This took forever, I know, but here you go. Thank you, as always, for your patience. 

While I was gaping like a fish, Drew was drawing his own conclusions in his mind. I couldn't stop him from doing it and I'm sure that my hesitation to answer was telling him volumes but I was still as lost as could be. I never really thought about things the way he had presented it. I did know that I had a tendency to try and get people to think the way I did if I didn't feel like their way was good enough...

   There was that phrase again - good enough. What really constituted to being called such anyway? Were my standards really that high?

   Andrew shook his head at me gently. "I know that I'm not a rocket scientist, Lulu--I don't even want to be, honestly--but I thought that you were OK with that. I thought you liked me for me."

   "I do!"

   "Then stop trying to change me. Look at me for who I am and decide if you actually want to be with me."

   "Drew," I sighed. "Stop this."

   "I'm going to be in town for a couple days," he went on. "By the time I go back home, we should have reached a consensus on this." He stood from his seat and I rose with him automatically. "I'm tired now. I'd like to go to bed."

   Our conversation, as brief as it was, seemed to drain a bit of the natural light from his eyes leaving him looking truly haggard. I showed him to the guest room with very few words; the door was shut on me with a soft 'goodnight' which was really more than I could have asked for given the situation. On the way back to my room, I got down to thinking about it, picking my own brain for the answers that refused to come in the face of Drew's interrogation. I was sitting in front of my mental mirror, looking my reflection in the eye and questioning her for both our sakes. 

   What is it that you saw in Andrew to like him in the first place?

   He was cute and sweet and funny and he didn't find the food I eat disgusting or judge me because of where my parents come from.

   When did you start to push your ideals on him?

   When I saw his abysmal grades. He has the potential to be so much more. Why doesn't he see that? I can help him.

   I narrowed my eyes at her. I'm asking the questions, not you. 

   My reflection raised a brow at me. Its not my fault that you can't admit the truth to yourself. You think that he has to be guided. That almost everyone in the world could benefit from a little of your guidance because you may not be perfect, but you're better off than most. She shrugged. I'm down with that, clearly. I'm you after all. But I'm the more honest you. The you that doesn't mind saying that I think that Drew is average. I think that he's good for showing off to your friends, but not quite to the level that I want to be bringing home to my parents. I don't know why the hell he's even here. I needed time away from him.

    That's a lie, I snapped. 

   Oh, please. His mother was breathing down your neck about "your intentions with her son" and you had no clue what to tell her because you were still trying to convince Drew to pull up his grades so he could transfer to a better school. I mean, you'll indulge in his car fixation now, but is he really going to do that for the rest of his life? How are you going to make a family with him when he can't even work out his taxes?

   I shot to my feet out of the wooden seat I had taken. Stop it! Drew can do taxes just fine and the automotive field has always been profitable. He'll make a very capable husband.

   I was seething but my reflection remained calm, rising with an 'Oh really?' look on her face. Then, she inquired leaning in, why did you make out with Jaejoong? Immediately, I grit my teeth. Ha. Can't answer can you? Allow me. Because you're still attracted to him - his body, his mind, his humor. You still love it all.

   As if I can forget what he did. He played me like a fiddle and I was too caught up in my hormones to see it.

   I watched my own eyes narrow at me. That's what the relationship started on; that lust is what brought you together, but it wasn't what fueled it. Think about it. Do you think that he would have come all the way to Alabama for nothing? When the hell do you ever hear of Kpop acts meeting producers from that far south? No doubt he had to catch a connecting flight out to make his schedule. Don't make it seem like he never cared about you because you know that he did. He may not have been 'ideal boyfriend' material then, but who really is? Everyone has to grow and better themelves in a relationship. Its all about give and take, but you never want to change for anyone. You think that you're settling for Drew and that Jaejoong is a mature man who's well established and is already a business in his own right.

   I couldn't do anything but stare. What the hell was this? This wasn't really what I thought, was it? Admittedly, there was truth being thrown all around like confetti but if i accepted it, then what was I really saying about myself?

   That you're still in love with Jaejoong! my reflection snaped. Come on, girl. Its not that hard. He still makes your toes curl, he's still the witty bastard he always as and your mother loves him. And yes, she went on before I could retort, that is important. You're not ready to commit to Drew and if you stay with him, that's what his mother is going to insist. Jaejoong may not be able to give you all the time that he can, but at least you'll have your space to think until you're ready. Besides, he's not as busy as he used to be. He doesn't have to run around anymore - he can carefully select what he wants to do now. Can you really say that having a man this settled isn't attractive?

  Dang it...it was. But I wasn't done just yet. I love Drew. And i knew that much. I may be trying to make him into what I think is a better version of himself, one he can't see, but I love him for the potential I see. If he could only see it himself, we'd be in a much better place.

   But will he ever see it? The other me tilted her head in question. We were raised differently than he was. Don't let the color of your skin fool you - you are part Korean. You were raised to reach for certain ideals so why should you berate yourself for trying to do just that? You shouldn't, she assured gently, stepping toward me. You shouldn't feel bad at all.  But you need to stop lying to yourself and everyone else. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't have any love left for Kim Jaejoong left and I'll leave right now.

   I stared into the mirror, steady and firm with the exact same look being reflected back at me. It was unreal. I was looking at my body, but in the depths of its eyes, I could see that there was an entirely diferrent person inside. A person who was determined and honest with her feelings. A person who could see into the ugly of my soul and wanted me to see it too. a person...who was right. The moment the tought crossed my mind, she shugged dismissively. 

   I'm not here to fight with you however I will not be lied to. Its insulting.

   I'm sorry. I sighed. But can you seriously not see how hard this is?

   I never said I didn't. I can see what you see in Drew, you know. But you can't act as if Jae means nothing to you. That's where your probelm lies. You can't bury your feelings and act like everything will sort itself out. That's the coward's way out becuase you'll always be longing for the other man. That's what happened with Junsu, only he saw it too and decided to back down. Her brows furrowed a little in thought as we both thought of him fondly. He was so sweet. He was a little like Drew which makes this all a sort of replay. But this time, neither of the guys are giving way to the other and Jaejoong is playing a passive role. Our eyes bore into each other, minds working in tandem. I miss him. Even so, we're not pulling him into this mess. 

   Definitely not. 

   So, now you have to make your decision, Lucille. my reflection folded her arms over her chest and sank back into her seat. Half assing is for the weak minded and we are not weak minded. Compare the pros and cons, because both of them have an entire list. Of course, she shrugged, I can't tell you what to do, so make this good for the both of us, Ok? 

   Her smile was contagious - soon I was chuckling at the suggestive wag of her brows even as she faded, the firm, almost annoyed sound of a fist rapping on wood thundered through my mind. When my eyes opened again, I was burrowed under my blankets, effectively blocking the worst of the morning light out. I had no idea when I even feel asleep. 

   The insistant knocks continued and I groaned, crawling out of bed, almost falling my face as I shuffled to the door and opened it, finding a slightly annoyed Drew in the hallway. "Slightly annoyed" probably became fully blown annoyance when I slammed the door in his face in surprise, but that's neither here nor there. My hair was a bird's nest. My breath was horrid. My face, no doubt, looked a mess. There was no way that I was about to stand in the hall and talk to him like that. 

  "I'm sorry," I called out quickly. "I wasn't expecting you."

   There was a long pause before he said anything. "....your mom said come down for breakfast."

   I waited a little longer to see if there was anything else, but I was met with absolute silence. Maybe he's really mad? I wondered, turning the door knob slowly and pulling it to me. The hallway was empty, no sign of Drew anywhere and I frowned in disappointment, shutting the door behind me to get ready for the day. I had thought that he would have had something, anything to say about the day before, even if it was to say he was going to his hotel after all. Not that I wanted him to go. Didn't I? No, I didn't. 

   I wanted to sort things out with him. I needed to sort things out with him. There was no way that thing could be left so murky between us since not only was that not my style, but I owed him at least that. I owed both he and Jaejoong that much, honestly. So, I took my time getting washed up and dressed in a plain blue lace dress before going out into the kitchen, greeting my mother for the morning. Her response is stiff, no doubt a result of having her least favourite interest of mine seated at the table, talking with her husband. However, true to my expectations, she still tried to act as if nothing as wrong, handing me dishes to set out. 

   A sliver of nervousness slid down my spine as I walked into the adjacent dining room as quietly as possibly so I didn't disturb the discussion between Drew and Minwo, which seemed to be going well. "Good morning," I said softly, placing the plates of fried fish and eggs down in the space between them. 

   Minwoo gave me a warm smile. "Luci. Good morning. How did you sleep?"

   "Um, pretty good." I chanced a look over at Drew. "You two look really chummy."

   "Yes. Andrew is a very intellgent young man when you get into conversation with him." He shot me a knowing look. "You should spend a lot of time with him today. Show him around. I'm sure that there's a lot he should see here during his first visit."

   Since we were speaking Korean, all Drew heard was his name, making his eyes dash between us, though the look on his face when he looked at me was one of suspicion. I gave him a smile - one that he didn't return. If I said that it didn't hurt, I would be lying but I had brought it on myself and it was time for me to take responsibility for my actions. I steeled myself against his abject indifference and headed back into the kitchen to my mother before she could make me into the target for her bad temper. I already had one bull's eye on my back; I didn't need two