I groaned at the sudden intrusion of the sunlight passing through the window and onto my eyes. I swiftly turn my body around to block the light and heave a sigh of relief. Sleep was slowly taking over my body again when my alarm clock suddenly rang. It kept blaring its annoying sound all throughout the room and into my ears.

“Stupid clock” I hissed and smashed the poor thing with my left hand. Little pieces of the now broken alarm clock scattered all over my bedside table and some of it even pierced through my flesh, making my hand bleed. But it didn’t hurt at all. I quickly stood up to tend my wound only to slumped down again because my head suddenly ached.

“Stupid hangover. I shouldn’t have drunk too much last night” I grumbled to myself as my condition worsens. With both hands, I held my head as tightly as I can as it begins to throb painfully with each passing second. After a minute or so, I gathered all my strength and walked inside the bathroom in a wobbly manner as my head continually pounds.

After entering, I just stared at my reflection on the mirror. It’s not the same Choi Sooyoung anymore. My eyes lost its usual gleam and sparkle and are now replaced by cold ones. My smile, I can’t even remember when was the last time I did that. And my always-smiling-face from before is now hidden behind in an unreadable façade.

~flashback~

I began to isolate myself from everybody except from my sister, Soojin. She is the only one who stayed by my side all this time even after all the mistakes I have done, especially to you. She willingly helps and encourages me to stop sulking and do better. I remember that she once told me that ‘If I want you back, then I have to do something about it instead of crying all day and all night.’

And so I began to work harder. I work all day long everyday not taking any day-offs.  I just work and work and work my off to the point that I already became a workaholic. I did not pay attention on my health anymore. Even if I’m already feeling all worn-out and tired and sleepy from all the works, I still continued my job which led me being hospitalized for so many times. But it doesn’t matter because all of these are for you, for us.

Soon, all my hard work paid off. I was able to build my own company which became instantly famous in the economic world. It spread not only in Korea but also in Japan, France, and America. But of course I kept my identity a secret and used the name ‘Choi Summer.’ I just wanted to surprise ‘that woman’ that I am now one of the CEOs who holds big companies all over the globe and that I am now good enough for you.

After pouring all my blood and sweat in working for the past 2 years, I finally made it on top. I was really certain that she will surely approve of me this time since this is what she wanted from the beginning. ‘A rich, powerful, and influential girl.’

I could cry out of happiness right now but I chose not to. I am originally reserving these tears for you. I want you to see how sorry I am for leaving you and how happy I am for all the achievements I had gained as these salty water cascades across my face.

But all of my plans were soon ruined after I heard news about you. ‘You tried killing yourself’. I was so devastated after receiving that and my tears suddenly spilled. I cried my heart out because I know……. I am the reason behind it.

‘This is entirely that woman’s fault. If she never planned to separate us then this will never happen’

I sighed.

‘No. This is my fault. If I’m already good enough for you in the first place, then you wouldn’t be lying in the hospital right now.’

I tried visiting you in the hospital countless time but ‘she’ did not allow me to. She kept driving me away. But that did not stop me, I still continued in going. Not until one day, when my heart broke more.

“I will never accept you. Even if you become the richest, most powerful and influential person in the whole world because you are the main reason why my son committed suicide. So mark my words Choi Sooyoung, I will never accept you to be a part of the Chos especially in Kyuhyun’s life.”

I didn’t know what to do after that. I let guilt and pain took over me. I went to club every night just to drink my sorrows away, ending up drunk and wasted. But somehow, I was still able to manage my business, thanks to Soojin.

~End of flashback~

I still continued doing those. Going to clubs every night then work all day. These habits continued for almost over a year now since your suicide attempt which now celebrates the 3^rd year of our break up.

I released an empty laugh as tears slowly descend from my eyes and onto my pale cheeks. I quickly wiped it off using my left hand which ended up creating a trail of blood across my face. I then remembered that I was going to clean my wound that’s why I went here, not to reminisce my tragic past.

I proceeded in opening the faucet and placed my bleeding hand under the running water. Usually it would sting, but not to me. ‘I felt nothing.’ I already lost the sense of feeling pain because I know nothing could beat the pain of my bleeding heart. I even wonder why my heart is still beating if all it could take is pain and grief.

I looked at myself in front of the mirror. I looked broke, lifeless, pitiful. I couldn’t take it anymore and with one swift move, I punched the mirror using my left hand. Blood began oozing out from my hand again, coating it with red substance while some dripped onto the sink. I heard the door opening and some footsteps coming closer.

“Sooyoung, what are you d-----“ Soojin barged inside my bathroom and shouted but stopped halfway when she saw pieces of shattered glass all over the floor and especially my bleeding hand which is still placed on the smashed mirror in front me. I didn’t bother to remove it. I just watched as the red liquid trickled down.

“Oh my gosh, Sooyoung” She quickly pulled me out of the bathroom and made me sit on my bed as she reached for the first aid kit under the bedside table.

“What the hell are you thinking?!” She shouted at me but I just ignored her just like I’m ignoring everything and kept mum. She sighed and continued treating my wound, wiping the blood away and applying some medicine on it.

I accidentally bit my lip and winced in pain when she applied force on my hand. “Yah! Be careful Soojin” She just grinned at me like a choding and continued her work, this time more gentle.

Out of the blue, I suddenly laugh. Soojin looked at me like I’m some crazy person who had just escaped from a mental hospital but I just ignored her and continued laughing, my eyes b with tears now. After a while, I started calming down from my high. I wiped the tears that accumulated at the tip of my eyes from laughing.

“Sorry, I was just surprise that I can still pain” I waved my hand like it was nothing but it didn’t go the same way with Soojin. I felt her touching my cheek lightly.

“Of course, dummy. You’re still a human being, not a robot”

 She held my right hand and placed it on my left chest. I felt something.

“Can you feel that?” I nodded. “That’s your heart Sooyoung. That is where all your emotions came from and stored back in”

My lips slowly curved upwards, forming a small smile after listening to her.

“Thanks, Soojin” I patted her head and wore my jacket before standing up.

“Where are you going?” She asked me as I made my way outside my room.

“Somewhere”

“Okay. Just come home safe and call me unnie” I chuckled as I heard her whining inside the room.

“Arasseo Soojin” I purposely didn’t call her unnie to annoy her more.

“Yah! Choi Sooyoung!” Is the last thing I heard before completely closing the door behind me.

Cold air greeted me as I stepped outside. I fumbled my pocket to look from my car keys and with 5 long strides, I reached my white mini cooper that is parked in front of the house since I didn’t have enough consciousness to park it inside the garage after getting drunk last night.

I instantly shivered as I held the cold handle of the door but proceeded in entering anyway. After making myself comfortable inside I began driving with no particular destination. I called my assistant today saying I wouldn’t be around since I have some important matters to take care of.

After driving mindlessly around the block for several minutes, I finally put myself into a halt and parked my car beside the park. I went to buy myself an ice cream before settling myself on one of the benches there that has a great view of the sun.

I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there. All I know is that the sun is already setting down, creating vivid colors of mixed red and orange of sunlight all around the park as it descend slowly before hiding completely from my visible eyes. Leaving nothing but darkness to engulf and suffocate me.

I exhaled a lungful of air and watched my breath freezes as it turns into a gray fog. It really is cold tonight and I need something to warm me up. Alcohol. Yes, I need that right now.

I head straight to my car with one particular destination in mind. Club.

I pulled out my phone and texted someone.

*ping*

From: Sooyoung unnie

Hyunnie~

Come to the newly opened club behind

the shopping center. I need someone to talk to~

Kekeke~ I’ll be waiting.

-SY