MY GOOD MEMORIES
My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark
CHAPTIRE 5 MY GOOD MEMORIES
“Yunho?”
“What?”
“Do you remember how we met?”
Jaejoong lay on Yunho’s belly reading the schedule for their group’s next activities.
The smooth tummy made soothing digestive noises that calmed Jaejoong’s nerves somehow.
Yunho looked down towards his best friend and stifled a laugh.
“Yeah, you were like a damsel in distress.”
Jaejoong scowled and punched Yunho in the arm. To which the younger looked at him with a feigned innocent expression.
“You were very adorable that day. Ever since then, I couldn’t get your face off of my mind.”
Blushing, the eldest gave a quick peck to Yunho’s cheek and rotated his own cheeks towards the direction of his pillow. He wrapped his arms around Yunho’s waist and clung onto him for warmth.
“Yunho…do you think we’ll debut soon?”
“Of course. The four of us have the strongest personalities of SM. Nobody can challenge us!”
Yunho covered him with a blanket. The scent of the soft fabric hit Jaejoong’s nose as he began to flow into dream land, remembering his most favorite days.
2001- continued
The car’s driver yelled out a string of profanities and drove on.
Two teenagers stood in the shadows of a tall tree- in each other’s embrace.
Jaejoong stared into Yunho’s eyes with a startled expression on his face.
It was as if all time had stopped.
He was lost within those brown glistening irises, highlighted by the moon, and shaped like almonds-reflecting his own face right back. Realization of the current situation suddenly hit him.
He felt like one of those damsels in a drama, rescued by prince charming.
Perhaps the sudden cluster of emotions creeping up from his stomach and spreading to his chest were from the accident he nearly experienced.
‘Must have been the adrenaline. Oh god I'm going to throw up.’
Quickly, gathering his bearings, he pushed himself away from Yunho’s arms. Attempting to mend what was left of his now shattered manhood.
The atmosphere felt thick. Everything was at a sudden stand still. Not a single whip of wind or a cricket to break the ice.
Stumbling onto a tree for support, Jaejoong’s expression suddenly turned cold and unreadable. His nails dug into the bark roughly. He kept his eyes on the ground.-concentrating to keep his face neutral.
He pouted in frustration because he must’ve looked like a total sissy. He dusted off his pants and attempted to fix his wild hair.
Yunho stood there, dumbfounded by the weird kid. He cocked his head to one side like a puppy. His eyes grew wider as he realized Jaejoong’s right elbow was bleeding. His sweat shirt was torn and the raw skin clearly visible with asphalt imprints and bits of dirt.
“Oh my god you’re bleeding!” he exclaimed. Quickly he ran over to the shorter male’s side and grabbed the injured arm to inspect it. Jaejoong felt intimidated by Yunho’s presence.
It felt awkward because he knew him, but Yunho had no idea who he was. He felt like a nobody in front of the golden boy. He tried to keep his distance.
“Let me go! Just leave me alone!”
He pushed Yunho's hands aside. 'He has pretty hands too...why are you perfect?'
Yunho’s puppy-like concerned expression suddenly turned icy.
“Listen,” he began, “I’m just trying to help you. I just saved your life- the least you can do is thank me. What the hell are you doing out in the middle of the night, when there is a gang war happening right now?”
Jaejoong stood there expressionless. He didn’t know what to say to that. He was still new to the neighborhood and didn't fully understand all the dynamics.
“I j-just, came to practice…” he said in a low whisper.
“What? Practice what? These areas are dangerous after midnight-”
“I’m a trainee at SM.”
Yunho looked over Jaejoong’s clothing once more and realized that he’s seen him earlier.
Suddenly he burst out laughing.
“Oh my god, are you the kid who was dancing earlier? Man, your dancing needs a lot of wo- you know what, never mind.”
Jaejoong’s ears turned red. He was so embarrassed. He was ready for a string of insults to be thrown in his direction, so he turned his facial expression into stone and glared right through Yunho’s head.
The taller male, on the other hand, just smiled at him and disregarded the cold stares. He took off his jeans jacket, and ripped a sleeve off of his white shirt. Grabbing Jaejoong’s arm, he wrapped it around the injured area to prevent an infection. He took the jacket and put it around Jaejoong to keep him warm- whose face was laden with confusion.
“Let’s get you to a hospital to get that fixed.”
Yunho lead him to a rusty seventy’s American car that appeared to be used and broken down. The red paint was chipping off, barely holding itself together.
It matched Yunho’s current personality and a tad bit of his own. It was broken down and battered on the outside but on the inside of the interior, it felt warm and welcoming. That was how Jaejoong felt.
“What’s your name?” Yunho turned his head to Jaejoong, seating him in the front and put a seat belt around him for safety.
“Jae…Jaejoong…”
“My name is Yunho,” he said cheerfully.
“Oh…I already know…”
“Really?” Yunho looked at him with a curious face.
“Are you dumb? Everyone knows who you are.” Jaejoong looked at Yunho’s face. It was pure. No arrogance.
“Oh,” suddenly his face brightened.
Jaejoong looked at Yunho questioningly, “Wait…aren’t you a little young to be driving?”
Yunho flicked Jaejoong’s nose and replied, “Obviously. I’m waiting for a hyung of mine to drive us to the hospital. We just have to wait five minutes, he might be drinking right now. Unlike some people I don’t travel alone-”
“Excuse me, you are letting some drunk drive us to a hospital, that makes sense to you? I’m supposed to be afraid of some thugs, when I might as well get into a car accident here and now. What was the point of saving me Mr. Prince charming?”
Jaejoong’s face turned a shade of white as he realized the words he allowed to slip from his tongue.
He coughed and turned his head around roughly to avoid confrontation.
A figure began to approach the car. Yunho was leaning against the open car door and welcomed a red-haired …woman?
Jaejoong squinted his eyes trying to figure out the identity of the arms that went around Yunho’s neck.
“Yunho-yah,” a manly voice began to slur a string of words, “What happened? It's happy hour. You called me out here so early in the night? Ugh, for s sake, what happened to the shirt I loaned you?”
“Heechul-hyung, it's 2 am, not happy hour- one of our own got hurt today. I need you to help me take him to the hospital. Are you in any state to drive?”
“Oh , what happened?”
Heechul looked over Yunho’s shoulders and saw a smaller teenager covered in Yunho’s jacket shivering from the cold.
Jaejoong looked back at the odd man-lady through the corners of his eyes, taking in his appearance.
The hair was long, tied up in a pony tail, a striking red color against pale skin.
He had bangs that framed his face, giving him a more younger feminine appearance. He wore a pink dress shirt with ruffles that was tucked in some beige trousers and the whole ensemble became complete with a white cashmere scarf wrapped around his long neck. What a weird fashion sense.
“Oh dear, what the hell are you morons doing out so late?” Heechul pushed Yunho out of the way to get a closer view of Jaejoong who was now falling asleep from fatigue.
Yunho went to the back of the car, while Jaejoong slept in the front. “Hyung are you sure you can drive in your state?”
“Yunho-yah, don’t insult me, I’m not a light weight,” dramatically Heechul crossed his palms across his chest. “Plus I only drank two bottles of soju. If this car crashes, I don’t give a anyways. It’s so ugly and doesn’t flatter my eyes at all. I won it in a bet. Care to tell me what’s going on?”
Heechul quickly sat in the driver’s seat, his skilled hands guided him towards the destination they needed to go to.
The youngest fiddled with the fabric of his jeans, eyes not leaving the sleeping figure.
“Yun, he’ll be fine. Where did you find him?” The eldest understood the worry in Yunho’s eyes.
“He’s from SM, a trainee like us.”
Heechul looked over Jaejoong’s face. “He’s got nice skin. Pretty lips. I like him already. I think we’ll get along very well. But, I have never seen him around before.”
Yunho laughed at the tone of his narcissistic friend’s voice.
“Heerobong just pay attention to the road. He’s off limits-”
Heechul cocked an eyebrow and smirked, “Oh really? Have you already claimed him for yourself?” He teased his dongsaeng.
Yunho blushed at the statement, “N-no! Of course not! He’s not ugly. I mean, I don’t even know him! Heechul shut up. I have a girlfriend.”
“Is that the same idiot girlfriend who broke up with you because she thought you were cheating on her with me? Who thought I was a woman? Even I am more beautiful than her, obvious fact. I am appalled you are still with this idiot female.”
“Hyung, she’s not an idiot and you really do look like a girl. Anybody could make that mistake.”
“Whatever,” The red-head rolled his eyes, “You always protect others and stand up for what’s right. When are you going to be honest with yourself? That is my biggest concern. She’s not right for you.”
“Hyung, let me make that decision for myself. At the moment she’s the only thing I have. She’s giving me support, the only one who understands me. My father is still not talking to me. I have nobody.”
Understanding his dongsaeng, Heechul nodded and made a turn.
Tapping the driver’s wheel he Yunho’s favorite S.E.S song mixes to keep his mind off of all the worries- for the time being.
“You’re not alone. You have your friends. I will always be loyal to you, no matter what.”
Heechul sighed heavily and looked over to his right. The pale trainee next to him was stirring awake.
The drive to the hospital was quiet after that.
Jaejoong looked outside of the car window, taking in the scenery that passed by quickly as they drove. The clusters of lights in Seoul city at night were beautiful. Different colors and different people. Sometimes students running outside, coming home late from school, lugging their heavy knapsacks.
But, they had difficulties leaving the hospital.
One of the nurses mistook Jaejoong for a junkie. They judged his outer appearance as if he were a criminal. His disheveled greasy black hair, the black circles beneath his eyes,his pale skin, and the baggy dirty clothes set off the radar.
A police officer came and it took them three hours to clear him of any accusations. Because of his use of satori language, he felt like an outsider, he had a hard time adjusting to the Seoul dialect. Clearly so did Yunho and Heechul. The three boys felt frustrated.
Yunho and Heechul stood by Jaejoong’s side. Both of them spoke proudly about him as if they knew him for his entire life.
Heechul scoffed and gestured his hands all over the place, “Oh my goodness, is this how the justice system of South Korea works? Unbelievable! Outrageous! You should all be shipped off to North Korea! My poor little brother!”
Heechul suddenly grabbed Jaejoong’s face and held him close to his chest as if he were a baby and continued his endless tirade, “Baby, I am so sorry it had to come to this. Us beautiful males to be put into such a shameful situation. How dare they. These ugly nurses. My dear I am so sorry. May the gods have mercy on their souls. Our poor sick mother works her off every day planting-”
Yunho tried to control his giggles as he watched Jaejoong paralyzed to the floor of the hospital as Heechul did however he pleased with his face.
The nurses quickly apologized and backed away from the frantic red-head. The police officer still didn't understand the situation and slowly back away for more important things. Like a murder case.
Jaejoong pried Heechul’s fingers off of his face that held onto him with an iron grip. He scanned Yunho’s face with his eyes full of questions.
“Jae, relax. Heechul is an actor.”
The red-head looked at Jae with a bright smile, “My dear, if you ever hear me speak of god, I might be drunk or I recently had a concussion.”
Yunho pushed Heechul aside playfully, “ Oh c’mon, Siwon is going to get mad at you.”
“Yunho, does my face look like it cares?”
Jaejoong grew frustrated with their banter and began to walk home.
“Pretty boy, where do you think you’re going?” Heechul grabbed Yunho and ran towards Jaejoong. “It’s still dark outside. Some guy might mistake you for his girlfriend.”
Yunho laughed, “Hyung I think that guy might be you tonight.”
“Yeah? You’re ting me!” Heechul rolled his eyes. “So you admit he’s pretty.” He teased Yunho some more.
Jaejoong heard the entire conversation and began to walk even faster. He felt shivers down his spine alone from Heechul's presence.
Of course he couldn't outrun them. They ended up spending the night together walking in the park. The car ran out of gas, they had no money, so they had to wait for another one of their friends to come along and pick them up.
Jaejoong distanced himself as much as he could.
“So, Kim Jaejoong, I am Kim Heechul, nice to meet you,” Heechul held his hand out like a lady. Jaejoong didn’t know how to react to that.
“Heechul hyung, be serious.” Yunho scolded him with amusement spreading all over his face.
“I’m just playing around. The alcohol already left my system. Jae, what group are you in? Anybody we know?”
After a few moments of silence Jaejoong began to speak, his voice a little hoarse from disuse.
“Oh…I’m still new. I don’t really know anybody. They didn't put me in a group yet.”
“That’s not true. Now you know, Yunho and me! We’ll introduce you to some more of our friends. Yunho tell him about your group members.”
Yunho frowned and looked up to the stars. This conversation became an annoying topic for him.
“Yunho what’s the matter?” Heechul looked at him with concern.
“They left again. I’m by myself.”
“Well, don’t worry I’m sure they’ll find another group for you.”
Yunho snorted, “That’s bull. I’m tired of false promises. I think the company does this on purpose. They don’t want to see me be successful. Or this is the work of god. I disappointed my father and came all the way out here against his wishes. This is punishment. Just when I come close to success, it all falls apart.”
“That’s no way to talk. Your hard work will be recognized soon. You have talent,” Heechul tried his best to soothe his dongsaneg’s worries. Jaejoong became concerned. Still new to company he was shocked to hear that the most popular trainee in all of SM had so many troubles. He definitely didn't have a chance.
“Hey Jae, want to know why Heechul doesn’t have a group?” Yunho looked over to Jaejoong who sat on the grass. Heechul quickly tackled Yunho to the ground and pinched his cheeks playfully.
Yunho laughed out loud, his cute teeth became visible. Jaejoong’s expression softened and began to smile at the adorable sight.
“It’s b-mm-cau- mmmff- HYUNG! Let go!” Heechul tossed his victim aside, red face matching his hair. He didn’t like physical activities, including torture.
Playfully he kicked Yunho’s .
“It’s because all his group mates think he worships Satan, so they all run away.”
“That’s not true. It’s because I’m too old. Aish, whatever it’s not important.”
The three continued to lay on the grass. The night was almost over. The sun was going to come up soon.
“Yunho, I just called Jung-soo. He can’t pick us up, but he sent Young-woon instead with some train tickets and money. Ugh, I hope that bear doesn’t get lost.”
They got up and started walking around the park. Jaejoong still kept to himself, but he felt a lot happier having some company around him.
A homeless drunk began prancing towards Heechul with a smile on his face, "Hey pretty lady how about a night with me? Ah I love adorable princesses like you. So feminine and pretty. I bet you have a nice rack."
"Yes and I have a nice and juicy feminine to go along with it, would you like to see it?" Heechul gave him a terse reply in his most deepest voice.
", I definitely drank too much-" The drunk man passed out on the grass.
Heechul rolled his eyes and looked at him with disgust.
Yunho whispered a quick comment to Jaejoong, "He hates it when people mistake him for a girl."
"So why does he dress like one?"
Yunho stifled another giggle fit.
"What are you es laughing about? Yunho shut your face. Don't corrupt his mind."
Before long the sun began to come up and Young-woon finally arrived. He was slightly taller than Yunho. His face was round, his ears were sticking out. His eyebrows had a strong presence. A cigarette was sticking out of his mouth. The first words that came out of his mouth was a list of profanities.
Jaejoong didn't know whether this was a thug or a trainee. he felt scared. Yunho was full on happy with his hyung's arrival. He put an arm around Jaejoong's shoulders and this calmed his expression.
"You little , how long does it take to ride a train?" Heechul grabbed the cigarette out of Young-woon's lips and put it to his own.
"Hey that was mine!"
", you're too young to smoke."
"What the man."
Yunho stepped in between them, "Guys come on, relax, it's been a long day, let's just go home."
Yunho usually spent most of his time with the other dancer trainees, but this time he began to notice Jaejoong's presence wherever he went. Back at the dance hall he would give a death glare to anyone who dared laugh or make fun of his new friend.
He became protective because Jaejoong never fought back. He allowed people say mean and hurtful things to him.
Heechul naturally followed his dongsaeng anywhere he went, protective of Yunho as well. The same cluster of friends followed them around. A lot of them were around there for a long time. It was difficult to graduate out of the trainee life.
One of their high-lights was when Shinhwa came to visit and give them pointers.
But things weren't always splendid.
A fight broke out in the cafeteria between a foreign trainee and one of the native trainees. The foreign trainee by the name of Hankyung, was trying to defend himself against insults towards his Chinese background. Jaejoong quickly ran to his side to aid him. Taking no part in the fist fight.
This was a normal occurrence. SM was trying to expand their market and so they brought in new trainees from different countries. Hankyung was Chinese and struggling to speak in Korean. The natives felt nationalistic and threatened.
Heechul who felt the need to stand up for fair treatment-was pissed. For the first time in his life he set aside his sanity and punched the trainee in blind fury.
Yunho held Heechul back and Young-woon took on the native trainee on his own, teaching him a lesson. He stood no chance fighting against them and ran off crying.
From that day, everyone knew of their quartet. The Gruesome Foul Mouthed Four. Their tempers combined can cause the Earth to shake.
The company's CEOs kept their eyes on them. Fearing they can cause too much trouble and damage to their company.
By their characteristics standards, Heechul would never be able to fit in a group. His personality was too hot and he wasn't getting any younger. Not leader material either.
Young-woon was too much of a slacker, also a strong personality. He will definitely not do.
Yunho had a top star attitude, but still did not have the looks that they needed in a star.
Jaejoong was much too quiet. His face was certainly unique, but he was too much of an introvert. He lacked color.
So, indeed, it would be simpler to put the four together officially. A recipe for a disaster all on its own. They'll fall apart soon. When that happened they can easily kick them out. The only thing the company had to do was tell them a string of lies and promises.
Eventually, they can make room for more relevant trainees they recruited on their own. This is show business. Sometimes things just don't work out.
The four received the good news of their new project group, dubbed Four Seasons. Full of happiness and joy, they went out of their way to work even harder.
Yunho gave a proud toast, "Guys, we have to work hard and persevere. We can't give up. Every single day is important from now on. The more effort we put in, the more we will improve. Here's to a bright future!"
Young-woon got up and gave his dongsaeng a hug, "I'm so proud of us. I will be sure to lead us all well. Heechul I'm sorry you didn't become the leader. Jaejoong, I will make sure he won't pick on you. Yunho-yah, stay cute and adorable as you are. But, grow up to be manly. Keep spraying that aftershave I gave you, one day you'll grow into it." He gave Yunho a quick wink and rustled his hair.
Heechul stuck his tongue out, "I'm too busy to be leader. I need my beauty sleep. You're ugly already so they gave your the job."
Jaejoong and Yunho smiled to each other. Heechul passed out drunk, Young-woon carried him back to his dorm.
They had more time for themselves now.
"So...how's your girlfriend?" Jaejoong began to ask, "If you don't mind me asking that is."
"Ah that," Yunho popped a piece of meat into his mouth, "I broke up with her again."
"What? I thought you were in love? Didn't the candles and flowers work?"
"No, I caught her cheating."
Shock filled Jaejoong's face, "Oh god I'm so sorry."
Yunho smiled, "No, it's ok. It must've of been more difficult for her. I was always busy. It's better for us both. Plus, she's also a musician. Her voice is beautiful. Maybe one day...anyway....what about you? Your girlfriend?"
Jaejoong kept his eyes on his plate, "We broke up. But, it's fine I suppose."
"What happened?"
"She thought I wasn't manly enough...wanted more from me than I could give."
"Jae...you're handsome. Perfect and caring, don't allow people to tell you otherwise." Yunho began to compliment his friend, who was now blushing at the kind words. "Aish, who needs women anyways! We have each other!"
Once again the atmosphere felt odd. Yunho cleared his throat in embarrassment, realizing how weird his comment sounded.
"Uh, a-anyway," Jaejoong felt anxiety building up in his stomach, suddenly got up, trying to catch the waitress' attention.
"Jaejoongie watch out!"
Not seeing the decorative ornament in front of him, especially in his drunken state, Jaejoong felt dizzy as his legs tangled beneath him. He began to fall.
Yunho quickly got up and tried to cushion the landing with his body. Awkwardly Jaejoong's hands grabbed at his shirt and they both tumbled down-
They lay in a weird position. Thankfully they were in a private booth.
Yunho lay still, arms at his sides, not making any movements. Only his chest remained rising up and down. Jaejoong lay on top of him, his body spread over Yunho's. He felt every detail of Jaejoong's body on his own. Every rib, every contour, even as he breathed, he would feel the foreign movement and beating of his heart.
Both of them were wide-eyed and frozen like statues.
Their lips were just centimeters apart.
Yunho tasted the alcohol coming from Jaejoong's mouth. The shorter male had a closer view of Yunho's face now. He noticed the mole just on top of his lips.
Then the lips.
Subconsciously he his own.
Yunho kept staring.
The sudden gestures of the boy on top of him made him gulp. The pink round lips, glossy with saliva.
Desire filled his chest.
Almost simultaneously as if reading each other's thoughts they brought their lips together. Eyes closed. Relaxed for the first time in their life. Not thinking about anything.
Naturally Yunho brought his hands to Jaejoong's thin waist. Still on the floor he flipped their positions. Now he was on top. Jaejoong was in between his legs. He kept his fingers tangled in Yunho's hair, not wanting to separate from him. Yunho's jawline became more visible, a vein popping out.
After the hot make out session. The alcohol left their systems. The felt weird. Guilty, but not quite.
They sat on opposite ends of the private booth.
"It was just the alcohol," Yunho began to say.
"Y-yea...we shouldn't drink." Jaejoong replied.
Clearly they felt something, since the first time they laid their eyes on each other. Neither one of them wanted to admit that at the moment.
Jaejoong felt frustrated with his feelings.
For that brief moment he felt good. He didn't feel scared. He didn't want to reject his feelings. He let go of his worries. Making up his mind, to test his feelings once again, he approached Yunho-
" this"
He grabbed Yunho's face with both his hands and crushed their lips together. The youngest didn't protest.
***
They became best friends and a little more than that.
Jaejoong didn't know what kind of relationship they had, but he felt happy having someone by his side. Sweet words lead to small touches, lead to more touches, which lead to kisses. They kept their relationship a secret.
Heechul would look at them, leering at their behavior.
"You guys are too happy, if you've been ing around with drugs, I swear I will ing kill you both!"
The two teenagers exchanged secret glances and burst out laughing. The red-haired male looked at them both squinting his eyes suspiciously.
"I will get to the bottom of this you little ers."
Jung soo walked into the dance hall with a new kid stringing along behind him.
"Ok, guys gather round. Donghae please stop playing with the matches. Who gave him matches? Heechul? I told you not to give him dangerous things."
"I did no such thing!" he said in his most dramatic voice.
Jung soo cleared his throat once again, "Anyway, we have a new trainee, introduce yourself please."
"Umm, my name is Park Yoochun. Nice to meet you all." The kid stood there staring at all the curious faces.
"Hey kid, you look like Tony Ahn. Are you also a 'specially recruited foreigner,' your Korean ! "
Yoochun felt uncomfortable.
"Ok, that's enough, he is indeed Korean, he grew up in ia, and now he is here because he is aspiring to become a musician just like the rest of you. Enough of these judgments and fighting. If I hear one more thing about violence within the company, I will personally make sure you get kicked out."
Jaejoong looked up at the scared eyes of the new trainee. Yunho understood his expression and gestured to him to welcome the new addition to their SM family.
2001- END
-Phil Collins, Strangers Like Me
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