If Dongwan had expected anything romantic out of their supposed “date”, he was in for a major disappointment. He looked around the bar awkwardly and realized he couldn’t see much of his shady surrounding due to the dim lighting. There were a few pool tables in the corner of the room, but there was not much else. The place only held a few guests at the late hour and the population was so scattered across the chamber that Dongwan knew privacy was ensured as long as their voices were not too loud.

            Hyesung sat across from him with a glass of vodka soda in his hand and his legs crossed naturally. Dongwan could not see his eyes clearly in the dark, but somehow, his friend seemed distracted, his mind distant.

            “So…” Dongwan spoke up when the silence had etched too far between them.

            Hyesung took a long sip from his cup. “Thank you for coming with me on this… date.”

            Dongwan coughed at the strange word. This was the furthest thing from a “date”, but he couldn’t care less. The fact that he was alone in seclusion with Hyesung was more than enough reason for him to be thrilled.

            “Ask me,” Hyesung told him. He put down his glass and entwined his fingers. “Ask me anything.”

            Dongwan inhaled nervously. How long had he waited for this chance to arrive? There were so many questions in his head that he didn’t know which one to spit out first. “W-What,” he started when his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again, “What is the real purpose of the test?”

            Hyesung sighed. “I already told you, it’s so that you can get to know what kind of person I really am.”

            Dongwan shook his head in disbelief. “Hyesung ah, I’ve known you since we were teenagers. How could you say that I don't really know what kind of person you are?”

            Hyesung sighed again. “You don’t know me at all.”

            “Tell me, what don’t I know about you?” Dongwan challenged.

            “I’ve been ing since I was eighteen,” Hyesung stated, dropping his gaze. When Dongwan was too stunned to reply, he took another sip from his drink.

            “Y-You’ve… what?” The words didn’t seem to register in Dongwan’s head.

            “I’m not the only one,” Hyesung explained. “It originally started with just me and Minwoo. Then Eric and Jinnie… Andy was supposed to be safe…” He shut his eyes tightly for a moment as his whole body trembled in rage. The beautiful man took a deep breath to compose himself. “Do you remember all the times I would go missing? Like the many times I skipped out on dance practice and singing lessons?”

           Dongwan quickly searched his brain for the specific memories in question. “Yeah,” he said, remembering. “Jonghyunnie hyung told me your mother was frequently sick so you were visiting her…”

            “Well, my mother wasn’t sick,” Hyesung answered curtly.

            Oh, my god. Dongwan felt chills down his spine.

            “Why… Why wasn’t I—” the words fell out of his mouth in a scramble.

            “You were the exception,” Hyesung replied lowly. “I didn’t know why back then, but I found out years later when I was talking to Kangta about it. Apparently, it’s SM’s ingenious scheme. The company created its idol groups with no intention of keeping all the members. So by having one or more members exempt from ing, the other members who were forced to sell their bodies were sure to hate those who didn’t have to. In the end, every group was bound to break up sooner or later. That was when SM snatched up the members who showed more potential and discarded the rest.”

            “That… That makes no sense,” Dongwan concluded. He couldn’t believe how all of this could have happened without him noticing. Was he that ignorant of a person that he would be blind to his closest friends ing for many years right under his nose?

            “It makes a lot of sense actually,” Hyesung retorted casually. “And believe me, the plan was brilliant because for the first few years, I really detested you.”

            “But you were so nice to me!” Dongwan proclaimed in shock. “How did I not even notice…”

            “We were given strict orders to hide this from you and Andy. The four of us were told that you were a ‘favorite’ of CEO Lee and that you could not ever know… or we would be punished severely. As for Andy, he was a minor when it all started so we believed he was safe, at least for the time being.”

            Dongwan noticed how Hyesung looked crestfallen every time Andy’s name was mentioned.

            “It wasn’t long before Andy became eighteen,” Hyesung continued, his tone desolate. “I wasn’t able to save Jinnie, but I made it my life mission to keep Andy out of the ing business. He really reminded me of Jinkyo when I first met him and I just wanted to protect him…” Hyesung’s eyes became glossy with tears. “He was just… so young. I know he’s only two years younger than us, but he was just so innocent.” Hyesung drank from his cup then placed his face in his hands. “Dongwan ah, I really thought I saved him. Oh, my god, do you even know what I had to go through—” He paused, his whole frame shaking in rage. “I… I just wanted to make sure at least Sunho didn’t have to go through what the rest of us were going through.”

            “Hyesung ah…” Dongwan murmured, unsure if there were any words to comfort the man in front of him. “Why… Why did you stay in the group despite everything SM was forcing you to do?”

            “Minwoo and Eric, they made me hope, those bastards.” Dongwan could see a faint trace of a smile on Hyesung’s thin lips. “They kept saying that we would make it, that there would come a day when we would be able to make music without being enslaved by a filthy contract. And every time I would lose faith, they would make me hope all over again. It was an ongoing struggle, and I really thought I was going mad.”

            “Why didn’t you guys tell me…” Dongwan felt as if he was the one going mad now. His world seemed to be crumpling apart, piece by piece. How had he been so stupid? How had he been such an idiot?

            How could he say that he ever loved Hyesung when he didn’t even know…

            “I told you, we weren’t allowed,” Hyesung replied casually. “After we left SM together, we just decided not to say anything about it. I think we all wanted to erase the past as if it never happened. I’m sorry we kept you in the dark though, we just didn’t want you to feel guilty or see us differently in any way.”

            “Of course, I don’t see you guys differently… I just wish I could have known… I wish I could’ve at least suffered with you—”

            “Please don’t say that,” Hyesung pled, dropping his gaze. “Dongwan ah… The four of us, we might have been upset that you were excluded at first, but we never blamed you for what happened. Not once.”

            Dongwan planted his face in his hands in distress. “I’m… I’m so sorry…”

            “Stop it,” Hyesung said gently, placing a hand on the other’s shoulder as a sign of comfort. “I didn’t ask you out for an apology. We’re here to answer your questions, and technically we only got through one.”

            “Hyesung ah… Is that what the test is really about?” Dongwan spoke carefully, wanting to word things properly. “Do you think you’re not… worthy?”

            “What are you talking about,” Hyesung snapped instantly. “I told you the sole reason for the test is so that you know what kind of disgusting person I am—”

            “Why do you think you’re disgusting?” Dongwan asked.

            There was a slight pause as Hyesung stiffened in his seat. “Did you not just hear what I said—”

            “I heard it. I heard every single word.” Dongwan met eyes with the one across from him with intense longing inundating him. “You used to e. You used to sleep with a lot of men and women. Maybe you still do. But that doesn’t make you disgusting. I’m the one who’s disgusting… I should’ve been there for you during it all. I’ve never been so ashamed of myself until now.”

            Hyesung shook his head. “Dongwan ah, don’t—”

            Dongwan reached out to take the hands of the man he loved, the person he had failed to protect.

            The person he now silently vowed to shield with his life.

            “I want to continue with the test,” Dongwan claimed with brewing confidence and determination. “I want to learn everything about you. Then I’m going to keep loving you like the moment I met you. No, I’m going to love you even more with every bit of my soul. And I’m going to make you understand that you’re really worth it all.”

            Hyesung stared back at him with a conflicted expression. “I can’t,” he murmured.

            “You said that you let anyone who confesses to you take the test,” Dongwan argued. “Please… let me at least try.”

            There was silence as the other man entered a trance of thought. Dongwan held his breath as he waited for his answer.

            “You won’t be able to pass it,” Hyesung persisted.

            “Tell me what the next stage is and I’ll pass it with flying colors,” Dongwan hyped, trying his best to sound lively.

            With a deep sigh, Hyesung finally seemed to give in. He removed his hands from Dongwan’s and got up from his seat.

            “I’ll have to show you then,” he said before he called the waiter for the check.

***

            Hyesung was caught up in a hurricane of emotions when he entered his apartment with Dongwan trailing behind him. A part of him wondered if he had said too much about the past. The four of them, Andy excluded at the time, had mutually agreed to never bring up the topic ever again. And Hyesung had regretted his decision to tell Dongwan the moment he had seen his friend’s face fall into a devastating mess. It was true that Hyesung had never held any grudges towards Dongwan, but if he had been in Dongwan’s position of being punched in the guts by such sordid and appalling news, he would have been in utter shock as well. The affected member had stayed silent the whole ride from the bar, staring blankly out the window.

            And yet, Hyesung couldn’t deny the strange feeling he had experienced in the pit of his stomach, a warm tingling that made his heart react in an unfamiliar way.

            “I’m going to make you understand that you’re really worth it all.”

            Had Dongwan really meant those words? It was so unlike himself to trip over such corny claims. Yet here he was, perhaps growing soft with age, secretly yearning for such honeyed words to be true.

            Maybe he was starting to hope after all this time.

            But his past had proved that hope was nothing but a dangerous trap beneath a pleasant mask.

            Awaking from his thoughts, Hyesung led them to a small room and closed the door behind them. The walls were decorated with black shelves packed with DVD’s and video tapes without labels. A compact box television sat across two chairs, the only other furniture in the room. Hyesung motioned for the other to sit down as he went to retrieve the tape he knew only too well.

            “A VCR tape? It’s been a while since I’ve seen those,” Dongwan joked with a forced smile. It pained Hyesung to hear him trying so damn hard to be cheerful.

            Without any further explanation, Hyesung pushed in the tape and pressed the play button. He tried to walk calmly to his seat, but in reality, his insides were a burning disaster.

            After watching the tape, there was no going back. If there was a fine line between love and friendship, the tape was it.

            The film started as the screen filled with blotches of color. The quality was of extremely low definition, but that never seemed to hinder it from delivering its intended message.

            “Hyesung ah, is it on?”

            Dongwan flinched at the voice erupting from the speakers. “Is that… Minwoo?”

            Indeed, a teenage Minwoo appeared on the screen, his face full with a smile.

            “Yeah, I think so.” Hyesung’s heart seemed to drop when he heard his own voice. It sounded so much younger and clearer, having yet to be damaged by years of cigarettes. Most of all, it sounded more… naïve and unsullied.

            “Okay, so we’re filming the demo,” Minwoo explained.

            Hyesung crossed his arms. “What demo? I still don’t get it, Minwoo.”

            “Well, there’s all these people after you because you’re so beautiful—”

            An intense shade of red colored Hyesung’s cheeks. “Oh, shut up!”

            “Hey, my eyes never lie,” Minwoo said with a wink, making Hyesung blush harder. “Anyway, so when all these people pursue you, you just gotta make them take the ‘test’.”

            “That’s so stupid. Couldn’t I just turn them down?” Hyesung pouted.

            “But, babe, you’re so bad at saying ‘no’. And there are people out there who just don’t know when to quit. I don’t want anyone harming you,” Minwoo pressed.

            Hyesung smirked. “Maybe you’re just scared of a little competition?”

            At that, Minwoo grabbed Hyesung’s arm and pulled him close. He then pressed his lips sweetly against the other’s. “No one’s gonna steal you from me, you hear?” Minwoo warned, his tone a curious mix of tenderness and intimidation.

            Hyesung glanced over at Dongwan sitting next to him and witnessed his friend’s handsome face turning deathly pale. He wanted nothing more than to stop the tape, but the worst part was that the nightmare was yet to begin.

            “Anyway, this way, we get to have a little fun, too. They get to experience what we experience against our will. Then they’ll be scared, Hyesung. They’ll understand that we’re on a totally different level than them.”

            Hyesung sighed. “How do you want this ‘test’ to be carried out exactly?”

            A wicked gleam passed through Minwoo’s eyes. “Think of the worst, Hyesung. The worst that you’ve ever had to experience.”

            Young Hyesung’s eyes widened in terror.

            Minwoo nodded. “Yes, Mr. Sohn. Do what Mr. Sohn does to you. Except the client will be you.”

            “I can’t!” Hyesung cried. He instinctively took a step back. “You’re mad!”

            “Hyesung ah, think about it. If these people claim they really love you, then they should know what you’ve gone through, too. Only then can you actually see if they love you or not.” Minwoo took Hyesung’s hands and smiled sadly. “Hyesung ah, we’re not easy people to love. We’re… damaged goods. I don’t want people saying that they love you and toying with your heart when they don’t even know who you really are.”

            “I get it, Minwoo. But still, I can’t possibly do what Mr. Sohn does—” Hyesung protested.

            “Yes, you can. And I am going to be the first one to take the test.”

            “What?! No, you’re absurd, Minwoo!” Hyesung shouted, throwing his arms up in objection. “Why would you? You don’t need a test to prove that you love me when I love you back already, you moron…”

            “Aw, baby,” Minwoo quickly pecked Hyesung’s lips. “But I told you, this is a demo. Like an instructional video.”

            “That’s ridiculous,” Hyesung snapped, placing his hands on his hips. “Why would I—”

            “Oh, and don’t forget to record it every time. For blackmail material.”

            “Minwoo!” Hyesung cried in disbelief. “I am not going to ‘test’ people this way, and I am definitely not going to do what Mr. Sohn does to me to you!”

            “Hey, it’s different between us because I trust you completely,” Minwoo argued. “And please let’s just do this. For me.”

            “Why do you want this ‘test’ thing to happen so badly?”

            “You must think I’m mental,” Minwoo laughed wildly.

            “That or you’re a complete masochist,” Hyesung agreed wholeheartedly.

            “Look, the point of the test is that it is designed to be failed,” Minwoo began to explain thoroughly. “But I want to be the one person to pass it. I want you to realize that out of everyone who admires you and lusts after you, I am the one who knows you the best. People are bullting when they confess their love for you; how could one love someone he doesn’t even know? But when I say that I love you, I want you to trust me and believe in my words with all your heart.”

            Hyesung took a moment to take everything in. He inhaled deeply. “I already believe you, Minwoo. That’s why I love you back.”

            “I know, sweetheart, but I want to prove it in my own way,” Minwoo insisted. “I want you to be confident when you see me as yours.”

            Hyesung rubbed his temples and sighed in defeat. “Fine. You’re not gonna let this go, so I’ll do this. But please, you have to tell me when it gets too much.”

            “Safety word is ‘orange’ as always?” Minwoo asked. A grin was already spreading across his entire face as a sign of victory.

            Hyesung nodded. Then he looked around. “I’m going to need... props,” he commented rather shyly.

            Minwoo smiled. “I already brought some supplies. They’re in that bag over there.”

            “You prepared everything, huh?” Hyesung mumbled, rolling his eyes. He observed the shopping bag Minwoo had carried over. “Ropes, cable ties, blindfolds, handcuffs… Why do you even have all this stuff?”

            “Shh, don’t ask questions, my love,” Minwoo replied with a wink. “Oh, and I couldn’t find a whip so—” He undid his belt from his jeans and threw it at Hyesung.

            “I am NOT going to whip you with this, Minwoo,” Hyesung exclaimed with a gasp.

            “I said just like how Mr. Sohn does it, Hyesung. I want to experience everything that you go through. That includes the pain.”

            “You really are mental,” Hyesung concluded in shock.

            “Do you still love me?” Minwoo asked.

            Hyesung sighed. “Sadly, yes.”

            “Then I beg you, please do this for me.”

            Minwoo jumped on the bed beside them and beckoned for Hyesung to begin. Hyesung really wondered if his lover had gone crazy. And if he was crazy for agreeing to such madness. But perhaps after everything, craziness was all they had to hold onto.

            Perhaps craziness was what made their love possible. Pure craziness.

            “It’s… It’s going to hurt,” Hyesung warned, subconsciously touching the ugly scars that ran down his lower back.

            Minwoo grinned triumphantly. “Try me.”

[A/N]: HEY, GUYS! Omg, I really haven't updated this fic in sooo long... I actually wrote the first half of this chapter like a realllly long time ago... And I kinda forgot what I was gonna write haha. Minwoo really does sound crazy haha, I really hope you guys enjoyed it though. I wrote this at 4am so please pardon the mistakes, too -_- I am also wrapping up Remembrance and, as a treat, I'm also planning to update Just Best Friends as well! (I think I haven't updated that fic since 2013 QQ I'm so sorry QQ) I'm just counting down the days until finals are over and summer begins!!! Woohoo :) Again, please continue upvoting and commenting, feedback is really important and encouraging for me! Thank you as always for all the wonderful support and love. Love you, guys! <3