Soo Joo again. Everytime I’m in my lowest, Soo Joo comes again. I knew she has feelings for me but it doesn’t justify this. I love her too, like I love my sister. Therefore, I’m thankful she’s here now.

“I’m here, Oppa,” she whispered as she held me tighter.

“I know,” I whispered back.

I looked up to the sky which starting to get dark. I don’t know how many times this thing had going on. You find someone you like. You think you’re in love with them. Then they just dump you like a piece of trash.

‘I’m not good enough for you’, ‘I’m not the right one for you’, ‘you’re too good for me’. Those words, what does it mean? Is being good a bad thing? What’s wrong with being the good guy? Am I supposed to turn into a bad guy?

I felt Soo Joo’s hand held me tighter, as if she read my mind and told me that was wrong. A smile crept on my mouth. How can I drove her away, she’s like a best friend that know every little things about me. But she’s just a little girl who was squatting next to me asking why I help a bird that day. Because every soul deserve a life, a love. And my soul… where’s the love my soul needs?

I took a deep breath and pried Soo Joo’s hands from me. I turned around and patted her head. She looked at me with those eyes. As if she knows how I felt and she reflected it like a mirror. I forced a smile.

“What brings you here?”

Her jaw tightened, sign of her holding her feelings. Then come the pout of ‘I don’t like you changing the subject’, but then she looked me in the eyes and also forced a smile. Reflecting me… as always. “I wanted to meet Oppa.”

I patted her head. “And why are you outside? Why didn’t you wait inside?”

She shook her head. “I want to give you a surprise,” she answered with low voice, avoiding my eyes.

She wanted to give me a surprise, but I bet she was the one who was surprised. Though she did not see this kind of thing happened to me once or twice.

I smiled again. “What surprise?”

She bit her lower lips. She looked down and whispered something incoherently while caressing the ground with the sole of her shoes.

“What is it? I can’t hear you,” I bent myself to look at her in the eyes and she looked back at me with hesitation.

“Happy birthday, Oppa,” she said softly.

I softened.  She came all the way here just to say that? It’s so Soo Joo. I went to reach her and put my arms around her and let out a breath. This day, when someone remembered it to broke her knot with me, this little girl come to give me a blessing.

“Thank you, Soo Joo. That means a lot to me,” I whispered.

I felt her nodding in my embrace and then her hands circled around me.

I released my arms and smiled without being forced. “You want to come in? Omma would be glad to see you.”

She shook her head. “I’ll just go home.” She stepped back and gave me a smile. “Bye Oppa,” she started to walk away but I held her hand.

“I’ll take you home,” I told her. “I’ll take my car’s key first. Are you sure, you don’t want to come in?”

She shook her head again. “I’m sure. I’ll just wait here.”

I nodded and went inside to take my keys. I passed through my Mother and my younger sister who were watching drama and hold tissues close to their faces. If only they knew what I have been through today, they might prefer my story than dramas.

I took my keys and went to the garage to take my car. I drove out the garage door and found Soo Joo was waiting on the gate with her around wrapping on herself. She must felt cold. I drove and stopped in front of her.

“Get in,” I told her and she smiled before climbing in into the passenger’s door and closed the door behind.

We ride in silent after that. Soo Joo was actually quite chirpy when she’s in a good mood. I think I have dampened her mood with what happened to me. She was like my mood detector. She knows how I feel and then mirrored it as if it was her own emotion.

I didn’t know she was like that until a few years ago when I had my first girlfriend. I didn’t know she liked me that way, I always thought she liked me like I like her. Like a sibling. But that ex girlfriend of mine saw her expression when she saw us and told me that she had feeling for me.

I never confirmed that to her, but looking at how she treats me compared to other boys, I think that was right. I have no heart to push her away, because hurting her would also hurt me as her brother. I do love her like my own sister, but now in the other way. I want to tell her to give up, that’s why I introduced her to my girlfriends everytime I have one. But she had that look in her eyes. She was happy when I was happy. I also broke her heart when I was broken heart. I have no heart to tell her to go away… but I don’t want to see her sad because I’m sad.

We arrived at her house and I stopped the engine of my car right next to the gate.

She stayed on her seat, looking hesitant for a moment before she reached for her back pack and pulled a box of present out. She raised her head up and held it out to me. “Have a happy birthday, Oppa.”

I grinned and took the box from her hand. “Thanks, I will.”

“Open it,” she said with a smile.

I chuckled and began unwrapping the gift. It was a box with in expensive brand carved on it. I raised my brow confused. “How did you buy this? It’s expensive.” I asked. She couldn’t afford this unless she save for a few months or starve herself for a month.

“I… saved!” she answered with a pout.

You lied you little girl! I see that wrinkle on your nose! I want to tell her those, but it would make her feel worse when she already feel bad. So I just scoffed and she scoffed back. I opened the box and it revealed a nice watch.

The watch ticking as I took it out from the box and watch it closely. She reached out and took the watch then put it on her palm. “It’s ticking forward,” she said as she looked at it.

I laughed. “Of course it is. If it’s ticking backwards, then it’s broken,” I answered her.

She nodded and averted her gaze to me and looked at me straight in the eye. “You too have to move forward, Oppa. If you keep looking back you’ll be broken.”

I looked back at those eyes and found myself nodded. “I will. Thank you.”

She took my arm and slid the watch on my wrist the put the watch on. She raised up her head and smiled brightly. “It looks perfect on you,” she said.

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said once again.

She nodded and took the car handle and opened the door to leave. She closed the door behind her and went to the gate. She waved to me and I waved back before she’s gone inside. I leaned on the car seat and looked at my wrist where the watch ticking each second.

“Moving forward, huh?” I chuckled. “You always know how to light me up, Park Soo Joo.”