Story Name: Breathless
Story Link: clickeu

Author: lildragongurl

Reviewer: kittyxluvlee

Title -4/5

I loved the title. It was nice, short, and sweet. However, it's not exactly eye-catching ; thus, the subtraction. Titles like these are good for real titles, but for AFF, I would suggest a more eye-catching title. I particularly liked the title overall though ^^. Good choice, considering how the whole story kind of centers on leaving the other person breathless. The title already shows great potential. Nice :)

Description/Foreword  12/15

I liked the description. The short, concise sentences helped add an extra impact on the reader (especially the last sentence). However, again, if I had to decide on whether to read this story or not, the foreword excerpt did not really catch my attention at all. Sadly, I think the three shot was a lot more interesting than the excerpt let on. The excerpt just showed Daehyun's infatuation. 'Course, if that's what you were aiming for...then good job!

Character Development/Showcasing - 16/20

Were the character's personalities properly introduced to the reader? Did the characters gradually develop their personalities over time? Eh...I bet y'all already know what this area is about...

Well...it is kind of hard to develop characters in just three sentences, but I do think you did a fairly good job. Props to you :) I do find their personalities change a bit too fast. Daehyun was fine, because it seemed like he was just putting up a cool facade while he actually is a little cutie pie underneath <3 But...I do think Sunhwa's sudden feeling change was a bit too sudden. Like one minute, she didn't "like" Daehyun, and then she did the next. Sure, she might've realized them just now, but I feel like you could take more time on elaborating on Sunhwa's change of heart.  I felt like both of their personalities fluctuated a bit too fast for a reader's taste. 'Course, I won't dock off as much because it's a three shot, so I understand that you're kind of rushed.

Appearance- 4.5/5

Did the poster and background complement the story? Was the formatting of paragraphs and font properly done? Was it easy for the reader to read?

The poster was cute, but I'm not that into cutesy posters. It DID complement the story, so I could understand that. However, I just feel like the title hinted at something more...well heart-racing. Not really expecting the cutesy poster. But it was cute. The formatting of the story was superb.  Nice spacing, good font, great size. Perfect. Everything was so neat *.*

Originality 14/20

Well..since you were writing based on a prompt....Eh...well..the story was kind of original. There. I said it. Now that I've said that, here are my reasons. 1. I think you had a great idea. It's just that the plot is a little dry. A guy likes a girl who doesn't like him back until he plays all cool and everything. Don't get me wrong, you wrote it beautifully. But I just feel like you have great potential with the title and prompt to write something amazing, and you're only reaching half of your potential. The plot was rather predictable, and even though it's a three shot, I would've liked some suspense or major plot twist.

Flow- 4/5

The flow was actually quite good. Everything flowed nicely. Though, as I stated before, the plot seemed a little rushed. Not much I can say here because I think I mentioned this above already.. It was a quick read. Quite fast-paced.

Grammar/Spelling- 21/25

Not many grammar mistakes. Though I noticed that you had a lot of inconsistent verb tenses, which can discourage a potential reader. Just stick to one tense. From the looks of it, I'm guessing that English is your first language...? So, I'm not going to really bother pointing out any obvious errors, because if you read over your story a couple times, you would spot them easily. Just edit and revise and make sure that you stick to one tense. Oh, and you were missing a lot of commas (compound sentences, etc.) and you had some comma splices. :/

General Enjoyment/Last Comments- 3/5

Did I, as a reader, personally enjoy reading your story? Why or why not? Any comments for improvement? My overall impression of the story.

Three shots aren't really my thing, and honestly speaking? The plot lacked a little bit. I had to force myself a little to finish this..the plot was a little dry, though the way you wrote it was beautiful. I didn't love it, but it was readable :) Personally, I feel like it could've been better with like a plot twist or a different storyline. However, since this is just a three-shot, that was understandable. And the way you wrote it was great! Great writing style ^^

Anyways, sorry this took so long >.<;; I got caught up with Chinese New Year and the like. Partying all night is tiring =.=

Total: 78.5/100

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