Sunlight shined brightly between the gaps of my curtains as I lay upon my bed remembering the amusing event yesterday. Yongguk and I didn’t have time to talk, let alone exchange numbers because of how he was immediately surrounded by people for the rest of the day. I could still remember that apologising glance he had shot me before Jongup, another one of his close friends, pulled him towards their seats which were situated beside the windows. My seat was on the opposite of them, in the same row but in the so called ‘dark corner’. I preferred it, it was quiet and I could sleep through English without the teacher having to interrupt me. Since it was Saturday, I slept in only to wake up around noon. With my forgotten blanket that was entangled with my legs I stumbled clumsily towards my connecting bathroom. After finishing my daily morning routine I strolled down the stairs towards the kitchen. I froze just before my foot landed on the last stair when the sounds of the rattling of the front door echoed through the house. I crept towards it and peered through the peep hole. I exhaled in relief when I noticed the familiar face. I slowly unlocked the front door and pulled it open. A loud yelp was heard as he tumbled onto the floor at my feet. I raised an eyebrow as Youngjae smiled up at me sheepishly.

“Why couldn’t you knock or press the doorbell?” I questioned him loudly.

“I did! I even called you but you didn’t answer. Remember how you said to come to your house? Well, I did. So don’t blame me when I thought you died from sleeping too much.” he pouted at me while dusting his shirt, I let out a loud laugh as I shut the door behind him.

I quickly yanked him towards my kitchen and pushed him down onto a chair while I gathered breakfast or lunch since it was noon, to eat. He silently sat there waiting for me to talk but instead my loud eating was my reply. After finishing and washing the dishes I sat across from him and stared deeply into his eyes.

Startled, he fidgeted under my gaze before choking out, “Why the heck are you staring like that? Do you want to eat me too?”

I shook my head laughing, before grinning at him and spoke, “Say, since you’re my so called childhood friend, want me to tell you something?”

“Sure because since I’m the only friend you have” he replied mockingly.

I playfully slapped the side of his head before grabbing his ear and yelling, “I’m dating someone!”

He pulled back while grimacing and rubbing his assaulted ear as I sat there patiently waiting for the news to sink in.

Oh, but when he realised, his reactions was hilarious. The colour of his face changed, from it blossoming into a deep red to paling dangerously to white.

“Wha….What?” he spattered with eyes that were wide with surprise.

I rested arms on the table and leaned forward, waiting for him to continue.

“So who’s the poor guy?” he sighed mocking me after he seemed to calm down from his initial shock.

He already knew that I was a homoual, a secret that I had kept since I had found out at the age of eleven, only telling my family and him, being my ‘only’ friend.

“You know Yongguk? It’s him.” I smiled smugly.

“Serious? You managed to get a good guy like him? I can’t but feel sorry for him,” he teased me while poking his tongue out.

With a pout, I playfully slapped him on the shoulder before the growl of my stomach echoed throughout the house. I felt the blood draining from my face from the dark look that my friend gave me.

“Let’s go out and get something to eat, together,” he chuckled amusingly. With a squeak I ran towards my bedroom while the dark laughter from Youngjae followed me.  I jumped onto my bed whilst pulling the blanket from the floor and tight rolled in it until every corner was blocked out.

I am so not letting him drag me out again, as I thought the memories of our last trip together flooded my mine, oh the damn embarrassment from being around him, with him yelling out at everything and running off leaving me and that time when he had left me, if only he didn’t have left me then that wouldn’t have happened. Meeting him, would not have made me become like this, broken and living in constant fear of others. I furrowed and glared tearfully into the darkness before me, I trembled when small sobs started to occur.

I felt part of the bed being pushed down as I knew Youngjae was sitting beside me and rubbing my back in comfort. “Oh, Zelo. I’m really sorry for reminding you about what happened but it has been almost three years since then, you can’t always avoid it” he murmured with a voice filled with guilt and comfort. I sighed and leaned closer to his body before whispering back, “I don’t avoid it, I go to school. That counts.”

With a sigh he replied, “I’ll won’t leave you again, I’ll always hold your hand and won’t let you go, I’ll protect just like when we were little.” I knew that he was smiling as he probably had recalled how I used to cry over small things while pretending I wasn’t upset. With a pout I rolled over and pulled the blanket down just enough for my eyes to be seen.

“Really? You won’t let go of my hand right?” I choked back as I felt the sobs creeping up my throat again; I clutched the blanket tightly in my hands as they started to become paler from the amount of strength I exerted.

“No…no I won’t, not again, never again will I leave you like that again,” he reassured me. He squeezed my hand before he stood up and exited my room, silently shutting the door as I knew he would be waiting for me down stairs. I let out a final shaky breath before making my way to my closet.

I adorned a thick woolly light brown jumper with the word mine embroidered on it and with a dark tight red jean that snugged along my legs comfortably before being tucked within a pair of black converse high tops. I nervously flattened the front of my hair as I walked slowly down the stairs, focusing on my breathing. Youngjae having heard my approach stood up and pulled me into his embrace while whispering words of comfort into my ears.

“Come on Zelo, I promised you I wouldn’t let you go, if you want I’ll buy you another skateboard,” he gently offered as he patted my back. I pushed him away and shakily grinned at him.

“Then I take you on your offer,” I uttered before grabbing tightly onto his hand and cautiously walked out of my front door.

It wasn’t that I feared the outside but it was my memory. Memories of a certain person where both their voice and image was always to hazy for me make out as I try to remember why I would unconsciously start to panic every time I had taken a step out. I only knew he was a male and I had trusted him until I got beaten up and he just stood there, staring down at me. He didn’t move to help me like how he did in my early memories. The familiar of pain and heartbreak shot through my body again as tears threaten to fall from my eyes. Yes, I had loved him. I trusted him. He was my first as far as I remembered my first boyfriend who turned out to be the cause of my trauma.

I still felt puzzled on why I had felt the familiar flattery in my stomach whenever I had so much as looked at Yongguk. I still can’t believe I had agreed to his proposal of becoming his boyfriend. I couldn’t really feel the feelings of love again right? Not after what he did. But…I felt happy, even if we were only dating out of curiously. Why I felt happy whenever I was around him? I don’t know. But maybe he’s the key to my memories.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Youngjae whispered teasingly as he pinched my nose. I grunted and glared at him as I gently rubbed my nose while my other one was squeezing his hand firmly.

We wondered from store to store, only peeking through the windows and stopping occasionally whenever I felt that I needed to rest as being out here exhausted my mind. We were seated on the edge of a fountain when a strangely familiar voice called out.

“Youngjae!” a boy with golden blond hair called out towards my best friend. My eyes narrowed as I saw Himchan and Jongup stiffly walking beside the blond as their eyes were wide with surprise. I gasped softly as I squeezed Youngjae’s hand impossibly tighter when I saw Yongguk following close behind.

“Um…Zelo can you please let go of my hand? I can’t feel my fingers” Youngjae softly whined before I released his hand. I shyly glanced out from behind my fringe as I saw Yongguk staring emotionlessly towards both of us. I felt nervous and fear, maybe he regretted asking me out. As that thought imprinted itself into my brain I sniffed harshly before tears could start to form.

“Zelo, this is Daehyun, Jongup, Himchan and Yongguk,” Youngjae announced as he pointed to each one, I nodded absent-mindedly. I sat there silently before my eyes widened in realisation before I stared questionly at Youngjae. He seemed to have got my question as he replied, “Well, Daehyun and me have been friends for a while, you haven’t met him since you never leave your house and the other two were his friends….so we pretty know each other like that.”

I nodded my head in understanding before managing to catch a flicker of worry across all their faces before an expression of playfulness settled down on Jongup and Himchan’s faces whilst I watch Youngjae staring down at me in worry.

I flashed him a reassuring smile before inhaling deeply, calming myself down. I felt surprise when I didn’t receive that nervous feeling I got when surrounded by people but instead I felt warm as I watched engagingly at a childish verbal fight between Daehyun and Youngjae not realising that a certain someone was watching protectively over me the whole time.

So here is chapter 2, hope you like it (: