Author's Commentary for Take 1 or Nothing at All
Take 1 or Nothing at All
This is my first KaiBaek story and it seems to be moving along well. With 6 scenes already written, I have found myself with bit of writer's block though. It has a lot to do with Scene 6: The Cheshire Cat Leaves His Smile and specifically the dialogue between Baekhyun and Jongin at the end. I'll explain why, but first the reason for writing my first KaiBaek story within the themes, characters, and setting of the classic novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass
The story of Baekhyun meeting Kai began with the foreword originally emphasizing love being unpredictable. So the saying, 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know which one you are going to get' was used. I related LIFE to LOVE with the plot line of sweet, innocent and play-it-safe Baekhyun encountering playboy, actor, and play-by-my-own-rules Kim Jongin. The original foreword ended with the line that the current forward contained: Take a chance and play along or have nothing at all. But the foreword changed.
There are two types of writers: an architect and a carpenter. Architects have a beginning and an ending already in mind. The plot line, characters, and story themes are laid out accordingly. However, carpenters see where the characters take them. There's usually a beginning, a starting point, and an essential theme. For me, I am like a carpenter. I knew I wanted to write the connection between Jongin and Baekhyun that I have developed fantastically in my own imagination simply based on their real life interactions and awesome fan cams :). Like my other stories about Kai, Lovefool and An Apparitional Experience, I let the characters and the dialogue between them develop and build and lead to more development, more characters, more levels of the house, so to speak. And so I add here and there and hopefully find an ending for my characters that will satisfy both me and the readers. The downfall of writing like a carpenter, writer's block. Ha ha ha! Case in point.
I think it may help if I talk about the current story line thus far. The connections that the characters and the story itself ended up naturally tying into the theme and characters of Alice in Wonderland. Honestly though, I had no idea that the story would be connected to the novel and film at all, but Kai and Baekhyun took me there…it just somehow fit perfectly in my mind and on my IMac as I typed and their story began to unfold.
Scene 1 was always titled, Baekhyun in Wonderland. It came into my mind early in the chapter when I wrote the scene with Baekhyun and his family driving to their new home, the Kim Estate. Even if the readers haven't read the classic novel or seen the films, reading the current foreword, they are somewhat introduced to Alice's Wonderland filled with interesting creatures, characters, and dilemmas that challenge her. But there is a misconception here that the readers may have made because of my foreword and because the reader is familiar with the novel or the film. The Wonderland in my KaiBaek story is not the massive grounds or the mansion they live in. It isn't the materialistic possessions and the expensive cars and elite school that Baekhyun and Sehun attend. In Take 1 or Nothing at All, Baekhyun's Wonderland is Kim Jongin.
By Scene 6, Baekhyun knows where he wants to be, Baekhyun knows he can be happy with Jongin, but he just doesn't know if he is able to reach Jongin's heart, his true self, because of the roadblocks. Baekhyun's interactions with characters who are tied with Kai confront him, forcing him to adjust and to tolerate. And some push him to move out of his comfort zone. Like Alice, Baekhyun meets people who even challenges his original thinking, but most significantly they test his emotional relationship with Kai. And that is the big thing of all. How is Baekhyun going to survive with all his doubts? Tweedledee and Tweedledum are on Team KaiBaek, but there are others who are not. And we will be introduced to those soon enough.
But as you read, know that Baekhyun is not in Wonderland yet, he is in the outskirts in a way, the goal is to find and understand Kim Jongin's heart, that is Wonderland. That is why Jongdae tells Baekhyun in Scene 4: Meet Tweedledee and Tweedledum, "Don't be afraid of liking Kim Jongin. Because I promise you, he will take you to wonderland." There is a double meaning there, but essentially it's about his best friend completely opening his heart to this sweet boy who's finally shocked it back to life from its cryogenic sleep.
The characters in Take 1 or Nothing at All resemble the characters in Alice in Wonderland. The reason I used the characters and their conversations, such as actual quotes from the novel, is that they help build the mood of the story. For example, when we met Chanyeol and Jongdae, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, hopefully you sensed a brotherly love with a bit of bickering similar to the two Alice in Wonderland characters. Kai has resembled characteristics of the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat. I hope that the quotes used by Kai himself or the characteristics being hinted within the story gives the chapter a reference to the atmosphere that was similarly found in Alice in Wonderland.
When Kai realized the feelings brewing inside him for Baekhyun, it was so uncontrollable he felt he became mad from it. Perhaps you've been crazy in love before or can relate to that saying somehow. Jongin has never been in a situation like this before, where he is becoming emotionally attached to someone. He calls himself mad, mad as a hatter, because these feelings are brand new and they came so quickly., so he has himself believing that he is a little mad, crazy in love really. But Kim Jongin is confident, very confident, and he will win Baekhyun, but he also knows that it has a lot to do with Baekhyun. He has to be willing too. When he sees Baekhyun falter, showing that his feelings are fleeting, it too causes Jongin to be a little mad, in every sense of the word.
After 6 scenes, we know that Jongin likes Baekhyun and Baekhyun likes Jongin. They both admit that they want to build a deeper relationship. But the Cheshire Cat, Jongin, leaves with a cryptic message to Baekhyun.
"Only a few find the way, some don't recognize it when they do - some….don't ever want to." [The Cheshire Cat tells this to Alice].
What does this mean? Kai is not used to opening his heart to anyone, especially this quickly. He refers to one in particular who was there, in his heart, but did not recognize it. He doesn't want Baekhyun to be like that person who both opened his heart and caused it to shut. His heart of course, is in reference to the real him, Kim Jongin. If he tells Baekhyun how to love him that defeats the purpose of being in love the natural way.
So who is this person? Well, Chanyeol hinted it in an earlier scene. Again though, why speak in code? He wants Baekhyun to find his way on his own, although he is confident that he will, he still knows that it's out of his hands. Baekhyun's encounters and challenges will lead him to Kim Jongin's heart, to Wonderland. He just has to survive.
Finally, the reason for the writer's block. I blame Kai and Baekhyun in their dialogue from Scene 6. It's difficult to sense the emotions the two are feeling during their conversation about the 2 bags of letters that Kai received from his fans, so to speak. But hopefully you felt the anger that Kai felt when he explained why the confessions had no substance, that it lacked sincerity because he knew that those people who were attracted to him were only attracted to his looks, his outward appearance, or some other fantasy that they have of him. They never bother to understand the real him. Baekhyun feeling crushed from the realization collapses because his heart yearns for Kim Jongin's heart, not just his shell. It isn't enough for him to be like those fan girls, even though he first told Jongdae that he didn't mind just "hovering" and Jongdae calls him out on it, "You are the fake one, Byun Baekhyun." So where do I go from here? They've confessed that they both want that deeper connection. So what is to happen to our main characters?
There are still characters and challenges that Baekhyun will have to face before he can truly be in Wonderland. Jongin is confident in him, but he knows love can't be forced as much as he likes to be controlling, he is careful with Baekhyun. Our hero in this story is Baekhyun. He will always play the role of Alice. Jongin has one more character resemblance that he undergoes. I won't drag this story out, but there will be other major characters Baekhyun will encounter, please anticipate, and thanks so much for being patient with me.
If you are bored waiting for my updates, please read my other stories such as Lovefool or The Rightful Heir (this contains 3 chapters of KaiBaek at the end of the story) and An Apparitional Experience staring Kai and co-starring other EXO members. There are YouTube trailers for Lovefool and An Apparitional Experience also.
Thank you so much for joining me on this adventure with my favorite EXO members, Kim Jongin and Byun Baekhyun.
And as always, KEEP CALM and GET READY FOR EXO'S COMEBACK…
My first attempt at writing a love story about my two most favorite members of EXO, Kai and Baekhyun. Luhan, my other EXO bias appears as well :)
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