Significant Other

Title (3/5)

Sadly. It wasn’t a pull-in title. The sound of it made the story mysterious and hard to understand.

FIRST IMPRESSION

I’ve decided to add this part of the rubric for the review because I think the first impression for everything is just simply very important.

So, like I’ve said, your title wasn’t a magnet to my conscious. But, to some luck, your first line of the story was very good. It has the pull and I was intending to read more until some parts of the sentences became weirdly expressed. Then, your quote - It was sweet, but your graphics… er… I’m not really good at making graphics myself, but may I suggest you to get some nicer graphics done from some shops? - because it really is hurting my eyes. The whole thing about graphics is to make the story look PRETTY.

Appearance (1/5)

Sorry, it was terrible. Yes. It is. Don’t look at me like that; I’ve said that I’m harsh, so let’s just get on with it... One mark for at least there was something there.

Description/Foreword (7/10)

Okay, let me just tell you this; Your description wasn’t a pull. Though it showed me how you wanted to start. But if you wanna live to my expectations, this prologue is an extreme let-down.

18 years young? – I don’t see why this can be read in a correct way. It’s better if it’s like this: 18 years old young.

English (9/10)

Okay. I don’t want to stress much on this because to some point your mistakes are confusing. I’m confusing myself. Plus, I don’t really enjoy marking this part of the story because to some extend some different people might have different suggestions. So, anyway, here I go.

So, if I’d recalled correctly, it’s supposed to be ‘looking at the mirror’. Not ‘looking to the mirror’. But most of the time it’s ‘looking in(to) the mirror’.

Okay. Your English was pretty much good, so it’s a ‘well-done’. Nevertheless, you could do better.

Flow (9/15)

The flow for this phrase is so AWK--WARD…

Flow comes in two categories. One: Your style of writing, length of sentences and elaboration. Two: The plot.

So here’s my comment about the way you write. Pretty much satisfying and well elaborated. Simple and neat. But here are some examples which you can keep in mind.

Too bad I’m a naughty one: To a disappointment, I’m a rascal. Don’t expect me to be the very good boy whom you think I am – because I’m not.
I almost forgot why I woke up: Ah, yes. School. I didn’t think that I would forget the reason for such an early wake.

Alright, for your flow for plotting: Pretty much a screw up. The part where Kai needed money and suddenly a gang of ‘You-Know-Who’ came to attack them was pretty much messed up. Believe me; I don’t know what the heck was happening. I just browse through the whole thing until where D.O out.

Something like that? Well, it’s really your choice to serious think what it is and what it sounds like because I’m just giving you examples on how you should make the sentence a little bit longer.

Characters 10/15)

No comments.

Seriously.

I have none.

They were… actually. They were good…

Plot (410)

Not that I want to say that I hate it or whatsoever, but I just don’t get the plot. It was just like any other one-shots I’ve read. Two lovers, not at first, came together and fell in love and happy ending.. The end… So, no. It was a bore. 4 marks for an interesting way of putting the story together though.

Creativity (1/10)

Not much creativity I should say. Disappointedly. There was none at all if you wanna know the truth.

Font (5/5)

Neat and simple. But not creative.

Enjoyment (3/15)

I can’t say that I enjoyed it. The moment I started reading, it was good at first but the moment the whole thing went cuckoo, I just browsed through the whole thing until the end. It wasn’t a nice one I should say. I’m sorry, but this is my way of reviewing. I hope you won’t freak out or whatsoever. Still… I really have to tell you that I didn’t enjoy the story. I noticed that it was a , and yes, I read , but this was a cliché. It might look original at some parts but the overall story was not. So, I’m sorry to say I seriously didn’t enjoy the story.

Total: 49/100


Reviewer: x_JasielleAle

Greetings to you DimpledPenguin. Here’s your review. Let me just tell you this, WARNING: to some extend I am extremely rude in reviews. And of course, 100% strict and harsh.

Now, I’m kind of sweet and easy to talk to behind the curtains, of course. And, if you feel bad about the review I’ve given, feel bad about it then. I don’t mind. Just a note, you can talk to me whenever you want. I’m funny/crazy/kind/friendly as a common AFF user. I’m harsh in reviews because it’s for the best. –The end.