Story Title: Coma
Story Link: clickeu

Auhor: BAP_c0mA

Reviewer: hottest7684
 

✎Title: (4/5) 
I like how it’s short and only one word, but at the same time I don’t like that.
When I looked up Coma on AFF, There was a decent amount of fics that I saw with the same name.
So I docked off a point there.
Other than that, nice.

 ✎Characters and Characterization: (8/10)
Now we’ve seen Yoonmi the most, obviously because she’s the main, but the other members, we’ve only talked about them a little bit. I can see some of their personalities though.
Maybe just try to show some of the little quirks and differences between the members that show how they’re different, and give them their own distinct personality.

Do you kind of get what I’m saying?
 

 ✎Description and Foreword: (15/15)
Well there isn’t much for me to mark, I mean you have a short description, and no foreword.
I saw nothing wrong with what you had in the description. It intrigued me and made me want to read on.
Full points for you.
 

 ✎Appearance: (14/15)
First off, this is just me being a hurt font hater, but I think for the feel of your story, pick Times New Roman or Georgia. I mean anything but Arial. Please.

Anyways, that author’s note at the beginning of chapter 1, not needed.  You could somehow tell the readers that either throughout the story or in your foreword somehow.

Other than that, the paragraphing was fine; no crazy colours that made me want to punch a wall.

 ✎Originality: (5/10)
Now, I’m torn…
Because I can tell that your story is based off the One Shot music video, (one of the best BAP songs in my opinion)
So, I don’t know if that’s original, or what.
But for reviewing purposes, I’m going to say it’s not.
But I’ll give you a 5 because I’m leaning both ways on this.

✎Flow: (8/10)
I felt like the chapters were short, but that’s okay.
However, one thing you could do is better describe what’s going on around the characters.
Can Yoonmi hear the heavy breathing of her brothers when they’re watching the clip on the USB?
Can she feel her heart wrench at the thought of Youngjae never coming back?

You know what I mean?
So yeah, maybe try to describe the scene more.

Other than that, pretty good.
 

 ✎Grammar and Spelling: (29/30)
I didn’t find much that was wrong. Just small typos here and there, (like when instead of saying Bang Yongguk, it said Bangy Yongguk, and when it said Yoongmi instead of Yoonmi. Small stuff like that.)

So, I don’t really have a lot to say other than just double check over your chapters, get a friend to look over it, or hell even just ask me.

 ✎General Enjoyment: (4/5)
It’s not my favourite story that I’ve read, but I did like it.
I love BAP and almost all of their songs, so I do like reading about them most the time.


 ✎Personal Thoughts: (Not for points)
So yeah, like I said, double check your chapters, add more descriptions, just simple stuff.
Please keep writing and have fun doing it!

If you have any questions, you can either comment below, pm me, or post on my wall. :)
 

Total: (87/100 points)