Luhan

last seen today at 16:30

Hi.

Sehun 21:31✓✓

Wat

Luhan 21:32✓✓

i cant really talk right now

Luhan 21:32✓✓

cuz im actually preserving my IQ for something better.

Luhan 21:33✓✓

...

Sehun 15:33✓✓

I want a girl.

Sehun 15:33✓✓

Hyung, I want a girlfriend.

Sehun 15:33✓✓

.....wat

Luhan 21:33✓✓

Not to go fluffy or to go out for movies with or let me buy her shizz

Sehun 21:34✓✓

just...

Sehun 21:35✓✓

I want a girlfriend.

Sehun 21:35✓✓

Espescially a tough one who likes it rough.

Sehun 21:35✓✓

....

Luhan 21:36✓✓

... okay.

Luhan 21:36✓✓

Yeah, a tough one who ain't too smart.

Sehun 21:35✓✓

She can wear minis too, as long as she's not my style.

Sehun 21:37✓✓

Did your pituitary gland explode or something?

Luhan 21:37✓✓

wtf

Luhan 21:38✓✓

A gf that lets me kick her till she flies unconditionally.

Sehun 21:39✓✓

like whoooooossssshhhhhh

Sehun 21:39✓✓

IM FRIGGIN STRESSED DAMMIT

Sehun 21:39✓✓

wat

Luhan 15:39✓✓

... u want a punching bag, not a gf

Luhan 21:39✓✓

and i'm actually the ambassador of the anti-bullying web program

Luhan 21:39✓✓

So I might just ignore you.

Luhan 21:40✓✓

One advice. You might wanna talk to a shrink though. And take Minseok along, that guy's rocking himself at the corner of my room right now.

Luhan 21:40✓✓

I'm striking up a deathly serious conversation right now.

Sehun 21:41✓✓

... i know.

Luhan 21:41✓✓

rofl, is he wif a rabbit?

Sehun 21:42✓✓

Great minds think alike. So do insane minds.

Luhan 21:42✓✓

Yeah he is, wai.

Jummyeon 21:43✓✓

Btw I dink you're having an attack of the hormones, dude.

Luhan 21:44✓✓

I'm not!

Sehun 21:44✓✓

I have no lusty desire whatsoever.

Yongguk 21:45✓✓

I. JUST. WANNA. KICK. SOMEONE.

Baekhyun 21:45✓✓

... legally.

Sehun 21:46✓✓

go kick Samuel.

Luhan 21:46✓✓

too bad you don't have a lil bro.

Luhan 21:47✓✓

I don't have a brother, and it's too late to ask for one for the sole purpose of kicking him when he's age-approved by my individually constructed legislation to satisfy my sadistic tendencies.

Sehun 21:48✓✓

Step 1, choose a family member.

Luhan 21:49✓✓

Step 2, kick.

Luhan 21:49✓✓

Step 3, prepare to be disowned.

Luhan 21:50✓✓

wow.

Sehun 21:50✓✓

u really are a maniac.

Sehun 21:50✓✓

you live with your grandparents at home right? And your parents...

Luhan 21:50✓✓

Good luck choosing someone appropriate.

Luhan 21:51✓✓

Just die.

Sehun 21:51✓✓

XD You're so very welcome.

Luhan 21:52✓✓

*

Him Chan

Last seen today at 16.30

uh, you could just walk over and talk to me, you know? Instead of spamming my notifications with fanfiction links.

Him Chan 21:52✓✓

Ey, tell you something funny.

Daehyun 21:53✓✓

uh huh

Him Chan 21:53✓✓

Heechul's stalking Minseok.

Daehyun 21:53✓✓

I know.

Him Chan 21:53✓✓

How'd you know anyway? We were alone when Minseok told me.

Him Chan 21:54✓✓

Pfft, that's amateur for a sheer proof of awesomeness like me.

Daehyun 21:54✓✓

How can I miss a HeeMin moment.

Daehyun 21:54✓✓

I'm SO putting this into my fanfics.

Daehyun 21:55✓✓

And the rest of EXO ships them and they don't even know!.. that kind of storyline.

Daehyun 21:55✓✓

ah... the Karma. And the sweet, sweet comments.

Daehyun 21:55✓✓

I may even open up a fan cafe for them

Daehyun 21:55✓✓

please, please, don't.

Him Chan 21:55✓✓

and name the OTP shippers poodles or something.

Daehyun 15:56✓✓

or beagles

Daehyun 15:56✓✓

Beagle Line?

Him Chan 21:57✓✓

or Pugs!

Daehyun 15:56✓✓

Wth

Him Chan 21:57✓✓

Hmm... is terrier better?

Daehyun 21:57✓✓

Or pomeranians?

Daehyun 15:58✓✓

Beagle.

Him Chan 21:59✓✓

Oooohhh!!! Bullpugs!

Daehyun 21:59✓✓

Hybrids!

Daehyun 22:00✓✓

What. Is. That.

Him Chan 22:00✓✓

Or teacups!

Daehyun 22:00✓✓

Hmmm...

Daehyun 22:00✓✓

No.

Him Chan 22:01✓✓

No.

Him Chan 22:02✓✓

No.

Him Chan 22:03✓✓

Okay, then... Ooooh!!!!

Daehyun 22:04✓✓

Puffers!

Daehyun 22:04✓✓

Like Puffer Fishes

Daehyun 22:04✓✓

Dass food for thought. Cuz they're dangerous yet puffy.

Daehyun 22:04✓✓

Dass a combo of Heemin!

Daehyun 22:05✓✓

I'm a genious!

Daehyun 22:05✓✓

.... u might as well call them wantons.

Him Chan 22:05✓✓

Like Xiumin's Baozi.

Him Chan 22:05✓✓

I give up.

Him Chan 22:05✓✓

Puffers!

Daehyun 22:06✓✓

No, wait. People may call them buffers.

Daehyun 22:06✓✓

And Heechul is anything but buff.

Him Chan 22:06✓✓

Plus, that is NOT an innocent term in the gay dictionary.

Daehyun 22:06✓✓

So I've been told.

Daehyun 22:06✓✓

Not that I'm familiar with the gay world.

Daehyun 22:06✓✓

.... Really.

Him Chan 22:06✓✓

imma ignore u for a while. U keep talking.

Him Chan 22:06✓✓

Fine. What about teapots?

Daehyun 22:07✓✓

Cuz Minseok's face reminds me of a teapot.

Daehyun 22:07✓✓

What. No.

Him Chan 22:07✓✓

And I'm gonna tell him you said that.

Him Chan 22:07✓✓

urm...

Daehyun 22:07✓✓

Ladyboy shippers?

Daehyun 22:07✓✓

Nah, dass mean.

Daehyun 22:07✓✓

Even tho Xiumin is drop-dead cute.

Daehyun 22:08✓✓

....

Him Chan 22:08✓✓

r u even aware of what that term means in Thailand?

Him Chan 22:08✓✓

Hmmm...

Daehyun 22:09✓✓

Beagle-puffers sounds legit.

Daehyun 22:09✓✓

Even tho that sounds like a disturbingly sick aftermath of a hybrid cross project.

Daehyun 22:09✓✓

Sounds like your brain.

Him Chan 22:10✓✓

Nemos!

Daehyun 22:10✓✓

No wait, Nemo ain't a breed.

Daehyun 22:10✓✓

May as well call them Marlins.

Daehyun 22:10✓✓

... or Bruces.

Him Chan 22:11✓✓

Or Dorys.

Him Chan 22:11✓✓

Or Squirts.

Him Chan 22:20✓✓

...

Daehyun 22:20✓✓

Im gonna go do something better now.

Him Chan 22:20✓✓

....

Him Chan 22:20✓✓

Daehyun u there?

Him Chan 22:20✓✓

Wai the hell m i being judged now.

Him Chan 22:20✓✓

*

"Make 'em spit it out!" Tao screamed and this was followed by the sound of Yixing gagging as Yongguk and Jongup attempted to pry open his mouth at the same time (Yongguk pulled down his lower jaw whilst Jong Up took the entire cranium in his grip). Everyone in the room had leapt up from their chair.

"Hurry up before he swallows it!" Minseok, who had magically sprung out from within the broom cupboard, was practically screaming his head off unhelpfully. He was also waving an overdressed rabbit in his hands.

Both Yongguk and Jong Up's brutesque efforts were then rewarded by the 'glorious' gurgle and an abrupt gulp emitting from Yixing's throat, as the Chinese EXO member nearly choked to death with the swallow. A horrible reflective silence falls, followed by what sounded like a debate in Spartan parliament, involving the traditional string of profanities, courtesy of Minseok.

"Never again," Minseok almost pulled his hair out, "never again do I want to hear him break into his Lady Heehee obsession again," then with the speed no one would have expected of his short limbs, sped out of the room, the rabbit flying behind him.

"Never again!"

"What the heck is going on?" Kris appeared, clad in only a towel over his waist and a yellow rubber ducky perched on his head. Yongguk slid a palm over Jong Up's eyes hastily.

"Hey," Tao whined, "that's my towel."

"What's going on?" Kris repeated with a suspiscious glance at Yixing.

"He accidentally downed a bottle of cooking sherry," Yongguk explained as Yixing hiccuped invincible bubbles of air. His eyes were half-closed and starry, staring into the distance between Jong Up and Yongguk in a sort of ecstatic stance.

"Great," Tao groaned, "what do we do now?," pointing rudely with one finger between Yixing's eyes, "he's gonna be drunk for the rest of his life, isn't he?"

"Well, at least Jongin's out of his competition now," Baekhyun muttered as Junmyeon appeared with Chanyeol, a bemused look on his face.

"Guys..." Jong Up interjected cautiously as Yixing started to sway in his seat, "he... doesn't look too good."

Sure enough, Yixing's upper torso was wavering as the alcohol took effect on his intolerant system, plunging him into a physical cross between a meditating drunkard and a heavily-caffeinated snake charmer. His eyeballs rolled upwards in perfect synchronize with his eyelids that slid shut and his back hit the the chair with one last shudder. Then, he lay still, slumped over the chair like a rag doll. Yongguk and Kris exchanged glances.

"I really hope he's insured," Yongguk whispered. Kris nodded.

"Quick! Resuscitate him!" Baekhyun was the first to offer a logical, yet hysterical command, and immediately Tao stepped up, only to be dragged back by Junmyeon, who rationally explained to him in a corner that attacking the unconscious member with nun-chucks was going to do nothing but kill him. Baekhyun and Jong Up were slightly more helpful, with Jong Up pressing clumsily on Yixing's chest and Baehyun pulling Yixing's hair violently.

Kris just yawned and dried his hair. But he started taking notice that Yixing was taking longer than expected to respond to the violence.

"Has he opened his eyes yet?"

"Only when Baekhyun peeled them open."

"He's not waking up," Baekhyun was on the verge of tears and Yongguk filled a mug with water. Chanyeol placed a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder, his own lower lip quivering.

"Is he breathing?"

"Is he dead?"

"He might've OD-ed, or..." Jong Up's voice shook, genuine fear evolving from his incoherent sentence.

"Hey, Yixing! Wake up, man," Kris shook the comatose member aggressively, "c'mon, quit scaring us."

"Yixing, it ain't funny man!" Chanyeol bellowed and Baekhyun covered his own damp eyes.

"Yixing!"

"Lay!"

"I don't think he's breathing," Junmyeon breathed, his eyes b with glittering tears.

"No, Yixing!," Kris shook him again and took the outstretched mug from Yongguk's hands, splashing the contents full force and point blank into Yixing's face. The splash seemed to comfort him, as the impact of the water hit the unconscious Chinese's feature, dribbling down the caves and curves of his face. But his expectations were crushed when Yixing merely slumped sideways, his fingers sliding down between his legs. Junmyeon's grip tightened on Tao's jacket until the knuckles turned white and he fought back a new sniff forming in his nasal cavity.

"Yixing," Kris' voice elevated," Yixing!"

"C'mon Lay," Jong Up whimpered, shaking Yixing's other hand, "wake up."

"Yixing!"

"Yixing!"

The atmosphere in the kitchen seemed to dampen with wet darkness, and air suddenly stifling and humid. Their hearts felt as though ice was pressed against them, and Kris felt as though someone had walked over his grave. Yixing still did not respond. Finally, Kris released him and let his head slump into his hands and racking sobs filled the room, spreading through the others like a plague. All except Tao.

For one, Tao was what everyone called the 'Useless Maknae'. He wasn't evil like Kyuhyun, wasn't cheek-pinchingly-adorable like Taemin, didn't stand out vertically like Zelo or hold a poker face as long as Sehun could. However, the name in which he had been tagged was inaplicable, as Tao was anything but useless. He could dance like a rap as well as Jongin, dance as well as any member in the dance line, and strike out some mean styles of wushu sets. For another, he was the most aegyo-ish member in EXO, with the ever flaming spirit to aegyo out any member to bend to his whim and want. Thirdly, he also like Kris, and when Kris starts crying, Tao is not one happy panda.

Like the Hulk, he ripped his arm from the clutches of a bewildered Junmyeon, ripped up his sleeves to reveal toned muscles, flexed his fingers in one abrupt and fluid motion, clenched them with his thumb 90 degress over the others, pressed his knuckles against his left palm to flatten the surface and before anyone could protest, landed a solid punch straight onto Yixing's chest. The impact sent Yixing's neck slumping swiftly forwards and a cough was retched out from between the wet lips. Everyone's heartbeat immediately quickened and relief washed over them like Niagara as Yixing fell forwards, clutching at Kris shirt and Tao's outstretched arm, coughing violently and heaving sweet breaths of air. In his relief, Junmyeon hugged Yongguk, squeezing the taller member into a skinnier pulp. Then...

"Merlin's beard!"

Kris' head snapped up, his eyes leveling with Yixing to see him staring at him with a mixture of horror, awe and...

"You're EXO's Kris!"

Everyone seemed to freeze again.

"And you're Tao!," Yixing's eyes widened, his hand flying to his mouth, he glanced around the room, taking in each member's bewildered expression before, "and you're B.A.P's Yongguk and Jong Up! EXO-K's Leader Suho and ChanYeol and Bacon!"

"Bacon?" Baekhyun repeated monotously.

"Good Heavens," Yixing's face crinkled into a delighted smile that spread from his dimples to his ears, "is this a dream?"

"Uh, Yixing...?" Chanyeol murmured cautiously and Kris shook Tao's shoulders hysterically.

"You beat the IQ out of him, you idiot!"

"Well, you're welcome!" Tao yelled back, afronted.

"Taoris is real!," Yixing didn't help the situation, instead rubbed his eyes and gushed on, "oh, I really am a huge fan of B.A.P and EXO!"

"Huh?" everyone in the room chorused.

"Hello," Yixing stood (leapt) up and made a little spasm towards everyones direction that they took it as a funny salute, "I'm Yixing, and I like warm hugs!"

Silence.

"Yixing, are you okay?" Junmyeon asked timidly, "I mean, have you forgotten that you are an EXO member?" Yixing, who had snapped towards Junmyeon's direction eagerly when the EXO-K leader spoke, widened his eyes all the more at his sentence until the others thought they would pop out.

"Nah," they went back to normal size as Yixing contemplated Junmyeon's sentence, "I don't have the honour and talent."

"You've gotta be kidding me," Yongguk shook his head.

"Don't. Have. The. Talent.," Baekhyun enunciated, his teeth gritted, "let me cry."

"Should we make him drink more alcohol?," Chanyeol held up the bottle, "see if we can have some kind of reverse reaction."

"I doubt it," Junmyeon snatched the bottle from his grip.

"Oh, this is just amazing!," Yixing whooped, hyperventilating with excitement.

Everyone the room exchanged glances.

"I'll get scissors."

"I'll get some blindfold."

"I'll get tape."

"And I'll... get some more alcohol."

"Guys," Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows and pinched the bridge of his nose, "NO."

This was Siwon's scenario all over again.

a/n Sorry bout the hiatus, I've been having writer'r block till recently. I didn't want to put in anymore sickeningly short chapters for my crack fics, cause they make me feel as if the chapter's done impromptu in a ditch or something. (wth do I mean by that, I dono sobs*)

(Psst, 1004 is amazing. The dance breaks are like wow!)

Yixing.... is still drunk. He's pretty normal, meaning that he doesn't break into 'Hee' any more, but his memories are lost. Haha.

I'm evil cuz I luv him.

Btw credits to iLuvYesung and myself for our special brand of humour. Our craziness inspired this chapter.

Olaf lurves ya! Thanks for sticking to me, I'll make it an effort to update as soon as I can!

Peace out, GwagHyeYu at you.