Sunggyu texted him again that night with an apology that it didn't go well and a lot of LOLs at Sungjong's annoyance. He said he had a few other prospects that he could try out, but he couldn't get any more involved, not wanting to play his little cousin's pimp. Sungjong snorted at Sunggyu's text and let himself feebly hope that this one would go better, but he was pretty sure it would be just as hopeless as the first date.

He could feel Myungsoo's passing curiosity when he finished his reply and shoved the phone under his pillow, but Myungsoo didn't ask and he was mostly glad. He wasn't sure what he'd say and he didn't want to have to try, but if they kept going like the first one he'd never have to. Unless, of course, Myungsoo found out.

The next day Sungjong went to the garage for lunch and Myungsoo met him at the door, arms open and skin bared, hands already clean as not to get Sungjong dirty. The first moments of embrace after a morning apart were always bliss. Like a hit or a night of good sleep all rolled into a couple of minutes, it was energizing and refreshing. Myungsoo handed him a bottle of water when they separated a little, still holding hands as Myungsoo took one of Sungjong's bags away from him. Sungjong hopped up onto the work table since there were no other chairs, Myungsoo's fingers reaching up to wrap lightly around Sungjong's ankle as he unwrapped his food.

"Are you busy today?" Sungjong asked him.

"Nope. I should get finished early today actually. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go see Sunggyu or we could go to a movie or something later."

"Ohh, I wanna see a movie later, but we also have to get some more groceries." Sungjong accepted a bottle of water that Myungsoo pulled from a cooler under his work table before he remembered. "Wait, I can't." He was going to meet someone Sunggyu's coworker had recommended to him. "I um," Sungjong wasn't ready to talk about it and hopefully their schedules would keep lining up so that Myungsoo would never notice it. He'd be able to lie for a while because his life was his own, but eventually he'd have to tell his Lund's mate whether he brought someone special back or not. "I'm going to go to Sunggyu's to work on something with him tonight. He wanted to do it last week but I put it off so now I have to go."

"Okay." Myungsoo said easily, with a little squeeze to Sungjong's ankle. It hit Sungjong again how easy things were with Myungsoo, even with how hard it was to be with a Lund's mate that didn't want him, they clicked so well. Which was just as disappointing as always because it brought into focus just how dull everyone else was compared to Myungsoo.

When Sungjong went home after his date wishing he'd just gone to a movie with Myungsoo he texted Sunggyu a lot of frowny faces, hoping that would just say everything he felt. "There aren't a lot of options here Sungjong. I'm running out." Sunggyu told called him to say.

Sungjong was a few blocks away from Myungsoo's apartment and taking his time. "Don't make it sound like I've gone on that many dates, hyung. It's only been a few."

"Yes, but every time you turn someone down I have to apologize for my bratty, picky cousin."

"Are you telling me there aren't any more fish in the ocean?"

"I didn't say that." Sunggyu laughed, "I have one more I think. You have to promise me to really try with him though. I don't know anyone else and then you will have to try real strangers."

"I'm trying." Sungjong promised him. "I will try. What time should I meet him and where?"

Once again, Myungsoo was waiting for him a home, already showered and lying diagonally across their bed on his back, flicking through pictures on Sungjong's camera that he'd kind of high jacked. When Sungjong walked in he propped himself up on his elbows. Sungjong smiled at him, "Hey."

"Hey." Myungsoo said back, watching as Sungjong dropped his stuff by his nightstand, "I left some stuff in the refrigerator from dinner if you're hungry."

"Thanks, but I ate with Sunggyu."

Myungsoo looked away, but nodded. "Alright."

"I'm tired." Sungjong sighed, rolling his head and rubbing at his neck. He was. He felt drained from getting his hopes up with every date but he knew that when he got back he would have a warm bed and Myungsoo's bare arms to wrap around him. "Take your shirt off."

Again, Myungsoo listened to him without saying a word, taking off his shirt and tossing it in the direction of their laundry basket, but he didn't take his eyes off Sungjong and for a long moment Sungjong couldn't feel anything from Myungsoo at all, which was always weird at best. His arms opened up, though, and Sungjong went to him, straddling his lap. Of course when Myungsoo was closest to him he always ended up breaking Sungjong's heart the most. "I'm gonna go talk to Sooyeon tomorrow."

"Oh. Great." Sungjong replied, and managed to make it sound encouraging rather than flat. He hoped Sunggyu would text him soon with the place he'd meet his date tomorrow. Sunggyu was probably right, he was insane for going on so many dates so fast, but he really didn't see any reason not to.

Of course he never got to tell Myungsoo himself what was going on, Myungsoo had to see him at a cafe with the guy. Sooyeon even happened to be in tow with him, which was just great. The look on Sungjong's face must have scared the poor guy (he was really going to have to start remembering names) because his mouth shut very quickly. Sungjong hadn't been listening particularly closely anyway. Nothing showed on Myungsoo's face as they walked up and Sungjong was still getting nothing from him. Sungjong wasn't sure why he felt guilty. "Hi." He said politely, giving Sooyeon a little wave that she returned, her smile bright, like she didn't notice anything wrong.

"Hey. Who's this?"

It would have been a nice time to remember a name. "This is my date." Sungjong decided to say. He saw Sooyeon's eyes widen before she cracked a grin that was happy for him and brought that feeling of guilt back.

Myungsoo didn't do anything. "Really? It's nice to meet you," He told Sungjong's date, "I'm Myungsoo, Sungjong's roommate." The poor kid reached out to shake Myungsoo's hand but Myungsoo then was gesturing to Sooyeon. "This is my girlfriend, Sooyeon." Everyone just kind of looked at each other.

"It was nice to meet you." Sooyeon said eventually, ending the long, stressful moment of silence. "We have to go, I'm really hungry. We'll see you later Sungjong!"

Sungjong's skin was aching a little bit in the way it did sometimes when Myungsoo came close but didn't actually touch him. Sitting with his date felt very bitter after that. He apologized to his date and left early, remembering to send a thank you text to Sunggyu and hoping Myungsoo would stay away from home for a while. When he started walking, it was in the vague direction of Myungsoo's apartment, but he ended up going towards his grandfather's house instead. He didn't really want to cry, but he wanted his grandfather's quiet comfort anyway.

"Pop?" Sungjong called down the hallway when he pushed into the house.

His grandfather took a moment before sticking his head out of his office door and smiling at Sungjong. "Jongie!" Sungjong had to smile and he headed for the office. It was a mess inside, which meant his grandfather was sorting papers and Sungjong might just have been regretting coming if his grandfather asked him to help.

"Do you need help?" he asked anyway.

"I won't make you." His grandfather laughed, "What brings you here?"

Sungjong shrugged, plopping to the floor and picking up a paper with a few scribbles he couldn't make out. "Missed you." He half lied.

His grandfather saw through him through and asked awkwardly, "You're still---" He gestured with his hands something that made no sense, "sad?"

Raising an eyebrow at his grandfather, Sungjong slowly nodded. "I guess."

"Oh."

"It's alright though. I've started going on some blind dates." He put on an enthusiastic smile.

Pop still looked vaguely confused, "Have you?"

"Yes?" Sungjong found himself asking, "Why not? I might as well."

"No, you're right." Finally his grandfather granted him a smile and put a rough hand on Sungjong's head, "I'm glad."

Sungjong felt himself untense under his grandfather's reassurance. "Thank you." He told Pop, "Now will you make me some of your fancy tea you save for writing."

"Are you going to write something?"

"No I just like the way it smells."

His grandfather laughed and scritched at the top of his head, "Anything you want."
When Sungjong finally went back to Myungsoo's apartment, he found Myungsoo sitting outside on the steps, head tilted back and eyes closed from the sun. He looked careless, like a cat lounging in a sun warmed spot and just as Sungjong felt his heart skip a beat, Myungsoo looked up. "What are you doing out here?" Sungjong asked him.

"I just wanted to sit outside." Myungsoo told him, squinting up at Sungjong, but he got up to follow Sungjong up the stairs. He waited until they were inside the apartment before he asked, "How did your date go?"

"Fine." Sungjong said immediately, without thinking. He felt defensive for some reason.

Suddenly Sungjong could feel a lot of things from Myungsoo, no more radio silence. Mostly he felt annoyance. "Well that's great."

"What?" Sungjong asked, watching Myungsoo walk into the kitchen, face blank but irritation radiating off of him.

"Did you have a good time?" He didn't look back at Sungjong.

"Why are you mad right now?" Sungjong asked, feeling lost.

Myungsoo spun to look at him, "Why did you decide to start dating?"

Sungjong blinked at him, uncomprehending before he began to understand. He started to feel irrationally angry. "Why do I have to be forever alone? Why do I have to be the one who gets no one?" Sungjong seethed, though he was already beginning to feel his throat sting with tears. "That's not fair."

"No." Myungsoo shook his head, looking pale and wide eyed, "That's not what I mean."

"Shut up!" Sungjong told him, knowing that being angry at Myungsoo for not loving him still, now after all this time was irrational and unfair, but it didn't matter. No matter what he tried to tell himself he was always going to feel slighted and hurt and broken up inside. "You don't get a say in this!"

"Please--" Myungsoo said, and it made Sungjong pause a little because he'd never heard Myungsoo desperate like that, "I messed up!"

"What?"

"I really messed up, I'm sorry."

That wasn't what Sungjong wanted to hear. He didn't want Myungsoo to be sorry-- he never wanted Myungsoo to feel guilty about what he felt. "No, Myungsoo. Stop."

"No I-- I'm ed up and I'm sorry you got me for a Lund's mate."

Sungjong hung his head in defeat. "Myungsoo," he said slowly, "it's not your fault. You can't help what you feel. This whole thing freaks you out, stop ing apologizing. I get it."

"No!" Myungsoo said again, taking a large step towards Sungjong, who backed up. "No-- yes, I was freaked out and I still am but I should have gotten over myself."

Sungjong rolled his eyes, stupidly trying not to touch his chest to find the place where he felt wounded. "I don't want to do this. I'll be back later." He didn't want to come back later.

Myungsoo's hand shot out to grab his arm, "Would you stop?" He asked. "Do you know what I talked to the doctor about that day? When I went back in?" Myungsoo pulled Sungjong back closer, so they were facing each other again. His face was flushed and his eyes wide with sincerity. He looked gorgeous, infuriatingly gorgeous. He always did. When Sungjong didn't answer because he just couldn't, Myungsoo continued, "I asked him if having Lund's meant I had to fall in love with you."

Sungjong recoiled from Myungsoo's touch, feeling sick and embarrassed. "You can stop now!" Sungjong told him, almost spitting the words, "I'm leaving. We don't ever have to talk about this again." When Myungsoo grabbed his arm again he felt close to crying, "Please? Can we leave this alone? How pathetic do you have to make me feel?"

With a wounded noise, Myungsoo's hands reached up quickly to cup his cheeks, trapping Sungjong even more and forcing him to meet his eyes. Sungjong tried very hard not to let any tears spill. "Please listen to everything I have to say." Myungsoo growled, "So stubborn! He told me no."

"I've been telling you that!" Sungjong closed his eyes, "I've been telling you that nothing has to happen between us, I even promised you that I'd help you get back together with Sooyeon and I've carried through haven't I? I've been good to her for you. I think she's great for you and she makes you happy. If you're worried about-- about what we did then don't. It was all me okay?" Sungjong finally opened his eyes to see Myungsoo looking at him, a deep crease between his eyebrows, chin dimpling like he was trying to keep from crying himself. Probably receiving all sorts of tumultuous emotions from Sungjong. "I had my one night okay?" He meant to say that he would be fine and that he didn't need anything else, but he was afraid if he spoke anymore he might betray himself even more.

After visibly swallowing, Myungsoo spoke softly, "Let me finish." He asked one more time. "He was confused, but he told me exactly what you did, and then he asked me why I was curious." The breath that Myungsoo took was deep and as Sungjong watched him, he wondered why he wasn't trying to pull out of Myungsoo's grip again, but he already knew the answer. "I didn't want to have the decisions made for me. I wanted to know that I was in love with you because it's you and not the Lund's."

Alright. Sorry if it's choppy and a bag of typos and wOW NO my Family Business is done but it will take a day or two to get home. WOO HOTEL INTERNET. this hotel is so much nicer than the one in bethany but it's internet so much. creyin 5 evr