling.

“Yoona! What are you doing? Were going to be late!”

“Oh… I’m sorry…”

And Yuri couldn’t understand how it supposed to feel when Yoona can’t even hold a gaze at her, but could look so happy to return to her friends.

“Kekeke…” Yoona laughs before wrapping her arms around her unnie’s shoulders.

Yuri looks down in regret, the girl who once can’t leave her alone, now didn’t have any problems walking away.

*

It wasn’t the distance or the fact that she’s not with her friends, but the look of how happy Yoona is without her. Yuri felt like the odd man out, just like she always was but this time it was much worse when most of them shunned her out.

Sooyoung and Taeyeon come by to sit with her for a few minutes, but Yuri could quickly tell that even them were having a hard time forgiving Yuri.

Yuri tries to ignore the happy crowd on the other table and instead focus on pushing her salad around her plate.

“Yul?”

“Yoong?” Yuri quickly bit her tongue, she knew she was undeserving to call Yoona in that endearment “Y-Yoona…”

Yoona sits down beside Yuri, both more focus on looking at their plates than trying to fix the awkward silence choking them.

Yuri smiles softly when she sees Yoona putting a broccoli in , chewing it thoughtfully.

“So, ummm how you been?” Yuri finally talk.

Yoona continued to chew, contemplating how to explain to Yuri how badly she was hurt. But she doesn’t to just hear it. There is a big difference between hearing something and seeing it with your own eyes. And as selfish as it sounds Yoona wished that Yuri could see how much it hurt her.

“I’m doing good, I’m excited for unnie’s wedding in two days.”

“Yeah… me too… They deserve to be together.”

The two unconsciously both look up at Tiffany and Jessica, although it wasn’t really a romantic sight seeing Tiffany nag the sleeping Jessica, at least they found someone they could be the worst with.

“That’s the reason you came back, right? The wedding?”

Yuri quickly wanted to correct her, she wanted to say that it was her. That Yoona was the reason for everything. To why she was right here trying, to why she was ready to get hurt again and lastly to finally be with her again.

Yuri just remains quiet and Yoona completely mistook the silence for something else. She wanted to hear it from Yuri, that she was the reason she came back, that she was the reason why she wanted to try even if she might end up getting hurt. That she would finally want them to be together again.

“Yoong?”

Yuri know it was childish to be jealous just because they get to say Yoong so easily and so sweetly, but here she was dying to feel Yoong’s name in her lips.

And when she looks at Yoona smiling brightly at her friends, she was dying of jealousy for Yoona to smile at her again.

“I’ll see you later, Yul…”

Yoona hurriedly walk away, before Yuri could even answer.

“What are you even doing here?”

It wasn’t the kind of welcome Yuri have wanted to have but what does she expect? But Yuri wasn’t going to lie, it was time to say the truth even if she’s going to be judge for it.

“I’m here… I’m here for a chance…”

Sunny quickly snorted out.

“A chance? After you so carelessly hurt Yoona like that? you think it would be this easy to ask for a chance?”

Sunny could see that Yuri was truly sorry for what she did. But Sunny had enough with people cutting Yuri some slack. They all lost Yoonhee and they all mourn for her, and they just let Yuri hurt two of the kindest people in the world, Yuri was too selfish even from the start, she didn’t deserve Yoonhee and she didn’t deserve Yoona as well.

“I knew it Yul, right from the start that you were going to break Yoona’s heart. Yet I didn’t say anything because everyone is happy that oh, Yuri is finally happy again. But what did you do? You so easily hurt her”

Yuri was about to lash out but find herself gripping herself to stop. Instead she hurriedly fixes her lunch and stood up. Not saying goodbye to Sunny or to anyone else in that matter.

*

“Yul?”

Yuri turns away from the ceiling and saw Jessica walking towards her.

“I’m ok Shika, just worry about your wedding.”

“Well, whatever happens me and Tiffany are going to end up married anyway. It’s you and Yoona that I’m more worried about.

“I thought I still got a chance but how come I felt like she doesn’t feel that way anymore?”

“Well… what do you expect her to feel? To just welcome you with open arms and you two starts saying your I love you’s?”

Yes, it was what Yuri would have wanted but they both know it was foolish.

“No… Yuri, you hurt her worse than you could even imagine. And you have to start all over again, then do it. Don’t just walk away because she’s pushing you away. She wants to see you fight for her. You can’t fix what’s already broken, but you could at least try.”

“And what if there’s nothing to fight about?”

“There is always something, people are just too scared that the other would walk away from them, that’s why they walk away first. For once, Yuri be brave enough to follow Yoona.”

Yuri hurriedly wipes off her tears, Jessica sighs heavily, wiping away Yuri’s tears.

“Hey… don’t give up, Yul… we have the engagement dinner tonight so try to talk to her there.”

*

For the whole night all Yuri could do is stare. Since the day she returned she couldn’t even make a single move to get closer with Yoona, not when all her friends corralled her. and she perfectly knew they have a point, but how she wished she could just have that one chance that she could talk to Yoona.

And after being surrounded by people for the entire night, Yoona was finally alone by the buffet table.

“Hi…”

“Oh hi…”

Yuri could obviously tell that Yoona doesn’t want to start a conversation with her. But she’s not going to make the same mistake that she did with Yoonhee, with Yoona she will try again.

“This is quite a party, huh?”

Yoona couldn’t think of anything but imagine how selfish Yuri could be. Couldn’t she see that she’s hurting right now?

“Yes it is…”

Yoona didn’t even ask anything else, but Yuri wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“I ummm… brought some godiva… you still like those,right?” Yuri says hopefully,

Yoona simply shrugs…

“Is -”

“I -”

The two let out a nervous chuckle as they both spoke at the same time.

“You first…” Yuri nudges Yoona…

“Well, ummm… I have to go Yuri…”

And as Yuri sees Yoona walking away, all she could wish is that she was the one who talk first.

“Yoona?”

Yuri chases after Yoona…

“If you’re not busy later, can we talk?”

Yoona’s eyes continue to drift around the room, before giving a slow nod to Yuri. 

“Yoona!”

“Unnie!”

A part of Yuri wished that Yoona would smile at her the way she smiled at Sunny right now.

“C’mon, c’mon slow poke!” Sunny starts dragging Yoona towards the group of guys… “I want to introduce you to some of Sungmin’s oppa’s friends… Hi guys!!!”

The group of good looking guys forgot what they were talking about as the sight of the doe eyed beauty step into their sight.

“Guys… this is our dongsaeng Yoona…”

Yuri could only watch as each guy happily steps in, introducing themselves to the fair maiden. And Yuri watches helplessly as Yoona gives them her shy smile. Yoona haven’t smiled at her from the time they saw each other but Yuri couldn’t say that Yoona was to blame.

It was when Yoona started laughing with them that Yuri felt like she couldn’t look at it anymore. She felt the air getting out of her and there she was in the middle of the laughter and happiness, struggling to breathe.

She just had to walk away…

*

It’s beautiful here isn’t it?”

Yoona turns away from the fountain and saw Yuri approaching her with such a hopeful smile. Yoona hated herself for not having the control to tell her mind to breathe as she was left breathless.

At first Yoona thought that she would jump to Yuri’s arms the moment they see each other again. But reality took a hard hit on her the moment she sees Yuri again. She realize that all she is now is just a coward, who’s afraid to get hurt too.

“I… I think I…”

Yoona quickly stands up but before she could leave, Yuri takes a hold of her arm.

“No please… Yoong..” She quickly retracted when she felt undeserving of calling Yoona of such endearment “Yoona… can we please talk?

Yoona yanks her arm softly, quickly wrapping her arms around herself before Yuri could try to reach out for her again.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Yuri takes a deep breath before turning her gaze at Yoona. She struggles to keep herself calm especially when Yoona finally look at her in the eyes. Yuri opens but no words were helping her situation right now. She turns her gaze away and looks at Yoona’s hands on her lap, how she wish she could take them in hers.

“I kept making these mistakes, I kept pushing away people just because I wanted to know how far they would fight so they could be in my life. I keep hurting them just because I wanted to see if they think I’m worth every pain.”

Yuri let her tears pour out.

“But with you, I don’t want to make the same mistake I made with Yoonhee…”

Yoona shut her eyes again at just the mention of her unnie’s name. She have never thought she would be this jealous to hear her unnie’s name.

“Is that all you’re ever going to see us Yul?”

“W-what did I say?”

Yuri regretted looking at Yoona when she sees the tears flowing down Yoona’s cheeks. But Yoona refuses to look like the martyr that loved too much. She quickly brushes the tears away with the back of her arm and looks straight at Yuri.

“You said unnie’s name again… Just when I thought this was going to be about us, but here you are saying her name again.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be Yul, it’s my fault, I’m the one who’s being selfish. I’m the one who wants you for myself. I’m the one who wants to make you smile, to be the one you want to beside with, to be the one in your dreams and reality. I’m selfish Yul, because even if it’s pretty obvious that the only heart you wish to have is unnie’s here I’am forcing myself in.”

There, Yoona said it, she was selfish for once.

“But I couldn’t do that anymore. I want you to be happy and even if it’s with unnie’s memories then so be it. Who am I to take you away from unnie? Who am I to make you unhappy?”

“No, no, Yoona… you got it wrong… please…” Yuri starts crying as she felt Yoona just slipping away.

“Please don’t cry Yul… unnie wouldn’t like to see you cry…”

Yoona would have wanted to say it was her who couldn’t stand to see Yuri cry, but she knew that Yuri would probably care more if it was about her unnie than about her.

Yoona smiles weakly before wiping away the tears from Yuri’s eyes.

“My heart is still yours and it will always be, even if it’s unnie’s heart that you would have wished for. Maybe someday in another life, you will meet me first and I will have you. Just like the way unnie does.”

Yoona leans her forehead against Yuri’s.

“I’ll wait for it then Yuri, but in this lifetime your heart will always be unnie’s. She’s not right here anymore, but I’m sure wherever she is, she’s finally happy. And we both want that right? For unnie to be happy?”

Yoona closes her eyes hoping to stop the tears…

“I talk too much again, when it was you who wanted to say something.”

Yuri didn’t know how she could manage to smile even if her tears are pouring out. She could just think that she was just too numb that lying seems so easy to do that time. She shook her head and smiled again.

And just when Yuri was about to hold on, here was Yoona asking her to let go…

Just when Yuri was about to tell Yoona I love you, here was Yoona telling her she doesn’t anymore…

And just when Yuri was about to give it her all, here was Yoona telling her to give up.

And just when Yuri thought it couldn’t hurt worse, Yoona took the life out of her with just one word.

“Goodbye Yuri…”