"I don't know if it's good to grab onto what you just heard and disregard what you've been seeing all along."

Sandeul and Gongchan talked to CNU and Baro and they all agreed on trying to help Jinyoung. When they had time to think about this, they realized Gongchan was right. They shouldn't blame it all on him. When they formed B1A4 they promised to help each other and stay together no matter what. Now was the time to keep that promise and so when Jinyoung woke up, they were all beside him, smiling.

***

When I open my eyes and see them all there, I feel like I am still dreaming. They didn't abandon me... I feel like crying but I think, I've cried enough for one day so I just shyly smile at them.

"So what are we going to do now? How should we help?" asks Sandeul.

"I don't know... no matter what I've tried in the past, nothing worked. It got better when I joined B1A4. I think, that being famous helps... like our light can win against the darkness inside of me. I believe, we should all just work harder and see what happenes. Now, that you all know, you can be there when I feel bad so I guess, it's gonna help, too. I've been all alone this whole time so I think, that now, when I have all of you beside me, I can be stronger."

They nod.

"Okay, but if things don't get better, you have to try visit other psychologists." says CNU.

It's my turn to nod. It's fair. They give me a chance to deal with this, but if I can't, I should really go see someone. 

***

After that we all work harder than ever before. Our new album is full of our own songs. We all contribute something to it. It's not just our voices and choreo, that we learn, we compose and write lyrics, we continue to create our own color. At first, things are still the same as before, but slowly, I notice small changes. I eat more and don't really freak out anymore. We rearrange our beds and each night one of the members sleeps next to me and slowly, the nightmares start to vanish. I feel better and better. Even the shadow is loosing its strenght. It's not just fans and members, that give me strenght, it's the confidence in our music as well. Finally, I feel like, I've done something to be proud of. When we stand on the stage with our new song, I can feel the true power of light for the first time and I know, the shadow is scared. This is it. This is what I prayed and hoped for. I was so stupid this whole time. I thought, they wouldn't understand, that I would just become a burden to them, but they were exactly what I was missing. I am still not sure what exactly happened to me, but now I understand, that being together was a key to everything. I am not crazy, I never was, I was just too weak to fight the demons on my own. My own light wasn't bright enough, but how can one shadow win against five suns? 

And then it happens. We win. For the first time ever we place first on a music show. I can't describe the feelings... you wouldn't understand unless you would have to go through it too. How hard the training period is... always wondering if you will be able to debut and when it would happen... then fearing, what the other members would be like, what if you won't get along? and then the competition... what if the fans don't like you? what if you bring the group down? will you even have fans? You constantly work... training, schedules... music programms, variety shows, radios, fanmeetings, concerts... you still need to work harder, look better... you see others suceeding, when you are still stuck at the same spot but one day, all of your efforts pay off. And that day finally came. 

We cry and hug each other and later in our dorm, we pour soju to each other and get slightly drunk. It may not have been the right idol image, but it's our little secret and some things just deserve to be celebrated with alcohol. When I wake up the next day, I feel like a new person. My head hurts a little, my stomach is kinda uncomfortable, but there is something different. At first, I can't figure out what it is, but then I see my reflection in a mirror and I look normal. No more dark circles, no more eyes, that seem to be haunted. I glance at my shadow and its not moving. It sticks to me perfectly, like any other shadow. I start to laugh. I was right. All I had to do was become a star. I can't stop myself from giggling and I wake others up. At first, they look at me as if I lost it for real, but soon they understand what my happiness means and we laugh together and just like that, all my fears disappear.

~ The things we can survive depend on the people who stand by to help us.~

***

the end