I roused a little when Hyun Joong picked me up and carried me into another room, but not much. Only enough to know what was going on and hear him leave the room. Then I was out again.

*          *          *          *

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I blinked a few times and then remembered where I was. Hyun Joong’s house. I sat up and looked around. He was very tidy. He didn’t have many knick knacks like I was used to. His room was very basic, but still seemed cozy. It was nice. It smelled really manly, too. I guess it smelled like he smelled.

I threw my legs over the bed and then remembered my feet were still sore. I looked down at them and they seemed like they’d been bandaged again recently. I gingerly touched my feet to the floor and cringed a bit, anticipating a lot of pain. Surprisingly enough, it hurt much less than yesterday. Hopefully I could walk this time so I didn’t have to stay stationary all day. (I really was kicking myself for not grabbing shoes before I ran out.)

I stood up, testing how my feet felt with weight on them. Not too much more pain. I took a few steps, testing again. Okay. As long as I didn’t over do it today, I’d be alright. Maybe Hyun Joong had magic hands.

I went into the bathroom to fix myself up before I went out to find Hyun Joong. I didn’t look as awful as I expected, thank goodness. I was also wearing some of my own clothes—not the ones I wore yesterday. I felt all the blood drain from my face. Please tell me Hyun Joong hadn’t changed my clothes.

When I walked back into the bedroom, I saw a bag I recognized as Jiyong’s. I went over and looked through it, finding several changes of clothes, some makeup, some of the stuff I used for my hair and even a small box of tampons and a bar of chocolate. I teared up. Had he really brought my stuff over here for me? What was going on with me, why was this making me so emotional? I sat in the floor for a couple of minute and cried, hugging the bag against my chest. Those boys loved me and I’d be damned if I didn’t love every one of them. They were the sweetest and most thoughtful people I’d ever met, along with Hyun Joong. For the first time in my life, I felt I was attracting good people.

“Why are you crying? Do your feet hurt?” Hyun Joong asked, scaring the out of me. I jumped and squealed. “Oh, sorry!” He bent down and checked my bandages.

I caught my breath and shook my head. “No, my feet are fine. I just thought it was really sweet that Jiyong made this bag up for me. Did he bring it over?” I asked, setting the bag back on the floor.

Hyun Joong wiped my tears away and smiled. “Yes. He and Youngbae and Seungri and… Uhm…” His brow furrowed as he tried to remember the other one’s name.

“Seunghyun?” I asked quietly.

“Mm. Yes. They all came to check on you. You fell asleep and your phone was on the table, so I answered when they called. I didn’t want them to worry. I hope that’s okay. I told them where I live so that they would be assured that you’re safe and okay. Anyway. Would you like some breakfast? Can you walk?”

I felt like crying again because they’d all come, and then I felt like crying because Daesung wasn’t with them. I nodded and took his outstretched hand, pulled myself up, and followed him into the kitchen. We sat and eat fruit together, talking about the guys in Big Bang. He was curious about them, which I thought was cute.

“They really care about you, and they were really worried. They wouldn’t stop thanking me for letting them come check on you. I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries, though. I just know what it’s like to be worried about someone and not know where they are.” He looked down.

I wanted to reach out and touch his hand, but I refrained. “No, no,” I said quickly. “It’s your house, obviously. I’m a guest here. Thank you, by the way. For breakfast and for helping me and letting me stay here last night. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I was going to go home.”

He laughed softly and looked over at me. “I’m glad you stayed. It was nice with you here.” I saw a little blush came into his cheeks as he stood up and took our dishes over to the sink and started to wash them. I felt like I should help him, so I went and stood next to him, drying the dishes. We cleaned in a comfortable silence, both of us smiling. The more time I spent with him, the lighter I felt. Maybe this was what I needed. Just to spend time with a friend, one on one. Somebody I could talk to and that could talk to me too.

When we were done, he turned to me and asked, “What would you like to do today?”

He did everything I wanted to do that day; he wouldn’t even hear of doing something he wanted to. We ate where I wanted to eat, shopped where I wanted to shop, rode bikes in the park, walked by a river, had ice cream.

It was like that every day for a week. He would ask me to stay and take me out and do things with me. Simple things like going to the movies or going to an amusement park. I would call the boys occasionally and let them know what was going on and that I was okay. I felt really happy hanging out with Hyun Joong. I didn’t feel any pressure or worry. I felt like everything was okay. He made me feel comfortable, content. It was really nice being close with someone like that.

We were walking in the park again and it was late afternoon—that perfect time of day where they sun hits everything at just the right angle, making it seem like just the right color. I felt so short next to Hyun Joong. I smiled at the thought. I closed my eyes briefly, feeling the nice breeze brush my long hair back over my shoulders. I was enjoying the peace and quiet that we sometimes walked in when Hyun Joong said, “I thought you should talk to Daesung.”

I stopped in my tracks and looked up at him. He took a step passed me, realized I had stopped, then turned towards me. “What?” I whispered. I hadn’t heard that name in a week now. I tried to keep him out of my mind, especially around Hyun Joong, but it rarely worked. He was always there, always on my mind.

He looked directly into my eyes, and I could feel it in my soul. It didn’t make me uncomfortable or anything, but this time it wasn’t how it usually was. “I love spending time with you and I don’t want it to stop. But I can see it eating at you. I know what he did was wrong and I’m not saying that you should go and take him back. What I’m saying is whether you do or not, you need some closure. I can only do so much for you. I hate that fact, but it’s true. You have to do the rest. No matter what you do, I’ll be here.” My eyes stung as tears fill them. He yanked me against him and hugged me. I put my arms around him and my face in his chest. He smelled so good. After a moment, he whispered, “Say something,” in a desperate voice.

I sighed and tried to keep from crying. “I hate that you’re right,” I answered. He relaxed some.

“I know you do. You can always come to me if something happens, Soo Yun ah. No matter what it is or what time it is. Okay? I’m not asking you to go away.” He rubbed my back. “Come on. Let me take you home.”

He held my hand on the drove back to the house that the boys were in. My house, I guess. We both stayed quiet, though. The closer we got, the more panicked I felt. When we pulled up outside, I was almost hyperventilating. I looked at Hyun Joong, desperately wishing we could just leave and not come back.

He squeezed my hand and smiled at me. “I’ll wait here, okay?”

I swallowed hard and got out with the car as slowly as I could. I shut the door behind me and went into the house. Daesung was sitting on the couch. Nobody else seemed to be there. He looked up at me and stood immediately.

“You came,” he breathed. He didn’t move towards me, which I was grateful for. He was lucky I hadn’t already bolted for the door.

I cleared my throat. “I think we should talk,” is all I could get out at the moment. He nodded and sank back onto the couch, still looking at me. He had such a sweet face. When he was sad, he got this puppy dog look on his face that I just couldn’t stand because I couldn’t ever say no to him.

“I can’t promise that I’ll ever be over her,” he told me suddenly, surprising me. What also surprised me was how much that hurt. “I know it isn’t fair for me to ask you to be with me if I can’t promise you that. It isn’t fair for you to have to worry about it and be jealous and upset. But I love you, Soo Yun ah.” I’d sat down beside him by now and he reached over and took my hands. I couldn’t look at him. I knew my resolve would go south if I looked at him now. His hands felt good holding mine. I looked up and blinked, taking a deep breath, and tried to keep from crying. “I do love you.”

He yanked me into his lap, looked in my wide eyes for a split second, and then suddenly his lips were on mine. I gasped and when I did, he slid his soft, warm tongue into my mouth. I kissed back instinctively, our mouths moving at a fast, desperate, urgent rhythm. He clutched me against him making the pulse in his throat pound against my chest. I started to slide my hands around his neck but realized this was wrong. I pulled away, gasping for breath. I scrambled off of his lap and to the other side of the couch.

“No. Soo Yun ah,” he said, terrified, reaching for me. I stood and backed away. “Please,” he pleaded. My heart broke and my stomach started to hurt. Part of me yearned to run into his arms and comfort him, but most of me knew that this would never work. He dropped his arms and hung his head. “I’ll always love you.”

I heard the last part just as the door clicked shut. I felt myself falling apart, so I bolted to Hyun Joong’s car and slammed the door behind me. I sunk down in his seat and the tears came. He looked at me in stunned silence until I crawled into his lap. He put his arm around me and his other hand on the back of my head.

“Soo Yun ah, what happened? Talk to me, please. I can’t stand seeing you this way.” All I could do was sob into his shoulder. He growled and his arm went out from around me. I tried to lift my head but his hand was still holding me against him. I heard the car go in gear and felt it pull forward. He was driving with me in his lap.

“Hyun—Joong!” I gasped between sobs. “What are you—doing?!”

He pushed me into the passenger seat with astonishing gentleness. I looked around but couldn’t see anything because he was driving so fast.

“I’m taking you back to Bum’s place because there’s no way I’m letting him find you right now.” He glanced over at me. I curled up it the seat, hugging my knees. “And somebody is following us.”

“What?” I nearly shrieked. I looked at him, looked behind us, and back at him. “Since when?”

He sighed and sped up. “There was a car that I kept seeing a few days ago, but when they weren’t right behind us the next day, I forgot it. Now they’re back. I don’t like it.”

I glanced around again. “Why would someone follow us? I mean, you’re an idol and everything but here it isn’t like being famous in the States. So it doesn’t make sense.” My heart was beating a little too fast and I was having trouble breathing. My chest was feeling tight. I was starting to have a panic attack. This was just a little too much for me. I rested my head against the head rest and closed my eyes. I wanted desperately to prevent a full attack in front of Hyun Joong.

“Soo Yun ah!” He yelled my name and grabbed my leg. I took his hand and squeezed, taking deep breaths. “We’re almost there. I think I lost them.”

A few minutes later, my door opened. I jumped and clutched Hyun Joong’s arm. Bum motioned for me to get out. I let go and got out like I was told. “Come on, Soo Yun ah. We’re getting you out of here for a while,” Bum told me. The only thing keeping my legs moving right now was pure adrenaline.

Bum opened the back door to a beautiful black Hyundai and ushered me in. Min Ho and another woman were in the front seat. Bum went and got in another car with Joon. Hyun Joong threw my bag in the trunk and slid in next to me. Within two minutes of getting to Bum’s house, we were leaving again.

Hyun Joong pulled me across the seats and into his lap. He slid down so we were laying down across them. “Drive normally, Min Ho. Don’t attract attention,” he said gently. He held me against him and looked down at me. “Tell me what happened now.”

I looked at him like he was crazy. “Now? You’re really curious what happened between Daesung and me right now?” I hissed.

He smiled and nodded, making me roll my eyes. I didn’t want to tell him for some reason. But I did. I told him exactly what happened, very quietly. He didn’t show any emotion after I told him about Daesung kissing me.

“I expected he would do something like that. Especially with you.”

I shot him a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I whispered.

He winced and looked up out the window. “He thought he would still have a hold on you and that kissing you and telling you he was sorry and that he loves you would make you come running back like nothing happened. Luckily, you aren’t stupid enough to let that happened because I really don’t think I could handle it happening to you again. I just might have had to kill him.” Usually, when people say things like that, they’re joking. But I caught no trace of humor in Hyun Joong’s voice. He looked down at me again. “Please don’t let anybody do that to you again, Soo Yun ah.”

I looked down and he rested my head on his chest. I didn’t want to even try anything like that ever again. I was going to be alone I thought, which was perfectly fine with me.

“We’re here,” Min Ho said, turning the car off. We all got out and I gaped at a plane in front of us.

“They’re waiting for us. Let’s go,” Hyun Joong rushed, taking my hand and leading me to the plane. He sat next to me, buckled me in and then himself. It reminded me of 50 Shades of Grey which in turn made me blush. These guys would keel over if they knew I’d read something like that. The thought made me laugh.

The adrenaline was starting to wear off and I was getting very tired. Being on a plane, surrounded by people who were trying to protect me was definitely making me feel more calm. I leaned my head on Hyun Joong’s shoulder.

I looked up at him and whispered, “I’m scared.”

It was the first time I’d ever fully admitted to being afraid out loud. He put his arm around me and looked out the window. Of course, he took the window seat. I giggled again. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I didn’t want to bother him anymore so I didn’t ask any of the questions that were on my mind. I looked over and started playing Rock-Paper-Scissors with the other guys; Hyun Joong kept his arm around me the whole time. Not that I minded.