**

Suho and I sat on the ground and leaned our back on a big rock. I stared at the lake; sparkling with the reflection of moon and stars from the sky. The surrounding was quite dark but the fire from the burning wood lightened the dark night. Nothing much I could say about this event. Everything was dark and only the sparkling lake became my interest. I knew Suho was kept looking at me, worried about something that he didn’t know. I don’t blame him, but I couldn’t help myself from being like this either. And I hate myself for it. Deep in my heart, I don’t want people worried about me.

‘Luhan…’

I heard him. But I chose to ignore. For this time, I threw myself in my own imagination. The lake was completely fine and peaceful even just looked at it. Because it was so fine maybe people wouldn’t know if I buried myself into it. Where is Luhan? Nobody will know. And my soul will shout loudly, he’s here! In the lake! It’s funny to think about it even though it’s such a horrendous event.

‘Luhan is in there…’ I intentionally said it; half whispered. I was too preoccupied with my own imagination. I pointed my index finger to the lake, ‘in there…’ I ‘saw’ myself walked into the lake. Half of my body already disappeared from my sight as ‘I’ walked deeper into the water.

‘Luhan!’ Suddenly I felt my body became warm. My neck ached a bit. Suho hugged me tightly, rubbed my back and I could heard his breath. ‘Luhan, are you okay? Don’t be like this.’ Suho whispered into my right ear. I regained my conscious and slowly I moved my both arms until I hugged him back. I was not decided to hold back my tear, so I cried and cried and chanting Suho’s name in my tear; the name of the last person that I put my trust on.

I’m scared, Suho ya.

**

 I pretended to sleep. I closed my eyes while Suho kept caring my head. I felt someone sat beside me as the edge of the bed slightly bended.

‘How’s Luhan hyung?’ It’s Sehun. He is another person that would mind about me. I heard Suho sighed and answered, ‘He’s fine, for now.’ Another sighed from Sehun, I guessed. Someone gently tugged the blanket and pulled it until it on my chest. Maybe Sehun did it

‘Where did you guys go just now?’ Sehun asked with a low voice.

‘We went to the lake nearby.’ Suho answered.

‘Hm… I see.’ Sehun simply replied.

 Suddenly, I heard the crack sound of the opening door, and I knew Chanyeol already backed from his tuition. I bet it quite late now, and he might go to the cybercafé first before came back home; played some games on the Internet. ‘Chanyeol ah.’ Suho called him. ‘Where’d you go?’ Chanyeol sighed loudly; annoyed. ‘Would you mind your own business?’ he answered rudely. At the time like this, I believed Suho will just take it bitterly and ignored whatever Chanyeol said.

‘Listen… I think Luhan is…’

‘Sick again?!’ Chanyeol cut Suho out. ‘Great! And you want me to take care of him?’ I heard a loud thud. Chanyeol threw his bag on his study desk. ‘Dude, cut it down, can’t you? Luhan hyung is sleeping. Can’t you see?’ Sehun said staunchly; half whispered. Should I wake up?

No.

 I don’t want to. Honestly, I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I just need…them.

 I slightly opened my right eyes to see them. Suho gently pulled Chanyeol’s arm and headed into the living room. I saw Sehun switched off the lamp and closed the door before he followed the rest. I slowly woke up and leaded myself to the door. I opened it slightly.

‘What the heck do you want from me?!’ Chanyeol pushed Suho’s shoulder until he was about to stumble backward but Sehun held his arms from behind. ‘Chanyeol hyung!’ he yelled. ‘Chanyeol, please don’t be like this. Luhan is sick. You know his father passed away few days ago, He must be so sad about that.’ Suho said it gently.  If you want to fight the fire, you must be the water. I thought that would be the best quote for this situation. I know it sounds stupid and it is. However, Suho always will be the water. I blinked my eyes as the bright light from the living room made my eyes prickled.

‘So? That’s his problem. Not mine!’ Chanyeol smirked and sarcastically laughed. It made my heart ached a bit. But it is true. It is not his problem at all. I saw Suho rolled his eyes and repeated, ‘His father passed away, Chanyeol!’ He emphasized every word that he uttered. Chanyeol smirked again and gave Suho a ridiculous look. I could see Sehun lost his temper silently as he clenched his teeth and stared at Chanyeol sternly. ‘Should I be his father then?’ Chanyeol answered. I was speechless when he rudely said that. I wondered how much he hates me. What I’ve done wrong?

It’s frightening how the time flies.

Now, I was standing in front of Chanyeol who was about to leave the living room. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what was leaded me to him.

‘What do you want from me?’ Chanyeol frowned and looked at me. I don’t know too. My hands were shaking with fury. I don’t know what I’ve done to you, Chanyeol. I can’t find the reason why you hate me; so much.

‘You hate me? Why?’ I looked at him with my teary eyes; almost begging for an honest yet hurtful answer from him. I’m ready to be hurt.

‘Just die, can’t you!’ he shouted on my face. He pushed me on my shoulder like he did to Suho. Before I fell backward since nobody behind me like Sehun, I grabbed Chanyeol’s arm and held his empty right hand to my abdomen. Like I said just now, I’m ready.

‘Ugh!’

I replaced my hand with his hand, he firmly held it. ‘Okay. I’ll… die’ I uttered and smiled. I will do what he said. I’ve done it.  I have no reason to live anymore, isn’t it?

‘I will… Chanyeol ah’ I cried. ‘Please… forgive me if… I…’ I lost my breath for a couple of seconds.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes and looked down on my stomach. I removed my hands so he can completely see that what he was holding. Don’t worry, he just held it. Maybe he will be satisfied. Aren’t you, Chanyeol? The half body of the knife was already in my abdomen. Just held it, you don’t have so much work to do.

‘L-Luhan!’ Chanyeol stuttered. The end of this unbearable pain will be your happiness, Chanyeol ah. There is no Luhan anymore, okay? Be happy.

 Farewell.

‘Luhan! W-Wake up, Luhan ah!’

I…can’t.