4 Times Geng tried to bid farewell to Heechul

a/n: very inaccurate timeline. extremely angsty.

i.

“Hankyung! Take me with you”

“Let’s go. Lie down here,” the Chinese man ordered Heechul to go inside the suitcase.

“Since I don’t have plane tickets...” the older guy followed squeezing himself on the half part of the luggage.

“Don’t let your hands stick out.”

“I’m trying to be so cute for Hankyung,” there were sly smiles on their faces. “If it wasn’t you, I’d never― Yah!” Geng tried to close the luggage, burying Heechul using his pants and clothing.

Heechul wasn’t really pissed. Still acting cute for the camera, he got off and slapped Hangeng’s back, “Goofing off.”

“Won’t you miss him when he goes to China?” asked the camera lady.

“I’m sick of him,” laughing off the awkward question, fixing his orange hair.

“You don’t have anyone to drink with,” Geng tried to hurry packing his things because it was almost midnight.

“Right. That’s true,” the room was filled with laughter. “You talk a lot about drinking while filming,” a light slap on the younger guy’s exposed arm.

“The two of us ate lots of bossam and drank a lot together,” Heechul said to the camera. “I don’t like meeting people, so the two of us would drink in that room,” pointing to Geng’s cavern.

“I usually drink beer. I don’t drink soju.”

“You’re at that age when alcohol goes straight to your tummy.”

…

“How long will you be in China?”

“10 days.”

“10 days? Are you going back packing? He looks like he’s moving. Aren’t you really moving to the other dorm?” everyone was laughing to Heechul’s cynical comment. “Because you don’t want to live with me, why you’re taking so many clothes?”

“The winter’s over, so I’m taking stuff that I don’t need to China,” it was a lame excuse.

“Ah. But aren’t you going to be here next winter? You’ll just have to bring them back again,” it was not an unconscious remark.

“Little by little, I need to move stuff,” Geng is not lifting an eye to Heechul, just folding what seemed like to be the tenth pair of pants already.

“I think this is too much,” he shook his head. “Why would you move all this?”

Geng did not respond.

…

They checked their minihompy

“Xiay xiay xiay xiay,” said Heechul

“It’s xie xie xie xie.”

“I know.”

“Have you seen Hankyung cry?” asked the camera lady once more.

“Hankyung says he misses his parents and China and sometimes cries.”

“You saw me?”

“Of course I saw, shedding little bits of tears. To be manly, he pretends that he didn’t cry but his eyes are all red and swollen,” Geng was trying to be preoccupied with checking his Cy. “Are they supposed to be bitten by mosquitoes? You think I’m an idiot?” No. Heechul was never an idiot, he just sometimes don’t accept matters with lightning speed. “He is manly and really good at things like martial arts but still very sensitive. But I think it’s natural for people to cry, thinking of their parents, Hankyung, too,” he was staring deep on the China man’s eyes, but the latter kept on pretending being busy with his homepage. “Before, a lot of people used to talk about our nationality but I don’t think it matters. When you’re close, playing together, talking together, although it’s sometimes a little difficult to communicate, in understanding each other, Hankyung is better than another Korean living next door. In my case, I only drink alone with Hankyung, “he was now speaking to the camera.

“We’re never awkward,” finally, Geng spoke.

“Although we don’t talk a lot when we drink, it’s really comfortable. Because we try to split the alcohol cost, we would each try to drink more. I’m just kidding.” No, he wasn’t.

…

Heechul was singing, was broken off by―

“Won’t you miss me?”

He was all ears, moved closer to Geng, “Are you asking me?”

“I...”

“Won’t I miss you? Are you ill or something?”

Geng’s eyes were fixed on the laptop screen.

“Ok. I’ll give you a kiss,” a light moist contact of his lips to Geng's cheek.

They were beaming.

…

“Now it’s all packed. What time is it?” it was midnight according to his phone.

“Jyouw're mnovbingngg warremn’t jyouu?” Heechul was brushing his teeth, trailing behind Geng.

“Should sleep soon. What’s your schedule tomorrow?”

“Radio and drama.”

“When do you need to go up?”

“6. 7?”

“Sleep soon,” Geng carried his luggage to his room. Before going back to the bathrrom, Heechul kicked Geng’s bottom, with a grin filled with bubbly toothpaste.

“Have a good trip. What time are you going to leave tomorrow?”

“1:40. I need to go to the hairdresser, too.”

“Afterwards…”

“Afterwards, I have to go the airport early. Go.”

 “Okay. Go. I’ll sleep.”

Heechul finished his night rituals, Geng went straight to bed.

…

He was covered with sheets, staring at his bedroom ceiling. He rolled to the side facing the wall and tried to shut his eyes tight. His mind was crumpled and with an impulse, he got up, grabbed a coat, his house keys, and some bills from his purse, not an inch of care that he’s still wearing his Tom and Jerry night gown, he dashed out of the dorm.

…

“Hankyung..Hankyung,” he barged into room across his, shaking Geng up, a quarter before 1am.

“What’s wrong Heechul?” he can barely lift an eye and his voice bleary.

“C’mon get up. I have cold beer and bossam,” Heechul clutched a can of beer and lay it on Geng’s cheek.

“Ah! It’s cold, it’s cold!” with a quiver, he got up.

“Sshh. Told you it’s cold. You kept talking about alcohol. It made me want to drink tonight. Don’t worry, it’s my treat,” he eased himself on the bed, taking a share of the blanket.

“But you..we have to wake up early tomorrow.”

“We will. Just finish it up then sleep,” he opened a can and passed it to the other while grinning amidst the dark room, enjoying the warmth of the person his sharing the sheets underneath.

After drinking five cans of beer, they were no longer sober

“Hankyung, you’re my best bestfriend, right?”

“Hmmm.”

“You won’t ever leave me, right?” they had wobbly heads and twirling sights. Heechul managed to stead his head on Geng’s shoulder. “You won’t ever leave me, right?” he had to repeat himself to make sure he was heard.

“…”

“Hankyung!” screamed Heechul while raising his can of now tepid beer.

Geng hushed him by placing a hand over the other’s moist lips.”Heechul. Shut the hell up.”

“I never taught you to curse.”

“But I learned it from you. You’re a drunken bastard. Go back to your room.”

“Fine. But you won’t leave me right?” he raised his head, close enough to breathe in the Chinaman’s reeking scent of alcohol before he completely passed out.

Geng fixed Heechul’s twisted arm, placed a pillow under his head and covered him warmly with his blanket.

“I’m sorry, Chul-ah," he placed a kiss on the sleeping guy's forehead.

…

The next morning, Heechul was late for schedule, 21 missed calls on hisphone, and with a splitting headache. Geng and his manager already left for the hairdresser.

ii.

Geng was still drowsy from the late night practice and excitement when he was woken by Heechul thundering on his room that morning. It was a sunshiny Monday morning.

He never thought that Heechul would remember the promise he made last week. They were so drunk and the older guy started to complain on how he missed being free. No schedule to follow, no fans screaming, no manager to boss them around, no heavy make up, no giddy clothes to wear, no blinding stage lights. He wanted to feel carefree again, to do whatever he wished, to walk around the daylight streets, slow paced, breathing lightly. Then Heechul came up to the idea of going to the theme park. He was shaking Geng on his wifebeater, who is barely holding his head up due to over drinking. When he finally said yes, Heechul passed out clinging to his arm.

And that God forsaken sunshiny spring Monday morning was the day the promise needs to be fulfilled. It was on their dismay that despite it was a weekday, they expected less people to be on the park. Teenage girls managed to follow and film them around. They had no peace but still need to smile and waive. Heechul was already irking. He wanted to experience the rides, scream his lungs out, laugh, jump around, but he couldn’t. All they did was to pass by a shop where Geng bought him a pink whale and named it “Pink Whale No. 1”, then walk around some more before going home.

Heechul’s Cyworld Entry 2008.06.09 22:31

10 years…

It’s been 10 years since I last went to Everland

Hankyung and I were so excited… we were almost like kids going on a spring vacation

We tossed and turned the whole night, and slept for only 2 hours before we left

We had to face the questions of “Is it possible? Is it better if we went together? But the company…”

“Nono~ If we don’t put on make-up, no one will recognize us ㅋㅋ” and say it with a heavy nasal accent,

and coming out of the dorm with this expression on our faces ^-^*

We were really happy on the way to Yong-in, and started our chat which we haven’t had in a long time ㅋㅋ

Hankyung： I really want to go (Imitating Hankyung’s accent)

I really want to go (In proper language*)

Me (Heechul)：ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Our mood today’s really very good ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Hankyung: But what if there are a lot of people there today? (Imitating Hankyung’s accent)

But what if there are a lot of people there today? (In proper language)

Me (Heechul): Because today is Monday, there’ll be no one~ ㅋ Very good (- _ – )=b Let’s go playㅋㅋ

We finally reached

And we happily bought our tickets and went in ^-^

WaㅋGOODㅋ

(-┏)

Because there were too many middle/high school students there to welcome the spring vacation (?)..

We didn’t get to play at all and went home.. A sad fairytale (유_유)

I.. said that I want people to know that I have been to Everland

So I bought a pink whale.. “Pink Whale No. 1″

Hankyung said that we should re-use the wrist band and go back to the themepark tomorrow..

You can see it from the photo above

Both our expressions were not very happy (-┏)

...

“Did you seriously think that we could pass as commoners?”

“Fix your Hangul, I can’t understand you,” Heechul was still on a petulant mood, cheeks were buried to hands.

“Woah. Was it my fault?”

“Yes. I told you to wear something unnoticeable at all.”

“What is your problem?”

“You are. I just wanted to be free for a day. Just for a couple of hours. And they can’t even spare us the time. This stupid whale won’t compensate for it, Hankyung,” he punched the Pink Whale No. 1 on the face.

Geng came to rescue the poor toy before Heechul would pour out his displacement to it, “Calm down now.” He hugged Heechul, patted his back, like how mothers hush their crying toddlers, and the latter obscured his face to the China man’s shoulder and sniffed his sweet spring scent.

“I just wanted to feel free.”

“Free?"

"Hmmm.."

"Free. Sounds nice. Me, too, Chul-ah.”

iii.

From Hankyung:

1.36pm

Will you wait for me?

From Kim Heechul:

1:37pm

No, hurry up. I’m hungry.

From Hankyung:

1:38pm

Then eat by yourself.

From Kim Heechul:

1:39pm

Just hurry up. You told me the plane would arrive at 12:30. Such a poor liar. And don’t tell Zhoumi or Henry or Siwon where we will dine. I need peace of mind.

From Hankyung:

1:42pm

There was a slight delay on the flight from China. Such a bad temper. Need to fix that.

From Kim Heechul:

1:43pm

Idc. Get your here. Do you want seafood marinara? Sounds nice.

From Hankyung:

1:44pm

The same as what you will get. Siwon likes that tho.

From Kim Heechul:

1:45pm

Fine. Be with the preacher.

From Kim Heechul:

1:50pm

Are you with the preacher now?

From Kim Heechul:

1:52pm

I swear. I will not make the rest of your Korean stay at serenity.

From Hankyung:

1:53pm

Heechul-ah ^^

From Kim Heechul:

1:55pm

What?!?!?!

From Hankyung:

1:57pm

What will you do if I didn’t actually board the plane? That I was left in China for good?

From Kim Heechul:

1:58pm

Your sorry Chinese will never do that.

iv.

It was after Geng left the group, won the lawsuit, and pursued his solo career in his homeland. He was one of the most notable, accomplished artists during those years but still kept in contact with Heechul. They constantly update each other just like how often Heechul checks his mention on Twitter. What they lack in physical touch, they bridge it with spiritual presence. After all, they were best of friends. They would still curse and nag each other, spend sleepless autumn nights on the net, tease and mock each others’ failures, and silently commend whenever one gets a citation from their industries. Heechul would sometimes note how Geng's hangul went from bad to worse and the latter would dispute that the only chinese Heechul knows is still "xiah xiah xiah xiah" and refuses to learn more than that.

It wasn’t long after they were both busy with their own schedules, moving from one country to another, endless guestings on local shows, rehearsals, top-charting shows, album signings, etc etc until they got a handful of work and time for eating and sleeping are scarce. But somehow along the way, Heechul would spare his sleeping time waiting for Geng to be online. No hope. He would sleep his annoyance after three, two hours, forty-five minutes, log in: he’s not there, message him, and log out. He managed to find entertainment and company within the members and his Chocoball. He drowned himself with work, he’s doing the same, and so do I, he thought. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. He was eaten by ego. They were slowly fading, like worn out driftwood still floating on a lake. How ironic, he would still think of him although as clear as daylight golden sun, his Chinese friend is not doing the same, or maybe he was wrong.

…

When things got smooth and loose, he would spent a day power-bowling with Chocoball, the next night he would tag along with any member, or just stay home and bury himself with mangas or mess with Kyuhyun’s game.

One particular night, Heechul forgot to check his e-mail (or half-purposely did not). He got out of the shower and welcomed his phone with messages from Hongki and Simon to go get some drinks at the newly opened rock pub and that he’ll love it there. He put on a pair of acid-washed pants, black cardigans, a gray coat, and his usual red Chucks. He did not drive his car because Simon promised that he’ll pick and drop him off his dorm. Free ride, he'd always loves to be a passenger rather than drive. When he stepped outside the building premises, there was a familiar-looking, gray, two-seater Mercedes Benz on the opposite driveway. He ignored it and got inside Simon’s car.

He had fun with the boys, singing rock songs, jamming, tasting few new drinks. When they decided to go home, sober enough to drive, it was a quarter before midnight.

Heechul was on his way back to the dorm when his phone rang of an unfamiliar number. He stopped just underneath the street light. It was his Chinese friend.

“Heechul-ah.”

“Yo!”

“Hi.”

“How are you doing?”

“Good..pretty good. And you?”

“I’m just tired.”

“Long day?”

“Hmmmm.”

“I miss you, babo.”

“Me, too.”

“You should!”

“…”

“…”

“Heechul, are you happy?”

“Why are you suddenly asking?”

“I’m just wondering. Are you? Happy, satisfied, content…without any pretense.”

“I don’t really know. I’m more capable of doing the things I want. I sing more. I play outside. But, I drink less now. Haha. How about you?”

“You didn’t exactly answer my question but I’m glad your voice and spirit are uplifted.”

“Why so poetic?”

“Am I?”

“How about you? You’re more accomplished now than all of us combined!”

“Stop fooling around. But will you stay like that for good?”

“Like what?”

“Idyllic…by all means. Genuinely happy.”

“I’ve always been like this, Geng.”

“Good. Have a good rest then. I’ll call you soon.”

“You should be― Hello. Hello?”

The gray MB earlier that night drove past him. He stood under the dim streetlight for a good of five minutes, staring at his phone.

…

A few days later, the next phone call from Geng was an invitation to his wedding.

...

“Those were the times; I tried hard to ignore his words. They were meaningless to me. I didn’t care about him at all. I regretted it, Mimi. I wish I knew better, I wish I was wiser back then.”

“Shut up with all of your wishful thinking,” Zhoumi gave Heechul a bad side-eye after nth time he heard those gloomy stories. He sighed. The night was supposed to be of fun, food, and happy drinking. Why did he ever bring Heechul at the local Chinese community’s friendship day again? He should’ve brought Leeteuk, he has more sense than Heechul now. This chick is just a wreck. Now, the he is as drunk as and started to get poignant again and of course, he needs go along the tides. The scene was heartbreaking: Heechul was wearing a blue Hanfu (traditional Chinese silk robe), face flat on the table, holding a ceramic alcohol jar, blabbering words to himself, while the rest of the world were singing and dancing to blissful Chinese traditional songs, glowing with festival smiles.

For all he knows, he hated people who regret anything they did in the past. Often regret is very false and displaced, and imagines the past to be totally other than it was. He knew Heechul is a different case.  But he can’t do anything for this matter but make him understand. He didn’t want to rub salt to the wound but Heechul needed a serious lecture. Hasn’t he learned anything at all?

“Hyung, I have no regrets in my life. Life had been a tough road for me, you know that. I think that everything happens for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, it’s suppose to make you a much stronger person. But seriously, you.”

Heechul’s ears rang. He seemed sober for a moment there. His eyes were wide open hinting the stick to bring it on.

“Every year, during this season, you’re acting up like a crack. We’re all taking this the hard way, but you’re making it impossible to move on. We lost a friend, a brother, too.

We are all trying to cope up. But…you are dragging us down. You were most affected, you were the one most depressed, and you locked yourself for 3 months. We tried to understand you,” Zhoumi’s voice was as cold as a frozen metal on a winter storm.

“You’re supposed to make me feel better tonight,” Heechul pouted.

“I know. But you need this too, so try your best to hear and understand me before passing out, okay?” he cleared his hyung’s face of the strands of dark hair, tucked it behind his ears. Heechul nodded his head, right cheek still against the wooden table.

“Don’t blame yourself, hyung. It’s really inappropriate. Nothing is of your fault. No one could ever tell what had happened. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”

Zhoumi’s words were the most consoling next to the comforts of a warm, sleeping Leeteuk, and Ryeowook’s mussel-seaweed soup. He believed every phrase, it made him feel better, plus , he’s Chinese.

“I don’t want to hear Kyuhyun calling me at the middle of the night, sobbing, saying he had the worst night with you on the rooftop.”

“That was yeas ago and I never planned to jump at all, the kid’s just paranoid,” his words were slow and garbled.

“He was traumatized. And please, when someone gets married, I suggest you take a two-day breather, reflecting, thinking things over before coming to the wedding. Also, don’t mess with Hyukjae, he’s stronger now.

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. We should be celebrating hyung’s good memories. Enough of the sulking, huh?” Zhoumi smiled at him, like a cloudless summer sky.

He was afraid of the future, frightened that no one would be there trailing behind to support his back, or someone leading, clearing the way for him, and worst is that no one would be there beside him. Just a narrow shadow is sometimes enough, because he knew a source of light would be close by. As of now, yes, he needs to celebrate, not the good old dead memories but the existence of the warm, consoling, people around him.

“Hankyung! Hangeng! Whatever his name is, he is the biggest douche.”

“Haha. I know.”

“It’s fun that we do this for three years in a row,” he had an awkward eyesmile.

“Next year, I’ll bring Jungsu hyung.”

“No!”

...

cr: Soompi for trans of Heechul's Cyworld entry :D

I would like to make myself clear: For 3 years, Zhoumi and Heechul had been on the festival with the same convos, over and over and over again. Because Heechul is a marble, white and difficult to furnish. But once polished, they're exceptionally beautiful.

I think of Zhoumi as the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.

Okay.

I’m no good with these chaptered fics. They are one-shots pretending to be chaptered lol. Hurray for slow-as-ddangkoma update .___.

I am so lazy. Look, I'm growing double chins! :D))

Hey. I think I'm back on track for the supposed to be angsty-sad fic \o/

13k+ words so far kkkkkke I never knew I know so much words LOL

I think the gif is perfect.

I am seriously writing an AU.