I never saw it coming.

            That was one of the worst things about it, it completely blindsided me.  And that just goes to show how out of touch with reality I was.  I clearly wasn’t paying any attention to Ryeowook or I would have known how he felt.  And I would have done something.  I would have done anything.  Instead, I did nothing—I kept doing what I’d been doing—which was the problem.

            It was mid-June.  We’d just ended Super Show 4 at the end of May and I just finished up the last “Catch Me If You Can” performance for the time being on the tenth, so things were actually slowing down for me just a little.  Only a little.  I still recorded Radio Star on a regular basis and I was still at the studio rerecording bits of our newest album.  Most of the members had finished up by now but they constantly drug Ryeowook, Yesung, and I in to add background vocals or to see if they could improve a part by altering it a bit.  Then I still had promotional schedules for ads and photo shoots.  And we were still practicing the choreography before y, Free, and Single came out. 

            Ryeowook and I shared a room, like just about every other married couple out there, but you’d hardly know it by how little we ran into each other there.  I was always gone early in the morning for filming or practice and if I managed to have the day off, I always had something else on my schedule, like a photo shoot.  I often managed to get home at a decent time but Ryeowook was often gone in the evenings recording Kiss the Radio.  I couldn’t have even told you the last time we’d made love.  If my memory served me right, it might have been going on a couple months at that point.  We were just too damn tired and busy to have .  Or maybe that was just me.  My memory was getting a little fuzzy. 

            All I know is that I started to get into the habit of watching television late into the night to pass the time.  Ryeowook hated the clicking sound my laptop made when I played games, so I switched to watching television at a low volume while he slept.  But I often fell asleep on the couch.  Or it got so late, I decided just to stay out there so I wouldn’t wake him when I came to bed.  But, apparently, this was the last straw…

            "Kyu!"

             I was jarred awake by Ryeowook both calling my name and shaking me at the same time and opened my eyes.  I had to squint since the morning light was already coming in pretty good.

            “What are you doing out here?”

            “I fell asleep.”

            “Again?”

            I nodded and yawned at the same time.

            “The television was turned off,” he said, pointing behind him

            “I turned it off before I fell asleep.  I was comfy out here already.”

            Ryeowook frowned and turned around, heading into the kitchen to start breakfast.  I looked at my watch and realized it was already well past ten o’clock, which was sleeping in for me.  Back when all we did was sing at concerts, I usually didn’t get up until two or three in the afternoon but times had changed.  I couldn’t afford to waste that much time on nothing.  I jumped up and walked to our room to get changed.  There was no reason to shower because we had to head to SM Entertainment headquarters to practice our stage for both y, Free, and Single and From U.  I rummaged through the closet and ended up picking out one of the new t-shirts Ryeowook bought me.  He knew I liked navy color and stripes best but refused to let me stock my whole wardrobe with nothing but the two so I picked out one of the white ones with print on the front—it was only going to get drenched soon anyway—and saved the nicer clothes for going out in public.

            By the time I returned to the kitchen, the others were awake and everyone was sitting around the table, so I pulled out the chair and sat down between Yesung and Eunhyuk.  Ryeowook was already in discussion with Sungmin about next week’s radio show, so I didn’t bother interrupting as I stacked scrambled eggs and bacon onto my plate. 

            Yesung pointed at me.  “Tell Kyu about the dance.”

            “Hey,” Eunhyuk said, smacking my arm with the back of his hand, “Guess what!”

            “What?” I asked, smiling wide.

            “You get to jump over Shindong during the Spy dance.”

            “What part?”

            “Right before your lines, in the beginning,” he said. 

            “Does it look cool?”

            “Awesome!” he beamed.  “I helped plan it out myself.  There’s a little EunHae interwoven in that bit and then you and Wookie will swap spots after that.  It’s hard to explain but will look good too.  You are so spoiled by me!”

            “Are you sure that’s safe?” questioned Ryeowook, suddenly paying attention to our conversation.  I swear he can hear his name from across the city.

            “It will be fine,” Eunhyuk said confidently.  “Kyu’s been working out lately so he can handle it.”

            “Yeah,” I chimed in.  “Quit mothering me already.”

            Ryeowook rolled his eyes and returned to conversing with Sungmin. 

            He’s angry.  No one else noticed it; they probably just think he’s crabby this morning.  Or maybe I’m wrong and Sungmin noticed it too.  He spends more time with Ryeowook than I do these days and has learned to read him like a book.  But I still know his moods better than anyone and I’m not stupid enough to delude myself.  He’s mad at me.  Again.  This has been going on too much lately.

            “Who are the guests on my birthday again?” I head Ryeowook ask Sungmin when I zoned out of Yesung and Eunhyuk’s conversation.

            “Your birthday?” I loudly interrupted.  “Are you working on your birthday?”

            “I didn’t really have a choice in the matter,” Ryeowook pointed out.  “We have to pre-record one too, so I’ll be gone all night.”

            “But I made reservations.”

            “I’ve had my schedule written on the calendar in the bedroom since the beginning of May.  If you ever spent any time there anymore you’d already know not to plan anything on my birthday,” he snapped back.

            “I’m trying to be considerate and not wake you,” I informed him.

            “We just had this discussion a couple weeks ago,” Ryeowook countered.  “I told you I’d rather you sleep in the bed anyway.  Your back’s going to start bugging you again and then we’ll see if you’ll be jumping over people in performances.”

            “You are actually worse than my mother,” I informed him.  “She’s never nagged me this bad about something.”

            “Is that what you think of me?” he asked.  “All I am is someone to babysit you and plead with you to stay healthy?  Why do I even bother if you don’t show any appreciation of it?  I don’t need to feed you or do your laundry or clean up the apartment if you don’t give a .  I won’t bother begging you to sleep in bed with me or give a crap of you come home late or try to drag you out of the house now and then so we can spend time together either, if that’s getting on your nerves as well.”

            Eunhyuk gave me a dirty look and I’m pretty sure that was over the food and cleaning bit.

            “Fine.  I don’t ask you to slave over me anyway.”

            “And don’t worry about me waking up in the middle of the night if you decide to come to bed.  I’ll make sure that isn’t a problem either,” Ryeowook informed me.

            “I’ll buy your earplugs myself if you’d like,” I shot back at him, heated already from such a short argument.

            Ryeowook was so angry he stood up and took a deep breath, not bothering to look at me.

            “I’ll do the dishes, Wookie,” Sungmin offered, knowing that Ryeowook just wanted to leave the room and get away.  That was becoming his typical move whenever he was upset: avoidance.  I was getting a little tired of him bottling things up but I was too tired to chase him down and have it out with him at the moment.  That could wait for another time.  Right now I had to refigure out how we were going to celebrate his birthday because I was pretty damn sure I didn’t have any other time off that week. 

            We proceeded to ignore each other the rest of the day, which ended up being a bad idea.  When we left for practice, his eyes were all red and puffy.  Sungmin spent the whole ride to the studio using his makeup to cover it up and they ignored everyone else.  Then there was no talking at all during practice.  I don’t know who’s worse: our strict leader, Leeteuk, or our demanding dancer, Eunhyuk.  I was crawling out of the studio by the time they were done with me.  And it was late.  Past ten in the evening by the time we got home.  So we ordered delivery, ate, and then I plopped down on the couch while the others went to bed.

            Ryeowook stayed in the living room as the other dispersed.  “We need to talk.”

            “I’m too tired to talk now.  Let’s talk tomorrow.”

            “Then come to bed if you’re tired,” Ryeowook told me.

            “Just let me finish this show and I’ll be in.  Okay?” I asked.

            Ryeowook sighed heavily and then nodded.  “Okay.”

            The problem was, I fell asleep almost immediately and woke up when my phone went off in the morning, my manager hollering at me to get my into the studio to finish the last of my recordings for the album.  I was supposed to be there twenty minutes before and I still hadn’t even showered.  I rushed to get clean and then headed into the bedroom to find clothes.  W