01- Afraid of the closing eyes..

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 The world seem stop at that moment."No..No.." that's the only word I manage to utter at that time."why it must be me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" "What now? Is it the end for me?" all kind of question appeared inside my head. No matter how hard I searched for the answer..it seem like no one can gave me the answers I have been searching for..

" I'm sorry miss, I'm afraid you has brain cancer. It's still in earlier stage so I hope miss didn't give up. Please keep coming for treatment..Miss, please be strong.." at that moment & time, my world seem going upside down.

Brain cancer..the same damn thing that take my mother's life, made my father leave me & now it come back to take my life..

"Why now? Why now when my life seem good again..Why?"

  Foot steps are heavy as I'm walking back.. the street lights are dim and the store beside the road appear to be empty to my eyes.. a guy is watching me as I'm walking in front the store..but nothing seem register inside my head as it's full with my thought..windy and cold night..just like my heart..

As I reach my house, the questions from earlier still could not find any answer while more questions come in side my head without I'm invited it..

"How can I tell Sunye & Donghae?" "Do I even have the courage to tell them that I'm dying?" "Do I have to keep living when I know that I'm going to die soon?"

My eyes are heavy and yet no tears coming out of it. I feel sleepy but still my eyes seem like it not going to close soon. Its all because i'm afraid..Afraid of losing my own world, afraid of the thought of leaving my friends behind..afraid for the coming days..afraid of closing my eyes and never to open it again..Afraid of everything...

-Shinhye~