-Gongchan POV-

I stay with Jinyoung until he fall asleep. He must have been exhausted after the attack and I am sure, the "coming out" was not easy for him either. When we first met, he seemed a little shy and reserved, but since he is the leader, he tried very hard to make us all comfortable. I know, it was hard for him, but he is always serious with everything he does. We are all working hard, but he still works harder. I sincerely admire his great composing skills. When we are all ready to sleep, he is still on his computer making up the new melodies. He is our pillar, our leader and I am very happy, I could meet him. I feel sorry, I couldn't express all of my feelings before. He has always done everything he could for us, but now when he needs us, the others seem reluctant. I don't understand it.

I am shocked, too. It is all so unbelievable and I would lie if I say, that it doesn't hurt a little to know, he hided this for so long... But before I am angry at him, I feel sorry to him. He is my friend, my hyung, my role model, my family... He really means a lot to me and to find out something so terrible happened to him... I feel like crying and cursing the world for being so unfair. He is such a nice person, he didn't deserve this! I guess, I am angry afterall. If I ever find the ones who done this to him.... I take a few deep breaths. I can't loose control like this. I decide to go talk to Sandeul. I think, he is the one who could come around the fastest.

I find him on the balcony, starring at the sky.

"Hyung?" I call out softly, trying not to scare him.

"Hey." He smiles. I come and join him. It's quiet and I am suprised by that. It's around noon, so people should be busy trying to find a place to eat lunch, but there are just a few cars passing by. It feels comforting.

"How is Jinyoung?"

"He fell asleep. It must be really hard for him."

"Yeah.." Sandeul says and looks away awkwardly.

"I know you are upset, hyung. I am also confused but... Don't we all have something we haven't told the others? Don't we all sometimes lie? Maybe, it's just something stupid, like 'no I didn't eat the last cupcake', when you totally did... but still... it's lying. I know, that this is bigger, but isn't it more understandable, that he wanted to hide this? Would you tell us if it was you? I wish, I could say, that yeah, I would believe in you, but I am not so sure... I mean, look at us... Aren't we doing exactly what he feared we would do?"

"I know but... I just... I don't know how to deal with this."

"Hyung, he needs us. Who was there for you when you tried to loose weight? Who was the one, that encouraged you the most? Who is the one, that still tries to buy low fat food and drinks? Who praises you the most for your voice? Who writes the songs the way they could show your true talent? He has always been there for us. Has he ever seemed crazy? Unstable? He is the best leader, you know that. He takes care of us, but have we ever taken care of him?"

"Gongchan..."

"I am angry, yeah. I am angry at him for not telling us. I am angry at whoever done that to him. I am angry at you for leaving him. But most of all I am angry at myself. Don't you see it?  This whole time he was suffering. I've never had a panic attack before, I can't fully understand how he must feel, but you've seen it. You saw how shaken he still was. He dealt with this alone for years! How scared you are when you have a nightmare, huh? He has them every night! I can't believe, he took this all upon himself... when I was sick, I didn't want to worry you, but I was so scared, so hurt... I wanted you to be by my side, because you gave me strenght. All of you helped me recover faster but he kept quiet. You blame him for not telling us, but it's not like he didn't want to tell us. He was scared. And looking at you, he was right."

I start crying. I can't take this anymore. I tried to hold it in. I am the chic terminator afterall, but this is just too much. Sandeul hugs me as I start to sob.

"Shhhhh... "

"Why would someone hurt him so much? Why?"

"Sometimes things happen for no reason."

"But why him?"

"...."

"You know... You are right... I shouldn't have walked away, but I... I am also scared. I just don't know what to do. You said, we should help him and I agree, but how? How are we gonna do that?"

"Let's just talk about this more... if he can't get better even with us by his side, then let's consider the professional help as well.. but you know, maybe there really is no cure..." My voice shakes at the last words... I don't want to think about that...

"We will find a way."

***

to be continued

(btw I have a twitter: https://twitter.com/dionfortune so if you want to know, when I wil update or get some hints at what is gonna happen in the fics, please follow me ^_^ I don't give away too much, don't worry. - but I do spazz over random stuff so sorry about that)