I was feeling very energetic at the time and I was smiling all the time, like an idiot. Happy things came into my mind and it made me unable to stop myself from smiling like an idiot. What a lame joke I was playing on? Hyosung had called me earlier, telling me that she would come to visit me on my filming place, so I was practically happy for it.

Someone waved their hands in front of me and I had to lift up my face to see who it was. I smiled as I saw Bo Young. She looked at me like I had gone crazy for the past year. “Hi.” I said as I shifted a little to give her a space to sit beside me. She laughed as she sat beside me, “Hi, too. How are you?” I giggled with our awkwardness, we didn’t use this kind of formal greetings when we were still in the same drama though.

“Why do we sound so different now?” I asked to her as my eyes drifted to her figure. I noticed that she had gone much skinnier than the last time I saw her and it made me a little bit worried for her. “You made the situation became awkward like that in the first hand!” She mumbled and suddenly I felt a pain on my arm as she pinched me hardly. I heard her laughed while I was wincing in pain with what she had done to me. “You really have changed some more, didn’t you?” I mumbled as I rubbed my arm skin carefully.

“There are some parts of me that changed but there are some parts that stay old as how they were.” She said to me but with her eyes avoided mine, I tilted my head, not fully understood what she was talking about. “What kinds of changes are you talking about?” I softly asked. I thought something about the environment was suspicious but yet comforting, I was having a break and my scene would be filmed an hour to go so I didn’t have anything to be done.

“Joong Ki-ah, what do you think if I told you that I like you?” She quietly asked and played with her fingers. I gulped, not expecting this kind of question would come out from her. My mind went blank as I stared on her, trying to find any lie but I didn’t find any. “Well.. Maybe.. I shouldn’t like you back?” I mumbled hesitantly. She chuckled, “Why? Do you have a girlfriend already?” I tried to think anything else but seemed like whatever connected into my brain didn’t contain any answers for the question. I shook my head, “No.”

“Then why you can’t like me back?” She whispered as she was getting closer to me. I laughed nervously, my heart beating even faster than before. “I..I don’t know, but maybe because you will get tired of my childish acts.” I explained, no, it was explaining actually. It was trying to make an excuse to get out of a problem. She smiled sincerely before fully leaning her body to mine and aimed for my lips. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and I didn’t know what to do. She reached for my neck and hugged me, begging me to reply her kiss. I obeyed, as stupid as I could do at the time, I obeyed her. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment.  

Moments later, when we had dinner with the filming staffs, they all unexpectedly cheered for me. I stared on them dumfounded because I didn’t understand why they were cheering on me though. My manager was looking at me in disgusts. Bo Young was following the dinner too after being forced by the staffs to come with us. I had a bad feeling about this as well, my mind was still cloudy from the kiss and the confession earlier and I must have looked like a dumb.

“First of all, Joong Ki-ah, why you don’t tell us that you like Bo Young, huh?” The director asked me first and I choked on my foods. Bo Young giggled shyly beside me and was about to give me drink before my manager beat her and gave me the water first. He was still looking at me in disbelief and disappointment. “I don’t know, don’t ask me.” I replied to the director while continuing to eat the dishes. They all laughed at me but I tried my best to ignore it, one of the staffs even teased me about the kiss. Oh damn, the news would spread faster than a smoke later and it meant something bad but from what I saw, Bo Young was very calm though.

The night went chaos whenever I and she did some contacts and my manager kept giving me an uneasy look so I tried to guess what had made him being so grumpy but I failed to find any reason for him to be like that. The night went very fast and all of us had to come back so I happily bid them with goodbye and walked to my van quickly. Bo  Young gave me a peck on my cheeks before left too, I knew something would appear on the next day but I didn’t care. I thought that everything would be handled easily by my agency.

I lay on the passenger seat and tried to relax when suddenly my sanity came back. What had I done?! The data that locked in the back of my head flooded into my mind and now that I remembered that I had waited for Hyosung’s coming but she never appeared. What happened?

“Hyung?” I called for my manager, feeling ashamed and guilty at the same time. Now that everything had made a sense, I knew why he was so angry on me. He only hummed as response and not even turning to me. “Did Hyosung come?” I asked again, feeling afraid to hear the answer. “She did but a few minutes later she left.” The flat tone he used scared me even more. “Did she leave a message to me?” I tried my best for not cringing but I ended up doing it anyway. “She said that she would call you in the morning.” He said again.  I thought that I had just punched by her right on the face with what she had said to my manager. I lay on the passenger seat helplessly. What I had done to my relationship?

I tried to call her when I had come to my apartment but I got nothing as she kept rejecting my phone. I tried to think in a positive way but I knew I had ruined myself. I sighed as I threw myself to the bed. I closed my eyes, wishing with all of my heart that she wouldn’t be too mad with everything.

The morning came faster than I expected and it made me more nervous than before. I checked my phone and there was a text already for me. I hurriedly opened it and scanned the content. My head felt dizzy when I read the text but I pushed myself to prepare and went for her.

“Oppa, wake up early today, please. Meet me in the park near your apartment, okay? Don’t be late.”

I grabbed my jacket and phone before running out to the park while texting her, “Wait a minute, I’ll be right there.” It seemed like hours when I had arrived at the place. The place was still empty because it was still too early to do any activities. I scanned the entire place until my eyes caught her figure who was sitting on the swing calmly. I ran to her and hugged her tight with my chin rested on the top of her head. I thought that I imagined her body stiffened under me?

“Oppa, let go.” Now I knew that it wasn’t only my imagination. I let her go and slowly pushed the swing back and forth. I only could see her back so I didn’t know what expression she was having at the time. “Oppa, the news is spreading very fast. I think I should congratulate you.” The calm voice killed me at the time. I kept silent until she continued again, “I thought that you like me. But when I saw everything yesterday, I realize it that you like her more than me.” I was speechless, how could she conclude everything like that? A part of me wishing that she wouldn’t tell me the worst thing I could expect for her. It scared me to think that she would be apart from me after the incident.

“I think that…” “Stop there, princess.” I whispered gently and held her shoulder with fear that I tried to hide from her. I walked to her front and I saw the expression she had never worn on me before. She was tired with dark circles getting clear on her face and her eyes were puffing as if she had been crying non-stop before. Her lips were swollen and a bit hurt, did she bite herself? She looked really bad at the time and it made feeling guilty because I looked cool and ready for everything while she looked like she had get something wrong in her way.

“Hyosung, I’m sorry for what I have done. I really am. But I don’t like her or love her, I only like and love you. I only have you.” I said as I knelt down in front of her and holding her hands tightly. She stared on me tiredly which made me feeling more uneasy with what I was doing to her. “But you kissed her and replied the kiss.” She hissed and sighed.  I looked at her nervously, from the way she talked, I knew she watched it.

“I really am sorry, Hyosung-ah.” I mumbled. “Oppa, if you don’t have any feeling for her, you wouldn’t reply the kiss or go with her to the dinner and do some contacts or whatever you call it.” I thought that I just saw her anger coming out like a ball of fire. I wanted to answer her but I knew she was right, I wouldn’t reply to Bo Young’s kiss if I didn’t have any feeling for her. “Oppa, you like her and I know it. Be happy for her.” She whispered to me and suddenly rose up from the swing. “But, Hyosung!” I grabbed her wrist, trying to stop her.

She looked at me deeply before approaching me in a certain move. “I’m sorry, this relationship was a mistake.” She whispered before giving me a kiss. I felt tears were falling from her eyes as her emotions coming out very clear. I was standing there, hopeless and didn’t know how to reply the emotions to her without making her hurt. I held back my desire to kiss her back, because if I did that, I swore I would ‘eat’ her and not only kissing her. She pulled apart from the kiss and with teary eyes, looking at me. The look was accusing me and made me uncomfortable but what she said next even made me more uncomfortable. “You don’t want to kiss me again, don’t you? You don’t want to touch me again, don’t you?” She wiped away her tears and walked away from me, my grip on her was being too weak that she could easily break the connection between us.

“Let’s break up, Song Joong Ki.” For the very first time I heard her calling for my full name but it wasn’t a beautiful moment because our relationship was on the top of the cliff and falling down slowly. We both stood there, frozen with her tears didn’t stop to come out. My eyes were getting hurt, I broke into tears too with her.

“I made a mistake and you went away from me. Is it over now between us?”