Sungjong looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. His face was pale but the apples of his cheeks splotched with red in an unattractive way. His hair was a mess that would normally frustrate the out of him, but for now he didn't care.

He still felt twisted inside; the pit of his stomach was a churning mess that he couldn't make sense of. Myungsoo wanted him? He'd definitely been listening when Myungsoo was talking but he hadn't thought past the hurt-- and he was still feeling hurt. It still didn't seem fair that Myungsoo got to decide on a whim what their fate would be when Sungjong was the one who had to suffer. Somewhere in the back of his head though, he could hear a voice that kind of sounded like Sungyeol's telling him, "What's the problem? He likes you, you like him-- jump his bones." Which was exactly why Sungjong wouldn't be going to Sungyeol with any of his problems. Ever.

Sungjong wouldn't be able to stay at his grandfather's forever. He already knew that. There was also no way he'd be able to move out of Myungsoo's apartment and Myungsoo had to know that. Sungjong didn't even really want to. He had never wanted to be far away from Myungsoo, but now Myungsoo wanted him back. Myungsoo wanted to be with him.

Sungjong closed his eyes and tried not to let himself get too excited. He tried to hold on to the anger and found it pretty easy, but then he'd think about Myungsoo's face when they were fighting and the sincerity there that Sungjong hadn't even let himself notice before and then that indecipherable knot in his stomach would swoop without his permission.

He had to stay gone long enough not to look pathetic at least. He couldn't go running back into Myungsoo's arms after making such a big fuss, so he stayed long enough to take a nice long shower and make himself look like he hadn't slept in his (half) of his clothes. He ate lunch with his grandfather and waffled around until his grandfather rolled his eyes at Sungjong and told him to get out. So Sungjong took the walk back slow but tried to keep his mind as blank as possible. He didn't really want to think about it.

Myungsoo hadn't moved much from where he'd been when Sungjong had left. He was still lying in their bed, face down in Sungjong's pillow. He must have known Sungjong had come back though-- if not from the noise then from whatever it was that made Sungjong's skin buzz when he was around Myungsoo-- because his shoulders hunched up defensively, like he thought he'd be hit. Sungjong his lips and wondered why he hadn't used the walk to think about what he wanted to say.

"Are you going to stay with me?" Myungsoo asked eventually. His voice was quiet and the sound almost muffled by Sungjong's pillow.

Sungjong replied truthfully, "I have to."

Myungsoo's shoulders dropped and Sungjong felt a little pang of guilt and he wondered where the anger had gone. He'd had so much to draw from this morning. "I know, I'm sorry." Myungsoo told him.

Sungjong sighed, "Don't be sorry. I always wanted to be with you." He said pointedly and watched felt first relief from Myungsoo and then overwhelming guilt. Before Myungsoo could say anything though, Sungjong asked, "Are you going to tell Sooyeon?"

Finally Myungsoo pushed himself up and turned to meet Sungjong's eyes. "I already did."

Sungjong blinked, "When?"

Instead of answering, Myungsoo looked at the ground but Sungjong stared him down, knowing now that Myungsoo could feel his impatience. "Yesterday. Before we saw you on your... date."

"But-- " Sungjong found himself laughing bitterly, "You introduced her as your girlfriend."

"You were on a date!"

"You've been on lots of those since we met!"

"And none of them felt right!" Myungsoo said passionately. He was still sitting on the bed, but his chest rose and fell heavily. "Do you remember the first time I went out with her after she came back?"

Sungjong blushed. Of course he remembered that; how could he forget? He also remembered feeling terrible the entire night before Myungsoo came home, trying and mostly failing to think about anything other than his Lund's mate on a date with someone who wasn't him.

"I could tell from the beginning that it was different. Everything felt all wrong with her and it pissed me off because I thought it was you. And it was you." Myungsoo explained, and held a hand up when Sungjong made an indignant noise, "But it was me and her too. She's still Sooyeon and I'm still Myungsoo and we could have probably been great but you are so much better." He put his head in his hands, "Not better-- I don't know what I'm saying. You're better for me-- she's great but you're what I need." Myungsoo looked up at Sungjong.

Quietly, Sungjong said, "I only went on those dates so that you wouldn't have to worry about me." Myungsoo just looked at him unwaveringly, until Sungjong took a shaky breath and added, "I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to move on."

"Do you have to move on? Can you just stay with me?"

"Well." Sungjong couldn't keep eye contact with Myungsoo anymore. Myungsoo's eyes were knotting him up inside more than he'd already been. "That was never a decision for me."

"The dates." Myungsoo reminded him.

"They all failed." Sungjong shrugged.

"You would choose me, then, even if we didn't have Lund's?" Myungsoo asked him. Sungjong just raised an eyebrow since the answer was obvious. "And I would choose you, even if we didn't have Lund's." It wasn't fair that Myungsoo could make his heart pound the way it did. "So can I kiss you?"

For a moment, Sungjong tried to breathe shallowly. It felt like Myungsoo was all around him, though he was still sitting on the bed. It would have been a lie to say Sungjong didn't love the feeling, but for some reason he couldn't tell if this was really happening. "You don't have to." He said almost weakly. His voice was failing him. "I told you, I had my one night."

At that, Myungsoo pushed himself off the bed and into Sungjong's space. "Is one night all you wanted?"

"No."

"Good. Because it wasn't 'pretending' for me and it wasn't just for one night either." Myungsoo looked like he wanted to reach up and touch Sungjong's hair. It was a familiar motion for Myungsoo, but he kept himself from carrying through. "Can I kiss you?" He asked again.

The feeling of desperation Sungjong got from Myungsoo was bitter and had Sungjong springing forward until their mouths connected. Myungsoo didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Sungjong, pulling him in tight and keeping him there.

I FEEL like a tease and i'm sorry i just wanna get this out and stop looking at it bEFORE IT MAKES ME GO CRAZY. (yo penny i'm waiting for good things.)

WHAT IF I WROTE A SCENE AND PUT IT IN GIZOOGLE imma do it