The Rejected

Scene 5: Belonging

You can’t lie and say you´re not nervous about going to school this Monday morning. Min isn’t at school, and you haven’t spoken with Tao, Gina or Kris since last Friday. Actually, you haven’t spoken at all with Gina, but were simply told to get out of Kris’ life by her the other day. That was your first time exchanging words with her. And about Tao, you showed him a very bad side of yourself that night and although he seemed okay with it at the time, you have no idea what was going through his head. You must have bothered him.

You also don’t know how to handle Gina’s threat about staying away from Kris. He’s your close friend and he’d notice if you started to avoid him actively.  You haven’t had a fight with him since as long as you can remember. For the time being, you might just assume that Gina is a bit on the possessive side and that she, for some reason, regards you as a threat. Now that you’ve seen what kind of expression Kris makes when he’s with the girl he likes, you have realized that he didn’t like you more than a friend after all. He never looked at you like he looked at her back then, so how can she feel threatened by tiny average girl-next-door you?

The walk to school feels longer than usual.

You´re once again spending the afternoon in the library. The poems start to make sense to you know and you´re not as worried about your test as you were. Old English is hard, after all. The thing that you are worries about though that poems are usually about interpretation, and how can someone grade that?

“There you are.” Someone breaks the silence.

“Uh? Oh!” You look up to see Tao standing there with a cup o coffee in his hand.

He looks mysterious as he stands there with a rather blank expression on his face, dressed mainly in black. He hands the warm cup to you casually.

“Thank you!” You smile at him brightly, surprised. Was he worrying about you?

Tao sits down next to you, and grins.

“Maybe you should do something about that coffee addiction.” Tao tells you with a teasing grin. “No wait, maybe my working place will go bankrupt if you do? Forget what I just said.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“Haha, you should treat me as your VIP customer already.” You nudge him with your elbow playfully.

You haven’t thought about it, but this must be the first time the two of you are actually playing around like a pair of normal friends would. It makes you happy and you can’t stop smiling.  Tao returns the smile. His dark eyes seem a bit brighter for a moment.

“I was surprised you didn’t come by this weekend.” Tao comments, turning serious.

You can’t help but break your eye contact with the younger man. “…I had a lot to do.” You tell a white lie as you feel a tiny bit guilty.

Your coffee becomes way more interesting than Tao in that moment. A tense silence spread between the two of you, and you can feel how he is observing you as he seem to think about something deeply.

“Don’t avoid me.” He tells you seriously, almost staring a hole through you. He could see through you straight away.

“…Sorry, I’m just embarrassed over crying like that.” You look away shyly.

Tao smiles gently. “Don’t be.” He seems happy that you´re honest with him.

You hesitantly look up at him, and your embarrassment fades slowly. He’s looking at you without any hint of anger because of what happened last week. It seems as if he accepted that side of you. A pink blush covers your cheeks as you’re overwhelmed by happiness. You don´t understand him at all. You haven’t known each other for long yet it feels like you´re getting closer and closer so quickly. It feels as if he’s accepting your most embarrassing points.

And he gave you coffee. You can’t hate a person who gives you free coffee and he has done it twice already.

“I don’t have part time today.” Tao tells you, looking out over campus through the window. “If you´re free, do you want to go out for dinner with me, Luhan and Chen?”

The invitation surprises you, and makes you uncomfortable for a moment. You´re not good at meeting new people. However, feeling it’s time for a change, you agree to go. You´d like to get to know Luhan better anyway.

“Why not?” You shrug your shoulders and smile.

Luhan smiles in surprise as he sees you by Tao’s side, but Chen looks a bit confused, as Tao greets the two men cheerily. Tao laughs at Luhan a bit as he almost jumps at you with questions. Chen looks at you from a distance before he decides it’s time to introduce himself properly.

“We haven’t met, I’m Chen.” He shakes your hand.

His grip is firm and strong. You introduce yourself, and try to ease the tension with a weak smile. Chen returns the smile after a moment of hesitation. He doesn’t seem to be a bad guy, but just down to earth and a bit on the cautions side.

“Thanks for taking care of our Kung Fu Panda.”He grins cheekily at Tao.

Your eyes widen a bit at the cute nickname and a chuckle escapes your lips. You haven’t thought about it before, but he does resemble a panda now when you think about it. Tao seems to get embarrassed over the nickname, and he friendly punches Chen’s arm as he avoids looking at you. There’s a hint of a blush on his cheeks and ears. The two young men laugh as they take the lead towards somewhere to eat. 

Although they might think you have helped their friend a lot, you don’t consider yourself a hero. You just did something 99 percent of the population would do: help. You´re not special.  

Luhan walks by your side, and he seems really cheerful compared to the first time you saw him. Just as Tao said, it seems as if you passed Luhan’s test. You can’t help but smile at him as he talks about everything and nothing. You can’t stop smiling. He seems to be a nice and funny kid. Chen, however, seems to want to keep his distance to you for some reason, as he and Tao walks ahead.

They must have been through a lot, because it’s doesn’t seem that easy to get close to them.

You sit down at a dark lit place, with a rocky feel to it. You like it, the place suits the three men you´re with. Leather furniture, an old juke box and nicely dressed waiters wearing all black. You like this place a lot. You´ve heard about it before but never dared to enter, since Min said she wouldn’t go with you.

“This place´s pizza is the best.” Luhan tells you with a wink.

“Then, I think I’ll order one!” You decide as you put down the meny.

Luhan makes thumbs up in approval. “It’s big, but don’t worry. If you can’t finish it I’ll help you out.”

That makes Tao laugh a bit. “Are you using her to get more food?”

“Busted.” Luhan shrugs, and grins Tao’s way.

Even Chen can’t avoid smiling at the two.  The four of you order, and as you wait for your food, you silently listen to them talk. It’s easy to understand that they’re friends from way back and that hanging out is as natural as breathing to them. You envy that connection for a moment. You’ve only felt that with Kris, and now that connection might …

A high-pitched laughter makes you look up.

Your heart turns ice-cold as you see the couple walking into the restaurant: Gina and Kris. Your turn your gaze away and try to make yourself as small as possible. So bad timing. You didn’t think a girl like Gina would come to a place like this. However, she is popular, this place is popular… you should have been able to put one and one together. Tao glances at you silently as he for a moment takes a break from the conversation. He turns his focus to the source that made you uncomfortable and his eyes turn darker for a split second. Tao surprises you by making himself seem bigger in his seat: successfully covering you and probably shielding you from the other customers’ sight. Luhan and Chen looks at him with strange expressions on their faces: they have no clue about what’s going on. Sitting up right and proper seems to never have been Tao’s thing.

The couple sits down at the other side of the room and you sigh in relief. You are safe, for now. Tao lean back in his chair again with a small sigh.

You look up at him with gratitude in your eyes.

“So what’s going on?” Chen asks in a serious tone as his gaze moves from you to rest at Tao, waiting for an explaination.

Luhan looks at you with a pair of big, curious eyes. Tao looks at you as well, not sure how and if to answer Chen.

“I’m just… not ready to meet those two yet.” You answer as you avoid meeting Chen’s eyes.

Chen and Luhan look over at Gina and Kris. Chen seems to accept the answer for some reason, and his eyes rests on Kris for a long moment.

The night proceeds and you almost forgot about the presence of your crush and his girlfriend. Until you became too relaxed and went to the bathroom alone. Of course, being unlucky, Gina is standing in front of the mirror fixing her make up. Her eyes widen dangerously as she spots you there.

“Uh, hello there.” You greet her awkwardly. “I’m just on a… a toilet break, you know?”

She frowns as you as she turns around and put her hands on her hips. “Are you stalking Kris or something?”

“No!” You answer way too quickly to sound normal. “No, I’m not. I just happened to be here. Really.”

“You must stop your unhealthy habit, okay? Just leave Kris and me alone. He doesn’t like you.” She stares you down.

It hurts. “Whatever.” You shrug, and turn to leave without doing what you came to the bathroom to do.

She grabs you by your shoulder as you exit the room. “I told you to stay away. You do know what’s going to happen if you don’t.”

You stare back at her wide-eyed before you pull yourself free from her. Actually, you don’t know what she’d do if you didn’t listen to her, but her eyes are scary enough to make you not want to know. You return to Tao´s table without answering her. The guys are talking eagerly about something, and they don’t pay much attention to you as you go over what happened just now in your head.

You exited the restaurant, and you´re about to say good bye to the guys. It’s cold outside so you wrap your jacket around yourself. Luhan thanks you for coming, saying something along the lines of that you should hang with them more often. It makes you smile.

Your smile fades though as you see how a certain couple also parts ways outside the restaurant. You see from a distance how Gina and Kris kiss good bye, and how he watches her walk away with a pair of tender and gentle eyes.

It feels like your heart breaks all over again. Maybe you held on to a tiny bit of hope after all. That hope was cruelly crushed by seeing Kris kiss her. Friends don’t kiss. There’s that look again: the look in his eyes Kris has when he looks at Gina. He’s in love with her. Your chest tightens painfully and it becomes difficult to breathe.

Kris starts walking away and that’s when he notices you. Kris eyes widen as he sees you. “Oh, fancy running into you here!”

He seems hesitant as he nods to the guys. You don’t know why but the atmosphere between the four guys turns ominous as Kris approaches. Tao looks tense, and even Chen who seemed not to care looks a bit angry. Luhan turns quiet and he simply stares at Kris with those big eyes of his.

“Hi Kris, I didn’t know you were here as well.” You force a smile.

“Gina wanted to check this place out.” He explains.

You nod silently, your smile twitching a bit. Kris gives Tao, Chen and Luhan a glance before he takes a step towards you as if he wants to exclude them from your conversation.

 “Since we live close to each other, why won’t we walk home together?” He asks seemingly innocently as he ignores the others.

Before, you´d jump in excitement over a chance like that but now it simply makes it hurt more. You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

 “…Kris, I think it’d be better if we won’t meet up for a while.” You find yourself saying in a quite cold voice.

Tao’s eyes widen a fraction. Luhan and Chen watch the scene in silence, both quite look curious. Kris seem shocked by your answer, but he tries to laugh it off a bit awkwardly.

“Why? It’s dangerous for a girl to walk home by herself at this hour…”

You interrupt him. “I want to give you and Gina some space. She seems insecure about her relationship with you when I’m around.” You explain in a collected voice. “I don’t want to come off as a threat.”

Kris seems a bit upset and surprised about this. “But you´re my best friend and…”

Best friend. It hurts, but it’s now official: Kris doesn’t like you just as Gina said. At least you know that she isn’t a liar.

“I’m sorry.” You tell him while shaking your head.

“I see how it is.” Kris turns bitter and he gives the three men an almost hateful glare.

This makes Tao pull his hands out of his pockets just as if he’s getting ready to fight. Your heart stops beating for a moment at this. At first you thought he meant he realized that you love him but it can’t be that.

 “You got new friends now, so I’m not good enough?” He sounds like an angry child.

A surprised and confused gasp leaves you. “Hah?”

The way he says it though makes you upset. It’s like he’s blaming them for your change: that they are a bad influence on you although they haven’t done anything. You´re about to answer when Tao cuts in.

“Yeah, that´s how it is. “ He stares at Kris with a pair of pitch black eyes. Dangerous eyes. “Back off. It’s clear she doesn’t want you around.”

Your eyes widen even more as you watch Tao stare at Kris. He looks pissed off and you don’t understand the whole reason why. Also, you haven’t seen this side of Tao personally before.  He has always been kind, gentle, with you. It made you forget the fact that you found him in a fight. Tao shouldn’t have a reason to dislike Kris either.

Kris expression turns darker and he takes a step towards you, almost as if he wants to take your hand and pull you away from them. Chen sighs loudly as he touches Tao’s shoulder, telling him silently to stop before he stands before Kris. Tao, however, shrug Chen’s hand off before he simply pushes you to stand behind him, out of Kris’ reach. Your eyes are wide in shock.

What’s going on?!

Chen sighs as he shakes his head. “She’s with us now, we’ll take good care of her so you should spend more time with that girlfriend of yours.” He tells Kris in a rather cold voice.

Kris looks like he can’t believe his own ears.

“What going on with you?” He stares at you before he turns around and leaves.

You can’t sleep. You stare up at the ceiling with a blank expression on your face. A lot happened today. You officially told Kris to leave you alone. You´re still not sure if it was Gina that made you do it, or yourself. This way you can get over your feelings for Kris but deep inside, you´re worried about him. Gina doesn’t seem only to be possessive but also a bit…

…evil.

A shiver runs down your spine at the memory of what happened earlier today. Will Kris be alright with a girlfriend like her?

And then there’s Tao. A flashback from before makes you shiver. He looked ready to fight Kris. You bite your lower lip.

Why would he do that?

Min stares at you wide-eyed. Beside her sits Luhan, in front of her Chen, and you and Tao sits on her other side. She looks tense and confused as she silently munches on her lunch. Luhan, who is the friendliest of the three, looks at her curiously.

“So, who are you?” He asks her.

“Hi.” She forces a smile and she waves at him. “I’m Min.”

The guys nod as they give her their names in a relaxed manner. Min looks really confused and out of place for a brief moment. The two of you are always eating alone.

“That lunch looks yummy.” Luhan comments, as he stares at Min’s handmade lunch.

“Here, I’ll give it to you.” She pushes it towards him, she has clearly lost her apetite.

“Really?!” Luhan digs in.

You laugh, and you meet Tao´s eyes. He’s grinning at Luhan’s behavior. For some reason, your chest feels a bit warm. Seeing Tao smile almost make you forget the dangerous look he had yesterday. Until know you´ve only had Min and Kris, but now it feels like you´re a part of something bigger. You feel like you belong.

“So Xiumin and Lay are still absent from school?” Luhan asks, with rice covering his cheeks.

You have never heard of those two before, but Min´s expression turns worse. It seems like she knows them and doesn’t like the way this situation is turning out. You look at her with a curious look on your face.

Chen sighs as he shakes his head in disapproval. “They won’t be able to graduate if they continue like this.”

“They can’t help it, the hospital won’t let them leave until they’re fully healed.” Tao defends them with a serious look on his face. “They got beaten up pretty bad last time.”

Your heart turns ice-cold. It seems like their friends, and that they were hurt in a fight. Violence is bad. It scares you how these three guys can be so kind and gentle, yet they speak of violence as if it’s a part of their daily life.

Min stares at you before she whispers “We need to talk”. She seems a bit frightened and you can’t blame her for it. You´re also starting to wonder what kind of trouble you might get yourself into just by being friends with these guys.

Min sighs loudly as she throws herself into your bed. It makes a loud sound, and it makes you think that you need some new furniture and if you have enough money. They check from your parents is late, again.

“What´s going on?” She asks you, as she hugs one of your stuffed animals. “Why did those three guys invite themselves to sit with us today?”

You look at her, and the expression she gives you makes you realize you can’t joke this off. Instead you decide you should tell her everything. Even about the first time you met Tao. Min’s face changes several times during your story. Fear, understanding, compassion and anger. She’s so easy to read.

“Now I get it.” Min sighs. “That’s why that barista looked at you so strangely…”

You sigh as well. “They´re really nice to me. I just don´t get it. What did they do to get such a bad reputation? Who are they fighting? There´s a lot I just don’t understand!”

Min turns around. “Okay, let me inform you.”

You look at her. Min has always been good at keeping track of people or to investigate. Unlike you, she cares about gossip and rumors.

“You never heard about that rumor that started way back in middle school?”

“To be honest, I never really payed attention…” You scratch your head.

Min sighs. “Alright, it all started with a group of 12 friends…”