I didn’t know when it started. But It has been ever since I could remember, I knew, I love him.

I’ve known him since I was five years old. Maybe younger than that. I couldn’t remember exactly when. I just remembered that I saw him sitting alone in his house’s garden when I and my parents visiting his house as my father was his father’s friend. He was diligently tending something so carefully.

I went over to him and asked him what he was doing when I saw that he was holding a bird. The bird was hurt and could not move. I remembered he smiled at me and told me that he found the bird and he was trying to help it. That smile, was the brightest smile I even seen. Maybe that was the moment I fell for him. When the five years old me was shined by the smile of eight year old him.

Even since that time I’ve been trying to get into his sight everytime I could. Fortunately, he did not get sick of me or trying to drive me away. Was it because he didn’t find me as a bother or he was just too nice, I didn’t know. But I’m glad he didn’t.

He showed me that smile I love to see the most everytime we meet. When I’m not feeling too well he will come over to me and comfort me.

His name was Song Joong Ki.

He only looked at me as his sister.

But I don’t love him as a brother.

*** 

The bell that told us the school time just over rang loudly outside our classrooms. After bowing to our teacher I quickly gathered my belonging and slump them in my bag, ignoring the messiness I just created. I slung the backpack over my shoulder while trying to get out of my desk.

I was about to run to the door when a hand reached for my arm and pulled me back. I looked back annoyed, and face my best friend’s confused face.

“Where are you going?” Sung Hee asked with those round eyes.

I released my arm from her. “Joong Ki Oppa’s house.” I moved again to the door but she pulled me back.

“Again? Are you skipping self-study? He wouldn’t like that,” She protested.

I chuckled and went to hug her. “Kim Sung Hee, my friend. It’s Joong Ki Oppa’s birthday. I have to meet him,” I went running before she could catch me again.

“Yah! Park Soo Joo! Yah!!!” She screamed loudly.

I ignored her scream and quickly went out the school’s gate to the bus stop and caught a bus. I must have been grinning like a mad girl while hugging my backpack, protecting my most precious thing. His present.

I got him a watch. Not too expensive, okay, really expensive. It worth it, isn’t it? At least it will remind him of me. He will wear it everyday. And everytime he looks at the watch, he’ll remember me. And how many times people looks at their watch a day? Countless. He’ll remember me that many times. Only thinking of it makes me giggling.

Half an hour bus ride and I got off the bus. I walk along the small street while humming random love song and skipping like a little girl. I don’t care about some people who were grinning and looked at me with amused look. It’s Joong Ki Oppa’s 20^th birthday.

I arrived in front of Song family’s house and pushed the bell. Not long a voice came out of the intercom.

“Who’s there?”

I waved to the security camera. “Ahjumma… It’s Soo Joo. Is Oppa home?”

“Come in Soo Joo. Joong Ki is not home yet, you can wait inside,” I heard the kind voice of Joong Ki Oppa’s Mom again.

“It’s okay,” I shook my head. “I’ll wait outside.”

“Are you sure? It’s still cold outside,” she sounded worried.

I nodded. “I’m sure. It’s almost summer anyway. It’s not that cold,” I smiled to the camera.

I heard her sighed. “Okay, but I won’t lock the gate. Just come in if you want, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded.

I grinned one more time to the camera before went to the gate and sit in front of it. I hugged my backpack tighter and sniffed when the cold of spring found me. I’m not going inside, though. I’m going to wait for Joong Ki Oppa here and yelled ‘surpriiiise’ when he’s here. I should have bought a cake but my allowance for this month has been clean swept by this expensive watch. I can’t ask for more money since my mother taught us to spend money wisely. And spending my pocket money on a few hundred thousand won is not considered being wise. Using credit card would mean my father would find out what I bought. Nightmare.

I can ask Sung Hee for sure, but she’ll scold me for my ‘obsession’ on Joong Ki Oppa. This is not obsession. This is love. My first love. And I have to protect it no matter what and I’m not hearing your scolding Kim Sung Hee. Not again.

After one long hour of waiting a white car I did not recognized whose, arrived and stopped a little further from the gate. I stood up as I recognized the person inside the car. It was Joong Ki Oppa. With a girl.

It seemed like they did not see me yet. They were busy arguing and shouting to each other. Joong Ki Oppa looked desperate and mad while the girl was crying. What is this?

I knew that Joong Ki Oppa has a girlfriend but I don’t care. But what is this scene? I’ve never seen Joong Ki Oppa like that. He looked sad. That’s somehow saddened me too.

Joong Ki Oppa shook his head to the girl and stepped out of the car. The girl wiped her tears and went away with the car while Joong Ki Oppa watched her. His back looked so lonely and so sad.

I stepped slowly and stood behind him and hugged him from his back. “It’s okay. I’m here.”