The walk didn’t take very long even though we took slow footsteps, one at a time. When Himchan stopped walking, I took the opportunity to scan our surrounding – it took me by surprise.

“Chan,” that was my nickname for him when we hung out. “What are we doing at the cemetery?” I glanced at Himchan who had his back facing me. His shoulders looked stiff before they relaxed back down. Probably having heard what I said, he turned around and I was met with sadness in his eyes and a deep crease on his forehead.

“Daehyun…”

“What’s going on?” My stomach churned slowly, the thought of something awful immediately invaded my mind. “Weren’t we going to visit Minhee? Why are we–”

“Just follow me.”

Each step forward felt like a bit of me is slowly dying. I couldn’t decipher which emotion that is running through me is which. My stomach continued churning, twisting every fibre with strength so strong that the knot could never be undone. My breathing was becoming ragged; each step I took brought anxiety upon me. Step by heavy step, Himchan finally stopped in front of a tombstone – one in which I didn’t know. Maybe he wanted to visit someone he knew that have passed away before heading to Minhee’s?  

He turned around to face me with his back hovering in front of the tombstone – I couldn’t see who he was paying a respective visit. Our eyes met for a split second before glancing elsewhere. I was standing less than a metre away from him, analysing his every movement. He was fidgeting with his hands and shuffling his legs above the grassy green leaves on the ground.

“Daehyun… Promise me you will keep calm.” His voice suddenly became croaky as if he’s holding in a choke of tear.

“W-why?” Stammering, I took one giant heavy step forward. Himchan shifted to the side giving me full view of the tombstone.

“H-how, w-wh-what’s going on?” Himchan kept quiet the whole time. I choked on the tears that freely skimmed down my cheeks. “Tell me…”

Each step I took, I died a little on the inside. When I came face to face with the name on the tombstone, I know the pieces in me have vanished into thin air. It was as if a black hole engulfed me whole at that instant.

Moon Minhee
July 16, 1994 – July 19, 2019

Eldest daughter and sweet, loving sister

She took in all the wonders of life,
wrapped them in a colorful package
and gave it to us. We'll miss you!