__________

Heaven knows what you've been through

So much pain

Even though you can't see

I'm not far away

She gripped the phone in her hand, her cerulean eyes staring past the wall in front of her. He was three hours late, and it wasn’t like him not to call before bed. She couldn’t go to sleep, her body frozen in the same position, although her senses were incredibly alert. Her anxious eyes darted to the alarm clock beside her, the large, ominous red digits telling her it was close to one am. She managed to in a shaky breath of air, trying to keep the tears at bay that she didn’t want to shed. She knew if they were allowed to roll down her cheeks, she would fall into the darkest thoughts possible, and she didn’t want to experience the panic that would follow yet.

“He’s fine,” she mumbled to herself, but the words were empty and her hope began to crash. She no longer tried to ring him; the automated message telling her that the number was unavailable would only send her over the edge. Biting down on her bottom lip, she maintained her gaze on the wall, focusing on a bare space of beige, rather than the photo frames cluttering it.

She jumped as she heard a key slot into her front door, and she turned her head to the sound, her eyes growing wide as she heard it close a moment later. The phone dropped from her grip but she was unable to move, wanting to see his face first before reacting. Listening to the footsteps, a figure soon stood in her bedroom doorway and she grinned, jumping up from her bed to leap at the dark haired boy.

“Don’t be angry with me,” he pleaded and she stopped in front of him, her head beginning to shake as realisation struck her.

“No,” she breathed, shaking her head again. “No!”

“It happened so fast Tylah; I didn’t even see the other-”

“SHUT UP!” she yelled, backing away from the man she loved. The back of her legs hit her bed and she toppled backwards, scrambling across the bedding to make space between them.

“Please Ty, don’t be like this.”

“Go away Jinki,” Tylah sobbed, dropping her head onto her knees and folding her body up as the pain crushed her. She was barely able to breathe now, the overwhelming factor of seeing him there frightening her. Tylah wished that it was all an awful nightmare and that she had fallen asleep already.

She flinched as his arms wrapped around her body and she found the strength within her to push him away, stumbling off her bed and littering the floor with objects from the bedside table in the process. The echoes of the glass shattering on her wooden flooring had the desired affect on her, and she wanted to create more noise.

“Babe, don’t!” Jinki cried as she blindly grabbed for her possessions, knocking everything onto the floor in her bedroom until she was exhausted. She collapsed on the floor in amongst the debris, Jinki scooping her up into his arms. She clung to his shirt and cried heartily, her body rocking slowly against his. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeated, the words driving her deeper into her dark abyss.

Because there could only be one reason to Jinki being back in Korea so suddenly, and it wouldn’t be because he caught an early flight home.

Close your eyes, go to sleep

Know my love is all around you

Dream in peace, when you wake

You will know I'm still with you

“Are you still awake?” he asked later that morning, as she lay in her bed, unresponsive to the brunette beside her. Jinki sighed deeply, his arms wrapping around her body, his cool touch numbing her. Tylah had received a call from Jinki’s band member Minho about the car crash that had occurred earlier that evening in Tokyo. He didn’t say much to her, but he didn’t really need to, the proof was in her apartment already. Tylah found it hard to have Jinki’s presence there, it made the fact that he was dead incredibly real to her.

“Ty, at least attempt to sleep, please,” Jinki whispered and she closed her eyes, amazed that the tears could still flow so freely from her swollen orbs.

“Would you be able to sleep right now if the situation was reversed?” she finally questioned and felt Jinki shudder against her.

“Don’t even think like that.”

“So I’m not allowed to wish it were me over you?” she enquired, turning around to face the Korean boy who had captured her heart two years previous. “Why must it be me who has to live with this eh?!”

“It’s not like I wanted this either!” he exclaimed, sighing again after his outburst. “You know it kills me to see you this upset.”

“Very funny,” she bluntly replied, at his choice of words.

“Tylah, you need to rest,” he repeated and she shook her head.

“I don’t want to.”

“Tomorrow’s going to be-”

“There is no tomorrow, or any other day now though Jinki,” she interrupted, swallowing roughly as his features twisted up with the agony of watching her suffer. “Because without you there is nothing for me anymore.”

“I’m right here, right now Ty,” he said softly, her hair away from her face. She gazed up into his chocolate eyes, searching them for the warmth they normally held. “I won’t leave you.”

“I wish I could believe that,” she whispered, finding it hard to use her lungs again. “I’m scared that when I wake up, you’ll truly be gone Jinki.”

He shook his head determinedly, pulling her closer to his cold body and clinging to her slender frame. “I won’t ever leave you. I love you Tylah, I’ll always be with you.”

She shook him off. “Don’t feed me that bull Jinki. I know you won’t be there forever, once whatever it is stopping you from crossing over is finished, you’ll be gone, just like everyone else does. It’s what happens. This isn’t some movie, this is real life. Miracles never happen.”

“You’re hurting right now, because I know you to believe more than just this. You were the one to tell me this world was full of magic,” he reminded and she clamped her eyes shut, trying to stop herself from crying again. She buried her head into her pillow, knowing that the magic was all gone around her.

And it would only be a matter of time before he went too.

We always say if one of us

Somehow went away

We'd light a candle and say a prayer

Know that love still remains

Days passed and she barely slept, let alone ate. The morning after she had been shaken awake, crying out Jinki’s name. Instead she was greeted by a pale Key, who struggled to keep his tears at bay. She found Jinki standing in the corner of the room, and he remained there whilst she was smothered in concern by the rest of SHINee, her fiancé’s parents and other friends that came to visit in the next day or two. It was difficult to comprehend how she would ever cope with being alone again, when all the condolences subsided. Although she was glad when everyone left, the silence was foreboding, and she found that it was at these points where she would truly fall apart.

Tylah chewed on her lower lip as she looked at her appearance in the full length mirror. She wore a simple black dress and her caramel coloured hair was tidily swept out of her eyes. She had managed to put a thin layer of waterproof make up on but it didn’t hide her lack of recent care for herself, especially the dark circles around her eyes that displayed her inability to sleep.

“You look beautiful to me,” Jinki said from behind her and she sighed, flicking her focus to the smartly dressed man.

“I didn’t think this day would come like this,” she admitted sadly and jumped as a figure appeared in her doorway.

“Me either,” Key mentioned, his hands deep in his pockets. “I always imagined it another way. We need to go Ty, or we’re going to be late.”

She nodded softly. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

Key disappeared from her room and Jinki stepped forward, Tylah reaching out to straighten his tie. He smiled at her action and then placed his hands on either side of her face, bending down to kiss her lips gently. She sighed and closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheeks from the embrace. When he pulled away from her, Jinki smiled, cupping her face in his hands and admiring her. “You’re going to be something amazing in this world.”

“Don’t start talking like this,” she begged, her initial standoffish behaviour crumbling as desperation took its place. “You said you’d be sticking around right, so don’t start telling me how this world will keep going if you’re not in it.”

“You’re impossible,” he muttered, but smiled again, holding her gaze for a moment and then wrapped a cold arm around her waist. “Come on, I want to see what kind of show they put on for me.”

The ceremony was beautiful, and she surprised herself by not crying. Jonghyun beside her was quietly sobbing the entire time, even when they sung a song in tribute for their lost group member. It was odd watching the boys turn to Minho to lead them now that Jinki was gone, even though Tylah knew there would never be a SHINee after this.

She didn’t leave the church for the reception right away, sitting in the front row and staring instead at the large photos of her partner beside the stand where his coffin had been. He was smiling brightly in it and she couldn’t help but think of how no matter the situation, that smile could always fix things. Her own lips curled up at the edges, and she looked around the church in a new light, in a happier place. It was going to be the venue they were to get married in next year, and she imagined the balloons and wedding decorations mixed in with the flower stands that were already there. She saw herself in a white flowing dress and the image faltered then, the tears finally escaping from her tear ducts.

“It was going to be beautiful,” Jinki agreed a moment later and she leant against him, unable to respond. “So many nights I went to sleep dreaming of the day we would be man and wife. In a way, I’m glad it didn’t happen now.”

“How could you say that?” she asked through her tears and Jinki sighed.

“Because you would be a widow now. And I would rather you marry someone who will last longer than I have,” he explained. She lifted her head from his chest, shaking her head in confusion.

“I’m not going to marry anyone else Jinki.”

He smiled. “You will. And you’ll find a love as intense as ours.”

“A person can’t be lucky to be loved twice.”

“You are, because you won’t even have to search for him,” he replied, smiling warmly at her. “He’s going to help you through this time, and then when you’re ready to love again, you will. It won’t ever be the same as ours, but in a different way he was made for you.”

“Who is he Jinki?” she asked, her tears soaking into his tux. “Who is there other than you?”

“I have to go now. But he’s here for you. Let him take care of you now Tylah. I’ll love you forever, remember that.”

He gently pulled her off and she glanced up through her tears, watching him walk away from her. “Jinki!” she cried, leaping to her feet, but her knees gave way, and she collapsed to the ground. She heard feet rushing towards her and soon she was in the warm arms of another, sobbing wildly on his chest.

He rocked her gently back and forth, holding her closely to his chest and she didn’t need to look up to see that it was Key. Jinki’s parting words went around in her head and finally she glanced up into the dark eyes of the younger boy, searching them for the warmth Jinki’s always held. She couldn’t find it but something else was there, and she sniffled loudly, trying to figure out what she had found.

“Are you alright?” Key asked and she nodded slowly, allowing herself to be picked up from the ground. His protective arm went around her and she instantly shifted into the side of her closest friend. Let him take care of you now, Jinki’s words stated and she closed her eyes, swallowing roughly.

“Okay Jinki,” she whispered, glancing up at the side of Key’s face and then burying herself into the boy. “Okay.”

Live your life from this day on

And love again

I know you'd do the same for me

That's the way that loves is supposed to be

“Argh! Don’t do that!” she screamed, running across the room and squealing as he hurried after her. “No!”

“Come back here!” he cried, leaping at the girl now on their bed, and pinning her down.

“Don’t you dare spray it!” she exclaimed fruitlessly, his devilish grin signalling his finger hitting the lever that made the cream come shooting out of the nozzle. She squirmed as the cool dessert hit her skin and she held her hands up in protest, begging for the attack to stop.

“Do you surrender?” Key asked and Tylah nodded her head, smiling up at him. He grinned and then bent down to the cream off of her, Tylah’s giggles starting up again.

“Must you … ugh! Do it like that?!” she managed to ask and Key’s lips merely smirked against her skin, finishing off the cream and then ending up on top of her own mouth. Their light hearted moment turned into an intense romantic pursuit and when Tylah finally pulled away, she was incredibly breathless.

“I can’t believe we ended up like this,” Key told her and she smiled, looking over his shoulder at the picture of Jinki on her dresser.

“I can.”

Key smiled. “I feel like Jinki gave me you. Does that make sense? He knew I felt something for you when I first met you, but I missed out to him initially. It’s like now that he’s gone, he chose me for you. I sound stupid, right?”

“Not at all,” Tylah replied, stretching up to peck his lips. “I believe it too.”

“Still, a year later and here we are, living together. So much has changed. I used to be the guy you cried on, and now… well I’m very blessed.”

Tylah sat up and looked at her hands in her lap. “Key, how would you feel if things changed some more?”

“What do you mean?” he questioned, looking at her with concern. “Is everything alright?”

Tylah glanced up at him again and smiled weakly. “I uh, I’m eight weeks pregnant.”

“What?!” he gasped, blinking rapidly. “I-I’m going to be a Dad?”

“Are you okay with this?”

Key crashed his lips against her passionately and then pulled away, his excitement obvious in his inability to stay still. “This is the best news ever! We’re going to be a family! Oh my god, we have to celebrate and I have to ring the others!”

She grinned as he darted out of their room, and she glanced back at the photo of Jinki. Getting up, she approached it, picking the frame up in her hands. She hadn’t believed she could love again without him. In fact for months she barely survived, the only person keeping her alive was Key. Her heart had managed to mend, and find enough room to love the beautiful, caring man she now lived with.

Her hand subconsciously rubbed her belly, and she smiled, knowing that she was going to experience something new with Key. Tears fell from her eyes, although for once they weren’t because she was sad. She felt his presence in the room and Tylah smiled brightly, looking back at the photo in her grasp. “You were right. This feels perfect, thank you for bringing us together. I miss you everyday, but it’s time for me to move on now. I’ll love you forever, Jinki.”

“Ty! The guys are coming over,” Key called from the living room, and she wiped her eyes dry, placing the picture back on her dresser. She smiled at it and then walked off, knowing that she was finally strong enough to close the door to her previous relationship.

Key smiled at her when she walked in and Tylah stopped for a moment, staring at his face. She then grinned, his lit up expression reminding her of her forgotten saying. The magic was back in her world, and as she hugged Key tightly, she realised Jinki was right.

Miracles could happen to someone more than once.

The End.