(A/N: I listened all the time to 'Comptine d'un autre été'. A sad song but it helped me a lot to write this.)

XV. Realisation?

It was like everything clicked in that moment. Okay, to be honest, almost everything. There was still this little thing that I couldn't get out of my mind. It was like a possessive ghost that wouldn't let you alone. It was times like this I wanted to die.

"Hyung!" I shouted, my body burning inside.

"What?" came his late reply.

"I-it's too ti-ght!" I stammered.

He had a smug look on his face. "Is that so?" He pulled another times with his hands. I gasped.

"D-don't!" I hissed, feeling uncomfortable with this situation.

"Didn't you want me to help you?" His eyes sparkled. "Wasn't it your idea?"

I didn't dare to look in his eyes. "Mhm."

His arms sneaked around my waist. "You need my help." His fingers slid down along my hip bone.

"S-stop!" I was trembling, the pain and embarrassment boiling inside of me because of the fact that his hands were on the hem of my underwear.

"Ya-.." He got cut off when the door suddenly slammed opened, revealing hyung's boyfriend's red face and my doctor.

"YOU!" The face of the lover reddened even more. "Why does it sounds like a scene?!?"

We looked at each other and my hyung suddenly burst out laughing. He didn't get a hold of himself and cried while laughing hard, like really hard. I smiled.

'I never heard him laughing like this.'

"It was his fa-.." I totally forgot about the fact that I shouldn't speak, and the pain made it clear.

'I should think before I speak.'

"See? I knew he would give in easily." Jinyoung hyung shook his head. "How are you going to live the next 12 weeks?"

The tomato boy was gloomy, glaring at his boyfriend in distaste, ignoring what Jinyoung hyung said. "Stop it!"

"It's just.." Hyung wiped the tears off his eyes and grinned, "You didn't think I'd make love with my kid?!?" Another fit of laughs came from him, but he tried hard to held them back while approaching his boyfriend. "Chaejin, don't ever think of such ridiculous things!"

The latter's ears were also fuming red and he hid his face in hyung's chest. "Babo!"

"I love you too~"

"If you're finished, Yeol needs to be at school in mode than half an hour." the doctor reminded us.

"Oh, you're right!" Seyong hyung took the skirt I wore under the school uniform's skirt. My too tight underwear long forgotten. "Come here, my baby~"

With a flushed face I approached him. He held me on the waist and helped me get into that black little monster of fabric. It was like a second skin and helped me to cover up my manhood a bit more. Then the actual skirt followed, just right on my hip. I shivered. My upper body still wasn't clothed.

"Now we need to look at your back." Jinyoung hyung took a chair from the left side of the bed, settling down on it in front of me and making circles in the air with his index finger. I did what he wanted and turned around, my skirt fluttering through the movement. The embarrassment was too much. I covered my face with my hands. The doctor chuckled and slowly touched the exposed skin on my back. "Does it hurt?"

"Mhm-mhm." I shook my head slowly, his cold hands felt good on my burning back.

"Stop using your voice or I'll chain you to the bed!" His fingers traced along my spine, making me shiver from the intense touch. "You know, you're very sensitive."

I wanted to sink into the ground. Could it be worse?

"You'll go to school right?"

I nodded, still stubborn about this fact.

"Though, it still doesn't look that good." I heard him sigh while making a bandage around my back and chest. "But if something happens, then you need to stay way longer here. Keep that in mind."

I nodded again. I knew the consequences but the tears made my statement wear away. For that moment I wasn't that sure anymore.

'Should I risk it?'

I didn't even know why I wanted to go to school. I hadn't anyone but Myungsoo.

'Is it worth it?'

I sobbed, not knowing why I suddenly started to cry. A hand started to my hair and a pair of arms gently took me in their embrace.

'Why is it that hard?'

I wasn't a girl. I was boy. I needed to be strong. But seeing everything I loved about my life slip away from me was not what I wanted ever again.

"Hey. You don't need to be that strong anymore."

'Seyong hyung.'

"I told you already that we're here. You can talk with us anytime."

'Chaejin hyung.'

"And if it's not awkward for you, you can also come to me."

'Jinyoung hyung.'

"We love you." they said in unison.

My sobs got worse and the tears made my face wet. I felt so lonely but loved at the same time. The pain wasn't even that bad against this feeling.

"Y-yah." Seyong hyung could never handle me crying without him crying by himself. "Stop." he sniffed.

I nodded, not wanting to see him sobbing like the day before. I coughed and held my hand in front of my mouth. The blood was warm but the spit was making it seem smeary. I was disgusted. I blinked a few times and looked helplessly at my hyungs.

"Here." A warm hand pressed a handkerchief against my skin, wiping the liquid away.

"Thanks." I mumbled and gulped down the remaining drops in my mouth. Another hand wiped this time the tears away and a smile crept up my face by that lovingly touch. I had everything I ever wanted.

'A family.'

A family that loved me even with my flaws. A family that didn't cover up the mistake and let it all disappear behind a smile that was as fake as their life. A family that supported me no matter what. A family that was there for me, to lean on whenever I needed it. A family that felt with me, was it happiness or sadness, it didn't matter. Maybe that was the reason this all happened. Maybe my grandpa wanted me to believe in someone else beside my related family. Maybe I should've believe in them earlier. Maybe that would've eased the pain.

I cried again. Smiling and sniffing, I looked everyone in the eyes, one by one. My sight was blur