Scene 5: Follow the White Rabbit
Take 1 or Nothing at All
What am I going to do with you Byun Baekhyun? Why can't I calm my heart? These feelings of yearning mixed with a slight depression when you aren't around, turns to anxiousness and anticipation when you stand before me. I soak in your bright porcelain skin that radiantly glows under the sunlight and causes my heart to palpitate in unhealthy speeds. I've been confessed to many times. Girls and guys alike. Never have they moved me like you did at first sight.
My father said that he felt this way when he saw your mother. Luhan seems to be intrigued by your younger brother Sehun. What is it about your family that gets mine to become crazy with thoughts of love? I want to welcome you to my world openly. Is it wrong to want you by my side? Our parents are going to be married soon, does that mean you and I can never be anything but step-brothers? I am having difficulty breathing at the thought of not having you completely. . I've become so melodramatic. I lean against the railing and watch Chanyeol and Jongdae carry the 2 bags of my locker contents to my car. Baekhyun is following suit, always a few steps behind. What are you thinking about right now? Me, maybe? Please tell me that it's me, always. He's still carrying the small stuffed white dog that resembles his cute nature. Why is he facing a tree? What the! My friends are certifiable. Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
"Ya! Dumb and dumber. Why aren't you two in class?" They stare at me surprised to find me looking down at them from the balcony on the second floor. "I got a phone call from your teacher Jongdae. You and Baekhyun aren't in class yet. Hurry up!"
"How much did you hear?" Jongdae shouts to me.
"What are you talking about? I just got here and I see you and Channie bowing to my Baekhyun."
"YOUR Baekhyun?!" The two yell in unison. Did I say that he was mine? Well, he is mine.
"Get to class!" I shout back at them. "And take Baekhyun with you, Jongdae."
"Yes sir." The two salute me. Jongdae grabs hold of Baekhyun's hand. I become possessive suddenly.
"Let go of his hand!"
"Mianhae sir!"
I finish my routine with a few of the dance members in the class. It's not my favorite song to dance too but Super Junior songs seem to be a popular song and dance choice for my classmates. Sehun danced for the first time for us and he's pretty good. He's so lanky, so different from Baekhyun who is petite in stature. He has a baby face like Baekhyun and even like Luhan. But Baekhyun, is prettier. Much prettier. His eyes especially. No his lips, no his button nose, his fingers…Nana stands in front of me with another can of orange soda. She momentarily breaks me away from my habitual 'I heart Baekhyun' inner ranting.
"Thanks, Nana." She sits next to me thinking that was an invitation and I open my soda and gulp it down. Not the healthiest way to finish dance class, but refreshing nonetheless.
"Are you ready for the drama?"
"I am." Around others I am a man with a few words. But it changes when I am around my close friends and especially so with Baekhyun lately. Oh Baekhyun, I can occupy my mind with thoughts of him all day long. Case in point, he danced in my mind all day long in class.
"L is ready too. It will be nice filming here in the school." She smiles at me and then continues when I don't say anything. "The entire school is in a buzz about it. It will be as popular as the music videos you've featured in."
"Hopefully."
"It's a popular Japanese manga and anime, High School of the Dead."
"I am excited about my action scenes, so is L." I look up from where I am sitting and see Baekhyun with a bottled water in his hands. I stand up right away. Is that for me? I hand the empty soda can to Nana and thank her for it. I make my way towards Baekhyun and Sehun cuts me off and grabs the bottled water.
"Thanks Hyung! Did you see me dance?" Baekhyun smiles and nods cutely at Sehun who is drinking the entire water bottle.
"Anyeong." He softly says to me. I can see in his eyes that he was once as chatty as Chanyeol and Jongdae. He has a spark in his eyes. I wonder when I'll really see the true nature of this beauty before me. He hands me a bottled water from his backpack. It's still cold and he saved it just for me.
"Thanks." I manage to say weakly.
"I saw Nana hand you a drink earlier, but I got this for you already, I didn't know if you'd want-"
"Thank you I love it." I say quickly, and I have no idea why I said that.
"You love it?" He smiles slightly. It was odd, wasn't it? What I just said? I just said that I loved the water bottle. I meant…
"I meant, thank you for buying me one too." I finally open the water bottle and the cap falls on the ground due to my nervousness. This is so new! Why am I feeling incompetent next to this boy? I am supposed to be cool, collected, stoic, not a bumbling idiot. I reach for the bottle cap and I grab Baekhyun's hand instead who grabbed the cap first. I look at him and he smiles. We stand up, I still have my hand on top of his and he removes it slowly than hands me the cap. He drops it in my hands. I try to take a drink like it's no big deal that we just held hands for a second, but due to lack of, I guess, concentration, I spill water all over me, my shirt is drenched as I feel the water trickle down my neck.
Baekhyun takes tissues out of his bag and wipes my lips and my neck and shakes my shirt to remove the water but it's already soaking up the water droplets. I grab his wrist to make him stop because my heart and mind can't take it anymore. I pull him near me and he's staring at me with wide eyes. Then his eyes go back to a state of calmness. He looks at my neck that is still wet with the spillage, and he caresses the tissues over it with his free hand. "Baekhyun." I let out. He hums back to me and continues to finish wiping up all the water.
"There. All dry." He smiles at me and I grab my neck, the last place he touched me. I let his wrist go. And I turn to Sehun who has his mouth open and the water bottle between his teeth mid-drink eyeing the two of us in wonderment. "Sehun-ah, are you done with your drink?"
"Oh, yeah. Let me go change and get my bag." He walks away, I am sure the young one saw what happened between us. Did he also hear my heart pounding loudly? Because it was ringing in my ears and it took all my strength not to kiss his older brother right then and there.
"You better change, Kai." I snap out of it and nod at Baekhyun. For some reason I forget what to do with the bottle cap and half-filled water bottle in my hands. Baekhyun grabs it, seemingly reading my muddled mind, and places the cap to the bottle and twists. I give him an idiotic smile and he turns me around and pushes me towards where Sehun was heading, the changing room.
"I'll be back. Baekhyun. Don't leave." I say commandingly, trying to gather my coolness again.
"Where will I go, I have your car keys but I can't drive a stick." I turn around giving him a smirk, oh really, I am sure you can. He turns around avoiding my gaze. And I slap myself for thinking those impure thoughts about the innocent eyed cutie. I enter the changing room and I remove my shirt throwing it on the ground. I lay my head against my wooden locker room door. I just want to hide in there for a few minutes until I recollect my sanity from that Baek-encounter in the studio. I spilled the water as I was drinking and I didn't even know how to replace the bottle cap on the bottle. I reverted into a toddler.
"Kai-hyung?" Oh shoot, Sehun.
"Hey." I awkwardly greet him and begin changing.
"You like my brother don't you?" So he did hear my heart beating loudly like a drum in there.
"Are you mad?"
"Why would I be mad? I think you could be the guy that finally gets him out of his shell." Sehun wraps his arms around my shoulders. "Just don't break his heart, okay? Or I will kill you." The maknae smiles and his eyes become adorable crescent shapes.
"Was I obvious back there?"
"Nah. No one was really looking because Assistant Teacher Lay was teaching them his latest routine. Nana and her girls retreated as soon as you approached us."
"I am so glad you are supportive of this."
"Sure. I mean, it's only fitting. I have a massive crush on Luhan-hyung."
"Eh?" The young one hugs me from behind and we look at each other on the mirror.
"I am so happy right now!" We both start laughing at the oddness of it all. Minseok comes in right at the embrace. We both don't have our shirts on and he drops his bag on the ground.
"What are you staring at?" He nods his head and laughs awkwardly, then rushes out of the room. "Let's change quickly. And don't tell your brother, I want to do this the right way, the natural way."
"Or you can just grab him and kiss him. He won't know what hit him!"
"And get a knee on my stomach? Forget it."
"That's true. Did my mom tell you he's good at hapkido?" I nod and we both laugh.
We exit the dance studio and Baekhyun is no where to be seen. This gets me worried but then I hear his bright laugh and I smile again. Then that smile turns quickly to a frown as I see L chatting with Baekhyun and Baekhyun is responding to his words with a toothy grin. I saunter over to my nemesis and thoughts of drop kicking L fills my mind.
"Ya! Hyung! What are you doing?" Sehun beats me to Baekhyun and I see him bow to greet L. "Let's go, Kai and I are here. Luhan-hyung called and said he's waiting by Kai's car." Seems that Sehun is on Team Kai.
"Hey Kai, did you forget we have that meeting with the producers today?"
"Oh that's right." Shoot. "Baekhyun, you and Sehun go meet Luhan-hyung downstairs."
"There are only two seats in Luhan's car." Sehun reminds me, then he signals with his eye and his mushroom top head of hair to take Baekhyun with me.
"Ah. Well, Baek, can you wait for a bit?" At first I thought he'd get angry, I remember that conversation we had about taking a bigger car to be more efficient. But he smiles at me and nods.
"I can just do homework in the library while I wait. Sehun you go ahead."
Baekhyun makes his way to the library. I hope he knows where he is going. I call Chanyeol, but he isn't picking up his phone. Jongdae is delivering the pastries to the adoption center already so he left school. Minseok is probavly still in slight shock from Sehun's embrace. So I send a text to Kyungsoo to make sure that Baekhyun makes it to the library. He works there after school for about an hour on Tuesdays, but it seems he's working there today also. Once I know Baekhyun will be safe, I pocket my phone and L is staring at me nodding his head.
"What?" I start moving to the headmaster's office.
"You are awfully attentive with him?"
"Am I?"
"Very much so." We keep walking silently for a few seconds and start again.
"You've been awfully talkative lately."
"Have I?"
"Very much so."
"So it's on then?" L finally says.
"Absolutely." I confirm.
It's always like this. L and I compete for kicks. I know it's not the most noblest thing to do. We are both chased by girls and make bets on who receives the most attention from one girl or another. They aren't as bad as you are thinking. We aren't talking about anything physical. The kind of attention we are talking about would be displayed as the best confession stories, the most words in the letters, the prettiest, the tallest girl, the most expensive gifts, the tastiest snacks. There are times we'd bet on which of us the new girl would fancy first. And we make it a challenge by doing things like avoiding her altogether and see who she approaches first or how she would react to our cheesiest pick up lines. He was chosen by the last two new students.
But L isn't as cold as I am. I have the tendency to be more aloof than him. He also has a lazy side to him. His gate has more bounce, but his facial expressions are deep yet often sleepy. We are alike and we are different. But we share a common burden. I dislike the attention girls give me, while L doesn't really hate it or like it. He just enjoys the competition we both have, this game that we play. He's never had a serious girlfriend although he did tell me one day during a commercial we filmed together for Samsung that he'd like to seriously date by his mid-twenties. I never really thought about those things before. I enjoy being alone but I am not lonely. I would like my first significant other to be my last. Yes, I think of love and I think of forever. What's the point of giving your heart to someone who will not want forever with you? It seems a waste, dating here and there, meeting potential love interests that can change their heart in two weeks, three months, four years, etc. I want forever with the one person I fall in love with. And I will make sure that person remains in love with me forever. Is that too much? Maybe, huh?
We finally get out of the meeting and I look at my phone. It's been well over an hour. The first thing I think about is Baekhyun. I call Kyungsoo who tells me that he's kept Baekhyun company and he's waiting patiently for me. I am about to enter the library when L stops me.
"Ground rules, Kai. We haven't discussed them." L looks at me and to be honest, I don't want to set any ground rules. I don't want this to be a game. I just want Baekhyun for myself. And if L wants to try to approach him, then fine, I'll let him try, but I will win Baekhyun over no matter what. "Since you live with him, you have a very high advantage. So that means, in school, you and I will switch seats, I need more contact with him in school."
"Forget it."
"What? It seems fair."
"I can't do it."
"You agreed earlier."
"I wasn't in my right mind."
"So what are you saying?"
"You can try. You can try to win Baekhyun, he isn't mine."
"Wait a minute, do you not like him?" I didn't want to answer him. If I say yes, the more he'll approach him. If I say no, he will still approach him, I saw the way he was looking at him at lunch.
"Do what you want, L. Baekhyun isn't like the conquests we've had." That is the truth, but not the entire truth.
"Ah. Okay. I thought that your possessiveness was kicking in earlier at lunch and so I misread it."
I smile at him and pat his shoulder. "Just don't hurt him."
"Of course not. Thanks man." He walks past me and enters the library. I grab his jacket collar and pull him back.
"Not now. I am taking him home." I walk past him letting go of his jacket.
"No fair!" He yells behind me. But he retreats for the day. I need to keep my guard up for the next few days. L can charm the pants off of anyone.
"Anyeong." I softly say to Kyungsoo who is showing Baekhyun a large book that they seem to be looking intriguingly at.
Baekhyun reads out loud, “I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!”
Why do I feel like that person right now?
Kyungsoo nods at what Baekhyun read. "Alice experiences these things that changed her life. She had to adjust to them because if she didn't she'd probably die there."
"Oh, you say it so bluntly."
"It's a story with a lot of physiological meanings."
I cough to try to get their attention since the soft hello didn't seem to get noticed.
"Kai! Waso?" Baekhyun stands up and gathers his belongings. "Thanks Kyungsoo, for keeping me company."
"Anytime." Kyungsoo turns to me. "How'd the meeting go?"
"Good. Filming begins in 2 weeks. Thanks for running student government for me."
"We always run it for you." He's referring to him and Jongdae.
"Pup, you ready?"
"Mhm. Bye Kyungsoo." Baekhyun heads out the library first.
"He's cute."
"Whatever dude." And before I reach the hallway I hear him say his last words.
"Don't keep lying to yourself." He yells back to me. It seems all my close friends have figured out that there's something about Baekhyun.
"So you are filming a movie here?"
"Yup."
"You really are an actor?"
"I pretend to be." He laughs with me.
"Do you-" "Would you-" We both speak at the same time and it causes us to stop and look at each other. We try again but fail. "You first, Kai."
"I was just gonna say, would you help me with my lines sometime?"
"Really!? Sure. That seems fun." He smiles then walks ahead of me. Wait, didn't he want to say something to me too?
I catch up to him easily since my legs are longer, "what did you want to ask me?"
"Just that, if you need me to help you prepare?" He smiles with a bounce in his step. I grab his backpack causing him to stop.
"Chongmal?" He turns around and I let go of his backpack. "You really do want to help me with my lines?"
"Sure. I also want to sort out all your love letters tonight since we don't have much homework." He seems more upbeat lately. He is talking a lot too. Maybe he's more comfortable around me. If so, does that mean what I am feeling for him, this nervousness and uneasiness and escalating hear rate are all one-sided? Bummed, I stop and just stare at him walking away from me. Why am I depressed now? This is so unlike me. He stops and turns around. "Are you coming?"
I give him a goofy smile, which is also unlike me, and I run to him.
"There aren't any kissing scenes are there?" He asks nervously.
"You already promised you'd help me, so no take backs." I say completely serious but he laughs thinking it was a joke. Just you wait till I get you home, I think to myself. We walk to my car and Nana and her two friend are waiting for me. Another orange soda? I hope not.
"Hi, " she says to me and her girls wave. "I wanted to introduce myself to your step-brother." We aren't step-brothers. Not yet at least. "My name is-"
"I know who you are. You gave Kai those sodas today. I'm Baekhyun." He bows then hands me the car keys.
"Well, see ya." I quickly say to Nana. I want to get home with Baekhyun quickly. Maybe I'll treat him to ice cream before. Oh boy, our first date, even though my date doesn't know it's a date nor is aware of my strong attraction towards him. I tend to live in a dreamland with Baekhyun, I laugh at my thoughts. I start the car and see that he's struggling with the seatbelt. I buckle him in and give him a wink.
"You need to stop doing that," he says to me with a slight pout on his lips.
"Then stop being adorable."
"You give out winks so easily. People get the wrong idea."
"It's become a habit, I guess." What's the big deal?
"If I ask you to stop, would you?" He challenges me and I park the car by the school entrance. "If I ask you to stop winking at girls, would you stop?" He repeats himself and tilts his head as he emphasizes the words. "It's not a difficult question, Kai." He says haughtily. What is this, what side of yourself are you showing me, Baekhyun?
I give him a smirk and respond with a question of my own. "If I ask you to let me kiss you, would you let me?" He gasps and begins fidgeting on his seat.
"I, I was just, I was just asking a question. I was, don't mind me," he stutters and I see him bite his bottom lip.
"Relax. It's not a difficult question, pup."
"You, you, you can't joke around like that, Kai."
"Who says I was joking?" The car ride to the ice cream parlor was quiet. I pretty much let him think about what I just said, but I'm getting antsy 'cause he never answered my question. As soon as I park, Baekhyun squeals out of excitement, forgetting our conversation due to the sight of ice cream. Luhan and Sehun met us here and they are already sitting eating their ice cream. Before entering the parlor, I grab hold of his shoulder. "The answer to your question is, yes. I will stop. I'll give you till tonight to answer mine." I enter first and he still stands by the door unable to move until Sehun yells for him.
What was it that Alice said in Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? 'I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.' This is ultimately true for me as well. Before I met you Byun Baekhyun, I was cold to most of the world. I saved my emotions in acting and in dance. Only then did I allow my feelings to be expressed, to be seen. This boy has me on a spell and I don't think there's any way out of it but to approach these feelings head on and see where it takes me. Follow the Rabbit, Kim Jongin. Follow the adorable white rabbit.
My first attempt at writing a love story about my two most favorite members of EXO, Kai and Baekhyun. Luhan, my other EXO bias appears as well :)
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