I kept the album in the bag and wiped the tears with the sleeve of my sweater. I couldn't show him my weak part, if I showed him my weak part, then I don't have nothing left. I don't want to see him so soon in front of me. Not today, not tomorrow or in a month. I’m tired. Maybe I get tired quickly but I didn't want to be more hurt. Once is enough, right? That's it, I will compose myself. I started walking but stopped when I heard my name being called. I turned my face back and saw it was Himchan. What does he want? Hurt me even more? I turned away from him and started walking; I don't want to talk to him, not now. I was prevented from walking because I felt two strong and warm arms embracing me from behind. I closed my eyes and a small tear slid down my cheek. He rested his chin on top of my head and I sighed.

“______.” He whispered my name so endearing for the first time. "I'm sorry." He said with a bitter voice and another tear slid down my cheek. "I don't know what got into me to say that in front of everyone." He kissed my hair and hugged me tightly.

"I don't know what went through your head." I managed to say and wiped the tears that insisted on falling.

"I'm sorry." He asked again. My heart told me to forgive him but my mind told me to get out of his arms as soon as possible. What should I do? I want to hug him; I want to say 'you are forgiven' but I can’t do that. This time my mind has to win, instead of my heart. This time the apologies aren't enough. This time the hugs and caresses aren't enough. This time the love I feel for him isn't enough for me to forgive him. I grabbed his arms and gently pulled them from my body. I turned my face to him and could see the sadness in his eyes. I could see the regret in his dark eyes, but I'm sure he could see the pain in my eyes.

"Today's apology doesn't make the pain I feel right now, go away." I said in a whisper and the wind swung my hair taking with it another tear. "Today's apology doesn't make me forgive you." He looked at me and held out his hand to touch my cheek but I stepped back and shook my head. "Please don't seek me Himchan, please go away and leave me alone." I felt my heart break when I heard the words I said. I never thought I would ever say this to the person I love but apparently I thought wrong.

“______.” He said my name weakly and took a step forward. The shock and sadness were clearly present in his face.

"I said to leave me alone, Himchan." I said a little louder and the hand he had extended to me, suddenly lost strength and he put it to the side of his torso. His lips were parted and his eyes wide. He wasn't expecting me to say these so cold words but the pain fidgeted with my feelings, and I couldn't say that I was okay because the truth is, I wasn't. Seconds passed in a deep silence and the rest of the members of BAP appeared and approached us. I looked at them and sighed. "Take good care of Himchan. Stay well. Goodbye." I said the words to all of them and turned my back and walked to a place where I can drown myself in tears.

“______, ______, ______.” I could hear Himchan literally screaming my name. I turned my face a little and saw that he was on his knees and his hands on his head while the members of BAP tried to comfort him. The vision I saw broke my heart even more. “______, ______, gajima, jebal.” He kept repeating my name over and over again and I covered my ears and walked as fast as I could, to my house. Tears began to fall back through my eyes while my mind was recording, the vision of Himchan on his knees. I'm sorry Himchan.

I got home and went straight to my room. I lay down on the bed and grabbed a pillow, this time the tears were endless. It's sad to admit that I live alone because no one wants to care about me. It's sad to admit that my parents never wanted to care about me and I had to extricate myself. It's sad to admit that I have no friends because everyone thinks my unlucky attracts, I only have BAP. It's sad to admit that the person I love hurt me, and it's sad to admit that I still love him no matter what he does, I will continue to love him unconditionally because it was he who taught me that there is a smile behind a tear. It was he who taught me that in life, not everything is full sadness. It was he who taught me to love a person and especially was he who taught me to love him with all the strength I have.

I heard my phone ringing but I didn't get it and not even looked at the screen. I know who it was. Regardless of what I say, he always does what he wants because he is stubborn. I turned to the right side and looked at the white curtain that was in the window. My eyes scanned the wall, after the paintings, the furniture and finally stopped in the ceiling. My head ached because of the crying and I knew that at this time my eyes were swollen. I blinked my eyes a few times and then closed them. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was my phone ringing.

****

I woke up startled, I had a nightmare for sure, but didn't remember the nightmare. I felt the beads of sweat dripping down my temples, and I stood up from the bed. I opened the door to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was a wreck and it wasn't for less. I washed my face and the cold water relieved me a little. I left the bathroom and looked at the small clock that hung over the door of my room. 2:33 am. It was still early but I wouldn't be able to sleep more. I walked up to my room and sat on the chair. Maybe if I play some games on the computer, the sleep comes. I the computer and I completely repented, to do so. I completely forgot that I had a picture of Himchan as wallpaper. I passed with my trembling and white fingers at the computer screen and the tears threatened to come in but I managed to stop them. I shook my head to take out Himchan of my mind and opened my email. Before I go play it might be better to read the messages that I have to read. Apparently only had one, and was of the steps, and now that I'm here, I'm going to take advantage to read the fourth step. Although I and Himchan, are like this, that doesn't mean anything. I loaded the option where it said 'read' and started reading what the fourth step said.

‘Fourth step: Be cold with him until you see that's enough.'

Looks like I went ahead a bit because I've been cold to him even before reading this step. I think my mind or my heart predict the future, or maybe not. I opened a new page to play but lost my appetite before I even start playing. I turned off the computer and lay down in bed. I looked up the nightstand and picked up the phone. I unlocked it and saw that I had 30 messages and 2 missed calls from Himchan, it wasn't much; I even thought I would have more. I read the messages and most of them said 'sorry' and 'please talk to me.' It wasn't anything special. I read a message in which it said I had a voice message. I dialed the needed numbers to hear the voice message and leaned the phone to the ear.

"______, please forgive me. I'm here in front of your door, waiting for you, please come talk to me. Talk to me please, let's work things out." That was the only message I had from Himchan. His voice wasn't very good. I looked at the time that I had received the message and my eyes widened. The message was sent at 8 hours ago. Is he still in front of my door? With a heavy heart I ran to the front door and without thinking twice I opened it. My heart started beating fast, when I saw Himchan, sitting on the stairs all wet and hugging tight his knees. A few drops of rain fell from the dark sky. I approached him and touched him lightly on the shoulder.

“Himchan.” I called him and he slowly raised his head, the drops were dripping from his hair, soaking his face. "Yah Himchan, are you crazy?" I asked looking at him in a disapproving way. He abruptly stood up and hugged me, not caring if he was wetting me. He hugged me so tightly that my lungs complained of breathlessness. “Himchan.” I called him and felt him kissing my shoulder with his cold lips. He was cold and was shivering.

"______, please forgive me." He asked in a husky voice and I sighed. How will I get to stop talking to him, or to see him, if he comes after me?

"Let's go inside." I said pulling him by the arm and he followed me. We entered, and when I just close the door, I felt him hugging me tightly. "Himchan, you not care if I get sick?" I asked a little upset and he kissed my temple. It was he who would be able to get sick and not me.

"______, you know I care about you." He tightened even more the hug. "I'm sorry, ______, I know I'm not an exemplary boyfriend, but you know I've been in a relationship in which have hurt me a lot." He explained.

“I know.” I nodded. "But that doesn't give you the right to hurt me too Himchan." I whispered and he ran his fingers through my palm to join his fingers with mine.

"I know and I apologize for that." He kissed my hair and turned me, so I can see him. "Really, ______, I'm very sorry." He said looking at me serious and I saw that he wasn't lying. I could see in his eyes that he wasn't lying to me. What can I do? I got my brain in a knot and my heart hurt but am I able to forgive him? "I promise I'll try to be more affectionate with you, just give me some time but please don't leave me." He my cheek and the tears began to emerge in my eyes, this time I couldn't stop them. I truly love him, and my tears are proof of that. He looked at me and I nodded slightly. I had to forgive him. A big smile appeared on his lips and he kissed my forehead. “Gomawo.” He kissed my eyes wiping my tears.

"You're welcome." I passed my fingers over his face. "Now you need to dry yourself." I said and he nodded. He released the hug and walked to the bathroom but stopped halfway.

“______.” He called me and I looked at him. "If I get sick it's your fault." He said in a playful tone, pointing his index finger at me.

"Yah Kim Himchan, you want to leave right now?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and he ran to me.

"Just kidding, baby." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You want to help me change my clothes?" He asked with a mocking smile on his lips, and my eyes widened.

“Yah, Kim Himchan..” I started to speak but was prevented from continuing because he put a finger on my lips.

"I know, I know. We have time for that.. And one more thing.. Yes, I'm crazy.. But only for you." He flashed me the eye and disappeared from my sight, leaving me completely red and embarrassed. Kim Himchan, you're a pabo but you are my pabo.

Fourth step,

Conclusion: Forgiveness is the best virtue we can get and Himchan is the best thing I could have in my life.

Done ^^, I want to thank everyone who commented and of course THANK YOU for the votes.. You guys make my day better because of your comments and support.. My mother even asked me why I'm always smiling -.-'