A part of Daehyun died that night. His world used to be filled with laughter and happiness when he was still with her, when they were still together. I think I now understand why my glass of milk slipped out from my grip that evening, why my chest suddenly felt a bundle of nerves tangling itself around the only organ that pumped blood for humans to survive. He recalled the incident.

Earlier in the afternoon…

“Himchan… What happened?” Daehyun croaked as his body shook immensely, disbelief etched on his face.

Daehyun and Himchan left the cemetery, walked until they stepped foot into Himchan’s small apartment. He hasn’t been there in a while; the last time he visited was to celebrate his friend’s birthday with her. Daehyun was waiting for the story behind his love and her tombstone. He made himself comfortable on the sofa with his body facing the large, dark black television.

The news shocked him and it devastated him. Himchan slowly opened his mouth but all that came out was a muffled cry. Daehyun’s arm hesitantly made its way to Himchan’s back, patting it in the process of trying to console him.

The room fell silent; the only sounds emitting the surrounding were the ticking of the clock and both men’s deep breathing. “It started half a year you two broke up,” He was startled but kept quiet, waiting for his friend to continue. “She came to me that night of your break up, knocking continuously on my door screaming my name and to open up. She spent hours crying and wouldn’t tell me what happened. The only word that escaped her lips was your name, Daehyun.

She emptied my wallet for one month straight. She would always smile as if nothing was wrong but I knew… I knew she missed you. Then, one day she came over again. I thought something was wrong but I saw that smile again – that genuine smile that I saw her display when you two were dating. She looked so in love. Before I could ask her what happened she excitingly surprise hugged me, telling me how she finally found the one.”

Daehyun bit down on his lips, holding in the urge to scream out his frustrations and regrets. “Hyung, was this the man that caused her death?”  He bluntly asked, his veins popping out from clenching his fists tightly.

“She told me his name was Bang Yongguk and that he made her happy. I asked her if he was really the one and she frowned, asking if I was a sadist.” Himchan chuckled at the memory. “She thought I didn’t want to see her happy again. That silly girl… Why wouldn’t I want her to find someone who will love and cherish her forever? Of course I’d want to see her find someone who will take care of her for eternity. If she’s happy, then I’m happy.”

Tears trickled its way down Himchan’s delicate skin. He remembered that day. It was the second last day he saw her genuine smile, hear her gentle laughter, where he got to listen to her complain once again.

“I was so happy to know that someone loved her more than you did.” He locked gazes with Daehyun. The man was busy bawling his eyes out that he didn’t realize what Himchan was to do next. He grabbed his friend by the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to him. The proximity of their faces was so close that he could feel every breath exhaled.

The tension between them was strong. Daehyun felt himself choking on his tears. He felt himself wanting to fight back but couldn’t. His body was frozen on the spot, allowing Himchan to do whatever he wanted to do. “Hit me if you want. Go ahead, I won’t blame you.”

Himchan slowly released his grip and hesitantly fixed Daehyun’s shirt. “What good will hitting you do? She’s gone… My best friend is gone.”

Daehyun was filled with regret. “Why did you have to let her go? Why didn’t you hold onto her? She would’ve still been alive if you took her back… If she didn’t go out with Bang Yongguk. She – she would’ve been a wonderful teacher. She had a beautiful family, a successful career and fabulous life ahead of her! You… you bastard.”

Tears and even more tears… Daehyun couldn’t hold them in any longer.

“I – I thought… I thought she would find someone better…”

Himchan grew furious. “Better!? BANG YONGGUK WAS HER HELL! I… I knew something was off the day I met him. I just… I didn’t know what he was capable of doing. If… If I did a background check of him or even got to know him better… I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t have let her date him. She was my best friend; she was like a sister to me. A precious sister.”

Tears and even more tears… Himchan wanted to shout. To yell. To smash something. He needed to release his inner emotions. He wanted to find a punching bag and he knew the right person for it, but he couldn’t make his move. He was restrained.

“No matter how much I want to kill that guy, I can’t. The last words she said to me…” He trailed off, recalling the very last day he saw her.

“Wh–what did she say?”

“She said… Don’t hate him because I love him more than anyone else in the world. Forgive him… for me… please.”

A part of Daehyun died that night. The person he used to spend every minute with is no longer within his reach. He didn’t know that their break up had driven her to her misfortune. He remembered rubbing his eyes the moment he laid eyes on her tombstone, how his breath hitched when he listened to Himchan’s story. The truth suffocated him terribly but he couldn’t compare to how she had felt; after all she was in a blissful agony.

The sad thing is that she loved him… Probably more than she ever loved me.

His heart broke once again. A part of him vanished into thin air. A part of him left his soul. A part of him wanted to be with her – adventure to where she was. He eagerly wanted her back, safe and sound – alive. He wanted to be selfish this time… If only I could reverse time.