Lee Ji Eun quickly pressed the numbers and unlocked the door. She was tired. It was late at night and she knew she was supposed to use her resting time wisely. But what could she do when he worried her so much? Jieun slipped into the comfortable sandals. She quietly tip-toed and walked around the house, hushed down the barking puppies. The puppies seemed to like her a lot, judging from the way they snuggled closer to her, her legs, while jumping around. The black one was the most spoiled.

“Oh, you’re here.” Sunggyu was half-asleep on the couch. “He has one tough day.” He remarked and snuggled back to sleep. “He’s asleep now.”

“Okay.” Jieun replied softly. “Go back to sleep. I’ll just check on him and go home.” Sunggyu snored in his sleep. Jieun chuckled softly; the boys enjoyed sleeping a lot.

Myungsoo shared a room together with Dongwoo, both were heavy sleepers. Among the INFINITE, they were the hardest to be woken up. Jieun clicked the door often softly and slipped inside, passing through Dongwoo and sat nicely beside the sleeping Myungsoo. He looked so peaceful, a complete contrast to what happened in the afternoon. Jieun softly buried her fingers in his hair, caressing it. She had a soft smile on; a smile that looked faboulus on her.

He suddenly appeared by her waiting room doorstep this afternoon, almost surprising anyone. Lee Ji Eun was thankful to the fact that no one was there. He still had his make up on, but his eyes were a complete mess. They were red and puffy. He was crying. Lee Ji Eun was about to protest since he came without contacting her first. They both made it clear how they wanted to keep their relationship away from the public, so why? But the expression he was wearing shut her up just in time. He looked so terrible.

All she did was standing still after dragging him inside and locked the door. He wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at the floor, without letting out a single word. Jieun was wondering around what happen. Sure, they haven’t seen each other for a week and the last time they met, it was on the surprise event he created. What happened to him? She was twice surprised when he suddenly hugged her so tightly that it suffocates. Without a word, he hugged her tightly, closely, as if she would slip away the moment he let go.

But now, here he is sleeping so peacefully. She carefuly took his earphones away. Somehow she had an assumption that listening to music while sleeping has a bad effect. He stirred in his sleep, uncomfortably. Jieun hushed him, patting his back, and pulled the cover over him. He really hated sleeping with blankets, especially during summer. He kicked it off him almost immediately and Jieun chuckled at how childish he was. She pulled the cover over him once again.

“You’re here.” Dongwoo stirred in his sleep and sat up.

“Sorry. Did I wake you up?” Jieun tried to hush him back to sleep.

“No. No, it’s fine.” Still, he had that laughter in his voice. “I was just waiting for you. I will move to Sunggyu’s room. He likes the couch so I’ll just take his space.”

“Really? It’s okay. I’m not going to be here for so long.”

“He wants to see you. He spent every single day listening to your songs while sleeping.” Dongwoo remarked and pointed toward the ipod. “Which one is it?” Jieun took it closer, reading the dimmed screen.

“Peach,” she chuckled, turning it off. “I told him not to listen too much.”

“He had a tough day,”

“I know,” Jieun sighed, “I read the articles on my way. I just… why did he cried so much? He always looks so composed… and cold…”

“Sometimes… the strongest are the weakest.”

“What were you thinking?” Jieun whispered softly, to the sleeping man. All of this must be tough for him.

She read the articles. He cried his eyes out today, on the drama set. She didn’t know what he was thinking and how he spent hours of crying non-stop. All the staff was worried. He could break if he kept on crying. He was hitting himself a bit too hard and Jieun couldn’t help but wonder why. She knew Jiae departure hit him quite hard a few days ago, judging from how much he cried. She visited her the other day and she was more than well. The two created a sisterly relationship, a good one. Jiae told her how important Myungsoo held her dear and how the two match well. Jieun could only show shades of pink and smiled, saying simple thank you over the compliments.

“You look really lovely when you smile,” he stated with a low voice, fingers intertwined. Jieun tired to pull her hands away, but he protested. Still, with his eyes closed, he continued, “tell me this isn’t a dream.”

“This is a dream,” Jieun chuckled, “Now, hush… go back to sleep.”

“You know, I’d like this to not be a dream.” He opened his eyes, half-lidded eyes staring at her brown orbs. “I don’t want happy little things be a dream.” He pulled her down with him and hugged her tightly. His fingers were playfully playing with her brown locks.

“Okay,” Jieun snuggled closer to him. “Are you okay, now?”

“Just tell me… that this isn’t a dream and I’ll be fine.”

“This isn’t a dream, Myungsoo. I’m here.” Jieun flipped and leaned on her side, facing him. “And I love you.”

“You love me?” He asked, as if he needed another confirmation to her love for him. It was rare for her to confess. Still, it was hard to believe after everything that happens.

“I do,” Jieun tensed up at his hesitation. “I do,”

“I love you. I love you a lot,” He stated, holding her even closer and she stared so sincerely at him. He stared back and something in his eyes softened. “You know… I cried a lot today and I don’t even know why it hurt so much. I… I thought it was all a dream, that us is a dream. I… don’t think you will be giving me any second chance, I really thought we were just…over. I’m afraid it was all a dream that you will never be mine and I will never be yours again.” He confessed honestly. “What if she’s still mad? What if we could never be together again? I want you, Jieun-ah. I want you.”

“Hey,” Jieun stared softly and played with his hair. It was soft and he was so warm. “I’m here. I’m here.”

“Stay with me, okay?”

“Okay.”

***

“I met my mom,” Kim Myungsoo stated, loud and clear, via the phone.

Comfortably dressed in shorts and loose t-shirt, no make up, and hair tied into a very messy bun, Lee Ji Eun was enjoying her new morning routine – catching up to Myungsoo drama or whatever shows he was on. The cutest thing she found about him was the way he talks to his dogs, and how his favorite dog is the black one, despite all the cute and fluffy white colored ones. Jieun preferred those little white dogs, compared to his. And she also knew, once the show ended, Myungsoo would wail and asked her to adopt the dogs.

Her latest snacks changed from fresh salads to fresh fruits. Her manager had been whining for a long time, begging her to maintain her weight. They always find her underweight or above it. She still looked healthy and good, still they begged for her weight to be maintained nicely. It stressed her out, everything about weight. Lee Ji Eun didn’t really care about her weight until her company jumped in and arranged almost everything. At times, she would wonder if she chooses the right company.

I met my mom.

The phone call was enough to freeze her on the spot, eyes glued to the big screen. Mom. Kim Myungsoo met his mother, the mother he had not met over the past five years. Jieun couldn’t help but wonder how she looks. Myungsoo always pictures his mother as a lovely one, but also a mother who was too busy to do anything else except working. His parents lived abroad, so she knew how lonely he often feels. Jieun, too, was left behind when she was very young. Her parents signed up for a divorce. Nothing remained the same afterwards.

Jieun sighed, he sounded somehow happy, but also sad. He sounded as if he had just finished crying his eyes out. Kim Myungsoo can be a crybaby at times. He cried a lot eversince the drama filming ended. At times crying could be the best healer, and maybe Myungsoo find it comforting. She pictured him smiling and crying at the same times, listening to the details of his story and chuckled at the funny little thing she found. It also made her wonder if someday she could have a family again with her mother and her father. The pit of her stomach burns and flips at the thought, expectation shouldn’t be too high.

“Okay,” Jieun nodded. “Is the episode on air, yet?”

“It’s on air… around now, I guess.”

“I want to see your mom.” Jieun smiled and he chuckled. “Do you look like your mom or your dad?” Jieun . “Let’s see…” She took the remote and changed the channels until she found a crying Myungsoo being shot upclose. “Myungie is a crybaby.”

“Jieunnie is a meanie.” Myungsoo chuckled and pouted. “Hey, I’m Myungsoo not Myungie.”

“But Myungie is cute.” Jieun giggled. “I prefer Myungie to Myungsoo. There’s only one Myungie and a lot of Myungsoo around.”

“Okay,” He whined, “you’re Jieunnie and I’m Myungie, okay?”

“Okay,”

“Are you free tonight?” He asked excitedly and Jieun knew he was up to something again. She told him she didn’t want anymore surprises but he keep on insisting lately. “I’m going to comeover and bring some takeouts for dinner. What do you think?”

“I’m packed for tonight. I’m not going to be home until 11.”

“It’s fine. What do you want for dinner?”

“Myungsoo! We don’t eat dinner at midnight!” Jieun frowned. “The company is going to nag at me again.”

“Pretty please, babe?” He pleaded knowing Jieun would agree. She must be blushing by now. He pictured her cheek turning crimson and how she shyly looked away. “Deal.” He answered on his own, once she went silence.

“You look a lot like your mother,” she changed the topic, eyes glued to the crying Myungsoo. “You cried like a four-years old,” she grinned and .

“I’m more of my father, you know.” He protested and Jieun simply hummed and shrugged him off in disagreement.

***

Packed schedules and tiring activities often filled her days. On days like this, where her insecurities suddenly build up inside her nd her broken bones ache started to bother her, all she wanted was to stop and rest for a while. Countless tiring sigh escape her lips, but none stop her. She wanted a little comfort, as everyone would. And Kim Myungsoo has been her best comfort so far.

On a day like this, when all she could think about was her fragile self and definite possibilities, and also her tired self, she wanted him. So, when Myungsoo asked her out for simple takeouts dinner, her stomach would flip in a splendid way. Wonderful. Like it is today, and how it was yesterday, and hopefully tomorrow. No matter how tired she is, she could never reject him. He always provided her comfort that only he could provide, which wash away all her insecurities. His presence built comfort.

It was eleven past ten at night. Her face was covered in full make-up, hiding her tired expression very well. When the knocks echoed, she couldn’t help but smile. She was tired, but he was her smile. Dressed in plain baby blue t-shirt and very short shorts, she jumped and headed for the door, welcoming his presence. Or maybe…. Not…

A woman in her early 50s was accompanying him. Jieun immediately slapped herself for dressing so informally. A contrast to how she thinks his mom would look like, the woman was actually very nice to look at and very simple. She looked like any regular housewife, a caring and motherly woman, with a simple lifestyle. Jieun bowed deeply, hiding the embarrasement she felt. The shock expression she wore must have surprised his mom too, yet she showed her a beautiful smile.

“Suhi for tonight takeouts, your favorite?” Myungsoo showed the bags in his hands and grinned at her. She looked lovely and adorable, as she stuttered back and forth. Myungsoo chuckled and she looked down in embarrasement, he touched his mother’s hands and whispered softly, “she feel comfortable speaking formal language.”

“Good evening, Mrs. Kim,” Jieun smiled and greeted politely.

The latter showed a sweet smile and touched her hand. “No need to be so formal with me,” she shot a playful look at her son. “So is this your girlfriend you keep bragging about?” And Jieun showed even more shades of pink.

“Yeah,” Myungsoo smiled proudly. “She’s my girlfriend, Jieunnie. Perfect, isn’t she?” He gave her a smug smile, teasing her with his coolness. And she started doing her back and forth ‘thingy’, giving him signs of her protests.

“You have the nation little sister as your girlfriend? She’s really sweet,” Her eyesmile was fascinating and sincere. “I like her. You pick well.” Lee Ji Eun laughed it off with a smile. Her cheeks turning crimson red.

The dinner was a simple one, less extravagant yet more intimate. Dinner was often lonely and unejoyable, filled with suffocating silence, and the meal served would be the simplest – often protein shakes or maybe fruit slices. But today’s dinner was different. It was loud, filled with random talks and laughter. And more enjoyable with the takeouts Myungsoo brought. Dinner was better with Myungsoo around.

His mother seemed to enjoy talking about her soon childhood days, where he was a simple-minded boy living in a simple world. Yes, it was sweet indeed. She said he was a good boy, he never really did anything bad; he was a son to be proud of, but also, a teenager with lots of annoying acts. He was often hot-headed, silent, and somehow ignorant. He was a good brother, but rather ungrateful as a son. His mother laughed remembering those days and Jieun wondered how her childhood was like, and if her mom remembered anything about her childhood.

“I could have cooked something if you told me your mother is coming,” Jieun whispered shyly, tugging softly at his sleeves.

“Oh!” Myungsoo snapped. “Have I told you how a good cook she is?”

“She’s a good cook?”

“Yes, a very good one.” Myungsoo showed his toothy grinned and winked at the flustered Jieun. Oh, he really needs to stop.

The dinner ended around 2 in the morning. Jieun finally tidied up all the mess with the help of her boyfriend. Mrs. Kim offered her help, but Jieun politely refused. Kim Myungsoo was happy. Jieun was so pleased to see him happy. He never looked so happy before. Everything seemed to have return to its rightful place for him. The way he held her hands, the way he looked at her, the way he smiled… it showed a brand new side of his sincerity.

He was happy and she was glad. She knew exactly how it feels. The only difference was… she was proven right while he was proven wrong. How envious she was. His mother was an opposite of what he had in mind. He thought she would be rather cold and busy, holding a grudge against him for being less responsible about Luna. He thought she cared about him, only because she felt responsible. But no, she cared. She remembered every single detail about his childhood days, she smiled so sincerely. She became simple, less glamorous than what she used to be. And she… wrote a heart-felt letter for him, flew all the way from U.S. to Korea just to see him. She knew what he had become, the choices and paths she struggled upon. And she wasn’t judgemental at all. She respected him in all ways. Jieun bet being proven wrong felt so good.

“Why don’t you come back home with me for a while?” His mother said, sipping the hot tea Jieun prepared and hummed in delight. “Your dad is waiting. We were so worried when they told us you haven’t been home for a long time.”

“But…” he stared at his lovely girlfriend with a sigh. “I… promise Jieun a midnight movie date tonight.”

“You should go,” she said with a smile, hiding every drops of bitterness. Yes, she wanted him to be by her side. She wants him, but she also knew he belong somewhere else tonight. When he gave her an apologetic look, her smile widened. “Really, you should go back home.”

“I’ll see your tomorrow, really.” He promised her. “You will be the first thing on my mind.” She mouthed him an okay but his gaze turned anxious. “You will be okay, right?”

Hell, she would be okay. Deep down, she wasn’t okay at all. How could she? He was her love, still she couldn’t help but be envious. She lost her mom while he met his mom. She wanted him to stay and be her comfort, to say that he understsands her. But she knew, she knew. He has somewhere else to be. He needed to see it to believe. He finally gets what he longed for – home. He found it, he found his home.

“I’ll be okay,” Jieun softly whispered.

He planted a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, first thing in the morning.” They exchanged simple goodbye and Jieun told him not to call tonight.

When the door finally closed with a click, Jieun sighed softly. She slumped herself on to the couch and her thoughts was up in the air. Her sigh sounded so tired and burdened. The silence came to fill in the emptiness and there was a rush of loneliness, adding up her insecurities. Taking her phone, she realized a call might be all she needs for comfort; even a voicemail would be enough. She stared at it and sighed, thinking if comfort only hurt her. But yes, she needed it.

“Mom, it’s me Jieun.” She sighed, “I miss you.”