foreverdaragon | I Hate You, But I Love You

Title: 

One thing about the title that you have chosen is that it never gets old. Sure, it has definitely been used more than once, but it is an intriguing start! Not to mention that from what we have read, it relates nicely to your story.

Foreword/Description: 

Your description was cluttered and certain parts don’t really make sense. You may want to take a look at it again and make some changes. And the author’s note should be at the bottom of the paragraph instead.

As for your foreword, we feel that it is too long. Your foreword should be short since it is supposed to be a short beginning to your story. You do not have to leave a big space between paragraphs since too much space may seem to be confusing.

Plot: 

Since you only have two chapters up, we can’t really review on this part. But from what we have read, it was interesting so far. Perhaps, you can add more interesting elements in? Since everything just seems to focus on Yoona and the concert.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:

(Chapter 1)

"I don't think it's going to work.." Seungir said suddenly."

"I don't think it's going to work.." Seungri said suddenly."

"Yoona pouted and lit her head with her hand lightly."

"Yoona pouted and tilted her head at Dara."

"Getting here early allows us to meet SHINee!"

"Getting here early gave us a chance to meet SHINee!"

"Uh..what are you two doing here? The concert isn't for another 2 hours," Onew reminded us."

(Is this supposed to be a question based or factual based sentence? If this is a question, you should use the following.)

"Uh..what are you two doing here? The concert isn't for another 2 hours," Onew asked us curiously."

"Then we shouted happily and loudly."

(By shouting, you are already loud hence it should be the following.)

"Then we shouted happily."

(Chapter 2)

" With our eyes never leaving the stage and rcording the whole thing,"

" With our eyes never leaving the stage and recording the whole thing,"

" Our only intention was to watch SHINee perform, and to not miss a single part of it."

(There isn't a need to use a comma after the word 'and' )

" Our only intention was to watch SHINee perform and to not miss a single part of it." 

" They're just regular people...who sing...Especially Yoona!"

(You shouldn't capitalise your letter when it's not the end of the sentence.)

" They're just regular people...who sing...especially Yoona!"

" I already had the tools done, because I sneaked into the theater before everyone came in."

" I already had the tools done because I sneaked into the theater before everyone came in."

" I heard Yoona shout."

" I heard Yoona shouted."

" "SING, SING, SING, SING, SING!" fans started to chant."

" "SING, SING, SING, SING, SING!" Fans started to chant."

"  SHINee finally agreed to their fans wish."

"  SHINee finally agreed to their fans' wish."

" we would talk to each other..And BOOM!"

" we would talk to each other..and BOOM!"

"and I will not stop until I fulfill my promise!"

"and I will not stop until I fulfilled my promise!"

" Thankfully, SHINee is still performing for us, though!"

" Thankfully, SHINee is still performing for us."

" "Ah, this song..It's for a special someone that I just saw today..Ever since I laid my eyes at her today, I can't stop thinking about her.." "

" "Ah, this song..it's for a special someone that I just saw today. Ever since I laid my eyes on her today, I can't stop thinking about her..." "

"Eh? Who is it? Do we know her?" fans shouted.

"Eh? Who is it? Do we know her?" Fans shouted.

"Ani-ya..I don't think many of you know her...But she is here..right now," Taemin said. "

"Ani-ya..I don't think many of you know her. But she is here..right now," Taemin said. "

" SHINee is performing, and I don't want to miss it at all, but Taemin's words stuck to my brain and just kept on replaying...He has to be talking about me!"

" SHINee is performing and I don't want to miss it at all, but Taemin's words stuck to my brain and just kept on replaying. He has to be talking about me! "

" Hmm...looks like I can't stop this concert, so I might as well just go talk to Yoona."

" Hmm...looks like I can't stop this concert so I might as well just go talk to Yoona."

" When she sees me, she'll remember about our past and we'll be friends again! Or more than that..After all, I'm positive that our feelings are mutal."

" When she sees me, she'll remember about our past and we'll be friends again or maybe even more than that! After all, I'm positive that our feelings are mutal."

"  I grinned, as the scene played in my mind."

"  I grinned as the scene played in my mind."

" I would go up to Yoona, hold her hand, bring her to somewhere quiet, and I would tell her that I'm sorry for leaving her alone for so long."

" I would go up to Yoona, hold her hand while bringing her to a quiet place and I would tell her that I'm sorry for leaving her alone for so long."

" Then she would be shocked that I kept my promise, and I would tell her that I wouldn't break that promise."

" Then she would be shocked that I kept my promise and I would tell her that I wouldn't break that promise."

" It surely will be exciting."

"It will surely be exciting!"

"The only good part of this would be when I admit my feelings to Yoona. "

" The only good part of this will be when I admit my feelings to Yoona."

" I never told her how I felt because I didn't think she felt the same way, and she had a boyfriend."

" I never told her how I felt because I didn't think she felt the same way and besides, she had a boyfriend."

(Spacing)

Too much gap in between each paragraph.

(Sentence Structure)

" Or petty...But significant or not, missing this would just be wrong! "

" Be it significant or not, missing this would be just wrong!"

" Besides Yoona and her friend and SHINee. I managed to overhear their conversation and just like I guessed, they came here early. "

" But since the day I left, I was sure that Yoona loves me. And now it's my goal to get her."

(We don't get what all these sentences mean, maybe you can try rephrasing it?)

" As people were leaving, I was about to put the power back on, but I decided against it. It won't matter..."

" I was about to put the power back on as people were leaving but I decided against it since it won't matter anyway."

Basically, these are some of the mistakes that we have spotted. Do make the changes as well as double check your tenses and punctuation before you decided to upload a new chapter.

Character Development: 

It is still very vague at this point, we want to know how Taemin will affect the story other than being part of Shinee. And you can reveal more about Jiyoung instead of him only obessing over Yoona. But we understand that you can't do much within just 2 chapters. 

Flow: 

First chapter was kind of slow but we get how you are trying to pace your story for the next chapter, however, too many things are happening in the second chapter.

Ending: 

Since you didn't finish the story yet, we can't really give you a review for your ending. So do not hesitate to come to us once you completed your ending.

Additional Comment:

Repetitive Usage of the following words: Shout, Pouted.

Anyway, we had fun reading your story so we hope that you can learn something form our review :) Do comment below after you read through your review and tell us what you think :)