-Hana POV-

I climbed up a rock before settling myself on it. I was back at the same place I was when I last climbed this mountain. It still showed the same view. It still gave me the same calm feeling.I let the slight breeze graze against me. By now it was probably almost 6 but the sun has not gone down yet. I could hear several people passing by either returning or going deeper into the mountains.

I slowly placed my bag on my lap. Nervously, I opened it and pulled out his diary. I gently grazed my finger against it like I've done many many times now.

Taking a deep breath, I opened it, revealing the same line that stopped me before. I pulled myself together and flipped to the next page.

Well if you're reading this, I'm guessing I've already left. I'm really sorry that I left like this but I just couldn't bring myself to explain to you what's going on. I'm too much of a loser. I don't want you to suffer like how I am and will be. Because I love you too much.

-flip-

Since I'm too afraid of telling you face to face, I'll tell you here. Here is where I'll let myself pretend that I'm talking to you. For me, this diary has become you Hana just as this dairy will become me to you. I know you might still be mad at me. I completely understand. I would be too if it was me in your place but I hope that after you flip this page, you will still love me behind all your anger towards me.

-flip-

On January 16,2010, I was diagnosed with skin cancer. That day I ignored all your texts and calls. Instead I laid on my bed, crying. I went on with life as normally as possible so that you wouldn't find out. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't know how you would react. I was afraid you would leave me for someone with a healthier state. I was recieved treatment and as you shouldn have noticed, I was missing school a lot but I let you think that it was due to family problems.

-flip-

On Apil 7,2010, I was diagnosed with CLL too. That was the day I literally felt myself break down. But I didn't lay in bed and cry about it. I sat at my desk all night long, looking at all the photos that we had. I realized that you had lost a lot of weight since I first met you. I realized how much my eyes shone when you were with me. Love can really transform people. Before I met you, I was a lost cause. I constantly argued with my parents. My only friend was Yongnam but I still didn't treat him very well. It was all thanks to you that I've become a better person. I really am grateful to have been able to call you mine.

-flip-

I knew that I wasn't capable of growing old together with you anymore. That is why I broke up with you. There was no reason for me to keep you by my side. It would be selfish of me when I knew I wasn't going to stay by your side anymore. You deserved to go find someone better than me. Do you know how much I wanted to run into your arms and tell you about my problems? I really wanted to but I knew I would have hated myself if I did. I knew you would stay by side, watching me die slowly with no complains. That was just how you were.

-flip-

I stopped attending school. It was really boring staying at the hospital. I was stuck in the room for most of the day. Yongnam regularly came to visit me as my parents tried to come at least once a week. On September 14, 2010, I had a really high fever. My white cells were completely off the charts. The doctors didn't think I would be able to live but I surprised them once the fever went down about 9 hours later. I remember how I my mom literally hugged me with all her might once I was put back into my room. I never seen her cry so much. I felt like a horrible son.

-flip-

Because I had both skin cancer and CLL, treatment was very hard. Two years have passed. Yongnam told me that you were living well. It might sound stalkerish but I had asked him to take pictures of you whenever he could. Each time he gave me new photos, I feel so relieved that you are fine and smiling. That smile of yours. It's just magical. It make everything feel alright. Never stop smiling. My heart always burns a little when I realize that I can't be there for you. That I can't be right in front of you when you smile. I wish to see it face to face, not through these photos but that would be too selfish of me to ask.

"Babo you can be selfish once in awhile." I whispered as I wipe the many tears that I have been falling.

-flip-

May 5,2013. It would have been our 4 year anniversary. I always thought that we would be together forever. But of course nothing goes my way. I just had to be diagnosed with them. I wished I could hug you. I want to kiss those soft lips of yours. I want to feel your heart beat next to mine. I want to do so much with you but i just can't. I've accepted the fact that you and me will never be together ever again but that doesn't mean I can't feel the pain of not having you by my side. I wished that I could lift all this pain off my shoulders.

"Then why didn't you give me them? Why didn't share them with me?" I said through my tears as I continued reading.

-flip-

It's been 3 years since I broke up with you. I've survived for 3 years now. You know, I've been wondering why me? What have I done wrong to be giving such a fate? To have such an amazing girl right in my reach but to be pulled back. You are just right there but yet it's also far. I just have some y luck I guess, right Hana?

-flip-

The doctors. My family. They all say that I will win this battle. They really believe I will. I wish I could too. I wish I could tell myself that maybe tomorrow will be the day I win. Maybe tomorrow I can finally hug you again. But I've had way too many tomorrows. For some reason, I already know. My time is almost up. I can feel it. I won't regret much because I was so lucky to have at least met you and be able to call you mine once. The only thing I regret was not being able to see you smile one last time before I leave.

-flip-

My time is up, Hana. Thank you for letting you call you mine. Thank you teaching me what it means to live and be loved. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to give you much in return. I hope you find someone more suitable for you. I hope you live life to its fullest...for me too. Always smile. That's your best quality. Remember that I really do and will always love you,Hana.

I flipped through the diary but there was nothing left. He wasn't able to write anymore. I flipped to the very last page and found a photo. It was Yongguk in his hospital clothes. He looked paler and defintely more skinner. Everything about him looked practically dead but his eyes and smile was all that was needed to say otherwise. They shone so much. Just like how it always had before. I curled into a ball as I hugged the diary to my chest and cried loudly.

I didn't care who heard me. I didn't care who saw me.

As I cried, I felt a presence. Slowly I uncurled myself and turned slightly. I stared hard and realized that a faint light was coming closer and closer. I turned fully to have a better look. I rubbed my eyes twice as I stared at it more.

It couldn't be..it was a ghost...a ghost that looked like....Yongguk.

He walked closer and closer to me until it stood right next to me. I stared at him as he stared out at the view.

"Beautiful. Just as I imagined." He calmly said with the deep voice that I've missed. He turned to me. We held eye contact. Slowly more tears built in eyes.

I jumped off the rock and stood in front of him. I lifted my arm up to touch him but pulled back.

"This must be a dream. Just like the one had this morning. It can't really be you right?" I said as I backed away a little until I was against the rock.

He walked closer to me and grabbed my hand. He lifted it up for me to see. He was holding my hand. My hand was being held by him.

"Y-Yongguk." I whispered before wrapping my arms around his neck and hugged him close. He held me just as tight.

I parted a bit to look at his face again. He smiled. That gummy smile that I loved.

"I'm sorry baby that I can't be the one who protects you for the rest of your life. I reall-"

-smack-

"YAH WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" he yelled as he rubbed the spot I smacked on his head. I laughed a little before giving him a stern look. 

"Did I tell you how much of an idiot you are?" He looked away from me but I placed one of hands on a side of his face and turned him to face me. 

I stated into his eyes and made sure he stared at mine. "yes I am upset that you can't stay with me anymore. Yes I wished you were the one I stay with me. But the one I am extremely upset about is how you didn't tell me." 

He stayed quiet. 

"I don't care if you have/had skin cancer and CLL. I don't care if you aren't as healthy as other guys. We were separated for 3 years. In those 3 years, we could have made more memories for us or at least to cherish. I don't think it would be sefish for you to keep me by side during that time. I think it was selfish of you to not tell me and keep me distant from your pain."

I pull him down and lean closer to him. 

"I loved you before those 3 years ago. I loved you during those 3 years. And I still love you after those 3 years and for many more. " I whispered before connecting our lips. 

His lips. Just as soft as it was 3 years ago. 

They felt so safe and real. But suddenly the realness of his lips began to fade. I immediately separated our lips and looked at him. 

I looked at his face. 

I looked at his body. 

I looked at his arms that were around me. 

They were fading. 

"no no no" I repeated as tears frantically fell. I didn't want him disappear. I didn't want to lose him again. 

He pulled me into his chest. He calmly patted my head and laid kisses on my head as I tried to grip onto his shirt but it was pointless. He was fading more and more.  

He pushed me off him a little so that we can look each other in the eye again. 

He smiled his gummy smile. 

I cried. 

"I'll always be by your side even though you can't see me baby" he said as he wiped my tears. 

Before I could scream for him to not go. Before I could tell him how much I missed him in those past 3 years. 

He disappeared. 

I fell to the ground. I stopped crying. Instead I looked up to the sky and smiled as I gripped on to the diary.  

Because that's what Yongguk would have wanted me to do. 

-----------------------------

FINISHED~

Hopefully this was good. SOWWIE IF IT'S NOT!

Ignore mistakes. 

Comment at least please :) I wanna know how you guys thought of this XD