The Rejected

Scene 12: The Confession

You freeze for a moment as you try to grasp what the young man holding you in his arms just told you. To you, it´s unbelievable. Tao seems to sense this, so he lets you go, sending you a nervous smile as he does so. You look him in the eye as if you want to read his soul to see if this is a joke or not. If he´s playing with your emotions you´d never forgive him. However, those dark brown eyes of his looks hesitant, and it make him seem a bit vulnerable to you. Your heart beats rapidly in your chest at the sight. You´ve seen this man bleeding, being hurt, but yet you´ve never seen him this vulnerable before. He´s probably telling the truth.

“I…”You start breathlessly as you look at him.

You know what your heart want to say, but somehow, the situation got the best of you and you can’t tell him properly. You end up standing there, opening and closing your mouth like a confused goldfish while your heart is beating like crazy in your chest.

“Well…”He interrupts you awkwardly, as if he fears your answer. “…Good night.”

No words leave your lips as he turns around and leaves just like that. He was fleeing the situation. You´re confused but above that: surprised. You put your hand over your beating heart as you calm down.

Did that really just happen?

Min walks beside you, holding your arm, as she happily keeps chatting. It´s time for lunch, and you feel how your whole body is screaming for a break from studying. School has been tough lately but you like it since it has kept your thoughts off other things. As you walk to the dining hall, you spot Gina sitting outside by herself. Eyes widen. She´s usually surrounded by friends, and this is the first time you´ve seen her alone.

Min turns quiet when she looks Gina´s way.“She got what she deserved.” Min murmurs with bitterness in her voice. Your friend grabs your arm and pulls you forward.

You don´t know what to say. Really. Gina was cruel towards you, and you think that Kris made a good choice to break up with her…but something just isn´t right. You smile towards Min and nods, and you continue walking.

What if she seriously loves Kris? You try not to think about it.

Min’s eyes widen, and they can be compared with a pair of plates, as you tell her about what happened. You tell her about how you found out the truth about the gang war. Min seems to get a bit upset about hearing all of it but above that: she seems scared.  She didn´t know you were that involved in their activities, and that, without knowing it.

“Kris is involved too?!”Min´s eyes grow larger.

“Yeah.”You run your fingers through your hair. “I had no idea… “

“That explains a lot of stuff.” Min sighs loudly. “That jerk.”

Min stops her rant as she notices how depressed you look. The other girl smiles weakly as she leans towards you in a friendly manner. “Hey, don´t blame yourself now, ok?” Min touches your arm gently.

“Thanks…” You smile at her warmly.

Min leans back in her chair and her facial expression shows her sadness. “So, Kai and the others… they´re the bad guys? Why are all the good looking boys bad…?” A deep, disappointed sigh leaves her. “Ah…And I got my hopes up…”

“I´m sorry.” You murmur with a hint of a smile at the corner of your lips.

“I just got to find myself a boyfriend.” Min chuckles.  “Who´s not a bad boy. Will you stay in touch with them?”

“I sent Kai a text a few days ago but he hasn´t replied…” You tell her.

Kai must have been shocked as well, to see you stand there with two of his former friends. You sincerely hope he won´t dislike you or treat you differently because of what happened. Sadly, you think he´s actively avoiding you.  Maybe, he told his friends about what happened and they´re in the midst of planning how to attack.  A cold feeling run down your spine.

A sigh leaves you, as you focus on another problem. “And there´s something else… I want to tell you.” You tell her. “I kind of…need advice.”

“Tao confessed to you!?” Min shouts after you told her.

“Not so loudly!!” You give her a stare, cheeks fiery red.

Min makes another loud noise as she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her chair with a displeased expression on her face.

“I knew this would happen, eventually…”Min continues with a stressed expression. “Ah, what to do?”

“I know you don´t like Tao…” You start hesitantly. “But what do you think, seriously?”

Min turns quiet as she seems to think about it. After a moment, she seems to convince herself about something, and she turns to look at you

“No, the question is… do you like him?” She asks. “When it comes to love, my opinion doesn´t really matter, does it? ”

You look at your lap for a long moment as you think about it. Lately, you´ve been feeling all sorts of things thanks to Tao. Dread, sadness, fear, happiness, warmth… he has made you feel really treasured. Your chest feels warm, and you´re suddenly aware of that you must be blushing like mad.

“You do like him.” Min utters out loud in disbelief. “It´s written all over your tomato-red face.” She lets out an irritated groan.

You touch your burning cheeks in embarrassment and a girly chuckle leaves your lips. It seems like you indeed does love Tao. Min seems to come over her dislike for Tao, and feels a bit of happiness over that you´ve found someone. A soft smile replaces her irritation and she looks at you tenderly for a moment.

“You do know that by agreeing to date someone like Tao, you´ll put yourself in danger, don´t you?” Min asks you gently.

“I know.” You smile, as you pull some bangs behind your ear. “It´s worth it.”

Luhan invited you to the headquarters through text and after a bit of hesitation you decided to go. You´re a bit nervous about being around Tao. You know that you like him and you just need a chance to tell him.  Still, you´re a bit shy and awkward about it. How can you tell him your feelings without making a fool out of yourself? Still, Tao put himself out there so you owe him that.              

“Hello...” You say, as you enter the small rooftop building.

Luhan is quick to get up from the sofa to greet you. His deer like eyes seem a bit curious, but he doesn´t say anything. What if Tao told them about what happened? You feel a bit uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“What are you guys up to?” You ask them curiously.

“Nothing much really.” Luhan grins. “Hanging out.”

You nod and you follow him to the others. Chen acknowledges your presence with a gentle smile, and for a moment, you think you see how he gives Tao a teasing nudge with his elbow. Tao, however, murmurs “hi” without really looking at you. This makes you tense up a bit and an awkward chuckle leaves you although you had no reason to laugh. Luhan regards you with a small smirk on his lips.

The three men continue whatever conversation they had before you arrive, and you join in from time to time with a comment or suggestion. When Chen decides it´s time for food and gets up to cook, Luhan joins him, leaving you alone with Tao. The atmosphere changes completely. You take a deep breath before you face him. That´s when you notice that he has been looking at you for a while. Your cheeks turn red.

 “Tao, I need to speak with you…” You tell him gently.

Tao´s eyes widen, and you can see the fear of rejection in their depths. He opens his mouth to answer, but a sudden sound from the small hallway makes him turn away from you. His expression changes completely. Chen and Luhan stops doing whatever they were doing, cutting onion judging by Luhan´s teary eyes, and goes to the hallway.

“Lay, Xiumin!!!” Tao shouts with happiness as he gets up and leaves you.“You´re back!!”

Chen and Luhan’s excited voices can be heard, and Tao seems to forget about you as he hurries to join them in the hallway. With a defeated expression, you stare at Tao´s back for a moment before you swallow your insecurities and head to welcome your two friends back.

Xiumin´s eyes widen in joy as he spots you, and he gives you a friendly hug.  Chen and Luhan seem a bit surprised over this, but Tao just smiles weakly. You met the two at the hospital weeks ago and you´re happy they´re both back on their feet again.

“I´m glad you two are better.”You tell them.

“Thanks.” Lay smiles gently.

You can´t help but step back and regard the five young men as they are once again reunited. All that is missing is their leader, Kris, and it would have been like before. Alhtough you don´t know how they were as 6, you can imagine it was much like bliss. You cross your arms over your chest as you lose yourself to your thoughts.

A thought scares you though. The postponed battle will soon take place, now when everyone is gathered.

How long will this happiness last?

The following days, you hang out with the boys at the headquarters. They´re all really happy over the fact that Lay and Xiumin are back and it seems like it´s only you who´s thinking about the fight. It worries you, but you don´t want to be the one to smash their happiness into pieces.

You´ve been trying to talk with Tao too, but something seems to always get in the way. Your or his shyness, Xiumin, Lay, school, your part time job or his job at the coffee shop...the list goes on. It has made you tired and made you think that now isn’t the right time to date someone.

So why did Tao confess to me now? You ponder to yourself as you lean against the wall behind you.

You regard them silently as they goof around at the roof, playing football. They´re laughing, playfully tackling each other while playing a semi serious game. They all look like a group of carefree high schoolers to you in that moment. A smile spread on your lips, although you´re head and chest are full of longing of confessing to Tao.

Your eyes move to him. His eyes sparkle as he laughs, before talking eagerly with Lay about his goal. Your chest grows warm with affection. You want him to smile like that to you too. But, maybe it´s best for you to wait. You can´t rush your confession and for some reason you got the feeling that Tao doesn´t want to hear it at the moment.  Maybe he confessed just to get it off his chest before the battle? You ponder.

The buzzing of your phone makes you lower your gaze. Eyes widen as you sees who just sent you a text. It´s Kai. Your chest turns cold. You stare at your phone for a long moment before you open it. Eyes move over it quickly.

“I´m sorry about my late answer to your text.” He starts. “I´m sure you know everything by now.” You can only assume what he means with know in his message. “I want you to know that I didn´t approach you because I knew you were friends with them. It was a shock to me.”

Chen seems to have noticed that you weren´t paying attention to them and the game any longer, and he looks your way. Dark eyes narrow a fraction as he sees your expression. He stops in his tracks. Luhan and Xiumin keeps laughing as they try to take the ball from each other.

Your chest hurts. “I honestly thought we could have become good friends.” Kai is literally saying you can no longer stay friends, in a very, vague and cold manner. It feels like he´s regarding you as his enemy all of a sudden. He´s pushing you away. You told yourself that your friendship with Tao, Chen, Luhan, Xiumin and Lay wouldn´t affect your judgment of Kai and the others, yet, he seems to have given up.

There´s no point in fighting for a friendship when…he pushed me away so easily? You bite your lower lip. And there you were, preparing to put up a possible “fight” to stay friends with him.

“I suggest you to stay away from them from now on. For your own sake.” This makes you even more hurt. “The showdown will take place any day now. Please, don´t get involved.”

As you notice that Chen is by your side, you simply hands him your phone. Chen reads the message silently and by then the others has also noticed what´s going on.

“I´m sorry.” Chen puts a hand on your shoulder.

You know Chen isn´t sorry. You know your friendship with Kai was a threat to them and Chen would have scolded you for it but you´re grateful that he´s kind enough to feel sorry over the fact that you´re sad.

You shake your head. “Don´t apologize.”

“Hey, cheer up…” Luhan tells you, and Xiumin nods.

“So you know them.” Lay states the fact as he looks at you seriously, after reading the text.

Xiumin looks at you in disbelief.

“Lay, she´s…”Tao starts, trying to defend you.

In that moment, it feels like Tao really looks at you for the first time since he confessed. It´s like he´s scared that Lay would think you were a threat or a traitor. You look up at Tao and your eyes meet for a moment. Although Kai wouldn´t fight for your friendship, you know Tao would without a second thought. Warmth spread through your whole being, and erases the ice the text created around your heart.

“I know, I… trust her.” Lay interrupts Tao with a frustrated sigh.

“I know ...” You start hesitantly. “...It´s not my business but… can´t you avoid fighting somehow?”

Lay ´s frustration vanishes and is replaced with a smile that a parent would give a child who said something innocent or naïve, something that´s smart and nice but wouldn´t work in reality. It makes you feel so small and helpless. You give him an upset glare. Lay´s smile fades quickly and he looks at you with a surprised expression.

“I just don´t want you guys to get hurt again. I don´t want you to be sent to the hospital.”You tell them with fear in your voice.

Lay´s eyes turn pitch black. “Trust me, we´re not going back there.” And this sudden, cold aura emerges from him.

His stare scares you a bit, and you take a step back only to feel that Chen is by your side. Tao´s eyes widen a bit. Luhan and Xiumin share a concerned look in silence.

“It´s too late to turn back, huh?” Xiumin laughs as he tries to ease the tension.

He fails badly.

Although it was Tao who approached you and confessed, he hasn´t made any moves since then and days have passed. The young men spend most of their free time planning how to attack the problem: Suho and the others. Spending time at their headquarters has become painful and nerve-wracking for you, so you usually hang out with Min.

“I´m leaving!” You shout at them, but no one notice you.

They´re too into planning and doesn´t seem to even hear your voice. A disappointed sigh leaves your dry lips. How can they be so focused of fighting, on revenge? Your eyes move to Tao. He hasn´t done anything to speak with you lately. It makes you uneasy. Maybe you misread the situation when he confessed, maybe he wasn´t as honest as you thought he were.

He doesn´t seem to care anymore.

Then a thought hits you like a slap to the face: what if the only reason why Tao confessed to you, was to keep you safe, and not because he loves you? Your stomach turns ice cold as you silently watch Tao´s. He hasn´t brought up his confession since that day and now when Kai has pushes you away, he doesn´t need to pretend to like you to keep you from joining his enemy.

Dread fills your whole being.

Maybe he regrets confessing to you?

 You can´t help but let doubt fill your heart as you turn your back to them as you leave.