~~LONGER CHAPTER THAN FIRST~~

“ What brings you to my humble residing?” Star said as she groomed the roses the maid had just brought in from the morning.

I swear, my sister has eyes behind her head. She never bothered to ask who it was and that always bothered me.

“I came to see you star, I guess I haven’t seen you around lately and wanted to see what you were up to.”

“Haha” my sister laughed. “When did you become so considerate about your sister Xinxin? I know you hate coming to the western part of the mansion. You said you hated how dark it was.”

She was right, I got lost in the western part of my uncle’s mansion when I played hide-n-seek one time with star. I still remember that day very vividly. I was so scared that I didn’t know where to go. The only thing I can think of was to cry and hide under a table. Star never found me and I missed dinner. Later one of the maids told me that Star never bothered to look for me, she only wanted me to be tardy for the afternoon sword lessons. Adam (another one of main girl’s guards) found me later that night during dessert. I had already fallen asleep. He picked me up with his strong arms and took me to my room. I never stepped into that part of the house again, unless if it was an emergency like today.

“I’ve come to seek your wisdom that I myself have always lacked” I mumbled.

“ There’s no need to be so flattering to your sister. I know you’ve come to talk about Tang Ge’s death. I don’t know what to tell u Xinxin. His sudden death surprised me as much as it surprised you and it was something uncalled for. I know what your thinking little sister, and this time it really wasn’t me. He was like a brother to us and I would never hurt him.”

This was the first time I’ve ever heard Star speak so much in one breath. There’s definitely something wrong, but my sister never lied to me before. She may have done indecent things, but she always faced it. She told me lies were for cowards who couldn’t face their own actions.

“ I didn’t come here to seek the reason for his death star…..i just needed someone to talk to. We both know mama and baba were never with us during hard times. You’re my only living family and I just thought we can think back on how it was before. You know? How you, me and Tang Ge grew up by the old lake out back and…”

she cut me off with her cold words.

“what is there to talk about? Those things are silly. You are still the same Xinxin, stop being so ignorant all the time. He’s dead. You should forget about everything and just move on. I mean, we all grew up and went separate ways. Besides, he isn’t even related to us.”

“ You’re wrong Star, we grew up under uncle Chen’s care and we still are under his care.” I looked at my sister in disbelief and starred into her cold eyes.

“ We were not tied by blood, we were tied by heart.”

I couldn’t help but look helpless in front of her. I felt my tears running down my cheeks and that was the last thing I wanted to do. To look weak in front of my sister was like committing a sin. She knew I was in pain. She could see it in my eyes.

“Xinixin, I beg of you to leave this issue alone and let uncle Chen handle everything. I want you to be safe, like you said; we only have each other now. I don’t want to see you leave me like Ah Tang left us.”

I couldn’t believe what she was saying, to be safe? To die? Those words lingered in my mind like death. I just couldn’t get rid of them no matter how hard I tried.

I really didn’t know where to go. All of a sudden this house started to shrink and I was suffocating. I went back to my room and got my car keys. I drove that Porsche at 100 miles/hr to the cemetery. I stopped by a small liquor shop to buy 12 cans of Tsingtao beer and continued on my way.

When I finally got to Tang Ge’s grave, it started to rain. I didn’t have an umbrella, I never did. My deceased aunt used to tell me that umbrellas were bad luck. It didn’t matter if you used it to shelter from the rain or shade from the sun. Either way it blocked good fortune.

I stared into his black and white picture, Jin Ah Tang 1990-2011. He didn’t even make it to his 21^st birthday. He told me was going to go to Vegas when he turned 21. Get rich and find the girl of his dreams. It seemed like just yesterday we were sitting in the basement playing old records and making funny faces. And now I’m standing here all alone thinking back on the past. How I wished I could rewind time, to go back to how it used to be. I just wanted to ask him why he took up his bike that night and get drunk. Why didn’t he call me to go pick him up? Why did he leave so suddenly? What made him so angry?

By that time, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs “ Jin Ah Tang, you stupid bastard. Why did you leave so ing early? What happened to your goddamned dreams? Huh? What a coward. Running away from your ing problems. You said you were a man, is this how a man deals with his life? By giving up and die?? I ing hate you. If you were alive, I would never speak to you again. I just lost all my respect for you. Screw you and your stupid ideas and philosophies about life!!!!”

My knees gave up on me and I cried as I fell to the mud….it’s raining harder now. The teardrops collided with the rain and I kneeled there for at least 20 min before getting up.

“I love you, and I know you would never give up on your life. Whoever did this to you, I will find him and kill him.”

I was just about to start the car, when I heard my bag vibrating; I took out my phone and answered. To my surprise it was Seunghyun.

“ Oppa, why did it take so long for you to call?”

“I’m sorry Tambi-ah, I just didn’t find anything till now.”

“What did you find?”

“I didn’t find anything, I was sleeping in my hotel room this morning and I heard someone banging on the door. I opened and saw a package on the ground. There was a gun inside. On the gun was a post it note. It told me to give the gun to you if we want to know who killed Jin Ah Tang.”

“Alright, fly back ASAP and don’t let any of my uncle’s guys know about it.”

Is someone on my side? Who would send something like this to oppa? Or it can’t be a trap?

My mind was blank, I drove back drinking the beer I had bought earlier and closed my eyes once in a while. I whispered to myself “ god, just kill me now.”