Hongki

            "I went frank on her but I guess she took it to heavily." Nana explained as soon I got to the door. She helped my lay Soojin down on the couch. Both Soojin and I are badly wet from the rain. Her hair sticking to her forehead and her cheeks.

            The water from her floral dress dripping down to her knees, then to her toes.

            Water from her hair dripping down to her shoulders, then to her finger tips, then to the carpet. Her faint, sharp shoulders are leaning forward as I lay her down the couch. Our faces parallel to each other, centimeters away from one another.

            Water from her forehead dripping down to the bridge of her nose, then to the tip of her nose, then to the philtrum, down to the upper, then lower lip, rehydrating what was once chapped.

            "What did you do to her?" I asked Nana after she got cups of tea for both of us.

            "I just... told her everything." Nana went beside Soojin and rests Soojin's head on her lap. She started petting Soojin like what a cat owner would do to his cat. "Like how she should accept that, er, you know."

            "That must be very personal for her." I sat on the small cylindrical chair.

            "Nah, her ears must have grown tired from hearing it." And then Nana narrated me what she had actually said. As if she has told it to her a plentiful times already, she has memorized it. "The comparison about her and the sunflower must have hurt her."

            "I think so."

            "It her first time to, you know, run away like that. She hugged me before leaving. She didn't say a word." Nana tried to get out of the couch now, placing Soojin's head safely on the pillow. Then Nana kissed her on the forehead. "She's used to sleeping in this couch." She assured me. "God knows how many times this has happened-her hallucinating and all. She refuses to go to any doctor." I nodded while Nana gets up and dusted her pencil skirt. "You're gonna stay the night, my friend." She walked right in front of me, as if showing of her modelesque body.

            "What? But.."

            'You're gonna stay the night." She's near the door and closed the lights ans she disappeared through her room. A faint glow coming out from the window is the only thing that's lighting us two. I place this cylindrical chair near her. I tried to caress her hair, but I stopped myself from doing so. I tried to arrange her sleeping position, but I stopped myself from doing so. I tried to lean beside her, but I stopped myself from doing so. Tried to kiss her...

            This time I didn't stopped myself. I had my chapped lips on hers before I even caught myself. It's a light kiss on top of her perfectly carved lips.

            Once again, I stopped myself half way realizing that I should not do this.

            The vague glow from outside hits her face. Her soft eyebrows felt like a meadow of daffodils. Her hair strands felt so soft like french tulips. Her lips looked like freshly bloomed hyacinths in the middle of winter. Not that I'm taking note, I'm just noticing.

            As she sleeps soundly, she mouthed "Sungmin" and turned around, her back facing me. I just looked after her like what a mother would to her newly born baby. I

            "Soojin-ah. When I first saw you. I guess I was too late. I saw you the first time at a party of a common friend. I even bumped into you a couple of times and I was just mesmerized.  You looked sad on the way. I didn't knew. I didn't knew that you were... you were the girl Sungmin was going to propose to. The headlights turn to you stopping you from drinking you first ever alcohol. I turn my head to Sungmin and turn my head to yours. You were there, sitting at the bar. With glowing eyes, you turn to Sungmin as if he was your only light. He started singing, and I... I started playing the guitar.

“사실은 첨 봤을 때 부터 그댈 좋아했다고. 말하기가 내겐 참 어려웠던거죠. 먼저 연락하지 않으면 그댈 놓칠까봐. 글자를 쓰고 또 보고 지우길 반복했죠. 깊어지면 상처뿐일거라는 생각에. 두려움이 앞선 건 사실이지만. 간절한 맘으로 기도하고 바랬던 사람이. 그대라고 난 믿어요” (“To be honest from our first meeting saying I like you wasn’t an easy thing for me to do. If I don’t contact you first. I’m afraid of missing you. I wrote a message then erase it again. I keep doing this repeatedly. If my love for you gets any deeper, it will only hurt me more. My mind is full of fear, it’s true. I pray with all my heart, the person that I hoped for… I believe that person is you.”)     

            "Sungmin... he was my best friend. Wonder why I always called you Noona?Wonder why I have never asked your name? Because I already knew, Kim Soojin.-ssi.

            "I knew you already. Bumping into you was no accident. Nor was the gig in Nana's loft. I begged Nana to let us play and invite you. I knew you hated violet. I knew your favorite ice cream flavor is cookies and cream. I knew everything. I tried everything to approach you for years. It was not mere coincidence. It was me finding a bridge for us to meet.

            "I'm trying my best shot to heal wounds. Not only yours, but mine too. Losing him also meant losing yourself. I know Sungmin is still intact inside that heart of yours. And all I can do now is compromise. No matter how hurt I am.

            "People say you're a sunflower who only loves the only one who you  consider your light, Lee Sungmin. I'm still here for you none the less. It hurts but it's ok. To me, you're a rose. And every rose has its thorns. The closer I get to you, the more I'm hurt."

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“Sunflower ("haebaragi" in korean, "baragi" means 'wanting'. Sunflower is symbolized to look(love) only one person.”

"Every rose has its thorns, the closer you get, the more I'll hurt you." -LeeHi,Rose