It was the longest two weeks of my life too.  Actually, it was the longest month, since things didn’t get much better when we first saw each other again.  I mean, we did see each other a few times in between because we were practicing the dance moves for the single every other day, but I stayed true to my word.  I didn’t say anything to him at all.  But I watched him like a hawk.  I couldn’t take my eyes off him.  Now that he wasn’t around me every day, I seemed to forget just how beautiful he was until I saw him again.  And I wanted him so bad.  I felt sick without him near me.  You would have thought I was going mad.  I got excited whenever he stood near me.  And in the dance, there’s this one part where he has to set his hand on my shoulder for a moment.  You wouldn’t think that would mean much.  He was so quick about it too.  But each time he touched me, I felt butterflies in my stomach.  It reminded me of when I first met him.  We started dating each other within a few weeks but those first days of being around each other and the casual touches, which may or may not have been coincidental at the time, were exactly like this.  They drove me crazy, wondering if he felt anything as well. 

            So, when the fifth of July finally arrived and I knew I’d get my chance to speak to him again after sixteen days of keeping my distance, I was so excited, I vomited all morning. 

            Sungmin stood in the doorway as I hugged the toilet for the third time in two hours.  “This is really bad, Kyu.”

            “No ,” I said, wiping my mouth with a wad of toilet paper.  “He isn’t going to want to kiss me if I reek of puke.”

            “I haven’t seen you this bad since the first time you debuted.”

            “What about that wine fest we had a couple years ago?”

            “Oh, I forgot about that one.  That wasn’t as bad as your debut though.”

            “I’ll be fine once I see him, it’s thinking about it that has me all…”

            “Nervous?” Sungmin suggested.

            “Excited,” I informed him.  “And nervous and scared and impatient.”

            “Maybe a glass of wine is what you need to calm down.”

            I shook my head and flushed the toilet.  “What time is it?”

            Sungmin just cut to the chase and answered the question I meant to ask.  “We’re leaving in less than fifteen minutes, so you need to brush your teeth, fix your hair, and get your behind out into the living room.”

            I nodded and closed the door after him, taking a few deep breaths before getting ready to leave.  The drive felt long.  It always does when you’re nervous about performing.  For a change, it wasn’t the song performance I was worried about.  There were a few years I dealt with that.  Thousands of people looking at you and possibly hundreds of thousands watching it on the television or internet.  That was pressure.  This was hell.

            When we got to the studio, I had to fight the urge not to run the whole way to the dressing room only to find out that he wasn’t there yet.  Do you have any clue what kind of letdown that is?  So I nervously paced the room, glancing up at the clock about every thirty seconds, until the manager ordered me to sit down to have my hair and makeup done.  Everyone was getting stressed just watching me.  I did as I was told but I couldn’t stop wriggling in my seat.  It was right in the middle of having my hair done that Donghae, Siwon, and Ryeowook finally walked into the room. 

           I was watching the door through the mirror as the cordi-noona was styling my hair and his eyes met mine almost immediately.  There was no overt emotion in them, we were so used to hiding what we felt when other people were around.  It took years to get to that point and we worked hard at keeping our feelings under wraps in public but we both eventually mastered it—him long before I did, I think—and right now at this very moment, I wished we never had.  I wanted to know what he was feeling and I was pretty damn sure my reaction was plainly written across my face, because I didn’t care if anyone saw or not.  Our eyes were locked on each other for a moment which felt like an eternity.  And then the girl working on me moved and blocked my view of Ryeowook completely and I had to fight the urge not to push her out of my way.  I dug my nails into the armrests and closed my eyes a moment, willing my heart to stop racing.

           I concentrated on the sounds around me.  Just about everyone was talking.  The cordi-noonas were chatting with each other.  The members were talking.  The manager was ranting about something to poor Shindong, of all people.  Kangin was babbling, probably about as nervous as I was, but I ignored him.  My hearing honed in on Ryeowook’s voice, who began chatting with Sungmin.  He laughed at something that Sungmin said and I nearly pulled my hair out.  How could he laugh so casually knowing what day it was and what it meant?  Either he was the best actor that ever walked the earth or he didn’t care about meeting up with me again.  I had to fight not to let that thought consume me and pushed it aside.  I was still at work.  We did have to act professional. 

           And, of course, the moment I got up, Leeteuk ordered Ryeowook to sit down.  I gave him the nastiest look I could muster and Leeteuk did not back down.  That man is fearless.  Everyone else was shrinking away from me and he knew—he was certain—I would not oppose him.  And I didn’t.  Leeteuk is one of the only people on the planet I respect too much to disobey.  I trust him.  I trusted him then and I trust him now, even while he’s absent.  Was it his way of reminding me where we were or did he seem to know that we needed a little longer before we confronted one another?  I’ve never asked him why he did that.  I try not to question his motives too much.

           Ryeowook headed for the chair and I was still only a couple steps from it.  He had to pass me in order to sit down and although I refused to move until he did, I was too anxious to look directly at him.  I held my gaze on Leeteuk instead.  In my peripheral vision, I could see Ryeowook approach me and slow down, briefly, as he pat my shoulder with his hand.  My head snapped to him so fast, it tweaked my neck uncomfortably.  He wasn’t looking directly at me either but his lips were pressed together, as if he were trying to keep himself from laughing at my expense. 

           “I’m glad someone finds it funny,” I huffed after he sat down, still bitter at Leeteuk.

           Leeteuk took a moment to address all of us shortly thereafter and I begrudgingly listened while glancing over at Ryeowook’s back.  “We’re going to be filming some segments for the show first and then after that we’ll get changed for “From U” which will be recorded first.  After that, we’ll all change for “y, Free, and Single.”  Understood?”

           No one said anything directly to him but most everyone was chatting with each other.

           “I want everyone on their best behavior tonight.  This is, of course, Kangin’s first time performing with us on MCountdown in a looong time, so let’s all wish him luck and support him,” he reminded us, smiling as he reached over and squeezed Kangin’s knee.

           I’m still convinced they’re screwing around together.  I just don’t know how serious it is.

           Kangin, as rough and manly as he was, blushed a little and looked like he was about to throw up himself.  At least someone else in the room felt like I did but it wasn’t the person I wanted it to be.

           The recordings took longer than they thought it would and we had to get ready for the first song right away.  It looked like I wasn’t going to get any time to talk to Ryeowook until much later.  But he seemed a little taken aback by this too.  We caught each other looking at one another often and that made me feel a little more confident.  Even when we started singing “From U” I was nervous and ended up singing the wrong part in the beginning.  We had to start all over again but the guys gave me a bunch of about it which, believe it or not, actually made me feel a little better and I got through it the second time just fine. 

           For the most part, we kind of dodged each other after that.  I think we both knew that if either of us started talking, we’d lose our concentration.  So, we silently seemed to agree to wait until the second song was finished before addressing our personal problems.  By the time that second song was done though, I was charged.  I was a sweaty mess and tired as can be but I felt energized at the same time.  I was still breathing hard when I stepped into the elevator behind Kangin and Shindong and then Ryeowook squeezed in behind me.  We were on camera still and I managed to behave myself.  Our manager seemed to get a little nervous—he knew everything, of course, we don’t keep big secrets from him—and tried to enter the elevator after us, standing in between Ryeowook and I but between the camera crew asking him to get the hell out of the shot and the horrid stench of four guys sweating like pigs in a tiny little elevator, he agreed and left us once again.  The doors closed and Ryeowook was still smiling but was looking down at the floor while I stared at him, breathless from the performance.

           When the door opened, I got out first but lingered by the door.  Kangin and Shindong exited before Ryeowook and the moment he spotted me standing there, he stopped as well.  We both glanced around.  There were no cameras and no one else within the vicinity except our retreating hyungs.  Our eyes connected then and I immediately pulled him into my arms, wrapping my arms around him possessively.

           “God, I missed you.”

           “Wait!” Ryeowook said, panicking.  “There are probably cameras all over.  Someone could come at any moment.  The elevator is going to return.”

           “I don’t care,” I honestly told him, kissing his cheek.

           Ryeowook pat me on the back a couple times and then pushed against my chest.  I finally let him go and he took several steps back.

           “We can talk later.”