10th grade

I had a crush to one of my schoolmate, Lee Jaejin. He’s a great guy but myungmyung is greater than him, of course! I’m always telling myungmyung how much i like this person, telling him the things i don’t even feel with that guy but towards him. why am i telling these to him? i’m hoping. I’mm hoping that maybe he’s jealous? One day, i decided to let him go. Why? cause i really think that he doesn’t love me back and he just looks at me as a bestfriend. Ever since that day, i decided to pay attention to jaejin oppa but no matter how i try, i can’t. he really gave a great impact to my life, to my heart. After a few days, i tried to give it a go. I tried to confess to jaejin oppa that i like him. well i really like him but not that big as my love to myungmyung. He looked at me and examined me. He raised one of his eyebrows and gave me a questioning look.

“Jaejin~ssi.. i have something to tell you.”

“what is it?” he asked me politely while giving me a warm smile. jaejin oppa is not a bad guy, he is popular but he’s really kind. Maybe that was the reason i was KINDA attracted to him.

“well, i like you...” i told him while looking directly into his eyes. he was shocked at first but soon he laughed. I dunno why but i was kinda mad.. Is that how you should react to the people who confessed to you. I glared at him. feeling my glare, he looked at me and ruffled my hair.

“you like me?  I’m sorry but i don’t feel the same way.. and you’re not enough for me. You’re not even good enough for me. You think i want to be with you??”

Okay! I take back what i said. he’s not good. He’s EVIL! I tell you diary, EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!

Hearing it, my blood started to boil and feeling like my heart just shattered into pieces. I held my chest and looked at him, eyes full of hatred. I walked away from him, feeling crushed and stomped. So this is what it feels like when someone you were attracted by rejected you. i can’t take it anymore and cried on my way home. I mean, i know he’s just my crush but the things he said, the words he spoke, it was enough for a girl to feel devastated, even if it is just a mere attraction. I was already inside the house, thankfully no one’s inside. I sat on the sofa and cried, my hands automatically fished my phone out of my pocket and dialled a number, the number I know even when I close my eyes or delete in my contacts.

Few minutes had passed and still he’s not answering. When i was about to give up and cancel the call, he picked it up.

“myungsoo~ah!” i called him. i want to call him myungsoo instead of myungmyung because i want to call the name of the one i love, the one i really needed the most for this time. I started to sniff and continued crying when i remembered the hurtful words that were thrown by jaejin.

“myungsoo~ah..” i called him once again. Why isn’t he answering?

“remember Lee Jaejin? The one i told you about? The one i told you that i love? Well, guess what? I confessed to him today..” i sniffed. I don’t care if he’s there or not, all i want is to get the painful words that i received awhile ago out of my chest.

“soooo? What happened?” i heard him on the other line. Hearing his voice made my heart once again beats faster. Faster than how it beats because of that evil jaeji