What happened? Where am i? Pain … I feel pain.

Jongup shuffled from the comfort of his dream. His eyes slowly opened and were welcomed by the quietness of the night. He groaned as he felt stinging pain all over his head that ran to his body. He heard voices in front of him but he couldn’t understand them though he caught words like “Lucky” and something about being unable to do extreme things.

The sheets shifted causing everyone to look at him. Chanyeol’s eyes widened in surprise, he quickly latched himself to Jongup and sobbed right beside him. Chanyeol felt like his world was about to crumble down when he stared at Jongup earlier, still eyes shut and thoughts drifting in an unknown world in an unsung measure of time.

The younger looked at him and smiled weakly as his thoughts were slowly falling to its places like a puzzle. He then remembered all the things before he out. Kai and Kyungsoo had already gone home and he was alone waiting for the lights to change. A whiff of cold air made him shudder, its cold, too cold.

He took out his own jacket from his bag when the green lights and as he walk to the road a car hit him, then after that everything became nothing but darkness.

Chanyeol’s shook which had brought him back to his own world. He smiled as he saw the elder’s twitching lips. The elder really cares for him, maybe too much than normal, too Chanyeol like.

Then reality hit the two of them. Jongup looked up and down as he saw a man in a white coat with a stethoscope wrapped around his neck. “What happened to me hyung?” He asked Chanyeol.

Chanyeol bit his lips as he looked away. How can he say to him that the thing that holds him to live was abruptly taken away from him? How can he say that the only thing that he loves as of this moment had flown away from his grasps? He bit his lips as turned to the doctor, asking for some sort of help.

The doctor walked towards him, a board of information and sheets nuzzled on his arms was in sight. He placed it on the bed before turning to the male in front of him. “Jongup, I’m afraid that you can’t strain your legs anymore. When you were brought here, you were soaked in your own blood. Your bones are broken from the impact, you can say that you’re still lucky to have your legs intact and functional but you can’t do sports or anything that can put pressure on your legs.”

Jongup’s face darkened as those words drilled his head harshly. Depression was eating him quicker than Chanyeol thought. The feelings of the past when his parents died in front of him resurfaced again. That same dream once again reoccurred inside his mind, killing every bit of his cells, and also his will to live.

The only thing that made him alive was the exhilarating actions of moving with the music as one, feeling the wind coursing to his body with an impact and also the fulfilment of doing a very hard and complicated move of a routine. Now that this accident happened to him, that feeling was now unreachable and far.

His dark thoughts were disturbed when he felt the warmth of someone hugging him. He saw Chanyeol’s face buried on his shoulder with stifled sniffs from it. “J-jongup!!” He suddenly shouted.

The doctor left the room to give them some privacy but that only made the whole room almost dead silent. All was heard was Chanyeol’s sniffs and sobs. He found it funny how Chanyeol would cry so hard like that for him, but he himself couldn’t, Jongup himself doesn’t know why his eyes were dry and lacks tears to fall.

“I don’t want to live anymore, hyung…” He suddenly whispered making Chanyeol jump from his position. He gasped because of what he said.

Jongup was completely devastated because of this yet for some reason his emotions can’t form a single tear to shed, he just stared at the bewildered man in front of him.

Chanyeol took his hand, panicking because of what he heard from the younger. “No!! That’s not right! No .. please don’t think like that Uppie!”

Ever since dancing was introduced to him, almost all of his life was completely invested to train his own body to be fluid in dancing. Every nights, both sweat and blood was shed from his body. Tiredness was the only thing that makes him forget all those dark memories of his, but then when his body finally became one with the moves, those past had slowly crawled back to his mind.

Now that dancing was now out of his reach, who can save him from that past? Who can save him from pitying himself? What can save him from this hole in his own thoughts?

“Why do everyone leave me hyung? … I’m always alone in this world, even the gods abandoned me … I’m always like this hyung … w-why … why did God always take everything away from me. Am I really unworthy to live happily?” Jongup wanted to cry, he wanted to bawl his heart out but that too was taken away from him. The ability to cry had abandoned him when he needs it the most. Another important thing was taken away from him.

“I’m here Uppie, please live for me.” Those words rung inside his ears. He looked up and saw Chanyeol’s tears filled face, his lips was still twitching into a smile, holding the tears inside but failing it miserably. That’s right, he still has someone he can call as a family, he has still him, the guy who rescued him from living alone or being abducted by a orphanage.

“I’ll … live for you?” Jongup asked, still confused in his words but has a draft made right behind his mind.

“Can’t you do that for me? … Please live for me Uppie, can’t I be your reason to continue living?” His words were soft yet it had a strong impact in Jongup’s heart. This was the first time he heard him talking like this, all serious and different.

He pulled the younger into a tighter hug from before, now Chanyeol felt the need to hug him and never let go. He doesn’t know what’s cruising inside Jongup’s mind, which only worsened the uneasiness inside his heart. He knew what he’s feeling for the other was not just a simple brotherly love, its more deeper than that shallow feeling, redder than blood, bluer than the skies, and more important than his own life.

Jongup shifted from the hug. He’s still puzzled from what the elder said. Live for him? How … how can he live for him?

Then the recollection of his past with him flashed like a movie stream inside his mind. The restrained laughter because of his funny face and not his jokes, the burned dishes that his hyung made just for him, the excess and exaggerated things he did just for him, all of those flashed like a video inside his mind. Yes … yes he can live for him, to repay for everything he had done to him, a payment for his good hearted actions.

Four words had slipped from his lips.

“I’ll live for you.”

A moment of silence occurred right between them.

Two seconds of shared stares before a smile formed on the elder’s face.

“Thank you Uppie …”

A sweet smile reciprocated.

“Thanks for always staying beside me hyung.”

An emotion filled with unknown feelings knotted into a sentence.

“Thanks, don’t leave me okay?”

And an answer filled with sincerity and used trust as a foundation.

“Yes … I’ll never leave you alone hyung.”

Lastly, a comfortable silence of the night enveloped two wavering hearts