“Dr. Kim, I’m here.” Kyuhyun sat down on the chair as he waited for his doctor to give him a drink. The atmosphere was grim, but Dr. Kim still managed a smile nonetheless.

“So, I heard from Ryeowook. Why isn’t he here today?” Dr. Kim asked, flipping through Kyuhyun’s file. The casual talks doctors always have for their patients were really annoying to Kyuhyun, but he answered anyway.

 “He’s coming later. He has stuff to settle.” His voice was cold and emotionless, but Dr. Kim could understand. Most cancer patients behave the same way.

“So for to-”                                                                                

“Dr. Kim,” Kyuhyun cut him off. “I believe there’s nothing much we can talk about. The medicine, it hasn’t really worked.” Kyuhyun’s cold eyes stared into the elder’s; ones that are cold and lost. Kyuhyun leaned back against the chair, letting out a sigh.

Dr. Kim took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes. He was in his 50s, with white hair and wrinkled skin. As a doctor, the best he could do was to give Kyuhyun medical help. He could not cross the line and help Kyuhyun in his personal life.

“I will be prescribing you a stronger one that might hold off the effects for a longer period of time. This one, you can take once every 2 days since it is quite strong.” Dr. Kim scribbled some illegible words on a piece of paper. Kyuhyun wondered if it was a requirement for nurses to be able to read messy handwriting.

“How long?” Kyuhyun asked, voice cracking. Tears already started to fill his eyes. Life, it was destined to be short for him. “It can’t possibly last me long enough for me to get… get married.” He had imagined his married life with Joohyun before, and it was almost magical. With death looming over him, such fantasies will never turn into reality.

“True.” Dr. Kim replied, not looking up. “It can at most last you two more years. Maybe slightly more if you’re lucky.” Kyuhyun’s mouth dropped open slightly. 2 years, what difference does it make? There was a pregnant pause before Kyuhyun said, “Then, what happens if I don’t take any medicine?”

Dr. Kim was taken aback by Kyuhyun’s question. “We-Well, then you’ll suffer more headaches. The time period between each headache will shorten.” He answered truthfully. Kyuhyun scoffed, and a tear rolled down his cheek. He thought of the destruction he would make to everyone around him; his parents, his older sister, Ryeowook, and Joohyun. He had made his family suffer so much before. What if it worsens? Just the thought of bringing more physical harm to whoever was near him when the pain starts scares Kyuhyun.

“Then,” Kyuhyun sniffed and cleared his voice. “how will I die?” Before Dr. Kim could reply, the door of his office swung open, scaring both him and Kyuhyun.

“WHAT?!” Ryeowook stood at the doorway, not believing what he had heard. He took large steps toward Kyuhyun, not forgetting to bow to Dr. Kim. “How can you say such things?!”

“I… Ryeowook ah…” Kyuhyun was shocked to see Ryeowook’s reaction. He gestured Ryeowook to sit, and the latter sat down angrily. Ryeowook’s eyes were literally on fire, and if looks could kill, Kyuhyun would have been dead.

“What how would you die? You won’t you idiot! You-you won’t.” Ryeowook choked on his saliva and his body started trembling. He knew that he was merely putting himself in denial, but he could not bring himself to believe that Kyuhyun would die. It was not the most mature thing to do, but since when was he the more mature one among the two of them?

“Stop putting yourself in denial, that’s not right.” Kyuhyun reached out to hold onto Ryeowook’s hand. Dr. Kim coughed to break apart the two friends. They both stared at Dr. Kim with the same expression and he swore he could laugh at that moment.

“About your question… You might grow weaker and you’ll require life support. When your body cells are unable to work anymore… that’s when it all ends.” He may sound heartless, but that was his job. It was his utmost belief that he cannot lie to his patients. Not when things have already become so serious. His reply was met with silence from the two. Kyuhyun nodded as he let the information sink in, while Ryeowook was trying his best to pretend he heard nothing.

The two was dismissed and Kyuhyun went to collect his medicine. They did not talk the entire time; neither had the energy or mind to. Just as they were exiting the hospital, Kyuhyun’s older sister stood at the entrance. Kyuhyun was shocked to see his sister. His sister stood woodenly wearing a simple black shirt and jeans with her hair in a bun. Ryeowook patted his friend’s shoulder and walked away. It was obvious who brought her over.

“Noo-noona.” He called. She smiled and patted her brother’s head. Even though they have not seen each other for a long time, their interactions came naturally. He noticed that she was carrying her violin case. He pointed at it and she said, “I just wanted to bring it out today.” Kyuhyun nodded and held onto her hand as they continued walking.

“I’ve heard from Wookie… about your condition.” Her voice was solemn, unlike her adorable face. Sometimes, Kyuhyun wondered if she was really the older one. He heaved a sigh, as if it would help to lift the heavy feeling on his chest. They walked to her car and sat in it. She drove in silence for almost half an hour. Kyuhyun kept looking in her direction, not knowing what to say. His mind was tired and in a mess.

“Do you remember what you always begged me to do when you were younger?” She suddenly asked. Kyuhyun shrugged, wondering if he had even begged her before in his life since he was such a proud and annoying kid back then, according to his parents. “You always liked to sing when I played my violin. Sometimes we even went to the park and annoy some people there.” They both smiled at that memory. Kyuhyun wanted to laugh out loud, but for some reason he could not.

“We’re doing that again?” He asked. Ara nodded and they both arrived at a park near their old house. It has been a while since they both came. However, before they could even enter the park, Kyuhyun felt intense pain on his head. This time, it was much more severe than the previous ones. He heard his sister’s shouting but could not care. He lost his balance and fell to the ground. He grabbed his head and his fingers dug into his scalp, enhancing the pain. Kyuhyun screamed and shouted, and tried to open his eyes. Ara extended her arm to help her brother, but Kyuhyun pushed her away harshly, making her bump into someone nearby.

“KYUHYUN AH!!” Ara screamed. Her eyes were like a water tap, and she was trembling in the arms of a stranger who tried to help her. Kyuhyun tried to stand up, but the pain seemed to push him down like a bully. Many passers-by tried to help but Kyuhyun pushed them away. One even fell onto the hard ground and  scratched his elbow. Ara was paralyzed when she saw the pair of eyes staring at her. It was like so many years ago when she first witnessed Kyuhyun’s monster state. He breathed heavily, making unrecognizable sounds. The pain continued on and on, as if it would never stop.

When his legs regained strength, he quickly took off, running and limping away from the scene. “Please catch him! Please I beg you please...” Ara cried. However, Kyuhyun was pretty quick for his condition and no one managed to catch him.

He ran into an alleyway and leaned against the walls. He suppressed the urge to shout and make beastly sounds. It took almost 15 minutes for the pain to subside and he finally gained consciousness of his surroundings. He coughed and was shocked to find that his mouth tasted like blood. He wiped his mouth with his hand and trembled when he saw his own blood on it. No… no… it can’t be. Not so soon. Kyuhyun waited till nightfall before he had the strength to walk out of the dark alleyway and call Ryeowook for help. He hesitated many times, but whom else could he contact?

-----

Joohyun dropped her pen and for some reason, she felt her chest becoming heavy. She picked up her pen and noticed that it was the pen that she ‘stole’ from Kyuhyun childishly years ago. Since it was a refillable pen, she kept it and continued using it. Joohyun felt uncomfortable as she looked at the pen.

“Hey, you alright?” Her co-worker asked. Joohyun nodded and her co-worker went back to work. Her senses told her that something must have happened to Kyuhyun. She quickly took out her phone from her bag and dialed the only number that was in her mind.

“He-hello? Joohyun?” Joohyun was taken aback. This was not the voice she wanted to hear.

“Ryeowook? Why are you picking up Kyu’s phone? Has something happened to him?” She asked, heart pounding thrice as fast. Her hands were trembling, despite wearing a thick jacket and the air-condition set at 23^oC.

“He… Haish, just come to the hospital now!” Ryeowook shouted into the phone. Joohyun hung up immediately and excused herself from the meeting. She did not care about the consequences as of now; she had already planned on what to say and how to carry out punishments. Joohyun climbed into her car and drove off, trying to rush to the hospital without going past the speed limit.

Joohyun followed Ryeowook’s instructions sent by text and found him outside the emergency room. “Kim Ryeowook!” She shouted. Joohyun ran towards the door, wanting to see Kyuhyun badly, but was stopped by Ryeowook and Ara.

“No you can’t go in! Stay calm Seo Joohyun!” Ryeowook begged. Joohyun sobbed as she clung onto Ryeowook and buried her face into his shoulder. Ryeowook patted her back and consoled her. He too was on the verge of breaking down, but he had to be strong for her. Ryeowook prayed that nothing would happen and everything from high school until now was just a dream.

“What happened? Seriously… don’t hide it from me.” Joohyun asked when she finally calmed down. Ara and Ryeowook looked at each other, and Ara being the older one spilled the beans. Joohyun’s eyes widened as she allowed every word to sink in. She shook her head and denied several times, but reality was something that no one can deny.

“Just-just now, when he got onto my car, he-he became unconscious. The only thing I could do was to send him here and pray that everything would be fine.” Ryeowook explained with his voice trembling. Joohyun sat there like a stone for another hour, tears rolling down her face. She could not even be bothered to reply to the texts of her co-workers.

After an eternity passed, Dr. Kim walked out of the emergency room with a solemn expression. The three stood up immediately and Dr. Kim sighed. He gestured for Ara to follow him and the two to wait for Kyuhyun to come out.

After Kyuhyun was transferred to the ICU, Joohyun and Ryeowook immediately appeared by Kyuhyun’s bedside. Joohyun sat on the chair like a statue while holding onto Kyuhyun’s hand. Ryeowook stood at the corner of the room, closing his eyes. He did not want to see Kyuhyun in such a state, whereby he needs life support. Could it be…?

When Ara entered the room, only Ryeowook walked over to greet her. Joohyun was fast asleep, still holding onto Kyuhyun’s hand. Ara and Ryeowook stood outside of the ICU and he waited for her to speak.

“Kyu-Kyuhyunnie… his condition is so serious whereby surgery is impossible. If Kyuhyun is lucky, he would only be in coma for less than a week. Since he hasn’t-hasn’t started on his new medicine yet, after he is released he would have to take it and come back for a checkup weekly.” Ara explained with much difficulty. Ryeowook pulled her into an embrace and repeated ‘I understand’ several times. Just how long must I stay strong for everyone?

2 days went by, and still no sign of Kyuhyun waking up. Every hour that went by was torturous. Everyone felt uneasy as nurses and doctors come and go to check up on Kyuhyun’s condition. Even Kyuhyun’s parents came with a tired mind and body, praying for the best to happen.

As if their prayers were heard, Kyuhyun woke up exactly after one week. When he opened his eyes, Joohyun was the first person he saw. “Kyu ah! KYU! Can-can-can you hear me?” She asked worriedly and called out for the doctor. Kyuhyun tried to speak, but his body was too weak for anything. After a round of checkups, Dr. Kim announced that he was fine for now.

“Seohyun ah…” Kyuhyun’s voice was soft and weak, and it broke Joohyun’s heart. Joohyun held onto Kyuhyun’s hair tightly and told Kyuhyun not to speak. He refused, and forced himself to continue. “I’m… sorry… sorry that… I did not… tell you-you… earlier…” Kyuhyun swallowed. “I… don’t have… much time… so please… live-“

“No.” It came out coldly from her lips. “I won’t let you die. I won’t.” She shook her head, physically denying the fact that Kyuhyun was in a way saying goodbye to her. “It’s too-too early to decide.”

Kyuhyun sighed. He forgot that Joohyun can be stubborn sometimes. “You know… we know… this could jolly well be… goodbye…” Kyuhyun’s energy was depleting, but he had to finish what he wanted to say. “So… Seohyun… let’s break… up… no one will get hurt…”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! Cho Kyuhyun, I’ll hate you for this. You will be better. Don’t you dare say goodbye to me, do you hear? You-you will…” Joohyun ran out of the ICU in tears. Joohyun climbed onto her car and placed her hands on the steering wheel. The ring on her finger reminded her of Kyuhyun and it cut her heart like a dagger. She placed her forehead on her hands and wailed. Joohyun stayed in the car park crying for a long time before she drove home.

Months had passed, and Kyuhyun was recovering. His body was still weak, but he was still surviving. The couple had not even contacted each other during this time, and for some reason Kyuhyun was relieved. At least if I were to go, she won’t be so hurt. A year had passed, and everything seemed to be back to normal.

Kyuhyun however, knew that everything was nothing close to normal. At age 23, he was counting down his days. After struggling for some time, he finally came to a decision. If he were to leave this world, no one should be there to witness it. He painfully took out his writing pad and a blue pen and sat down at his study desk. With tears flowing down like a waterfall, he wrote and wrote. After finishing each piece of paper, he put them into envelopes. When he reached the last paper, he was unable to contain his sobs as he wrote with the remaining ink in the pen. He felt a slight pain in his head and chest, but carried on writing. It took him over an hour to finish the last letter, and he slid it in a pink envelope, writing “To my beloved angel” on it.

Today, he sat on the train, ready to leave this world with many regrets. He was apologetic to everyone who cared for him to be this selfish, but at the moment, it was the only solution to everything. He did not want anyone to witness his death. He would much rather leave them peacefully, to leave behind this world without many footprints.

After reaching the last stop, he alighted and stepped into the cold. It was spring, the season he had met Joohyun. What a coincidence. Or was it fate instead? Kyuhyun took a cab to the beach and took a walk down the beach with his small suitcase. It was a strange sight; a grown man walking along the shore with a suitcase, but he did not care. When it was night-time, he started to feel discomfort in his body. Breathing became difficult for him and his legs grew weak. His vision started to blur and the pain in his head grew with each passing second. Eventually, it grew to a point whereby he had no choice but to shout a few times. When Kyuhyun coughed, blood came out and he knew his time was growing shorter.

Images of his life started to appear in his head. From when he was an arrogant kid fighting with his older sister, singing on special occasions, running home to show his parents his excellent report card, meeting and befriending Ryeowook, going on dates with Joohyun to the times he hurt his older sister, Ryeowook and Joohyun when his head hurt.

The last thing he felt was the cool wind grazing against his skin before he fell into darkness, never to wake up ever again.

-----

Joohyun stood emotionlessly at the graveyard while everyone was weeping. The coffin had been buried and everyone walked out to pay their respects for Kyuhyun. Not even a single teardrop was shed by her throughout the whole process. It seemed like yesterday when she saw his cold lifeless body a week ago. People found Kyuhyun by the sea and sent him to the hospital. Unfortunately, he had already lost his life on the beach. People searched his bag and found his identification card in his wallet. That was how authorities called his family and everyone was informed of Kyuhyun’s departure.

The week was chaotic. Mr. and Mrs. Cho were both devastated, having lost their son. Ara was in no better state than her parents, she too lost a beloved one. Ryeowook became an entirely different person. He found letters in Kyuhyun’s apartment and cried as he read his. He hated Kyuhyun for writing such a letter, but since it was his last wish, he had no choice but to do as he was told to. Ryeowook checked on Joohyun regularly, and started going out with her more. He tried to control his feelings for her, for he knows that Joohyun would never accept any other person aside from Kyuhyun. The door to her heart was locked, and the key was gone.

Joohyun surprisingly resumed work a week after Kyuhyun’s funeral, acting as if nothing has happened. Her heart did not hurt like she had expected it to, and she blames it on Kyuhyun for making her feel that way. She was supposed to feel hurt, to feel depressed, but thanks to Kyuhyun for cutting all ties with her, she doesn’t feel anything, and she hates it. She hated feeling so numb. She hated everything that he had caused her to feel.

Joohyun only read Kyuhyun’s letter to her after two weeks, and it made her miss Kyuhyun so much. She cried and cried as she read his letter to her, and she shouted into the darkness, repeating Kyuhyun’s name again and again until her mother came in to stop her.

To: My angelic Seo Joohyun, whom I affectionately call ‘Seohyun’

I know I am a very bad boyfriend for writing this letter to you. Remember how you threatened me a year ago? You told me not to say goodbye to you, and that I will live. Thank you for saying such words, I’ve always wondered when will I ever see the aggressive side of you. Honestly, I don’t recall you being real angry before. Haha. Okay, back to business. I really have so many things to say, so many things I want to tell you, but I can’t seem to jot them down now. I just hope that you will not be saddened by my departure, and that you will live your life happily for me to see in heaven.

I always say that you are my angel, and now it’s time for me to be yours. Of course, you were there physically, and I can no longer be by your side. So, I’ve told Ryeowook to be your physical guardian. This may be shocking to you, but he likes you almost as much as I do. Don’t ask how I know he likes you, I just know. He’s a good guy, you know that too. Don’t reject him just because he’s my best friend. Give yourself and him some time. I know you’ll hate me for this, but please fulfill my last wish. I won’t give you to just anyone on the streets. I only give you permission to like Ryeowook. He’s such an awesome fella, and even if it pains me, I know you’ll fall for him. Call him whatever you like, honestly this guy’s alright with whatever names you throw at him. Just be careful, he’s a little bit too soft-hearted, so don’t use any harsh words on him. He can only tolerate my sharp tongue.

Lastly, please stay healthy. Wear a smile on your face every day, your smile is the prettiest thing in the entire world. Oh, and continue singing. Sing your way to everyone’s hearts, fulfill your childhood dream.

I love you. I love you so much.

~ Your guardian angel

Cho Kyuhyun

heol...

This chapter is worth 7 pages on Microsoft Word. I tried to hold in my tears as I wrote this. It is not the best idea to listen to Kyuhyun singing "A Study of a Memory" while typing out this chapter. Honestly, I only wrote "Kyuhyun dies on a beach" for my planning. Everything else came out of nowhere and I started typing it out. I hope you guys aren't too saddened by the chapter and the letter.

One thing I am really apologetic about is the ending for this chapter, it's so... bad and abrupt. I'm really sorry.

If you guys haven't seen, check out Chapter Six and the A/N. ^^

Thanks for reading~ Saranghaeyo~