This goes on for the next few weeks, Ryeowook waking him up at ungodly hours and Kyuhyun following without a word. Ryeowook does a few laps, backstrokes and butterflies and movements he once lived and breathed with little exertion, and Kyuhyun stands at the edge, flinching but never taking his eyes off Ryeowook because a small, secret part of him is always so worried that Ryeowook might push himself too hard, and if he does when Kyuhyun isn’t looking, Kyuhyun might not make it in time and the consequence is something none of them would be able to bear.

Who is he trying to save, anyway? He isn’t so sure of it, not anymore, because, on one hand, it’s not about Ryeowook, more like Kyuhyun trying to fix an essential part of Ryeowook’s image in his own mind, more selfish and more twisted, in some ways.

Kyuhyun stops coming to practice completely, after that, and his contact with the team is limited to watching Ryeowook with a passive face, or deleting Siwon’s messages without reading them first. It’s easier than he imagined, to drift away from the club; distancing himself is less complex considering that his teammates are older and have classes in different floors, and if he stays away from their haunts, then he’s safe from Sungmin’s disapproval or Donghae’s worried glances. He knows he’s asking to get punched by Siwon or Kangin, especially with a tournament coming up, but he doesn’t know if he has enough courage to swim when he remembers Ryeowook hurting, and how Kyuhyun should have told anyone a long time ago.

This is an exercise in cowardice and self-deception. Kyuhyun is a master at it, almost.